Kay Paggi

Caring.com Expert

About

As a licensed professional counselor, certified gerontological counselor, and certified geriatric care manager, Kay Paggi has provided empathetic and experienced assistance to older adults and their families for nearly 20 years. Her background includes facilitating support groups and educational seminars for adults providing care for their aging parents. She is the originator of a brain-stimulating group activity for older adults called Mental Aerobics that has been studied by researchers at the University of North Texas on two occasions.

A professional geriatric care manager in private practice, Paggi is also an adviser for Trinity Learning Center productions, which creates educational videos for staff of long-term care facilities. She has also been on the advisory board of the Emeritus Program at Richland College since 1963. She has a master's degree in counseling from the University of North Texas.

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Recently Published on Caring.com

  1. Sunday September 18, 2011

    1. What kind of care should we expect for my grandmother with Alzheimer's in her rehab facility?

      Answer - Hopefully others will read your question and get the message: GET PERMISSION FROM THE PERSON WITH ALZHEIMERS TO SPEAK TO MEDICAL PROVIDERS BEFORE YOU NEED IT.

  2. Sunday September 11, 2011

    1. How can I stop my father from canceling more in-home care hours?

      Answer - Legally, unless you are his Power of Attorney, you cannot prevent him from cancelling in home care. For him, companions in his home probably represent reminders that he is no longer manly and capable of being his own master, and able to care for himself and his wife. These are big parts of a man's self-esteem...

  3. Friday August 26, 2011

    1. How do we help my mother with dementia adjust to life in the nursing home?

      Answer - The transition into long term care is difficult for both the patient and her family, perhaps more so with a dementia patient because they can't understand what is happening. I'm so sorry you've had this sad experience - but it is easy to fix.

  4. Thursday August 18, 2011

    1. How long should it take for my mother with Alzheimer's adjust to her new home?

      Answer - You are right. Limit your visits and calls.

    2. How can I find out what kind of care facility my mother needs?

      Answer - Your decision is actually more complex than it appears. Dementia is always a downward progression, so your mother is going to get worse. You therefore need to find a facility that provides care for someone with dementia that will be able to continue that care as her disease progresses.

    3. How do we get our aunt and uncle to seek the proper care they need?

      Answer - It is difficult when someone you love appears to be making poor decisions. This is the time for you to step back and re-evaluate your place in their lives.

  5. Saturday August 13, 2011

    1. My husband and I need to move, but with Mom's Alzheimer's it seems impossible; is it wrong to put her in a nursing home?

      Answer - I do not have a foolproof crystal ball that predicts future care needs of the people I love. I suspect you do not, either. Therefore any "promises" you made to keep mom home with you "no matter what" are irrational. Irrational vows, made in ignorance, are non-enforceable. Period.

    2. Is there someone who will come to my parents home and assess their care needs?

      Answer - Coming to an older person's home and doing an assessment of potential problems there makes the most sense - and the likelihood of having such an in-home assessment funded by the state varies across the nation. You might try contacting their primary care physician, and asking if he will write an order...

  6. Monday August 08, 2011

    1. What should I do about my sibling complains about caregiving but doesn't let me help?

      Answer - Sounds like you are really frustrated! I think your sibling cannot 'let go' of caregiving enough to share tasks with you. Here is what you can do to help: LISTEN. Just listen. Do not offer advice. Listen. She may be so overwhelmed that what is needed is simply someone to unload onto, someone to listen without being judgmental or trying to second guess...

  7. Sunday August 07, 2011

    1. Should we wait until my mother in in a nursing home before selling her house?

      Answer - Your mother has dementia, so she is going to be upset when you sell her house, whenever that is. Best to move her now, then tell her it is temporary, just until the plumbing or the roof or whatever is repaired. And NEVER tell her that her beloved home is gone. She doesn't need to know.

    2. Should I Mom remain home with a caregiver, or move to a newer place with a caregiver?

      Answer - It sounds like your mother has a mild dementia. If so, she will feel safer in her familiar environment, no matter its condition. It is then up to you to determine whether she lives in a safe place or not. If she has any dementia, it is progressive, and she will need more care as time goes on.

    3. Is Mom's dementia bad enough for her to be ready for asssited living?

      Answer - Your mother is more than ready to go into some form of assisted living, where the effects of her disease on her physical health will be minimized. Most 'memory units' are licensed as assisted living, and many are part of a larger facility that includes various levels of assisted living.

  8. Saturday July 02, 2011

    1. I don't now if I trust my brother to care for my mom with dementia, but should I let him anyway?

      Answer - You do not have many options at this time. It may help you to understand that people with dementia do not make reasonable decisions based on logic and the information they have. This area of the brain is one that is lost early in the dementing process...

  9. Sunday June 26, 2011

    1. My father is getting overwhelmed with mother's care -- what should we do?

      Answer - What 'stage' of the disease your mother is in is not the issue; your question is, How long will this go on? How long will she live? Researchers believe that the average length of the course is about 18 years, but that varies wildly from one individual to another...

    2. How can get get care for my grandmother that we can afford?

      Answer - YES, you do have a choice. It is illegal for a nursing home to throw granny under a bridge. They can transfer her to a place that can care for her but they cannot simply escort her to the door and push her out. Call the Ombudsman in your county immediately and report that you are threatened by the nursing home...

    3. How do I get my father to realize he needs help caring for my mother?

      Answer - From my professional perspective, I believe that what older adults want most of all is for their lives to continue as they have lived them. Using that as a frame of reference, what you father is saying is that he does not WANT to need help with your mother...

  10. Tuesday June 14, 2011

    1. How do I know when my mother needs full time care?

      Answer - As long as your can call you on the phone, she is not dying. She has a long way to go before dying of dementia. People in the late stages do not know who they are or what a telephone is, and they certainly cannot cook.

    2. We are very unhappy with the level of care at dad's current nursing home, what should our next steps be?

      Answer - Call you local Ombudsman, every county in the U.S. has an Ombudsman. These are the liaison between nursing homes and their residents. A bad report from the Ombudsman can hurt the reimbursement rate from Medicare, so nursing homes staff are careful not to have an bad report. http://www.ltcombudsman...

    3. How do I go about getting the right care for my father?

      Answer - I am not a doctor or nurse; I am a geriatric care manager with almost 20 years of experience assisting families with older relatives improve their lives. My advice is to have an appointment with a geriatrician. This is a physician that has taken advanced training on how to work with older bodies...

  11. Thursday May 26, 2011

    1. Considering my parents health, how can they live in a hotel for two to three months?

      Answer - Both of your parents would do better in an assisted living community than in their house, or an apartment. Both of them need nursing supervision. Ask the insurance company to pay for their care in the assisted living during the time of the mold clean up, and after that, it's up to your family...

    2. How can I resolve the conflict with my sisters around mom's care?

      Answer - Wow - It sounds like you have truly tried to help your family situation, and you've done some excellent research. I am a geriatric mediator - but mediators can't help unless the parties are ready to talk.

  12. Saturday May 21, 2011

    1. How should I prepare for my mother's return home from the hospital?

      Answer - This may be the time to make the decision to leave your mother at the nursing home, if they have long term care. Your mother may have adjusted to living there, and the return to your home will require another transition. For people with Alzheimer's, structure is very important; their environment and the daily routine need to be consistent...

    2. Can a person start expecting too much help?

      Answer - Yes, definitely. This often happens as a result of family doing for an elder things they are capable of doing themselves. After a while, the elder then expects these things done for them. When caregivers do too much, they may rob an older person of dignity and self respect...

  13. Saturday May 14, 2011

    1. Where can someone receive help for caring for their ex-husband?

      Answer - Your friend is going the extra mile by caring for care for her ex-husband. While she deserves extra credit, she probably will not get it, at least no financially. Any property her ex has is his alone, and she has no share in it. So if she ha used her personal funds to pay for his care, that is money gone that she will not be re-compensated for...

    2. Could a home health aid help me with with paying my bills?

      Answer - Mild Cognitive Impairment, or MCI, is a possible precursor to dementia. This means that you have a higher risk of developing a dementia, perhaps Alzheimer's disease, than other people. It also means that you have impaired short term memory now and some deficits in your ability to make good decisions...