Browse Questions About Family Conflict Resolution

How do I say, “Grandma’s house is no hotel”?

Question - Hi:

1 Expert Answer, 2 Community Answers

Is it wrong to want to make my sister help?

Question - You are an amazing survivor in spite of your sibling being unwilling to help with the caregiving of dad. If is unfortunate that your sisters mental illness has become so toxic to you. It is unlikely that she will ever truly appreciate all that your did for mom and all that you continue to do for dad...

1 Expert Answer, 6 Community Answers

How do we deal with my father who has heart failure who wants to travel and expects only family to care for him?

Question - Boy, are you in a pickle. I sympathize. You're trying your hardest to protect your dad, but dealing with contradictory medical advice. Not to mention your dad's stubbornness about getting outside help. There are different ways of looking at this. One is to let your dad do as he chooses as it's his life...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

Can I handle my mother's finances and not upset my siblings?

Question - I'm not sure when this was written so it may be too late for your Mom, but not for other aging parents and their families. I would recommend getting on the AADMM.com website and finding a local daily money manager who may be even more experienced than an accountant in handling this type of situation...

2 Community Answers

How do I deal with my anger and resentment toward my older...

Question - Your situation sounds really tough and I understand why you're angry. At the same time, I agree with Anonymous (below) that acceptance may be your only recourse, since you can't make your sister help if she is unwilling or unable. I also agree with Anonymous that you should do all you can to seek support and practical help for your mother elsewhere (Caring...

1 Expert Answer, 7 Community Answers

How can I transfer power of attorney from my brother to make caretaking decisions?

Question - If your brother holds a valid power of attorney, then he is the one legally responsible for making the decisions--and the nursing home personnel will be required to do his bidding.

1 Expert Answer, 7 Community Answers

How do my sister and I come to an agreement about whether my parents should move to an assisted living facility?

Question - The struggle between siblings over their aging parents never comes down to right or wrong. It always involves a clash of agendas that quickly degenerates into a battle of wills. In most cases, both adult children have a valid point of view about how to deal with their aging parents. In my experience, the best place to start is by talking with your parents...

1 Expert Answer, 11 Community Answers

How can I protect my mother from being taken advantage of by my brother?

Question - It's time to steel yourself for a frank talk with your mother, letting her know your concerns and framing them in terms of the need to protect her and her money, rather than a desire to see your brother get cut off. Be as specific as you can about how and why funds are being squandered or stolen and what this might mean for her...

1 Expert Answer, 2 Community Answers

What to do when siblings don’t understand?

Question - This is like telling a child not to touch the hot stove. Until, the child does, s/he won't be able to understand the concept of hot.

1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

My mother won't let me help her, what can I do?

Question - Why won't mother let me help? I try to do everything I can - take her anywhere and do anything needed. She tells me she is sick and in pain but when I offer to take her to the dr or ER and she says no. I've begged and pleaded with her to let me help her and she still says no. All we do is fight...

What can I do to protect my mother and her finances from her abusive husband?

Question - Based on the information you've presented, you have a most urgent situation on your hands. It's critical to get your mother evaluated by a Geriatric Neuro-Psychologist immediately. Delays might diminish your mother's prognosis and potentially extend her suffering unnecessarily...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

How can I keep my husband, who has dementia, and teenage daughter from fighting and avoid family conflict?

Question - Let me start by saying how important it is while dealing in family conflict with a teenager, to get some immediate professional help. Ask you family doctor for a referral to a psychologist that works with families and specializes in inter-generational counseling...

1 Expert Answer, 4 Community Answers

Does a sibling have any say in her mother's burial planning if she does not have power of attorney?

Question - Any power the sister holds by dint of the power of attorney ends when your friend's mother dies. So that will not likely be the sticking point in their situation.But to avoid an unpleasant psychological wrestling match when death does occur, you should urge your friend to put a few safety guards in place...

1 Expert Answer

Can a power of attorney be revised after a dementia diagnosis?

Question - It sounds as if you and the other family members have given up in exasperation due to your sister’s actions and inactions—and that is understandable.

1 Expert Answer

How do I get adult treatment from my mom?

Question - Hi. It is important for you to have a calm conversation with your mother and explain to her that the two of you have to work on your new relationship and that she has to treat you like an adult. It may help to have another family member of counselor involved if you think she will not be able to hear you or the conversation will become a battle...

1 Expert Answer, 6 Community Answers

Can my grandfather be legally made to stay with my sister?

Question - This may be one of those times where collective knowledge of the masses doesn’t point to the truth.

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

How can I convince my family that my mother in law should not be driving?

Question - I do not trust my elderly mother-in-law to drive my children anymore, because she falls due to uncontrollable dizzy spells and blackouts, but my husband refuses to agree with me that she should not be allowed to drive them anymore. This is putting an incredible strain on our marriage...

How can we convince my mother with Alzheimer's to go to the doctor?

Question - I am sorry to hear of your difficulty: your mother's pain and her contrariness and the feeling of conflict with your brothers. I would like to share a slogan with you that I have used for years. Don't expect things to go your way. Memorize it. Write it on a card. Carry it in your purse. Put it on the refrigerator...

1 Expert Answer

Which takes precedence? A living will or power of attorney?

Question - Your first concern seems to be power of attorney misuse. But first, a word about when the legal documents you mention take effect: As agent named in your mother’s living will, you are empowered to make medical decisions for her only if and when she is unable to express her own wishes due to a comatotose condition, for example...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

Do I need a co executor's signature on tax documents to file them for the estate?

Question - Your authority under the Durable Power of Attorney ended at your father's death. Once you and your sister were appointed by the court as co-executors, the authority and responsibility to settle your father's affairs became a joint responsibility. Both of your signatures are required on the income tax return...

1 Expert Answer

If there's a family conflict over power of attorney with my sister, can she stop us from visiting our mother?

Question - If your sister has merely threatened to keep the other siblings out of the information loop and to ban you from visiting your mother, her threats are probably empty. Unless there is evidence that you have physically or financially abused your mother, most nursing facilities will actively encourage visits and the free flow of information...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

If my sisters have power of attorney for our mother, can they insist we give up our keys to her house?

Question - There are no easy or legal answers to the problems you describe. They seem to be more about hurt feelings and anger than about specific rights and wrongs. And so it is likely that you all will need at least a brief cooling off period before you all can agree on, or even discuss, the best course of action to take for your mother’s care...

1 Expert Answer, 18 Community Answers

Can my brother be fired or reported for fraud if he is neglecting my mother?

Question - Thank you for writing to share your anger and frustration so clearly. It is so difficult to be raising children as well as trying to see to the care of a parent. Sibling caregiver conflicts are more usual than you may think.

1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

How do I help pull Mom from depression?

Question - I live in a very conflicted household. My father has left and now comes by every few months and, in general, after a few nights is in a fight and either he leaves or things become violent and we have to ask him to leave. In general he does not communicate and we rarely meet...

What steps do I need to take to get the mediation process started?

Question - It sounds as if your own gut is already suggesting a solution: Try calling in another person to help break the logjam between you and your brother—and mediation is often ideal for this. In mediation, an impartial person, or a panel of them, will work with people having a dispute to work out a suitabable solution...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

How can I deal with my mom’s bossy attitude?

Question - Before I get to your question, I want to commend you for your dedication to helping your mother—not everyone has such a supportive and caring daughter.

1 Sponsored Expert Answer, 2 Community Answers

What can we do if our mother refuses to even talk about a nursing home?

Question - Chances are, the harder you push for resolution the more your mother will resist. This may be because she is truly fearful of moving to community housing, as are many older adults, or it may be a symptom of her memory issues. Either way, you may wish to find another trusted party to introduce the conversation to her or to act as a mediator...

1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

How can I convince my father to go see the doctor about his dementia?

Question - It can take supportiveness, tact, and creativity to encourage someone to have a clinician check out worrisome symptoms. Such evaluations tend to produce anxiety, and few people cavalierly agree to one, especially if they have suspicions that something's wrong but have not shared this with family members...

1 Expert Answer, 5 Community Answers

Should we continue trying to help my mother or give up?

Question - I hear your cry for help and feel the kindness of you and your brother.

1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

My brother got a temporary power of attorney over my 85...

Question - My brother got a temporary power of attorney over my 85 year old mother somehow without my knowledge, within the past few weeks. He put her in a nursing home in Kentucky. However, I was fortunate to catch them in court before a judge gave him full power. The judge scheduled a July jury hearing to decide...

Can a doctor have influence reversing power of attorney over a parent?

Question - What you describe is very unusual. Doctors rarely intervene in changing the authorized agent in a power of attorney; such changes usually occur only if the person for whom the document was made orders the change, or if it was clearly shown that you were “unable or unwilling” to do the job.

1 Expert Answer

Should an 18 year old be expected to become a full time caregiver?

Question - Hi:

1 Expert Answer, 12 Community Answers

How can I stop family from taking advantage of my mom?

Question - I’m assuming here that your mother’s judgment is impaired due to a dementia or other cognitive impairment and that you have enacted your Power of Attorney as a result. If so, be sure to check the Power of Attorney document itself to confirm that your mother gave you authority over matters relatelated to personal property...

1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

My brother and I are adults, but when it comes to taking care of my mother, we fall right back into the roles we had as children.

Question - Family dynamics are often more powerful than we realize: it can be very hard to change patterns that are decades old. I suspect that passive communication with your brother will not work. If you step back to give your brother a chance to do more, he might not notice, even though to you the shift is dramatic...

1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

Can My Siblings and I Move a Parent With Alzheimer's out of a Nursing Home Over a Stepparent's Objections?

Question - It depends. There's a fairly straightforward legal answer if your parent completed a power of attorney for healthcare while he or she still had the mental capacity to do so. In that case, if an agent or proxy was named to direct the care, then that person is authorized to make those decisions -- including...

FAQ

1 Expert Answer

How do I help remedy a sibling conflict about our dad's care?

Question - It must be very stressful to be in a family where one member can be "beaten up" by others. Was this a unique event or has this been going on for years in one form or another? If so, is it always the same person who gets ganged up on, or does the victim change every time...

1 Expert Answer, 7 Community Answers

How can I help my father cope with my bipolar mother?

Question - My mother is 73 and has bipolar disease. Right now, she is MANIC! She is the queen of denial, refuses to take medicine, and is ruining the quality of life for her and my father. I live 6 hours from her and am looking for a support group for my father in the Bullhead City AZ area. Anybody have any inspiration or hope...

My mother needs assisted living but my sister wants her to continue to live with her so my mother can pay her mortgage. How can I deal with this?

Question - Although it may sound like the best solution is to keep mom at home there are several dynamics at work here. *The elderly parent is still supporting the child. The adult child should not be dependent on the parent. Only by changing the dynamic here will the child grow to accept her own responsibility...

3 Community Answers

Can my half-brother keep me from seeing my mother, who is in a nursing home?

Question - I'm assuming you've already had the hard conversation -- very tightly focused on what's best for your mother -- with the half-brother who is hell-bent on blocking your access to her. If not, try it. You may be able to find out specifics about his concerns that will help you all be able to pull together...

1 Expert Answer, 25 Community Answers

How can I best deal with my father-in-law's dementia and anger?

Question - This might sound odd but see if you can find music he likes. We got a Roku box for our television and a Netflix account, and have found all kinds of old Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Bobby Darin and Tom Jones variety shows that we can play for her non-stop, and the service also includes Pandora radio...

2 Community Answers

How can we keep mom from spending all her money?

Question - I dealt with this situation with my mother a few months ago. She was convinced that she had won the Publisher's Clearinghouse and spent a few hundred dollars pasting "special buys" on her envelopes. I needed to confiscate her license, checks and cards. My mother is at an Asst...

1 Community Answer

How do we convince our parents that they need to move so we can care for them?

Question - Do what you can to let him know you love him and are interested in his well-being. Visit periodically and check on him on a weekly basis. You are entitled to your own life. Having one doesn't make you uncaring.

2 Community Answers

How do I help deal with the frustration I feel with my siblings over our mother's care?

Question - Hello, I understand your frustration regarding your mother. I am now going through a similar situation with our mother. There are six of us and one of my isters has always lived with her. My parents were divorced at the time of my fathers death. I am the one who helps her with her paperwork, or dr questions,meds etc...

1 Community Answer

How can I help my demanding father -- without neglecting the rest of my life?

Question - When older adults give up their primary living environment, they feel out of control. Even if the new facilities and support staff are ideal, it may not ease the psychological discomfort that being in a new space can create. For most elderly adults, their primary living environment represents the last area of control they have in a world of mounting losses...

1 Expert Answer

How do we resolve a dispute over inheritance of Mom's rings?

Question - If your mother’s will specified only that her property should be divided among her children—a common provision for parents who live and die in hope that they’ll all get along peacefully—and left no specific direction for who gets the rings, then you must wrestle over how to distribute them.

1 Expert Answer, 7 Community Answers

How can we get our mother to open up about her hidden finances?

Question - Discussing finances with a senior is often difficult. Most people associate their independence with their ability to handle their own funds. It sounds like you have tried several approaches which were good ideas, but your mom has been resistant.

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

How can we talk to my mother in law about her numerous purchases from TV shopping networks?

Question - If it is her money and she has it to spend and she is 82, why do you bother her with trivial things, she's not out using heavy artilarry or anything, people do what they are comfortable with and what gives them comfort and it sounds like she is lonely. Spend more quality time with her so her brain can wander elsewhere...

1 Community Answer

I am not sure how to use my Power of Attorney.

Question - Personally, when I notified my father's financial institutions as to the status of my power of attorney I faxed the durable power of attorney papers over to them and called and let them know they were coming. They documented the information to my fathers account. I don't know if this helps. Good luck to you in the future...

5 Community Answers

How can I persuade my siblings to visit my mother, who has Alzheimer's, more often?

Question - You are clearly approaching this situation from a place of concern for your mother, yourself, and your siblings, and that's important. Still, I wonder why you feel a need to persuade your siblings to see your mother. On it's face, the answer may be obvious, but it's important to avoid moralizing and imposing our values on others...

1 Expert Answer, 4 Community Answers

My parents are having marital problems. How can I help?

Question - Your parents aren't too old for counseling -- or for separation, if it comes to that. But with luck -- and some sessions with a good marriage counselor -- they'll hopefully be able to get their marriage back on track.

1 Expert Answer, 2 Community Answers

How can I get my father, who lives with us, to respect the rules of our household?

Question - If your father has Alzheimer's or some other type of dementia, this could be causing -- or exacerbating -- his irrational behavior and bad temper. Be sure that he is under a physician's care, and that his physician knows about the behavior you describe. His physician or a dementia specialist will likely have advice for how you should handle the situation...

1 Expert Answer

How do I get my brother and sister to share more of the burden of caring for our mother, who has ovarian cancer?

Question - The first thing to do is to speak up and let your brother and sister know as clearly as possible what you and your mom would like them to do. You might say, "Mom has chemo treatments once a week and I need someone to take her every other week." Or you might ask one of them to come over and cook for her one evening a week...

1 Expert Answer

How can I help my mother if she refuses my help?

Question - You are in a very frustrating position, but I think you answered your own question when you said "I can't help her if she won't let me." It sounds like you've tried in good faith to offer help, and your mother doesn't want it, for whatever reason, so there is nothing else you can do at the moment...

1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

A family member is coercing my mother - how do I make her stop?

Question - It sounds as if a family member is coercing your mom with Alzheimer's. Using "undue influence" in some states is a violation of the law. In any location, it is a form of financial elder abuse to take advantage of a person with dementia to manipulate the person into giving away money.

1 Expert Answer, 13 Community Answers

How can we persuade my mother, who's caring for my dying father, to bring in hospice help?

Question - Many people who've never had experience with hospice have misconceptions about what it means. Like your mother, many people believe that involving hospice in a patient's care amounts to a death sentence or that their loved one will die more quickly or won't be properly cared for. Hospice care does not accelerate the dying process...

1 Expert Answer, 5 Community Answers

How can I get my mother to go for another Alzheimer's evaluation?

Question - Your mother's clearest perception of herself, reinforced by the neurologist who found nothing wrong, is that of a functioning and competent adult. Alzheimer's evaluations produce memorable anxiety, and it is completely understandable that she refuses to repeat testing...

1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

How should I handle brothers who are upset about me taking care of my dad by scheduling doctor appointments and being present durning exams?

Question - It's very hard to answer your question with so little information. You don't explain what exactly is upsetting your brothers, or why. Do they disagree with your decisions about your father's care, or do they object to the fact that you're the one making the appointments and accompanying your father...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

How do I deal with my wife's resentment over the time I spend with my elderly father?

Question - Your father is fortunate to have a son so committed to his well-being. Striking a balance between caring for aging parents and being there for your own family is never a simple matter. When we talk about the right way to care for ailing elders, there are no perfect answers, because what we're really...

1 Expert Answer, 5 Community Answers

My brother wants the house my mother left me, can he take it from me?

Question - This is not a simple situation, and it paints a striking picture of the complicated legal and emotional intersections between love, money, property and caretaking that so often emerge over the decades of parental care. From a legal perspective you have three separate questions: 1...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

Can my sister who is the POA for my mom remove me from the will?

Question - It sounds as if what your sisters did may be illegal.

1 Expert Answer, 4 Community Answers

My siblings won't pay me for being mom's caregiver, what should I do?

Question - I believe I have an ethical responsibility to respond to you, because I was once in your place -- now I am dealing with a lawsuit that has dragged on for a year. It has cost thousands of dollars, and is certainly not what my parents envisioned when they went without so that my sister and I could have a better life...

2 Community Answers

I think my sister is cheating the rest of us out of my mother's will, what should we do?

Question - Question: I think my sister is cheating the rest of us out of my mother’s will, what should I do?

1 Expert Answer

Does my brother have the authority to place mom in a nursing home, against my sister's wishes?

Question - My brother has power of attorney to handle my mother's finances. My sister was named as the individual that makes my mother's medical decisions. I was told the other day that my brother is thinking of placing my mother in a nursing home. My sister is against it. Does he have the authority to do this without my sister's approval...

Is my estranged husband entitled to any inheritance I may receive?

Question - First, we need to be clear about what you mean by "estranged spouse" and what you mean by "inheritance." I'll assume that you are still legally married but are living apart and may even be legally separated. I'll also assume that the "inheritance" has only been received by you after you stopped living together...

1 Expert Answer

What do I do when Mama refuses to see a doctor and my sister isn't helping?

Question - One of the symptoms of dementia is the inability of the person to see changes in their behavior or thinking. Your mother clearly has this symptom.

1 Expert Answer, 2 Community Answers

Where can I get my mother's body exhumed and an autopsy conducted at the expense of the state?

Question - Can I get a court order for the insurance policy proceeds. I sent receipts of the funeral to the insurance company.

How can I convince my dad to protest his assets from his girlfriend?

Question - My dad is 63 and has had cancer for 5 years, and has been dating his girlfriend for about the same amount of time. It had been my assumption that he never intended to marry her. A year ago, he had a medical procedure done which impaired his cognitive functioning for a short time following the surgery...

My mother is feeling trapped by my father's neediness, how can I help?

Question - Both my parents live in their own home with a caregiver who comes in every day for 6 hours to help my mother with my father. Both my parents are 88, my mother is pretty much independent but my father suffered from several small strokes (unknown at the time), dementia, and possibly Parkinsons disease...

How do I approach my father about is intermittent incontinence?

Question - I am not suprised that your brother had a difficult time talking to your dad about his incontinence. Many older persons who develop incontinence are very embarrassed about it, and it is common for them to get upset when it is discussed.

1 Expert Answer, 2 Community Answers

How can I have a respectful loving and peaceful relationship with my parents again?

Question - Conflict with parents under any circumstances, and especially when they are in a nursing home, can be very frustrating and upsetting. One thing you should consider is that your parents because of their health issues are at the mercy of their illnesses and may not able to respond in a loving and caring manner...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

Should I turn in my relative who's taking advantage of her elderly mother?

Question - I am living in a apartment that a family memeber lived in, the family memeber had a stroke and went to a nursing home. i was asked to move in to help with rent.. the family memeber is now living with her daughter at the daughters home but the daughter refuses to changer her adress to her home. she is being paid to be her mothers caregiver...

Should I hire an independent guardian for my mother since our family is in conflict?

Question - The situation you describe is a sadly common one: As parents age and have greater needs, their children have various responses: concern, caring, greed, neglect, stubbornness—and the list goes on and on. Often the immediate damage is that siblings fight or their usual rifts get wider. What gets ignorored in the meantime are the parents’ best interests...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

Is Mom's bank account part of her estate even if my sister's name is on it?

Question - There are two answers to your questions—one from a legal perspective, the other personal and practical.

1 Expert Answer

How can I straighten things out one year after the death of my mother?

Question - I read your request and the advice offered by another person. The only additional advice that I can offer is to check with the bank to determine if the accounts (at the time of your mother's passing) were joint accounts or if you were the signer on all accounts...

2 Community Answers

I think my mother in law doesn't want my father in law to get better, should I tell his doctor?

Question - It is always appropriate to contact a physician with concerns about one of his patients. Contacting the nurse in his office is often the best way to begin. The nurse acts as a mediator to protect the doctor from time consuming calls that can be be handled by a member of the staff. Often the best way to reach the nurse is by fax...

1 Expert Answer

My father gave me generous gifts and now my sister convinced him to sue me. Was I wrong to take the money?

Question - I had POA of my fathers accounts. My father would be very generous over the years with me and gave me large sums of money for my birthday, etc. I have never withdrew any money from his account ever! I have cashed his ss checks for years, and gave him the money with no problem (can't walk done for his...

Should I let my mother-in-law live with us at my adult foster care home?

Question - Moving a parent into your home is usually not a good solution, especially not if she already has a placement. If she is unhappy there, she will probably be unhappy in your home, also. You cannot make other people happy. You can make them comfortable sometimes; you can meet their medical needs and keep them safe, but happiness is up to the person...

1 Expert Answer

Dad won't move into assisted living, but he can't stay with us, what can we do?

Question - My mother and father in law are living with us, they are both 87 years old. Mom has Alzheimers and Dad also has some degree of dementia. We are no longer able to care for them at home, because we both have to work. My husband has not worked for 6 months because he has been caring for them. We found an assisted living facility for them...

How do I tell my grandmother that my cousin is dead?

Question - I have been caring for my grandparent for the last few years, my youngest cousin committed suicide right before Christmas and I stopped going over to the house because I wasn't sure how to tell them. My mother lives with them and to be truthful I spend most of my time trying to get her to take care of herself...

Can I take legal action against my family for upsetting my mother with Alzheimer's?

Question - You ask about your Mom with Alzheimer's and the abusive phone calls she gets from relatives. From your question, I'd like to focus on this phrase: "Maybe I'm supposed to interfere since I'm her caregiver and supposed to be protecting her."

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

How can I get my family to stop talking about things that upset my mother in law with dementia?

Question - It sounds like you are trying to encourage visitors and you can further help by giving them a list of acceptable topics. Perhaps they do not know what to say and grope for the topics that give them the most comfort. If you compose a list of ten topics that will not sadden your mother-in-law perhaps they will no longer bring up the 'taboo' topics...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

Should we move in with my mother in law who has Alzheimer's disease?

Question - From the way you describe your caregiving role for your mother-in-law, it sounds like you are doing a full time job that might not change if you move in with her. If she were able to maintain some independence and be safe and secure living alone, then moving in would not be necessary...

1 Expert Answer

Can my family legally stop Dad from getting medicine?

Question - First and foremost: Don’t beat yourself up with thoughts of being selfish. You’re entitled to your differences of opinion, and especially to the very hard emotions and feelings you must be having as your father’s illness progresses.

1 Expert Answer

Can I stop my siblings from changing my mother's power of attorney?

Question - The person who gave, or authorized, the power of attorney is called "the principal." The person appointed to act under the power of attorney is called the agent, or "attorney-in-fact." The principal can change or revoke the power of attorney at any time, as long as she is mentally competent when she...

1 Expert Answer

Does my sister have an ethical obligation to inform me of mom being relocated?

Question - My sister is in charge of mom's trust and health care. Mom is living in an assisted living facility and my sister is moving her to a skilled nursing facility. I dont have a problem with better care for mom but my sister has not informed me of the upcoming move. I found out from a staff member who expressed sadness that mom was moving...

Where can my dad turn to get rid of the 30 cats my mom has hoarded?

Question - My mom is 83 and my dad is 80. They live together in their home of 58 years. Dad does all of the house cleaning, cooking and finances since my mom is mentally and physically unable to do so. 15 years ago my mom began to hoard stray cats. They currently have 30 cats that they are caring for. Dad takes care of the cats but complains constantly...

Should I tell my grandmother about the death of my cousin?

Question - I'm trying to do what I think is best for my grandmother, and keep my sanity. My youngest cousin recently committed suicide right before Christmas, my grandfather passed away right after Christmas. She doesn't know about my cousin. I've been lying to her to spare her feelings. It's getting hard and feels wrong...

My mother isn't getting the care she needs, is there an agency I can contact?

Question - Most in home care conflicts result from misunderstandings of what is wanted and what is needed. When a person is concerned about the conflicts because they feel that there is the intentional withholding of essential care or service, contacting Adult Protective Services is appropriate...

1 Expert Answer

How can I take over the POA my now late sister held for my mother?

Question - If your mother has dementia, she does not have the ability to make a viable check. Nor can she appoint anyone as her agent under a Durable Power of Attorney because that can only be done while someone is competent. I suggest that you contact a lawyer and discuss filing with a court to be appointed...

1 Expert Answer

Our stepmom wants to put Dad in a facility, but we want him to stay home. What's best?

Question - If there is a Brighton Gardens Alzheimer's/dementia specialist assisted living facility in her area you should talk with them. Residents live there on a month-to-month basis and the charges for care are based on the level of assistance the resident needs...

3 Community Answers

Is my family avoid Mom because she has Alzheimer's disease?

Question - It's very hard for your family to feel so isolated because of Alzheimer's. Sadly, people who used to be your mother’s friends, as well as her own siblings, are ignoring her. Unfortunately Alzheimer’s disease is still greatly misunderstood. Many people are uneasy around someone with deme...

1 Expert Answer, 2 Community Answers

Am I able to challenge a co-executor of Dad's will?

Question - How to best resolve your dilemma is a bit of a tough judgment call, since you’ll have to weigh the possibility of winding up the estate at last against the growing irritation that you don’t want to be taken advantage of anymore.

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

Should I do some estate planning for Mom?

Question - I think your mother does not need more "estate planning" than the will she already has. Indeed, I don't know what the Alzheimer's estate planning your attorney mentioned to you would or could be. I certainly see no reason at all your mother should spend up to $10,000 for some nebulous "estate planning...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

As POA, can I overrule my mother's request for no hospice care?

Question - As long as your mother was legally competent when she completed the power of attorney, there are two answers to your question: one based in the law and one based on common sense. Both answers are the same—but not likely what you want to hear.

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

Can my brother deny me visitation of our father if he's Dad's legal guardian?

Question - What you’re describing is not so much a situation with a legal answer, as one that seems to involve deep-seated practical and personal problems that have likely been going on for a while.

1 Expert Answer, 5 Community Answers

Who has more legal rights, a spouse or parent?

Question - Your best defense in dealing with this difficult personality may be a good offense. That will likely require you to do some legwork to get your facts and documents in order and to be assertive and stand your ground.

1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

Is my resentment towards my brother justified?

Question - You bet it's justified!! You are not the only person responsible for taking care of your parents, he is too!! Keep a written log of all the hours you took care of him that he should have been doing it, and the caregiver YOU hired that he's not helping you out with...

1 Community Answer

As power of attorney, am I legally required to provide written quarterly updates to my siblings?

Question - As your mother’s agent under her power of attorney, you may be required to file a periodic “reasonable accounting” of her financial affairs—especially if a court orders it or the accounting duty is specifically written into the POA.

1 Expert Answer

How can I find out who holds the POA?

Question - Unfortunately, it's not easy to find out if someone holds a power of attorney given by another person. I know of no law that requires that a person who holds the POA (called the "attorney-in-fact") must show the document to concerned people, including (other) family members.

1 Expert Answer

I think my sister is committing fraud against my mother!

Question - As you know best because you’re living it, you’ve described a complicated scenario—and some of the past dealings between the bank and your sister do sound rather “irregular,” to say the least.

1 Expert Answer

Questions About Family Conflict Resolution

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