Elder pill addiction

Hi and Welcome- I'm glad you've found us. It definitely sounds like you are in a tough situation, especially being so far away from your in-laws. Has anyone tried talking to your mother-in-laws doctor about the types and amount of medication she is on? I know they can't give out much information due to privacy laws but it definitely wouldn't hurt to at least let the doctor(s) know about your concerns.

With my mom, we had to resort to an intervention and threats of an involuntary commitment to a rehabiltion facility. (for alcohol addiction). She fought us until the very last minute and then, thankfully went voluntarily. However, with your father-in-law refusing to consider putting her in rehab, this might not be a plausabile option for you.

 I wish I had an "easy" solution or advice for you! I know there are lots of us out there who are in similar situations who will post some advice and support for you as well. Please come by anytime- even just to vent!  Hang in there!

Lisa

It's very difficult to find answers when dealing with addiction.  Add in the aging issues and it seems worse somehow.   

Hi there, I really feel for you as I've had lots of addiction problems in my family. I'm wondering if it's possible for you to communicate directly with your  mom's doctor and let him or her know there's a problem with your mom over-using the medications? After all, it's the doctor who's prescribing them, and if she's overusing then she's going through them faster than she should be so he/she's probably at least vaguely aware there might be a problem. Privacy laws prohibit your mom's doc speaking about her health to you without her permission BUT you are allowed to speak to the doc. What I did when I wanted my mom's doctor to know that her alcoholism and pill addiction were worse than she was admitting was I got the doctor's email address and wrote a letter. The doctor wrote back that he couldn't discuss my mom's case with me due to the legal issues, but that he was happy to hear from ME. It's a one-way conversation, but at least this way the doc's getting accurate information about what's happening.

I agree with Melanie that it would be great if you can open lines of communication with your mother-in-law's physician, and make sure she or he knows what's going on, and can hopefully get involved.

It also sounds like your father-in-law could use some support in the home -- would your parents be willing to hire a part-time caregiver, or example, to help around the house?  He may be more open to having your mother-in-law go to rehab if he has some companionship and support. Check out our directory of local resources to find out more about support resources in your area, or contact your Area Agency on Aging.

Beyond that, I'm not sure what you can do for your parents-in-law if they refuse help and/or addiction treatment. For your own benefit, I strongly urge you  to contact  Al-Anon family groups.  Al-Anon provides support for the friends and family members of alcoholics and addicts. It sounds like your father-in-law could really benefit from attending some meetings, as well, if he's willing.

Good luck and please stay in touch!

At this point my mother-in-law isn't using more than prescribed because my father-in-law is keeping the medication hidden and doling out exactly what the label directs.  She would if she could get to them and it took a few months for him to get it figured out.  She cannot be trusted to manage her own medicine so he has taken this task on himself in an effort to keep her out of long term care.  Her physical problems are such that I doubt any rehab accepting her.  It's serious enough that she requires assistance with day to day activities and is unable to care for herself.  We have been told this makes her a poor choice for rehab and she's in such poor condition she would be unable to attend meetings regularly.  Just going for a doctor's appointment is about all they can handle for a whole week's activities.  She has been physically unable to shop, get her hair done, or even walk down their driveway to the mailbox for over two years.  Her pain and disability is real but her fixation on pills has grown out of control.  We're heartbroken and worried.  Thanks for the suggestions.  Any advice is appreciated.

Ones physical life outgrows his ability to look after oneself; renaming ‘Old home’ or more focus on palliative care from medical perspective can not be the answer. We need to focus on the question if social values like family ties are not in balance with rest of the social structure. From statistical point of view the answer is easily found (divorce rate, crime rate and money required for the judicial system, number of senior citizens suffering from identity crisis, strength of the safety net in different social system etc.) we need more focus on social values especially from citizens who can accept change more gracefully. We all need to participate more in discussion like the one we have here. I apologize for my poor linguistic skills.

I feel like we are living in a parallel universe. Only my mother-in-law is a widow. Both my husband and myself have enabled her (with alcohol)in the past as a form of appeasement and I feel such shame and guilt for doing so. Now she has turned from booze to prescription drugs and we are out of the loop on that because the drugs are in her possession and she takes them as she wants. She takes her anxiety pills to sleep and all of the rest of her pills make her have insomnia and she goes through Tylenol PMs and Excedrin as if it were candy. She has been in a care home for the last 24 days getting PT & OT after she collapsed her lung from abusing her inhalers. She no longer has free access to her medications, she is getting some exercise, she hasn't been smoking which is good because she is on oxygen. She has one more week and then she is coming to live with us for about a month while we get her home in livable condition. We wanted her to apply for Medicaid until we found out that she would be impoverished to the point of having only $25 a week for groceries and she is malnourished, so we have to find another option. We recently finished our kitchen renovation so now I have room to prepare and cook several weeks worth of meals that could be frozen and reheated. Yet there is still a part of me that knows that once she gets back home, she'll be living on her couch again while I cook and clean for her and she abuses her medications and I'm already taking care of my 89 year old mother who is in a wheelchair and needs my assistance so needless to say I'm pissed off.

Me again,

My mother-in-law moved in with us yesterday for a month while we get her house livable again. She had been in the care home for a month getting pt and speech therapy because of her excessive salivation which has something to do with Parkinson's and/or her medication. While she was there they would not allow her to have her inhalers because of her collapsed lung she used a nebulizer instead, she wants me to order her some more inhalers from the pharmacy and I called them and asked if we could get it for a nebulizer instead. They said to call her Dr, I called the clinic where she goes and I'm to call back with her d.o.b. which I will do, she is on Medicare Part D but she said that the nebulizer vials are too expensive, that's what I'm trying to confirm. Should I also tell her dr that we believe she is abusing her medications or just let it go? She chugged a full bottle of cough syrup with codeine and ended up in the hospital and they put her on oxygen after that. She was a full blown alcoholic when we married but since we don't enable her and she has worn out her welcome with all the neighbors being asked to buy her booze, she has resorted to asking complete strangers to get it for her and the last guy ran off with her money. She's on Xanax which should not be mixed with alcohol. While she is living with us can I dole out her medications to her instead of letting her have the full bottles?

Hi,

Thanks for coming back and updating us! I'm sorry to hear you are still struggling with your MIL's addiction problems. I would definitely go with both your ideas- sharing your concerns with her doctor as well as hanging on to the full bottles of her medication yourself and giving her each dose. I can imagine that she will probably protest the doling out of her meds but she is living in your house, and you have to do what's best not only for her safety but for everyone else's as well.

Best of luck to you and please conintue to keep us updated! Lisa

I spoke with the pharmacist Friday after work. He said the nebulizer would be better for her as more of the drug could get into her lungs, the inhalers are rescue inhalers only and he told me how many doses there were so I will keep track to see if she is using them up too fast, he said if she is than she needs to change her inhalers. He said to watch for eye twitching and shaky hands. He said the inhalers could not cause the lung collapse that they actually help to keep the airways open. He said that it would be better if she used a nebulizer at home and just carried the inhalers for emergencies and he thought that either Medicare B or D would pay for them, the nebulizer vials. I asked if there were any of the medications on the list that could cause the excessive salivation and he didn't seem to think so but I recall that it is the Alprazolam or Xanax,and if that is the case then maybe doling them will help clear it up. She's supposed to take 1 3x a day as needed. The speech therapist told her to use straws to drink her beverages as a form of lip exercise so I got some for her and she is using them. I'm going to have her show me what the speech therapist told her to do. I just don't know if she will continue with it without supervision. After the initial protest she seems to have accepted the doing out of her medications, her Dr has yet to return my call so it was helpful to talk to the pharmacist. Her appetite is good and her spirits are up I think because she's not as lonely but she spends most of the day in her room but that could be because she wants to give us privacy. She smoked a few puffs the day she arrived at our house but hasn't asked for another cigarette which relieves me because I didn't want her smoking while we were not there. I washed her pillow and pillow case from her house and noticed cigarette burns on them so that confirms my decision. I think there may be a little jealousy on the part of my mom as she is reluctant to accept change even if it is short term. I tried to explain to her that my mother-in-law's situation is different from hers and that she did her physical therapy at a care home after her hospitalization but I know she can't remember back that far and that my MIL needs a different type of therapy.

CHICA6O, you're certainly doing your best in a tough situation. I'm so sorry that you not only have the toll of caring for your MIL but have a mother who's jealous.

I have a bunch of addicts in my family and have yet to see a positive example of someone's who's 'beat' their addiction. I think others who've posted here have better, practical advice.

All I can say is that I held my tongue for years for fear of the fallout when I did. Once I spoke my mind to my father, he still couldn't surmount his addiction. I guess all that I learned in this is that YOU just have to do what you feel is right and, please, don't listen what your MIL might say about you when you moderate her pills or get her a nebulizer. It really sounds like you're working in her best interest and doing all the right things.

I don't know if this helps at all, but there is more information on this site about what is covered by Medicare. Here is some information on nebulizers: http://www.caring.com/medicare_information/medicare-coverage-of-nebulizer.

Thank you

I know I/we dread saying anything, we're afraid of this little 82 lb woman or her reaction, I mean what can she do threaten to move out, where will she go? I would like to go back to Al Anon, I think it would help. I love my mom but I don't want to be like her, and I'm afraid I am, negative about everything.

I was just reading on oxyabusekills.com the symptoms for Xanax abuse and it is really scary. The FDA only approves of it being taken for an 8 week period because it is so addictive. How to drs get away with prescribing it for longer than that? I quote "Xanax is only approved by the FDA for up to 8 weeks of use and it is only approved for only 4 weeks of use in Great Britain. This is because it is extremely addictive. The greater the dose taken, the faster one becomes dependent. If one uses these drugs long term, the body will develop tolerance for the drugs, and larger doses will be need to achieve the same initial effects." .....What has become clinically apparent with Xanax which appears to be somewhat different than the other benzodiazepines is that the patient's ability to self-detox or be able to be gradually tapered off of the medication is markedly more difficult." I'm so dumb,I think she's been saving her pills and took extra last night, she couldn't sleep she said and she couldn't eat this morning and she hasn't had any trouble up till now. I'm going to PRN it from now on instead of just putting it out in the morning. What if she gets into my wine I keep for cooking on top of taking the Xanax? I'm not going to carry her Xanax with me to keep her from getting it, I could get in trouble for having it. I've been slow on the uptake from some of the things she has said, she's been looking for "aspirin" well it's kept in the medicine cabinet in plain sight which leads me to believe she's looking for her meds.