Mary Koffend

Caring.com Expert

About

Mary Koffend is the president of Accountable Aging Care Management (AACM). AACM is an eldercare consulting and care management firm that works with elder clients and their families to find the best care providers and services to meet their needs. AACM provides an objective, third-party perspective on the best options for the elder and a single point of contact for the care providers, elder, and family.

Before starting AACM, Koffend served with the Social Security Administration (SSA) throughout Texas for more than 30 years and was ultimately responsible for Houston's largest and most complex SSA client service operation.

Koffend has also managed Medicaid provider services programs for the State of Texas. As a care manager for Accountable Aging, Koffend has become an invaluable resource for families who need a guidance counselor along the aging journey.

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Recently Published on Caring.com

  1. Monday January 09, 2012

    1. How can I ease my guilt for not being able to visit my father enough?

      Answer - There are several ways you can ease your feelings of guilt as a long distance caregiver about not being able to visit your father as often as you would like. The best way is to find some surrogates to do the visiting for you. Depending on your financial condition, you can work to find some volunteers, paid caregivers, or a private geriatric care manager...

  2. Monday September 19, 2011

    1. Should I consider moving Mom out of the room she shares with Dad due to her dementia?

      Answer - Enjoy the moment! The fact that your parents are both happy living together and are much in love is a gift to them and to you. What is important is that your mom is pleased to be with your dad and knows who he is. It is not really important that she articulate that he is her husband...

  3. Thursday August 18, 2011

    1. How can I help my mom take care of my dad at a long distance?

      Answer - There are many things you can do to support your parents and make these next years the best they can be for your parents and leave you with more peace of mind. As a long distance caregiver, you need to arrange for the support for your parents and for yourself...

  4. Tuesday July 05, 2011

    1. Can a person that has Alzheimer's and is in a nursing home, have a sitter with them?

      Answer - The simple answer to your questions is a person with Alzheimer’s who resides in a nursing home can have a sitter. The place to begin is to talk with the social worker at the facility and determine if there are companies with which the facility has a good working relationsh...

    2. Where can I get help coordinating my mother's care with my siblings?

      Answer - There are many resources to assist with care coordination for your mother with Alzheimer’s. It is very honorable that you want to care for your mom. It is also important to have some experts coach you about the most effective ways to care for her. For example, at this stage of her disease, she may b be able to travel with you...

  5. Friday June 03, 2011

    1. Is there anything I should know about helping to care for my mother-in-law?

      Answer - Congratulations on asking the questions before you need more help in caregiving for your mother-in-law. As you probably already know, the big issues with seniors and their well-being are medical and financial concerns. Understanding your mother-in-law’s medical needs, keeping an accurate list of mededications...

  6. Friday May 27, 2011

    1. How should I handle my mother in law trying to take over the caregiving of my husband?

      Answer - Having a husband who is ill and may have leukemia must be very tough. My heart goes out to you. The feelings you are having are complex enough and in addition you are dealing with equally complex feelings by your husband and by his mother. This can be a difficult time...

  7. Tuesday March 08, 2011

    1. How can I have a respectful loving and peaceful relationship with my parents again?

      Answer - Conflict with parents under any circumstances, and especially when they are in a nursing home, can be very frustrating and upsetting. One thing you should consider is that your parents because of their health issues are at the mercy of their illnesses and may not able to respond in a loving and caring manner...

  8. Friday February 04, 2011

    1. My mother isn't getting the care she needs, is there an agency I can contact?

      Answer - Most in home care conflicts result from misunderstandings of what is wanted and what is needed. When a person is concerned about the conflicts because they feel that there is the intentional withholding of essential care or service, contacting Adult Protective Services is appropriate...

    2. Social Security has made an error, and refuses to fix it. How can we get it corrected?

      Answer - Your mother’s status with Social Security changed when she became a widow. The Medicare card reflects her claim’s relationship with Social Security. For example, the card she had previously showed that her relationship with Social Security was that she was entitled to benefits through her own work ark...

  9. Monday January 17, 2011

    1. Will Medicare or Medicaid help with my wife's Alzheimer's care even though we're not of retirement age yet?

      Answer - Do not give up hope as there are options. Medicare and Medicaid are only a part of the possible care for a person with Alzheimer’s. After your wife has been receiving Social Security disability payments for 24 months, your wife will be eligible for Medicare benefi...

  10. Friday December 17, 2010

    1. Our stepdad isn't doing all he could to care for my mother after a stroke!

      Answer - There are no easy answers if a spouse is not helping to get the best care for the other spouse. Your step-father may be getting counsel from another advisor or a health care provider about the proper protocol for treatment of your mom. He may be driven by costs, may just not know the best options, or may be getting different advice on several fronts...

  11. Tuesday October 05, 2010

    1. Caring for dad has become more than I can handle.

      Answer - You are doing a wonderful job as a caregiver for your father. However, you are his son and this is the role that you perform best. Family caregivers wear out quickly because of the physical and emotional demands of the role. It is smart of you to reach out for expertise in how you can take care of your father...

  12. Thursday September 30, 2010

    1. What responsibility does an assisted living have to report problems to the resident's family members?

      Answer - Communication between any facility and the family can be the source of great satisfaction and at times great frustration. Reporting problems with a resident to the family can be the most complex. Let’s begin by looking at this situation from the perspective of the facili...

  13. Sunday May 23, 2010

    1. How can we pay for a caregiver to relieve Mom?

      Answer - Hiring a caregiver to help at the skilled nursing facility with your dad is certainly an option. • Begin discussing the situation with the social worker at the facility and understanding any issues or constraints that the facility has. Identify the issues that the facility may s...

  14. Wednesday April 07, 2010

    1. My husband pasted away recently. He was an active letter...

      Answer - It is understandable that you feel that you are being penalized. The loss of benefits that you were expecting can be upsetting. There can be confusion and different expectations when dealing with CSRS and Social Security benefits.

  15. Sunday January 31, 2010

    1. How do I manage insurance and Medicaid while moving Mom from state to state?

      Answer - Moving seniors from one state to another can be very complex because of health insurance issues. Original Medicare, Part A and B, are the only portable part of the insurance. Medicare Advantage and Medicare Supplement programs are generally for a specific area as contracts are with service providers in that area and/or licensed in a specific service area...

    2. How do I hire a caregiver directly, instead of from an agency?

      Answer - Many caregivers have questions about the direct hire of caregivers or using an agency. There are certainly pro’s and con’s to be considered. Issues for Direct Hire: • Able to direct the caregiver more directly as you are employer. • Must perform all of the management and supervisory tasks of an empl...

  16. Tuesday October 27, 2009

    1. How can we coordinate a care plan for my parents who have vastly different caregiving needs?

      Answer - Dealing with the different caregiving needs of couples is often a very difficult situation. The needs of each spouse for medical and social services makes placement in a single type of facility often impossible. Couples who have been married a long time usually do not want to be separated under any circumstance...

    2. Does SSI help with funeral expenses?

      Answer - There is no funeral benefit for recipients of Supplemental Security Income (SSI) benefits. The purpose of SSI benefits is to provide a floor against poverty by providing a set benefit amount for current needs, like food and housing. To qualify for the payment, the person must have low income and few assets...

  17. Saturday August 22, 2009

    1. How can I get my father to be more active?

      Answer - Getting a senior to be active can take a lot of creativity, planning, and support on your part. Often the senior has been moved from the community that he has known and the friends or acquaintances of many years. Sometimes they have medical, psychological or memory issues that also contribute to their reluctance to get out of their comfort zone...

  18. Monday August 03, 2009

    1. How do I move her to assisted living?

      Answer - Moving someone with dementia is difficult, but often necessary for their health and well-being. There are some excellent dementia specific assisted living facilities where the staff is trained to work with persons with dementia. The activities and generally the layout for the facilities are focused on the needs and behaviors of persons with dementia...

  19. Tuesday June 09, 2009

    1. Is there a facility for COPD hospice care?

      Answer - Services may be made available in your home to assist your wife in her advanced stages of COPD. Palliative care or hospice care may be the next step to consider in providing COPD caregiving. If you want to know more about these services especially for persons with advanced COPD, there are articles on the web, most of them very clinical...

  20. Wednesday June 03, 2009

    1. How can we reconnect our marriage now that MIL is in a nursing home

      Answer - Thanks for the service to your mother-in-law. I would highly encourage you and your husband to celebrate the efforts you made in the past with caring for her and the continuing efforts you are making to visit her and to have her receive care in a facility that can provide the services she needs...

  21. Wednesday May 13, 2009

    1. Are there tax deductions for assisted living care?

      Answer - Tax deductions for both caregivers and assisted living can be made under the right circumstances and with the proper documentation. It’s common knowledge that you can deduct the cost of medical expenses if they exceed 7.5% of your Adjusted Gross Inco...