I know what you are talking about.I am going through the same thing with my mother she is 85.There's 6 children and all they want to do is argue with me and then my mom smacks me in the face.I know she didn;t know how bad it hurt me. I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters.My oldest brother has had 3 heart attacks and just had a triple bypass,because he and I are the only ones caring for mom.

My sisters want her put in a home! I know that sometime soon she will have to be put there.But she's not there yet.She sings,laughs,plays with her dog and knows here children by their names. She had 2 husbands and out lived them both. She don't have a lot of money, so I am trying to keep her home as long as I can. But it really hard with no help except her caregivers I have there. And my sisters don't like the caregivers either.

Mom always says were trying to take her house from her.Just because we are cleaning up and trying to make ir a better place for her. She don't understand!

But she gets mad and then forgets it.She doesn't know the mud slinging going on.

So I do know what your going through, i hope this makes you feel better. you are not alone! Do the best you can ,thats all you can do.

katsmom,

Alzheimers is irreverseable brain damage.  Your mother has it, not you. 

If she is in denial...it is the illness.

If she is mean...it is the illness.

If she is irrational....it is the illness.

If she was bad, nasty, mean, etc, years ago.........this is different, even if it looks the same.

Contact your local Alzheimer's Assn.  They have classes, counseling and support groups online and locally.

Don't let Alzheimers destroy all of your lives, and it can if you let it.

You got yourself into this situation to help her, but that was before you could see what damage it is doing.  You need to make some big descisions, because she is incapable.

You may need to see a Social Worker and elder attorney.

It is common for an Alzheimer patient to have paranoia and hallucinations.

Yes it bothers you what people think, but it should bother you that she could have you evicted and cited for elder abuse.

Hi katsmom,

It looks like you've gotten some good information so I just wanted to give you some *hugs*.  What you're describing definitely does sound like a difficult situation.  There's part of me that blames the disease and another that wonders if some of it is a reaction to a loss of control.  I often find that people who are true neat freaks are folks who really like control.  Prior to you moving in, your mom's house was her kingdom.  It ran as she pleased.  Now there are all of these variables and changes.  Though it's a huge bummer for you to have been promised a comfortable place to call home only to have the carpet pulled from under you and be made to feel like an imposition. 

I don't know that i've said anything particularly helpful, but I just wanted to send you some support and positive thoughts.

Hi everyone....

Well, it all sounds so familiar, doesn't it. Even thought we know that, it still hurts. Even though we are all grown up, they are still our parents and still matter as the people that we knew "back then". My situation is so much the same: I am a single Mom living with my Mom in "her" house..I live here because my daughter is Diabetic and started on dialysis due to kidney failure. My Mom was in a benevolent mood one day and asked if we'd like to live here because she said she understood how rough it must be on both of us and "we are a famil". Welllll, that lasted about 2 weeks...until...the same complaints as Katsmom. at this point, I need to avoid her because I can'e take the complaints/criticism/insults and that just adds to it all. My advice: let her get it off her chest, don't try to defend or excuse yourself, nod & walk away. It won't make it stop ( it won't) but at least you don't engage in it, which I really think she wants. My Mom doesn't communicate & isn't social so she builds it all up & I have become her dumping ground..well, not so much any more. I'm just now figuring out that now MY problems come first...Try it, it works..after a little practice. Luveez to you all...

Thank you so much for your response.  It's so hard some times, and i really hate it when I get angry with her because I know it's not her fault.  It helps to know that other people have similar stories.  Each person is so different in their alzheimer's symptoms that sometimes its so easy to feel alone even though it's such a widespread disease.  I know things could be worse, and will get worse but "today" is still hard.

Yes, I hear it all the time: " Well, it could be worse, etc, etc" and my response is " this is bad enough"...I urge you to recognize reality as it is and try not to hold onto the past as it was. It's not easy, I know but it takes a little of the hurt away when you let go of old expectations. Also: I'm not particularly religious or metaphysical or anything, but I subscribed to a site that sends daily emails that seem to be right on the money sometimes. It's "Daily OM". Today's is about self-worth and how we are all born with it and deserve to recognize it and treat ourselves well. If you're like I am, I rarely think of myself first until I'm reminded that if I don't, it's doubtful that anyone will. Soooo, with that said, do be good to yourself today. You deserve it.

Katsmom gave excellent advice.  When you have a person in your life with Alzheimer's or other dementia, you need to get all the information you can get.  You need all the support you can get.  The more you know, the better things will go.  As Katsmom said, she is the one with the disease, any caregiver or family member needs to educate themselves very well on the condition in order to effectively deal with them.  The internet is a tremendous source of that information.  Living with her may not be the answer - maybe it is a very short term, transitional solution.  But you will encounter great difficulties - I know I moved my mother in with me after my father died.  My mother is now settled into a Alzheimer's unit,  where she receives the care she needs and deserves.  It took time and a lot of emotional strain on me - but is the right solution in the long run.  Good luck.

Katzmom, I know exactly what you are going through. My husband and I were in the same situation as you are in except our kid is an adult now and has his own family and home.  We didn't have to disrupt his life.  After an injury she received from falling, she recouped in a facility for Alzheimer's patients and I couldn't deal with the thought of her being in there.  When she was able to get around again we brought her home to her house. After loosing my job, between my sister's family and us, we came to the decision that we would not put her in a Alzheimer's unit. My husband and I, more or less, moved in with her, but did not sell our house.  With the housing market as it is, it would have been a big loss. We owe more than its worth so we lived out of 2 households.  We came up with a  system to live 3 days at are our house and 4 days at hers.  It worked out well at first, but then as she progressed she was getting confused which house she was in. At our house she took off and we have a large piece of property and it took us 5 mins to locate her.  One time our next door neighbor found her on the street walking. Luckly we live on a private narrow dead end road and the neighbors drive slow. We eventually had to gate off areas of each house (kitchen) from her access because she started to get into things and would roam around. WE had to dismantle the front door knob so she could not turn it to open because at our house, we had set her up in the living room. Its the largest room of the house and has a large screen tv for her to watch. There is a bathroom right next to it which was easy for her use. Our office. next to the bedroom,  has a door that gave us access to enter and exit the house to do our chores around the house (watering and yard work). We took shifts on who was to help her with her needs. She was also not allowed in the kitchen,  I had prepared a meatloaf for our dinner ahead of time and she saw it in the refridgerator. Without us knowing, she consumed three-fourths of it by clawing and grabbing handfuls and stuffing it in her mouth as if she was a wild animal and never eaten. She didn't understand why she was excluded from those areas and after telling her over and over again what she had done she would be in total shock of her behavior but she forget right away,  It was for her safety and our sanity we did this. As far as her house, she was a pack rat and kept every little thing, paper and what not.  In order for us to be able to stay at her home for the 4 days a week, we had to start clearing it out just to make it habital.  This was a big problem, but since it was us doing the care giving, We set up camp in her living room which was right off of her bedroom in order to be able to hear and watch her. I felt terrible, but she became obsessed with everything.  Her doctor gave her Aricept and it worked very well but as she progressed, there wasnt any medication that would help her .  Towards the end of her life, she turned out to be nasty and mean.  If she was in a nasty mood, she would try and bite me by grabbing my arm.  This was a woman who at one time was a kind and gentle person, but turned into someone I didn't even know anymore.  She has since passed away. It was so sad but a relief.  My sympathy it out to you.  You are the one in charge now and must make the decisions for her.

 Oh, boy. My heart goes out to you and your family. This is a disease that puts such a physical, emotional and financial strain on families. I still say the disease is harder on the caregivers than on the person with dementia because they are unaware of all the struggles going on around them. They have no responsibilities and whatever they're upset about is forgotten in 10 minutes, while you are left to fume and rehash the upsetting remark or action they did, for weeks after. You can't rationalize with them or find solutions to their problems. It's like banging your head against a brick wall. Don't feel guilt. No matter how much you do you will never feel it is enough. You are making tremendous sacrifices and doing so much to help her. She will never understand this because this disease robs them of that capacity to reason and comprehend the complexity of the situation. The paranoia is typical too. My mother insists people are stealing from her and gives me the same list of all her "missing" things, and I have to assure her each time they are not missing and tell her where the things are.

Paranoia, hostility, obsessiveness and repetition seem to be the dominating characteristics of this disease. Keep reminding yourself that it is her disease controlling her actions and her own emotional baggage, so try not to take the hurtful things she does personally. Patience. When my mother repeats the same story 4 times in 5 minutes, I still can't help but think to myself, how can she not know she just told me this 30 seconds ago? But you have to remember the disease does that. You have a right to feel frustrated and angry. It's so baffling, too. You wonder, how can she understand this yet can't understand that. The disease is so erratic, too. Especially in earlier stages. You are not alone. We understand and sympathize with you. The posters left some good advice. Keep referring to those and good luck.

Hi doforanimals,  thanks for your understanding and sympathy.  She passed away 2 days before last Thanksgiving 08.  I'm just getting over it.  I was kind of shell shock from taking care of her and then her death.   My sister seems to be handling it better than me. I find it so sad our mom had to be in that condition at the end. I miss her so very much and I'm really trying to remember her how she was when she was  younger and really had it on the ball. Not the person she was the last year of her life.

My mother was the same way.  I took her to her neurologist and asked him if there were medications available to help with the behavioral anomalies the disease causes.  She is now on ZOLOFT - 75 mg in the morning (antidepressant) and SEROQUEL - 75 mg daily (anti-psychotic) at bedtime.  The SEROQUEL also makes her sleep through the night. 

These meds make her MORE COMPLIANT, GRATEFUL, and HAPPIER.  Of course, she also takes ARICEPT for memory.  Without these meds, she would not be family friendly and could no longer live in a family setting. 

I highly recommend anyone who is caring for someone with Alzheimer's check these meds out as management tools.  It is tough enough dealing with the memory loss...

Galowa, how long has she been on Seroquel?  My mom was on that only for 2 months. She did great on it!  She even noticed a difference. I wouldn't say she was her oldself, but a form of what she used to be.  Nice, kind, and forgetful, and   I could deal with the forgetfulness. When she had her 2nd appointment with the psychiatrist about 2 months after the 1st visit. We were expecting for her Seroquel prescription to be renewed. He asked us how she was doing and I said great and  what a difference it made for her to take Seroquel. She even admitted that to him  when he asked her.  She was actually making sense when she was talking. It was so good to see and hear that.  We were sitting in his office and he said to make  an appointment so he could see her again in 2 months. Then I asked wasn't he going to renew her Seroquel and he said no.   I was dumbfounded. I couldn't believe what he had said.  I couldn't understand why, if it made her better, stop the medication?  She was 85 years old for crying outloud.  He agreed to continue to keep her on Aricept and her blood pressure meds( Lycinopril).  As soon as I told him in order for us to be able to deal with her and vice versa, she needs the Seroquel. He had me in tears I really got upset. He told us , "It didn't matter how we felt.  She's the patient, not us. If we couldn't handle taking care of her anymore, then to admit her in a facility for Alzheimers patients." He could careless about us, the caregivers (my husband and I).  He was against the whole idea that we were taking care of her and not a facility.   He must receive a "cut of the action" with the facility he wanted her in.  I said there wasn't any way she could afford to be in a facility. Here I thought we were finally getting some help.  A little break from the insanity in our lives. I would have changed her psychiatrist, but her insurance "Secure Horizon" only had him listed in  her network of doctors. It took her about 24 hours without the Seroquel and she was reverting back. Paranoia, hostility, obsessiveness and repetition as Doforanimals in this forum said. We were back to taking shifts in sleeping because she hardly ever slept. She would be up all night watching tv and  about 3am she would fall asleep only to awake at the crack of dawn. All night long she would walk back and forth from her bedroom to the bathroom talking up a storm and you never knew who she was talking to. If you asked her, she would automatically say "YOU!"  She could not take any sleeping medication to help her sleep, because she would halucinate and sleep walk.  When she was in the facility for rehab after she fell, I told them, at the time when we were admiting her, she could not take most sleeping medications, especially Ambien.  We already experienced an episode with her when she took them.  The facility didn't listen to a word I said about Ambien and she flipped out one night after they gave it to her.  They called me telling me my mom had gone bizerk. Screaming at the top of her lungs and crying.  When we arrived in a panic and after finding out what they had given her, I asked if they bothered to read her file.  When they did, while I was there in front of me,  it had large letters "Do Not Give this Patient Ambien". They told me that all their patients  receive Ambien or some form of sleeping medication at night. That was the main reason why my sister and I did not  want her to live in a facility and she didn't have the money for one to begin with.    If you can keep your mom on the Seroquel and the rest of the meds she's taking, things may be easier for you.  I remember seeing people with Alzheimers in the past and they were happy people. Always smiling.  They must have been on some type of drug to keep them that way.

 FIND A NEW DOCTOR!!!!!    My mom has been on SEROQUEL for 4 1/2 years.  Only recently did we have to increase her dose from 50 mg to 75 mg.  She is 81 years old and has had no ill effects.  DEFINITELY find a new doctor.  It does not need to be a psychiatrist - could be her primary care doctor, a neurologist specializing in Alzheimer's, or a geriatrician.  Most any reasonable medical professional would agree that ANYONE would prefer whatever it takes to remain in a family home environment...     Let's face it - if a caretaker really did NOT care - it would be a lot easier to simply institutionalize ANY Alzheimer's patient.   If you cannot use SEROQUEL as a management tool to make it easier to keep her at home, then why bother with the ARICEPT?       Do you have her health care proxy and power of attorney?  If so, the doctor MUST consider your input AND DECISION MAKING on behalf of your mother.

 Apologies cynlady - I forgot you had already lost your mother...  Didn't mean to get all fire up with the advice.  My condolences to you.  But you are now a voice for ALL caregivers and can pass along what you learned and know.

Hopefully, you will be checking back to see your responses.  And hopefully you will be comforted by knowing that you are not alone.  Your life seems to be very full and if you were not tired you could only be supermom!  My mother is 86 and also has Alzheimer's disease.  As does your mom, mine does not admit that she has a problem "I'm just getting old.  Everybody forgets things, not just me" she says.  I do not have all that you have to contend with and my heart and prayers are with you.  My mother had been very full of anxiety and of anger, especially in the evening, before going to bed, and she would awaken and wake me and of course she does not remember.  Please see if her physician will prescribe for her as did ours.  She now takes 1/2 pill of Clonazepam .5mg with her blood pressure medsat night and  1/2 pill of Zoloft 50mg in the morning.  Her Dr also cared about her caregiver (me) and recommended the book "The 36 Hour Day". Blessings..

Galowa  thats why I keep coming back here to leave my experience.  My mom wasn't long with her Alzheimers meds.  It was the last 4 months of her life she was taking them. She also was diagnosed with colon-rectal cancer however she survived the operation with success and did not have to have any radiation or chemo therapy. Not even a colostomy bag.  She was doing great and felt pretty good execept for her incision was irritating.  3 weeks after her operation one day she took a turn for the worse.  She got really constipated. Even after giving her a laxative the night before.  We took her to emergency and the doctor on staff and the nurse cleaned her out.  I wanted to keep her in the hospital over night for observation and he convinced me she would be more comfortable at home.  I was to put her back on a special diet as she was on right after her operation. No solid foods.   We came back to our house from the hospital instead of going to her's because Thanksgiving was in 2 days and it was at my sister's house. We live closer to her than our mom did.  None of us had any sleep that night before so she was tired and wanted to take a nap,  Through out the day she would wake and go back to sleep.  She wasn't up to eating that night so we just gave her some broth and tea. At 6pm I had to lay down for a little bit after being up all day and I told her Iwas going todo that.  The last night for Dancing of the Stars was going to come on that evening and she and I were going to watch it together. My husband stayed awake while I slept. He went to check on her and saw her, what he thought, sleeping.  He woke me up right before Dancing of the Stars was to start at 9pm and he said that mom was sleeping.  We both went in to see her because Iwas going to turn the tv off. I figured since she was sleeping and I didn't want to disturb her.  I went to kiss her and I said to Jeff she isn't sleeping.  She died.   We think she died right after Iayed down to take my nap at 6pm.  Jeff  swore he saw her breathing.  At 9pm she as cold as ice. I knew there wasn't anyway she could be revived and I figured all the hell she was going through with Alzheimers what life is that? I called my sister and she and husband came over and then we called 911.  I had documentation, which my mom had signed 6 years prior, she was not to revive or keep her on any life support sysytem.  If it had happen while I was sitting with her I would have call 911 immediately, but that wasn't how it turned out.  Because she died at home and not in the hospital, neither one of her doctors would sign the death certificate. She had to be transported from the furneral home to the morgue of Los Angeles County.  It took 4 weeks for the coronor to do the autopsy and sign the death certificate. 

Blue  Topaz, Your mom's doctor is very sympathtic  and I feel thats how it should be. I feel because she had an HMO, a lot of those doctors really don't care at all. All control freaks.  But its over now and it is a relief I have to admit.  Our big project now is to sell her house.  We have been fixing it up and I hope next month its on the market. She has debts that have to be paid.  Her creditors have been sympathetic, but they are now starting to put the pressure on.

Hello. After reading replys, I don't feel so alone. Thanks. I am going on year four, with Mom, who is 91, and extremely physically healthy. I have moved her from state to state, apt to apt, at least once per year, if not more, for four years. Taking care of her finances etc. I have allowed the condition to control my own life, jobs, and decisions, until I have nothing left. I have called any one that is listed to ask for direction and help, only to hit brick walls, or to be told that I should contact the abuse for elderly, because it is so ugly. I never know from one hour to the next, what I will get. I am her worst enemy most of the time, and yes, I resent it. I am my sole support, have no job again, no savings, and no life. It seems like she has no clue at times, but then at others, I see gleam and smug smile on her face, as if she knows,intends, and has won. I am at my wits end. She hates sitting at home, wants to go everywhere I go , and out everyday. But absolutely NO senoir activities! I feel helpless.

dear heart,

you are so beaten down, and have been for so long, you have become a prisoner of your situation. i have been there (still am...) and am myself not sure how much longer i can take it.

the question of course is WHY... why can't you just call adult protective services and let her go?

do you feel that only you can honestly and reliably manage your mother's finances, and/or, has full-time care-taking caused you to become uncomfortably reliant on your mother's finances for your own support? is that why you cannot just call adult protective services and simply let her go? or do you feel a sense of personal obligation to her? or is it that you cannot permit yourself to admit defeat? is there someone else who could care for her (or COULD HAVE cared for her...?) did you "win" the right to be caregiver from another possible candidate, such as a sibling, only to be regretting it now...

god knows i can relate to all these. but i still can not answer these questions even for myself.

but they need to be asked.

you are SO NOT alone.

ask specific questions on this site, and you WILL get some answers. not necessarily the answers you want to hear, but real answers all the same.

It could take me forever to respond to all I want to respond to...Seroquel is awesome!! My mom is 70 (young, I know) and was diagnosed with Alzheimers a few years ago. She lived with us until this last week when we finally found a place that accepted medi-cal and her Soc Sec as payment. She was paranoid, combative, argumentative, had hoorible sundowners, you name it! As of now, she's on seroquel three times a day; 50 mg in the morning, 50mg at lunch, and 100mg at dinner time...helps SO much! Had Adult Protective Services called on me when my mom wandered a few months ago when she was upset. They are NO help at all....I told them that my mom had no assets, no income to speak of (less than $900 a month), and we needed to find a place for her. They determined after talking with her adult day-care and her doctor's that the allegations were unfounded. All I was told from the local APS caseworker was that I was legally responsible for my mom and if she wandered away from home and was hurt, I could be held charged with abuse and neglect! Are you kidding me? No one at any time ever told me that there were places that she could live. I was told that Medi-Cal wouldn't cover any assisted living, board and care home, and that until she was "non-ambulatory" she couldn't enter a skilled nursing facility. APS is a joke...only finger-pointing and no real advice or help. It took mega-sluething on my sister-in-laws part (she lives in Vegas!) to find a few "locked facilities" that accepted Medi-Cal patients. Good gracious....after two years of hell for my husband, myself, and our two teenagers. I'm mad at the system that doesn't help...thank goodness for my sister-in-law. I was at my wit's end......

Thanks to all. I have not only called APS, but gone in person with Mom. They won't even return my calls and messages. I hate to say this, but it seems like unless the elderly one is actually abused, they have no interest in protecting the elders quality of life and could care less for the care taker. I could be wrong, but know what I have experienced and observed. It almost has been said that ; 'oh, you are her daughter and you are involved, so no one else needs to be. Not in so many words but...I had a managed care alf sey up, and Mom resfused it. Told and tells everyone, including doctors,as she laughs in their face, that she is perfectly fine living alone. No one else in family wants ANY to do with it. None of our family was ever raised together or has a bond.She has nothing except her low income to live on, so there is no trust issue,on that. On the afraid to let someone else care for her; it would be great if we found someone or place that liked her'understood and had that training and compassion, and that Mom would like back. I do worry that she may be one of the ones we read about that gets roughed up, when she gets mean with them. I want so much for her to be at peace and content. I just don't do it for her and never have. I am trying. I am all she has. She has never been diagnosed with alz. so far dementia, but she avoids doctors like the plague. Very witty!

there must be significant differences in adult protective service departments from one community to another. as a caregiver i have received nothing but help and support from the people here. they have offered referrals, respite care, free classes, free legal advice, free dementia evaluations, etc. i am so sorry so many people have had experiences which have been so much the opposite...

Hello everyone, I have read each response and it's so interesting to read others ordeals with their parents. My mom (84 yrs old) was diagnosed over 10 years ago about 1-1/2 years after her mom passed away -she and I took care of her mom for 5 years (diabetic and CHF). I was, as I'm sure you all were not prepared to deal with this illness. I think what bothers me the most is the mood swings, not knowing who/what personality you're going to be faced with from moment to moment, and what may trigger an emotion swing. One morning she snapped at me for saying Good morning, but I did not ask her how she felt, she cursed at me for 1 hr. straight. Also, for me, it's difficult to tell if it's the disease or HER; i feel the disease takes the worse side of the persons and magnifies it. I have to try and laugh sometime b/c this is soooo wild - my mom is the great pretender; she too will NOT admit she has alzehemiers, she puts on a happy face when the healthcare providers come to see her then complains when they leave. She will not do physical therapy, so they stopped coming; she will not read or answer questions to keep her brain functioning - what do you do when they just refuse to help themselves at all, but she repetitively asks me "what can I do for you". My mom will NOT leave the house for anything (good and bad). I don't have to deal with the wandering that most alzehemier's caregivers deal with; however, it puts me on lock-down, I cannot leave the house unless someone (one of my sons or the homemaker) is here with her. But I could go on all day talking about the mood swings, and being the only person to care for her, etc. BUT my real frustration is the world of healthcare (physicians who don't care, medicaid/medicare stipulation and roadblocks, the thought that "you should just put your loved one away", knowing that most of these facilities are "facilities of death". Who is going to deal with someone they don't know or care about when they are lashing out or can't communicate what they really want or what's really wrong when they do or say something that makes no sense. If we (their family members) are struggling with our anger, frustration, exertion, etc...why would we think someone else is going to love them inspite of...i am elated that some of you have had good/great experiences with medications, facilities, physicians, etc,., but that has NOT been my experience, especially when your loved one is on a fixed income from the government (public assistance, Medicaid and/or medicare) all they do is tell you what you cannot have, cannot do and give you a list of requirement and mandates. I care for my mom, moved her into my home and they give her 35 hrs of homemaker assistance per week, i appealed and they told me that is ALL the government allows, she's at the maximum. They tie your hands and push you into a corner to force you to either sacrafice your life or surrender your love one to the state. THIS is the real disease. If it was an even playing field, and everyone could receive the care that is "claimed" to be out there, and I'm sure it is if you are rolling in $$$$$$ but for most of our loved ones and ourselves, THIS is NOT the case and what about US!!!!!! All I can do for my mom is my best and it has to be the best that i can sleep with at night and should I die before she does, I could die in peace knowing i did my very best to make her comfortable.

SDJ, I am so sorry for the difficulties you are facing with your mom right now. My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about three years ago, and is becoming increasingly difficult to handle. She does not qualify for any government assistance because she refuses to sign over any of her assets to my aunt or my mom. We were lucky enough to find a lady at our church who is willing to be her primary caretaker. She lives with my grandmother and charges her a very reasonable rate. Like I said, my grandmother is becoming harder to manage every day. So, she fights with my aunt, my mom and the caretaker about everything, she refuses assistance with bathing or toileting needs and constantly insists that she can do things - like baking or cooking - herself. In addition, she is always mad at her caretaker for the strangest things - turning on the fan, getting a drink from the refrigerator or whatever. So she punishes us by saying very mean or hateful things, refusing to eat, or sneaking off to do something on her own. (The other night she waited until the caretaker had helped her to bed and gone into her room for the night. My grandmother got up, went out the front door, walked down the front steps and went out into her driveway and fell. She cracked her head wide open and started bleeding everywhere. A car driving by saw her on the driveway and stopped then called 9-1-1. All of this happened before the caretaker even realized she was out of bed. It was such a big mess!)

What I tell myself is that when she does these outlandish things - it is the disease talking, not my grandmother. I also try to think that my grandmother is fighting this disease and her anger, annoyance or outrageous behavior is directed towards the disease and not us. I don't know if it's true, but that helps us.

One other thing that really helps our family is that my mom, my aunt and the caretaker try to split duties. The caretaker is with my grandmother 5 days per week and at night, but my mom and aunt take my grandmother over the weekend. They also take my grandmother to her appointments during the week, and make sure she has visitors and makes it to church on weekends. That way, no one gets overburdened.

As you are finding out, there are no easy answers, but I hope my story helps.