CommunityDiscussions About Family Conflict Resolution

1. Should My Husband Be Financially Responsible For His Estranged Mother's Funeral?

   Community Discussion - Should my husband take out a life insurance policy on both is estranged mother and sister to help with any funeral and end of life expenses?

2. How do I keep my siblings from seeing Mom?

   Community Discussion - Mom is 86,and has alzheimers, there is 6 children! My brother and I were Power Of Attorney,until he tried to do to much at moms.He had 2 strokes and 3 heart attacks,and a triple bypass.He is still in the hospital.Been there a month now.

3. Do Your Siblings/family Help Enough?

   Community Discussion - With regard to giving care, in any capacity, to your parents, do you feel as though your siblings and/or family help enough? I'm wondering if the majority of us feel some resentment or quite content. You can simply post "yes" or "no", but please feel free to add any comments!

4. Mother Angry At Being In Assisted Living

   Community Discussion - The NC court declared mom incompetent and me as her guardian last Aug. She is very angry that "I put her there", "would never have expected it of me", "there is nothing wrong with me", and the every popular - "I want to go home - NOW". I cannot seem to get her off the subject (change her channel) and she is angry and nasty, accusing me of it all...

5. Family Counseling: Does It Help?

   Community Discussion - I'd love to hear from readers who've tried counseling or mediation to deal with family conflicts over caregiving issues. As the discussions here show, family conflicts are common between elderly parents and adult children, but also between siblings and other family members...

6. Mom Had A Stroke Many Questions Help!

   Community Discussion - Glad to find this group. I am hoping some of you folks can give me some insights. I have so many questions. I dropped everything and flew across the country and have been here since. I have many questions but am now trying to decide what I should do to help care for Mom...

7. Are You Getting The Help You Need From Your Siblings?

   Community Discussion - Are you getting the help you need from your siblings in caring for your parents or other loved ones? What do you wish they'd do or say differently?

8. Am I Doing The Right Thing By Putting Her In A Home?

   Community Discussion - Am I doing the right thing by not telling anyone in the family where she is, and asking the home to not allow anyone that I do not agree with to see her?

9. Bad Day, And Having Not So Good Thoughts ....

   Community Discussion - Things are taking a toll on me. Today was a really bad day, and bad thoughts are crossing my mind.

10. Dementia Leads To Divulging Family Secrets Are They Real?

    Community Discussion - Mom told me the reason she and my Dad left the family and moved far away in the early 50s for my Dad to "take a new job" was because he got a teenage girl pregnant and she had a baby girl!

11. Greedy Inlaws!

    Community Discussion - They are trying to enlist support from other family and friends by saying I am somehow abusing my father by not giving him his car keys, cash and almost let him run out of bacon!

12. Caregiving conflicts!

    Community Discussion - My husband told me if his mom ever gets sick long term he would want her to move in with us. When his stepdad got sick with stroke/heart attack, he had just injured his back-permanently as it turns out-he was over there several times a week helping with lifting, toileting, you name it b/c his brother wouldn't step up...

13. My Husband Wants To Move His Mom In With Us And I Don't!!

    Community Discussion - I really really don't want her to move in with us because I would go out of my mind with resentment!

14. Intervene In A Relationship?

    Community Discussion - My mother in-law with early to mid stage Alzheimer's is "seeing" a married man. My question is this....since she is much like a young child now should we insist that she no longer see him?

15. My father's siblings are defying my POA!

    Community Discussion - I've been caring for dad for ten years, and suddenly my sister and my uncles - who have never helped - feel I'm not doing a good enough job!

16. Moving from one state to another - Mom just can't commit!

    Community Discussion - Mom can't take care of herself but she's reluctant to move away from her home, and we can't go back and forth anymore!

17. New Husband Refused To Let Mom's Lawyer Into House To See Her!

    Community Discussion - Us three kids hired Mom's long time lawyer to go to her house to talk with her about money matters. Her new husband, of 10 years, refused to let Mom's lawyer into the house!

18. What Will Happen When Mom Passes And None Of The Siblings Are Speaking?

    Community Discussion - None of my sisters will talk to each other - how will we handle when mom passes and the choices we'll have to make then?

19. I relocated for her, and now she's driving me mad.

    Community Discussion - I moved to take care of my controlling mother because no one else would - and now I no longer wish to, either!

20. I Don't Know What To Do. I Think That My Niece Is Abusing My Brother's Ssdi Money.

    Community Discussion - My brother, who is 52, is on ssdi or ssi for schizophrenia. I lived with him, and helped monitor him, for five years after our mother died in 2000. I moved away for five years and recently moved back to California in March, 2010 to find that his daughter has recently taken control of him and his money and car...

21. Dad ignored me most of my life - why should I care about him now?

    Community Discussion - Im 30 years old married for two years with a 18month old daughter. I have been getting counseling and medication treatment for my depression/anxiety for years which I feel has worked well. My sister and all other family members share this awful trait as well and have all found help with sort of counseling and medication...

22. Mom's Doctor is trying to change her mind!

    Community Discussion - After some health issues, I convinced my mother to move in an AL facility. We checked out, it's beautiful, they have lots of activities, etc. My mother was ready, willing and anxious to move, especially she felt it was a good idea to give my brother and his wife a break from the care giving, and my husband and I are willing to have her move 10 min...

23. How do I get Mom to 'fess up about my parentage?

    Community Discussion - A late aunt told me just before she died that my father was not the man who raised me. I did some snooping in courthouse records and discovered that my "parents" did not marry until 14 months after my birth. I am in my 60's and unwed mothers were not the norm as they are today...

24. He's Acting Jealous Of Grandkids!

    Community Discussion - Before the accident he was very loving to my grandson and now calls him names and has even thrown the tv remote at him because he was playing and making normal playing noises.

25. What A Mess...Siblings Won't Help, But They Sure Do Hurt!

    Community Discussion - Siblings aren't helping to take care of our parents - I'm doing it - but they're whispering terrible things and upsetting our parents!

26. Sister In Law -- Love Her But She Has No Clue!

    Community Discussion - She comments on how the dog needs some grooming attention and doesn't think about all time and effort it takes just for caring for my father!

27. My IL's don't get along, he's living with us, and now she wants to visit him before he passes away!

    Community Discussion - I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to cope - she's 81 herself, and has health issues of her own, which require someone to attend to her full time as well.

28. How Can I Reconcile With My Daughters If They Won't Even Talk To Me?

    Community Discussion - They'll take my money but won't give me any time.

29. Alzheimer's Diagnosis Conflict

    Community Discussion - His daughter doesn't want him "officially" diagnosed, but I'm terribly worried about his safety and the safety of others!

30. I Can't Take It Anymore!! (supplement to "Relocating" thread)

    Community Discussion - All this pressure is on me and all I hear is how I need to be 'nicer'!

31. My brother won't leave well enough alone!

    Community Discussion - Mom is doing well in the memory care unit, but my brother just can't stand the idea of her being there at all!

32. I'm scared and lost and feeling so alone.

    Community Discussion - I am scared of losing my home. I am scared of losing my husband. I am scared of the things that I think.

33. Overheard Shower Conflict Is Now Abuse Allegation By Family!

    Community Discussion - I have to speak loudly to my mother when her hearing aids are out - and now I'm accused of abusing her by shouting at her!

34. Now that Dad has died, I'm pretty much done with everyone.

    Community Discussion - My family members behaved terribly and now I'm just done with them. Am I the only one feeling this way?

35. I've become so resentful about caring for my mom!

    Community Discussion - My brothers told me that when I sold her house, they thought that was to keep her out of a nursing home. Well I HAVE DONE THAT!! FOR 5 YEARS!!! I'm absolutely exhausted!! I can't leave her alone and they refuse to help.

36. Today I Am Feeling.......ANGRY

    Community Discussion - So many family members are just too busy or too involved in their own lives to help me!

37. My mom has accused me of giving her the wrong medications!

    Community Discussion - I gave all her pill bottles to her in a shoe box and put them in her room. I hope she doesn't try to OD, and now I won't be able to monitor what she takes.

38. Parkinson's Disease Caregivers, Where Are You?

    Community Discussion - My mother was independent but since she broke her arm, she relies on me 100%. I get no help or support. What do you do?

39. Wealthy Stepfather Won't Spend A Dime Toward Our Mother's Stroke Recovery

    Community Discussion - Without our stepfather spending the extra money for private therapies, she will remain an invalid and will never be able to communicate again!

40. Mom has requested that my Alzheimer's father not be hand-fed!

    Community Discussion - Recently, my mom ordered the nursing home staff to not hand feed my dad. She said they can put food in front of him or on a fork, but they are not to help him eat in any way. He can right now eat with his hands, but he has trouble eating with spoons and f

41. I Just Turned 23, And I Don't Know How To Cope With My Father's Diagnosis.

    Community Discussion - I told my parents I was having trouble, but no one seems to care.

42. Relationship With Mother-in-Law Falling Apart

    Community Discussion - My mother in law has lived with us for the last 4 years. Her health has is not great but except for being obese, she still can live a very active lifestyle if she chose to. She came to live with us 4 years ago because her health and finanical situations were both in crisis...

43. Sticky Situation: Co-Caregiver Abusing Prescription Meds, But I Need The Help

    Community Discussion - So my sister who helps out with mom and comes up once a week to spend a few nights with her and does lots of odd jobs around her home, etc....has been addictied to pain meds most of her life, sometimes when she over does it it makes her incoherent and or angry when we express concern. My mom doesn't want to ride with her driving, etc...

44. Mom Doesn't Realize She Needs Help

    Community Discussion - Mom has done very well living alone since my father died 18 years ago. She had a network of friends that did things together up until about six months ago when the last of them moved into assisted living. I live almost 500 miles away and there are no other siblings to rely on so she is on her own.

45. Is There Life After Caregiving?

    Community Discussion - I've reached the decision today that I can not continue caring for my grandma. She continues to be the same self centered person she always has been, and I find myself angry with her every day. My own depression is very bad, my frustration at an all time high and my thinking becoming dangerously dark...

46. How Do You Know When It's Time...?

    Community Discussion - I'm looking for answers/advice for what is the most human and loving thing to do for my mother.

47. Only Child That Helps Mom

    Community Discussion - I have a brother and his wife that could help me BUT he dont. He help his wife with her mother, Why cant they help with his Mom. I keep telling him he needs to help, needs to see her more often and to even call. He does not do anything. Why is it that the male child allways think they dont need to. I ask them to come stay with her...

48. I'm About Ready to Give up on my Alcoholic Mother

    Community Discussion - Anyone out there grow up with an alcoholic for a mother? I did. I was removed from her home when I was 14 and had very little contact with her. The times I did see her she was mean, nasty and always said whatever came to her mind regardless of how it would hurt the other person...

49. Are we responsible for supporting my in-laws?

    Community Discussion - I've been married less than a year and my in-laws have no retirement and are looking to live with us (2 bedroom apartment in high cost of living area). My father-in-law has been working some but not in the area we live in (also it involved manual labor and he's getting weaker by the day) and we aren't moving back home...

50. Trying To Cope With An Angry, Hostile Dememted Mother Without Any Help!

    Community Discussion - I have had my mother living with me since late November. This is what I thought would happen, as she has been going down hill for about 10 years - first with alcohol and now with dementia/alzheimers/whatever. I specifically asked my only sibling - sister if she could have my mother stay with she and...

51. How do I deal with my controlling and angry dad?

    Community Discussion - I’m 21, and am 1 of 4 siblings in my family.. My parents got divorced 11 years ago and ever since I could remember, my dad has had an anger problem.. He runs a national business, he’s very hyperactive, and loves to help people especially financially.. If you met my dad, he appears to be very nice ane and fun to go out with but you can’t let him fool you...

52. How do I deal with thieving family members?

    Community Discussion - 2 Years ago my husband's sister had Mom take out a home equity loan with a 50,000 line of credit, of which they immediately took 30,000. We found out @ the $$ and basically FORCED her and her husband to sign a promissory note for the 30k. That very day they transferred ANOTHER 10k to themselves...

53. Dad's Bad Marriage Is Making Serious Health Issues Worse

    Community Discussion - Hello all,

54. Anyone else feel "stuck" being a caregiver?

    Community Discussion - Just need to do a little venting and if anyone has any good advice, please throw it out there. I have moved in with my fiance; his grandmother lives with him and has dementia (he bought her home to help her with her finances with the promise that she could continue to live here until she passes)...

55. Helping My 90 Year-Old Father To Not Drive On Long Distance Trips

    Community Discussion - My sister is living with my parents, dad:90 mother:89. Every summer they drive 2 days to a family summer cottage. Last year, my dad promised to let someone drive them this summer. Now he is determined to drive himself again. He does okay driving in his local community where he is familiar with roads...

56. Parkinson's taking toll on parent's relationship

    Community Discussion - My father has been living with Parkinson's since 1998. He is only 62 years old. It has been very difficult for him and also our family. From his medications, we noticed a behavioural change in him. He is now retired but my mother is still working full-time...

57. How do I deal with playing referee between Mom and Dad?

    Community Discussion - I am only child so I have no siblings to help me with this matter. I feel like I'm caught in the middle when it comes to my Mom and Dad. Last week Dad was in ICU and the doctor discharged him to a nursing home for inpatient care. He was back in ICU over the weekend and returned to the nursing home yesterday...

58. Dealing With Siblings Who Don't Help

    Community Discussion - Here is a short story of my last 12 years and maybe 10 more. I am the youngest of 4 kids, I started helping my mother when she had a stroke. I had 1 child 2 years old, with another on the way. I took her to her therapy, I pushed the wheelchair, she held my son on her lap. She recovered from that with a little impairment in her speech...

59. Who Do I Trust?

    Community Discussion - Since my Dad's death almost a year ago, the only family is my older brother and Mother. The problem I have tried not to deal with is my Dad's will which my brother is the executor of. Both my brother and Mother are very close. My brother and I do not talk at all...

60. But I Don't Want Her To Live With Me.

    Community Discussion - It's more a joke than anything, I know, but my mother is always teasing that we're going to have to fix up our back room into MIL quarters so when she's too old to take care of herself, she can move in there.

61. How can we get Mom to agree to move into an assisted living facility?

    Community Discussion - My Mother - in-law has always been disabled, she suffers from TIA's, has seizures, has a trake tube and hip displacia. I've tried convincing her that she would have better care is she lived in an assisted living community, and she would still have all of her freedom.

62. How To Deal With Anger Over Unfair Split Of Assets

    Community Discussion - My father recently informed me that he was putting his home in my brother and sisters names only. There are seven living siblings. They both live with the man rent free. They will pay the taxes and monthly living exspenses only if my fathers social security checks won't stretch...

63. Mom And Dad Take Offense When I Offer Help

    Community Discussion - I have two remarkably healthy, happily married in-laws in their 80s who are just beginning to show their ages. When we offer to help even a little (such as shoveling after a snow), they get very offended. Part of their positive attitude comes from feeling completely independent...

64. My Sister As Guardian Has Forbidden Me To See My Mom! What Can I Do?

    Community Discussion - Please help, I am so so sad, my sick sister got emergency guardianship of my mom, she is a greedy evil person. As soon as she got the legal, she got an attorney and I am not allowed any contact with my mother who has bad dementia. I have an attorney as well, but she is not so good, my sis hand picked...

65. Help! My Life Is A Mess.

    Community Discussion - My one brother in Cleveland, who was suppose to help me, is being a jerk. He will only care about my father if everything comes to him. He wants to see the financial only if I send everything to him. He will not come down out to help out at all. My other brother in New York, he is mentally diabled and now physically disabiled...

66. I Need Help Learning How To Be an Alzheimer's Caregiver!

    Community Discussion - My mother-in-law was diagnosed with dementia in January 2009. I have no clue what I'm doing. She's always been a little strange. I have been married to her only son since 1988. Sorry this story is so long I just don't know where to begin. So she was diagnosed in 2009 and NOTHING has changed to better her situtation...

67. Husband's CHF has changed his personality and I'm so upset!

    Community Discussion - "My husband has CHF, however it is stage II and then mostly stage I, he is perfectly capable of taking care of himself...hygiene, remembering to take care of his medications, getting up when he chooses to (instead of me yelling at him that it's time to get up....nothing else works and I just hate it)...

68. My dad has dementia and treats us all terribly. We can't move out. Help?

    Community Discussion - Hi, I am looking after elderly parents. My dad has dementia, my mom suffers from anxiety. I have been doing this now for the past 5 years. I live with them. Sometimes I need a break!!!!!! My mom is constantly needy, my father is always treating my mom badly. He gets in this slammin rage. He thinks that everyone is out to get him...

69. Family Opinions On Our Caregiving Choices

    Community Discussion - Hello, Everyone.

70. When A Caregiver Leaves

    Community Discussion - I live in Pa, does anyone know if there are legal consequences for a caregiver that abandons a patient, My step-mother just left my Dad and although she is not his POA, she also did not tell anyone she was leaving him so that other arangements could be made for his care

71. Distribution Of Items In Home When She Passes Away

    Community Discussion - We have been caregivers for my husbands mother for over 15 plus years. We bought a home that has a separate living area with everything except for a washer and dryer. I do her laundry. It is perfect for her. There are 3 siblings that are very busy with their lives and we are the sole caregivers...

72. 10 Years Since Dad Had A Stroke And Mum Took Her Life

    Community Discussion - I was 21 with high hopes and ambitions when my Dad had a major stroke. Mum was a nurse & had feared he'd have one. Dad along with a panel of three doctors shrugged off her fear - all he needed was extra disprin. Dad dropped to the ground a month later in March 2010 with a massive brain hemmoridge ...

73. Caring For Great Aunt With Dementia And An 8 Year Old

    Community Discussion - my aunt always lived with her sister, but in 06 her sister pasted away. shortly after that she started getting depressed. me and my husband and daughter moved in with her temperarly to help her. just this year she was diagnosed with dementia. we have been caring for her. my family is trying to fight me on getting guardianship...

74. Help - My mother wants to live in this house but I think it's a bad idea!

    Community Discussion - First, thank you caring.com and caring.com community. Here is my story, and I appreciate any insight or advice anyone may be able to give. I never ever ask anyone for help for anything and I thank you. I am the only child of a European woman who is nearly 80. She had me "later in life" and so I am in my 30s...

75. My dying Sister's Husband Is Keeping Us Away From Her

    Community Discussion - My sister (less than 60) was diagnosed with 4th stage advanced metastatic cancer in March. She has been in the hospital for the last six weeks undergoing, among other things, aggressive in-patient chemo. My brother-in-law, who doesn't get along with anyone, is keeping us (her family of origin, including my 84 yr old mother) away from her...

76. Care Sharing And Demands Of Life

    Community Discussion - My sister and I are sharing care of mom but for the summer we have had to adjust our schedules to allow for vacations. My sister has her 3 weeks, and I have her 3 weeks but this has not worked out as my sister works and has to put in for vacations and does so when she wants it not when it is on the schedule...

77. Angry And Hurt After Father's Passing...

    Community Discussion - My story is long and difficult but I will try and bring everyone up to speed. My father just passed away after being sick and disabled nearly my entire life. My mom was his caregiver and it was evident that this was wearing on her by everyone around...

78. Handling The End Less Stream Of Visitors

    Community Discussion - My mother-in-law moved in with us about 7 years ago after being diagnosed with lung disease. We actually built her a separate 2 bdrm in-law guest house on our property. She was recently diagnosed with lung cancer and her health is declining. She is starting chemo and radiation this week. She has little strength or stamina and doesn't drive...

79. How To Handle Family Member Wanting Mom's Money?

    Community Discussion - Hi Caregiving family, I need your help. How do you handle family members always asking my mom for money? My mom has a money to last her with proper budgeting to last her until her final day. Power of Attorney and a Will has been set up. Irresponsible, unreliable, people are coming to her every other month to get large amounts of money without paying her back...

80. "I Am Growing Bitter."

    Community Discussion - I met a woman recently at a caregiving event and her story haunts me. She’s been caregiving two parents with Alzheimer’s and a smorgasbord of other health problems for close to ten years--and with very little financial support. Her only brother doesn’t help and there’s no other family she can rely on rely on...

81. How Can I Protect My Mom from her Abusive Husband?

    Community Discussion - My mother is 83. Her husband of 20 years is 89 and very ill. My mother had a stroke, from which she never recovered, and is paralyzed on her left side. She also has serious cardiac problems and is diabetic.

82. We really need Dad to move out!

    Community Discussion - How does one physically force someone into an apartment? Can it be done?

83. I can't take care of Grandma - how do I tell Dad?

    Community Discussion - In June or July of 2009 (can't pinpoint, it's been a loooong time!) my grandma's back broke due to osteoporosis.(sp?) She had a back surgery called kyphon on July 21st to try and fix it. She ended up with a staph infection and spent from August into the end of September in the hospital and a rehab hospital...

84. I'm Being Pulled So Many Different Ways

    Community Discussion - Here is my situation: I have been married for 9 years-this April. I have a 4 year old daughter. I have my 89 year old grandmother living with us. My husband and I were married 1-2 years when Grandma invited us to live in her basement apartment rent free, in exchange for yard work and other minor help she might need...

85. I've been caring for my husband with Alzheimer's for two years -- and now he wants a divorce

    Community Discussion - Any advice? My husband has early Alzheimer's/Dementia from an accident 2 yrs ago. I successfully fought his family and won Guardianship. I am now his sole caregiver and it has almost destroyed our relationship. It has reversed our roles and he resents his loss of independence...