Welcome to Addiction Support posted by lisaniel @ 08:01 AM November 19, 2009

lisaniel — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 08:01:42 -0000

Hi Lisa..

very thoughtful of you to started this thread... As I can see many of them are motivated to be Rehabilitated from other member experiences...

Joshua

Drug Rehab [southcoastrecovery.com]

caregivers quit because off alcoholic parent posted by Cobweb @ 08:05 AM November 18, 2009

Cobweb — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 08:05:53 -0000

I've actually got the same problem as the first poster, my father is abusive to the carers and in return they do not work, which defeats the object of having them in to help in the first place.

I have already tried the getting an ambulance to the emergency room route in hospital. This does not work in the UK. They won't hold the person against their will so he just walks out and drinks some more.

What I am currently doing is holding meetings with the management of the agency so that they are aware of the difficulties and needs and can assign appropriate carers, who understand the problems and condition, to the task. I don't know if this will work or not, but it's worth a try.

Mother in another state with alcohol related dementia posted by Cobweb @ 07:57 AM November 18, 2009

Cobweb — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:57:24 -0000

Firstly I am sad that you are in this impossible position, also that I notice plenty of people have read your story but not replied. My father is also an alcoholic. I have been his sole carer for the past 11 months and it has been hell on earth.

There is no winning with an alcoholic parent. There will be little reasoning or rational thought. In his own way, I think your brother feels that he has done what he can. He is probably hugely frustrated. Although dropping her altogether is one way for him to deal with it, it doesn't solve the bigger picture.

Alcoholics do tend to cause rifts with their children and families, even without trying. My brother has also dropped my father from his life. I say this as an explanation that I do understand the dilemma you face. However please try not to let all this come between and your brother (as I have done!). Your brother will be alive much longer than your mother and worrying about what he owes will not change anything.

I hate to sound negative but I suspect whatever you have already chosen to do, move her or not, be with her or not, will cause you tremendous grief and remorse. I care for my father, but it is a constant struggle, a worry every single day, he does not appreciate me or anything I do, also the family do not agree with the care I have given or stance I have taken. You have to make the best choice you can for yourself, whatever you feel you can best live with. I took this path because I wanted to feel I had done everything I can. WEll I have, but I still feel the grief and remorse. Therefore if you are apart please try to learn from what I did, in that it isn't the full answer either doing the care-route, so please don't blame yourself if you decide not to do it.

Addict Rehab Centers posted by Louis David @ 06:50 AM November 11, 2009

Louis David — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:50:30 -0000

Free referral to drug and alcohol treatment programs throughout the U.S. Personalized help is provided for getting the addict into the appropriate treatment program for him or her. For more information call 888.750.7951 or visit http://www.addictrehabcenters.com.

How do you find support for yourself? posted by Anonymous @ 02:28 PM October 19, 2009

Anonymous — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:28:54 -0000

Thanks Go Fer I think you hit the nail on the head. I'm looking back now at the control issues that were present but that we accepted well, what else could we do? we were kids.

Gambing addiction posted by Buttons @ 03:56 PM October 17, 2009

Buttons — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 15:56:26 -0000

Actually, gamblers go through withdrawal when they enter a treatment program, similar to alcoholics and drug addicts. So, yes, there is a "detox" going on. That's a part of the "an addiction is an addiction is an addiction". There ARE many similarities in behavior of the active addict, no matter the tool of the addiction. The inpatient program I'm familiar with in Minnesota is a 30 day program. FYI, it is not unusual for an alcoholic to switch addictions, especially to gambling. In some cases, the patient in treatment for gambling has been court ordered if they have broken a law, such as forged signatures on checks, stolen money, etc. Hopefully that won't happen to your mother but there are many gamblers whose disease progresses to that stage.

Don't give up on her. Sometimes interventions work. Has that been tried?

I'm sending you a hug and will send a prayer for you, too.

How do you find support for yourself? posted by Go Fer to the Geezer @ 10:23 AM October 12, 2009

Go Fer to the Geezer — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 10:23:02 -0000

If you have ever lived in a very controlled atmosphere, very often that will do it. BTDT...we grow up (controlled) feeling that absolutely everything is up to US to fix...like WE are the ones who MUST make the controller happy. I think because of the pain this causes us, we inwardly also develop a great deal of sympathy toward anybody, later in our lives, who appears to need 'fixing'...and the alcoholic certainly fits that description. So we go through life, encountering broken people, and our hearts just naturally want to go out to them and help in any way we can.
This is not a bad thing...God knows this whole world could use a lot more compassion. But it bears saying that caution is also needed when getting overly involved with someone who is addicted. I hope this helps a little...

Unique challenges for elderly addicts posted by Lisa B @ 04:36 PM October 06, 2009

Lisa B — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 16:36:00 -0000

In addition to the family and financial woes almost all addicts face, there are also some challenges that specifically affect elderly addicts. The main challenge that I personally noticed with my family was that the addiction seem to wreak more havoc on their body. This was in part due to their increased age but also due to the fact that they went many many years without seeing a doctor. This led to a "backstock" of health problems they needed to get a handle on in addition to their addiction. Even after they were on the road to recovery, they weren't able to "bounce back" as quickly as someone who was younger. What sorts of unique challenges and obstacles have you noticed in your loved one's struggle with addiction?

Lisa

Welcome to Addiction Support posted by DebRN @ 07:34 AM October 04, 2009

DebRN — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 07:34:50 -0000

I am so thankful I found this site. My mother died 5 years ago and it has fallen to me to check on and help my step-father. He has two children but neither of them seem too concerned about his wellbeing and are content to let me take care of him. My step-dad remarried 2 years ago to a wonderful woman, but she has COPD and needs him to assist her with ADL's. To make a longer story short, my dad started drinking after my mother's death. He gets confused about his meds and with the drinking too, he's made several trips to the emergency room only to find out he's drunk. He's 82 years old and his wife is 75. After the last trip to the ER his son wanted to put him in a nursing home. It broke my heart to even consider this. My wonderful husband agreed to let them move in with us. This is a new journey for us and I am so grateful for this forum. I don't feel so alone!

Gambing addiction posted by cmacp @ 02:37 PM September 30, 2009

cmacp — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 14:37:44 -0000

I have a Payee Account for my husband. Talk to your SS office and find out what their requirements are for you to be the payee for your parent.

Elder pill addiction posted by CHICA60 @ 02:14 PM September 24, 2009

CHICA60 — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 14:14:18 -0000

I was just reading on oxyabusekills.com the symptoms for Xanax abuse and it is really scary. The FDA only approves of it being taken for an 8 week period because it is so addictive. How to drs get away with prescribing it for longer than that? I quote "Xanax is only approved by the FDA for up to 8 weeks of use and it is only approved for only 4 weeks of use in Great Britain. This is because it is extremely addictive. The greater the dose taken, the faster one becomes dependent. If one uses these drugs long term, the body will develop tolerance for the drugs, and larger doses will be need to achieve the same initial effects." .....What has become clinically apparent with Xanax which appears to be somewhat different than the other benzodiazepines is that the patient's ability to self-detox or be able to be gradually tapered off of the medication is markedly more difficult." I'm so dumb,I think she's been saving her pills and took extra last night, she couldn't sleep she said and she couldn't eat this morning and she hasn't had any trouble up till now. I'm going to PRN it from now on instead of just putting it out in the morning. What if she gets into my wine I keep for cooking on top of taking the Xanax? I'm not going to carry her Xanax with me to keep her from getting it, I could get in trouble for having it. I've been slow on the uptake from some of the things she has said, she's been looking for "aspirin" well it's kept in the medicine cabinet in plain sight which leads me to believe she's looking for her meds.

Elder pill addiction posted by CHICA60 @ 09:02 PM September 21, 2009

CHICA60 — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 21:02:30 -0000

Thank you

I know I/we dread saying anything, we're afraid of this little 82 lb woman or her reaction, I mean what can she do threaten to move out, where will she go? I would like to go back to Al Anon, I think it would help. I love my mom but I don't want to be like her, and I'm afraid I am, negative about everything.

Elder pill addiction posted by Anonymous @ 08:52 PM September 21, 2009

Anonymous — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 20:52:12 -0000

CHICA6O, you're certainly doing your best in a tough situation. I'm so sorry that you not only have the toll of caring for your MIL but have a mother who's jealous.

I have a bunch of addicts in my family and have yet to see a positive example of someone's who's 'beat' their addiction. I think others who've posted here have better, practical advice.

All I can say is that I held my tongue for years for fear of the fallout when I did. Once I spoke my mind to my father, he still couldn't surmount his addiction. I guess all that I learned in this is that YOU just have to do what you feel is right and, please, don't listen what your MIL might say about you when you moderate her pills or get her a nebulizer. It really sounds like you're working in her best interest and doing all the right things.

I don't know if this helps at all, but there is more information on this site about what is covered by Medicare. Here is some information on nebulizers: http://www.caring.com/medicare_information/medicare-coverage-of-nebulizer.

Elder pill addiction posted by CHICA60 @ 04:59 PM September 21, 2009

CHICA60 — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 16:59:37 -0000

I spoke with the pharmacist Friday after work. He said the nebulizer would be better for her as more of the drug could get into her lungs, the inhalers are rescue inhalers only and he told me how many doses there were so I will keep track to see if she is using them up too fast, he said if she is than she needs to change her inhalers. He said to watch for eye twitching and shaky hands. He said the inhalers could not cause the lung collapse that they actually help to keep the airways open. He said that it would be better if she used a nebulizer at home and just carried the inhalers for emergencies and he thought that either Medicare B or D would pay for them, the nebulizer vials. I asked if there were any of the medications on the list that could cause the excessive salivation and he didn't seem to think so but I recall that it is the Alprazolam or Xanax,and if that is the case then maybe doling them will help clear it up. She's supposed to take 1 3x a day as needed. The speech therapist told her to use straws to drink her beverages as a form of lip exercise so I got some for her and she is using them. I'm going to have her show me what the speech therapist told her to do. I just don't know if she will continue with it without supervision. After the initial protest she seems to have accepted the doing out of her medications, her Dr has yet to return my call so it was helpful to talk to the pharmacist. Her appetite is good and her spirits are up I think because she's not as lonely but she spends most of the day in her room but that could be because she wants to give us privacy. She smoked a few puffs the day she arrived at our house but hasn't asked for another cigarette which relieves me because I didn't want her smoking while we were not there. I washed her pillow and pillow case from her house and noticed cigarette burns on them so that confirms my decision. I think there may be a little jealousy on the part of my mom as she is reluctant to accept change even if it is short term. I tried to explain to her that my mother-in-law's situation is different from hers and that she did her physical therapy at a care home after her hospitalization but I know she can't remember back that far and that my MIL needs a different type of therapy.

Gambing addiction posted by Anonymous @ 04:41 PM September 21, 2009

Anonymous — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 16:41:22 -0000

Thanks for the good thoughts. I have done some more research with a laywer. For others facing the same struggle, a durable financial power of attorney might be a short term option, but is revokable at any time by the gambler or drug addict.

Because we are not trying to protect any existing assets (*there are none left, just a mountain of debt), an irrevokable trust account is not an option (though if you catch the problem earlier, this might work for you).

We have only a trickle of Social Security income left to handle -- Social Security does NOT Recognize a power of attorney, rather wants to make their own judgments - which in this case, while more paperwork, is a good thing, because it enables us to make the case to Social Security that she is a danger to herself - risking illness and homelessness by choosing to gamble rather than pay her basic living expenses with her limited SS income. The SSA Program is called "Representative Payee" program and you can easily find info online.

Our only hope now is that we can present enough documentation to SSA to get them to identify us as a representative payee. We may still be able to get her counseling with the remaining SSA money monthly. She may be too far gone to recover from her addiction, but at least we can try to keep a roof over her head. Thanks to all for the good wishes: protecting someone from their own demons is an exhausting project...

Also -- if you happen to be in Florida, the Florida Council on Compulsive Gambling does have some resources, including a workbook series, that they will provide free of charge. Every little bit helps.

Elder pill addiction posted by Lisa B @ 04:32 PM September 21, 2009

Lisa B — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 16:32:43 -0000

Hi,

Thanks for coming back and updating us! I'm sorry to hear you are still struggling with your MIL's addiction problems. I would definitely go with both your ideas- sharing your concerns with her doctor as well as hanging on to the full bottles of her medication yourself and giving her each dose. I can imagine that she will probably protest the doling out of her meds but she is living in your house, and you have to do what's best not only for her safety but for everyone else's as well.

Best of luck to you and please conintue to keep us updated! Lisa

How do you balance pain management with the worry of addiction? posted by Lisa B @ 03:54 PM September 21, 2009

Lisa B — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:54:30 -0000

How do you balance pain management with the worry of addcition? I have to admit, I worry every time my parents are prescribed one, especially with them both being recovering alcoholics. However, I recently read this article which helped relieve some of my concern.. Apparentely, when someone is in serious pain, pain medication functions differently in the body than when someone who's not in pain takes it. That was really comforting for me to learn! I would never suggest my parents not take a pain medicine if they needed it but I always worried each time.

Gambing addiction posted by Lisa B @ 03:36 PM September 21, 2009

Lisa B — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:36:55 -0000

I'm sorry to hear that both of you are dealing with such a tough situation with your loved one's gambling :( I think it's an especially difficult problem because, like the poster abover me stated, they stay convinced that they can get the money back "any time now".

I would definitely look into the option of trying to get a Power of Attorney of finances - of course, the huge challenge there is getting your loved one to sign off on it. You could also look into the option of "involuntarily committment" into a rehab facility. The challenge there is that a doctor or other licensed professional has to declare that the person is a danger to themselves or others, something that's much harder to prove when the addiction is gambling and not drugs or alcohol. :( I would think though that if it's gotten as far as possible homelessness, any arguement could be made for it, though.

Keep us updated and come back to post or vent anytime! Lisa

hi? posted by Lisa B @ 03:28 PM September 21, 2009

Lisa B — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 15:28:20 -0000

I will definitely keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. I know how hard it is waiting for "the call". :(

Lisa

hi? posted by Missy @ 12:16 PM September 19, 2009

Missy — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 12:16:05 -0000

Hi la nani,

I just wanted to tell you that I'm sending warm thoughts you way and your family deals with this very difficult time. Have safe travels.

hi? posted by LauraL @ 03:02 AM September 19, 2009

LauraL — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 03:02:11 -0000

Hola, la nani.

I am sorry to hear of your father in law. I can tell you all love him very much, and we wish the best for him.

hi? posted by la nani @ 02:53 AM September 19, 2009

la nani — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 02:53:37 -0000

my father inlaw have cancer sins 2001 in colon . 2 month ago we find out he got it in his liver n all over now he iz just in the bed . n we are waitin 4 the call now we r in chicago we just came from puert rico 5 dias ago it was sad 4 us 2 go but we have 5 kids 2gether n we have everthing here in chicago but we will go back 2 see him soon ilove him a lot lot lot he will be misss but well misss

Elder pill addiction posted by CHICA60 @ 04:07 PM September 17, 2009

CHICA60 — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 16:07:14 -0000

Me again,

My mother-in-law moved in with us yesterday for a month while we get her house livable again. She had been in the care home for a month getting pt and speech therapy because of her excessive salivation which has something to do with Parkinson's and/or her medication. While she was there they would not allow her to have her inhalers because of her collapsed lung she used a nebulizer instead, she wants me to order her some more inhalers from the pharmacy and I called them and asked if we could get it for a nebulizer instead. They said to call her Dr, I called the clinic where she goes and I'm to call back with her d.o.b. which I will do, she is on Medicare Part D but she said that the nebulizer vials are too expensive, that's what I'm trying to confirm. Should I also tell her dr that we believe she is abusing her medications or just let it go? She chugged a full bottle of cough syrup with codeine and ended up in the hospital and they put her on oxygen after that. She was a full blown alcoholic when we married but since we don't enable her and she has worn out her welcome with all the neighbors being asked to buy her booze, she has resorted to asking complete strangers to get it for her and the last guy ran off with her money. She's on Xanax which should not be mixed with alcohol. While she is living with us can I dole out her medications to her instead of letting her have the full bottles?

Gambing addiction posted by Anonymous @ 01:35 AM September 14, 2009

Anonymous — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 01:35:58 -0000

We are in a similar situation with my MIL. She has run through easily $250k in 2 years in gambling - has had to sell her car, and is potentially facing eviction/homelessness from her low-income-senior-housing complex. What are the legal options to try to keep her social security income going to pay her rent: an irrevocable financial power of attorney? Conservatorship? I can't seem to find any online resources for either of these in the cases of extreme and proven addiction -- but there must be cases as examples and/or specialists in this arena? (She is in FL) She has windows of hope where she seems willing to accept help -- but then has proven to insist on getting control of her $$$ back (which she then gambles away.) We're trying to protect her from herself at this point -- Any help / advice would be welcomed! Thanks.

Breaking a nicotine addiction posted by maa @ 12:51 AM September 13, 2009

maa — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 00:51:33 -0000

I'd love to hear what anyone has to say about this .. as I struggle with the same thing with my parents. I have found that the only somewhat 'peace' I can have is if I leave them alone about it, accept that they're going to do it and respect their wish to do so. I don't want to spend their remaining years nagging them constantly about it -- even if it's done out of love. They are my parents, after all.

I am sure every situation is different -but if anyone has tried something that worked in their case, I too would love to hear about it.

Thanks for posting this question... it's been on my mind to do so lately.

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