Jonathan Rosenfeld

Caring.com Expert

About

Jonathan Rosenfeld is a psychotherapist in private practice in San Francisco.

Recently Published on Caring.com

  1. Friday November 28, 2008

    1. What can I do to protect my mother and her finances from her abusive husband?

      Answer - Based on the information you've presented, you have a most urgent situation on your hands. It's critical to get your mother evaluated by a Geriatric Neuro-Psychologist immediately. Delays might diminish your mother's prognosis and potentially extend her suffering unnecessarily...

  2. Wednesday September 24, 2008

    1. How can I deal with my increasingly embarrassing mother in public?

      Answer - Let's start by addressing your mother's health. Anytime you notice a striking shift in someone's behavior, particularly an elderly person's, you should rule out medical issues. It's easy to forget about medical issues, because they're often invisible. If your mother has not had a full medical exam recently, see if you can arrange for one... 1 Comment

  3. Friday September 19, 2008

    1. How do I help remedy a sibling conflict about our dad's care?

      Answer - It must be very stressful to be in a family where one member can be "beaten up" by others. Was this a unique event or has this been going on for years in one form or another? If so, is it always the same person who gets ganged up on, or does the victim change every time...

    2. How can I get my 85 year old father to stop yelling at my mother?

      Answer - It's great that you're concerned about your mother and want to protect her. I hope you'll be able to accomplish this -- both for her sake and for the sake of their marriage.

  4. Thursday August 28, 2008

    1. I don't like my mother, but I love her. Is there anything I can do to improve our relationship?

      Answer - It sounds like your mother has succeeded in getting her needs met while mistreating first you and then your step-dad. To the extent the two of you have sanctioned her behavior by ignoring the mistreatment and doing her bidding, she has had no motivation to change. 4 Comments

  5. Thursday July 17, 2008

    1. How can I get over my anger at my mother regarding my father's care?

      Answer - It is understandable that your affection and distress for your father are making it difficult to see your mother in a compassionate light. At the same time, it's important to accept that we can hold powerful and contradictory emotions. In other words...

  6. Monday July 14, 2008

    1. My brother and I are adults, but when it comes to taking care of my mother, we fall right back into the roles we had as children.

      Answer - Family dynamics are often more powerful than we realize: it can be very hard to change patterns that are decades old. I suspect that passive communication with your brother will not work. If you step back to give your brother a chance to do more, he might not notice, even though to you the shift is dramatic...

    2. How do I deal with my wife's resentment over the time I spend with my elderly father?

      Answer - Your father is fortunate to have a son so committed to his well-being. Striking a balance between caring for aging parents and being there for your own family is never a simple matter. When we talk about the right way to care for ailing elders, there are no perfect answers, because what we're really...

  7. Monday July 07, 2008

    1. How can I persuade my siblings to visit my mother, who has Alzheimer's, more often?

      Answer - You are clearly approaching this situation from a place of concern for your mother, yourself, and your siblings, and that's important. Still, I wonder why you feel a need to persuade your siblings to see your mother. On it's face, the answer may be obvious, but it's important to avoid moralizing and imposing our values on others...

    2. Why does my mother-in-law make us feel guilty when we leave her?

      Answer - In my experience, if you're perplexed by someone's behavior, it's almost always good to pose a direct question. Of course, it's important to actually ask a question, rather than make an accusation in the guise of a question. You might ask your mother-in-law how it is for her when you leave her alone...

  8. Thursday June 12, 2008

    1. How do I handle my elderly mother who doesn't want me to travel at all?

      Answer - Advice about traveling when you're caring for your aging parent. 1 Comment

  9. Thursday May 15, 2008

    1. How can I help convince my mother that it's time to move into a retirement community?

      Answer - This sounds like a very difficult situation for you and your family. From your mother's perspective, she doesn't want to move nor does she see the necessity. She may not be taking you seriously when you challenge her. After all, she's been saying for years that she is "going to get better and start doing more for herself...

  10. Tuesday April 15, 2008

    1. My mom, who cares for my dad with Alzheimer's, has developed a gambling problem. How can I help?

      Answer - What a tough situation!

    2. How do I resolve a family conflict so I can visit my mother?

      Answer - If I understand you correctly, there are a total of four siblings. Your second oldest sister and her husband live with your mother and your sister is now estranged from you, your brother, and your oldest sister.

  11. Thursday February 07, 2008

    1. How can I get my brother to help out more in caring for our mother?

      Answer - Family dynamics are often more powerful than we realize: it can be very hard to change patterns that are decades old. I suspect that passive communication with your brother will not work. If you step back to give your brother a chance to do more, he might not notice, even though to you the shift is dramatic...

  12. Wednesday November 21, 2007

    1. Since he lost his license, my father seems to have lost all interest in life. What can I do?

      Answer - It isn't uncommon for elderly people to lapse into depression when they can no longer drive, and it sounds like that's what's going on with your father. If you can consider the situation from your father's perspective, you'll be less baffled by his behavior and better able to help...

  13. Monday November 12, 2007

    1. Should I bring my four-year-old to my father's funeral?

      Answer - In general, I think it's a good idea for your daughter to attend the service. Participating in a celebration of your father's life will help her accept and grieve the loss, and as you point out, it will give her a fuller picture of who your father was...