I am flying 2000 miles tomorrow to see how serious my mothers problems are. The police found her in her home passed out. She's always always had mental and addiction problems. But she's always been able to con her way out of it. I have dealt with this my entire 38 years of life. I'm just tired. After moving away from her and starting a new life with a wonderful husband and beautiful daughters, I'm just tired. For once in my life, I have a healthy life. I have watched my mother put us in dangerous situations. Life & death situations. I got the help I needed and she didn't. I've watched and watched her lose husbands and friends and family. I always stood by her. Probably because I feared her. We have always lived our lives as one and not two. But like I said, I finally broke free. But I've stood by and watched her without having a voice to confront her. I did last month and she told me to leave her alone. She wanted nothing to do with me. I accepted that. Gladly! But then the call from the hospital came. They are not sure how much damage she has really done. She hallucinates about seeing my children on fire. Thinks they are in the hospital with her. And is pissed she can't get out! They have restraintes on her . Each nurse I talk to tells me something different. No one really knows. The shrink thinks she's just dehydrated and needed to get her medical issuses in order! WTF! I have tried to get someone to listen to me, but I'm having no such luck. I was asked to get guardianship of her. This is a big task. I am the only one really left in her life. Her sister wants her, but only because she wants my mothers money. How pathetic is that. I'm sure I am just rambling on..but I'm scared to see how she really is. I'm scared to be responsible for someone who was never been responsible for me. I love my mother with all my heart, but I am tired! And feeling alone and confused. My husband is supportive of me, but is heartbroken to see me this way. And he's never had to deal with anything like this before. He wants me to just let her go.... But then I'm scared no one will protect her but me! Because I have protected her forever. Any idea's or suggestions?
Hi Brandi!
What a difficult situation to be in :( I can completely understand the feeling of just "being tired"- the stress of having a parent who is an addict is overwhelming.
You have absolutely made the right (and brave) decision by finally breaking free and moving away from your mom and her problems. You have done all you can (and then some!) and you deserve to have a healthy, happy life of your own. I believe you should continue to hold strong and not be "sucked in" by the next crisis that will inevitably come.
Yes, I know this is much easier said than done. I struggled to do this - and still do. I mean, it's your mom! It's hard to not want to help and make things better. But there's only so much you can do and you have tried time and time again to help her. Ultimately it is her life and her decision to either change her ways or continue down this dangerous past.
If you just can't pull completely away (which I understand), one option you can look into is going through the process of "involunatary commitment " to get your mom into a treatment center. We almost had to resort to this with my mom but she relented at the last moment. If you get guardianship of her, this will be easier to do. I only had power of attorney. Ask the hospital about it when you go visit.
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