Martha Clark Scala

Caring.com Expert

About

Martha Clark Scala has been a psychotherapist in private practice since 1992, with offices in both Palo Alto and San Francisco, California. In addition to working with individuals and couples, she delivers workshops and regularly writes on topics including grief and loss, the necessity of self-care, and the challenges of substance abuse.

Her nonfiction and poetry can be found in We Need Not Walk Alone: After the Death of a Child (The Compassionate Friends), Porter Gulch Review 2008 , and at her website. Scala also appears in The California Therapist, SCV-CAMFT News, and she publishes an e-newsletter, "Out on a Limb," which is available to subscribers through her website.

She has also mentored many professionals in both her writing and helping careers, launching the Mentoring Program for the San Francisco-Peninsula Branch of the California Writers Club in 2004.

Links

Recently Published on Caring.com

  1. Wednesday November 18, 2009

    1. Is It Normal to Wish I Could End My Own Life After My Loved One Has Died?

      Answer - In a word, yes. A lot of people don't like to admit that, in the aftermath of their loss, they wish they could end their own life, but that just might be the most undocumented response to grief.

    2. What if I Don't Feel Sad After a Loved One's Death?

      Answer - Not necessarily. Everyone responds to loss in a different way.

  2. Wednesday September 23, 2009

    1. How Do I Take Care of Myself While I'm Grieving?

      Answer - First, be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Your body, mind, and spirit are all weathering a shock. Grief is often described as a syndrome with intense emotional responses. But grief can pack a mighty punch even beyond emotions: There are cognitive, physical, and spiritual effects, too.

    2. Am I experiencing grief or depression?

      Answer - It's easy to confuse grief with depression. The reason for this is that a number of symptoms of bereavement -- the grief commonly experienced when someone close to you has died or is dying -- are the same as those reported by people who are clinically depressed.

  3. Tuesday September 08, 2009

    1. How do you comfort someone who is dying?

      Question - Your predicament brings The Serenity Prayer to mind. Many people in powerless situations, whatever their view of religion or whether they embrace any religion at all, report that simply repeating this prayer to themselves offers some solace:

  4. Monday August 31, 2009

    1. How Can I Speed up the Grieving Process?

      Answer - While each person has a unique way of grieving and expressing grief, there are a number of tried-and-true steps you can use to help speed up the process. It's important not to be in too much of a rush -- grief must actually be experienced -- or you may end up delaying the satisfying sense of resolution you're seeking...

  5. Wednesday August 19, 2009

    1. How Do I Interview a Grief Therapist?

      Answer - When first meeting with a grief therapist that you're considering hiring, focus your questions in two areas: practical concerns, such as location and costs; and personal concerns about the practice and the therapist, such as his or her style of therapy and what to expect from it.

  6. Friday July 31, 2009

    1. Is It Normal Not to Feel Social After Someone Close to Me Has Died?

      Answer - You might expect that extroverts would want to be around other people while they grieve. But even the most gregarious extroverts have been known to bow out of social situations while they're mourning. This is considered a normal response to grief, especially in the initial months after a loss.

    2. How Do I Find a Grief Counselor?

      Answer - Try any or all of the following suggestions to find a list of grief counselors you may wish to see.

  7. Friday July 10, 2009

    1. When Am I Going to Be Able to Stop Grieving and Start Feeling Better?

      Answer - It depends. There are a number of factors that might contribute to how long it takes to feel better again. The most common include:

  8. Friday May 08, 2009

    1. Can my mother's psychologist communicate with me if I don't have power of attorney for healthcare?

      Answer - Legally, you cannot get information from your mother's psychologist about her condition unless you have either:

  9. Thursday April 16, 2009

    1. How do I tell my 16 year old that I am dying?

      Answer - No matter what you say and when you say it, this conversation is likely to be difficult. However, it is a conversation that needs to happen sooner rather than later. Consider first telling your 16 year-old what it is that makes your death imminent. (For example, "I have cancer." or "I have an inoperable tumor...

  10. Tuesday February 17, 2009

    1. What can I do if my family decides not to notify me of my loved one's hospitalization?

      Answer - It depends. What has happened among you and your family members so that they don't want you to know about your loved one's hospitalization?

  11. Tuesday January 13, 2009

    1. How do we help my brother overcome his grief?

      Answer - Many grieving individuals turn to substances such as alcohol or prescription painkillers to dull their emotional pain. Unfortunately, this "medicine" can become a bigger problem than the grief itself.

  12. Friday December 26, 2008

    1. How do I talk to my elderly father about dying?

      Question - You will need to tap into your own experience and instincts on this. Some people anticipating their death--either due to illness, injury, or age--want to talk about it. Some people really don't. Sometimes it's necessary to have these types of conversations whether the person wants to or not...

  13. Friday October 17, 2008

    1. My father died. Is he still watching over me?

      Answer - You have no idea how often this question is asked. Grieving is hard enough, but if we know that those who have died are able to watch over us, it sure does ease the pain. The problem, to some people, is that there is no way of proving, without a doubt, the presence of the deceased. For example, naysayers argue that it's all a figment of the imagination...

  14. Wednesday October 08, 2008

    1. How can I help my father cope with the grief of my mother passing away?

      Answer - It must be tough to witness your dad's suffering at the same time that you are still grieving the loss of your mother. It's a lot to manage.It sounds as if your mom, in caring for your dad, was an emotional anchor for him. Now that his anchor is gone, it really is like he's a ship adrift in a vast ocean...

  15. Thursday October 02, 2008

    1. My family had a disagreement over my mom's final arrangements. How can I help ease this conflict?

      Answer - How unfortunate that in the aftermath of your Mom's death, you must face your son's wrath, too. It's not clear whether your Mom made her wishes for the disposition of her body clear before she died. If she explicitly asked to be cremated, and you and your sister carried out her wishes, they really should trump your son's preferences...

  16. Tuesday September 09, 2008

    1. How can I help my father, a paraplegic and alcoholic, who is refusing all assistance?

      Answer - It must be painful to witness your father's self-destruction. And your question underscores how utterly powerless loved ones can be in the face of alcohol addiction. It's not clear whether your father was an alcoholic before becoming a paraplegic, but it sounds as if his alcohol intake has worsened in the past six years...

    2. How can I help my father, a paraplegic and alcoholic, who is refusing all assistance?

      Question - It must be painful to witness your father's self-destruction. And your question underscores how utterly powerless loved ones can be in the face of alcohol addiction. It's not clear whether your father was an alcoholic before becoming a paraplegic, but it sounds as if his alcohol intake has worsened in the past six years...

    3. How can I help my mother deal with the lumps in her breasts?

      Answer - It may be that all you really can do is nothing. You could respectfully express your unhappiness and concern about your mom's decision, but it may not change her mind. It is indeed unfortunate that without an MRI, you don't know if her breast lumps are benign or malignant, and if they are malignant, how aggressive the cancer is, or not...

    4. How can I help my mother deal with the lumps in her breasts?

      Question - It may be that all you really can do is nothing. You could respectfully express your unhappiness and concern about your mom's decision, but it may not change her mind. It is indeed unfortunate that without an MRI, you don't know if her breast lumps are benign or malignant, and if they are malignant, how aggressive the cancer is, or not...

  17. Tuesday September 02, 2008

    1. What can I do help my brother, who has terminal lung cancer and refuses hospice services?

      Answer - This must be an incredibly difficult situation for you and yours. It sounds as if your brother is quite adamant about not wanting to be a burden to anyone in his final months of life. It also sounds like he has made these decisions based on how he feels, both physically and emotionally, at least right now... 1 Comment

    2. What can I do help my brother, who has terminal lung cancer and refuses hospice services?

      Question - This must be an incredibly difficult situation for you and yours. It sounds as if your brother is quite adamant about not wanting to be a burden to anyone in his final months of life. It also sounds like he has made these decisions based on how he feels, both physically and emotionally, at least right now...

  18. Thursday August 21, 2008

    1. How do we deal with my father-in-law's denial that his wife is dying?

      Question - Unless someone else has been authorized to make decisions for your mother-in-law's care in an advance directive or other legal document, doctors will look to your father-in-law for decisions about her care, and it sounds as if he is not ready to let her go.