Deborah Cooke

Caring.com Expert

About

Deborah Cooke, MS, is a gerontologist specializing in dementia and delirium care, the aging experience, caregiver stress, intergenerational programming, senior fitness, and palliative care. She is a certified dementia care provider and specialist through the Alzheimer's Foundation of America. She has 18 years of experience working with the aging and caregiver communities.

Cooke currently is Project Manager for Beth Abraham Family of Health Services, Comprehensive Care Management (www.bethabe.org). She is working to develop processes that support client care delivery in the community. She previously was the Elder Life Specialist developing and managing multidisciplinary programs to enhance mental, physical, and emotional well-being for hospitalized seniors and other vulnerable patients at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital in New York City.

Cooke has a bachelor's degree in kinesiology and health and a graduate certificate in gerontology from Georgia State University, and a master's degree in management (currently known as an executive MPA) from New York University. Her management skills include strategic planning, project management, program development, performance improvement, education and human resources management.

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Recently Published on Caring.com

  1. Wednesday October 19, 2011

    1. How should I tell medical professionals that Mom can no longer answer their questions?

      Answer - This is an interesting dilemma. Informing the doctors and nurses of the dementia is definitely necessary. Any medical professional should be obtaining and completing a very thorough history and physical with her. You can ask to sit in on this, as long as it is OK with your mother...

  2. Monday October 10, 2011

    1. Should I let my mother with dementia sleep all day?

      Answer - Sleep changes in dementia individuals is not uncommon, even though it is extremely frustrating. Ask yourself these questions:

    2. My mother forgets to turn off the faucet after she uses it, what should I do?

      Answer - Goodness. This one is tough. I've been racking my brain to come up with some ideas. My best suggestion is to try posting notes around the sink and bathroom door. Write it in bold large letters. Also, you may consider adding a picture to the note to help her understand the task at hand a little bit better...

  3. Wednesday September 07, 2011

    1. Where can I find an activity center in my area for individuals mildly affected with Alzheimer's?

      Answer - Hi. I'm glad to hear you are thinking of alternatives to provide an active and productive lifestyle for your spouse.

  4. Tuesday August 09, 2011

    1. How can I manage the stress of caregiving for someone with sundown syndrome?

      Answer - Cathy, all of your feelings are completely valid and normal. I'm so happy to hear you are seeking professional health. Talking to someone is very important, be it a friend or a professional.

  5. Tuesday July 19, 2011

    1. How can I cope with my mother's dementia and difficult behaviors?

    2. What are the issues around sexual activity in nursing homes for individuals with dementia?

      Answer - Hi. I answered a similar question a while ago. You can reference that.

  6. Monday July 18, 2011

    1. Should I feel guilty for being unhappy with my caregiving situation?

      Answer - I'm glad that my words helped. You also may seek out a formal support group for those caring for loved ones. There are lots of them out there that people really don't know. Try starting with the Alzheimer's Association at www.alz.org.

  7. Friday July 15, 2011

    1. How can I help my mother to tell me when she is hungry?

      Answer - As we get older we tend to eat and drink less. This has obvious repercussions. Your mother does need to eat and stay hydrated! If she has any kind of memory deficit, expressing she is hungry or knowing she is hungry is difficult.

    2. Should I feel guilty for being unhappy with my caregiving situation?

      Answer - You should not feel guilty; however, I think every caregiver does. Your other health issues certainly do not help your sanity either. If you aren't already, please seek the help of a regular professional so you can work with all these issues. It's especially important right now.

  8. Thursday July 14, 2011

    1. How can I handle the stress of my father's rapid decline?

      Answer - I can hear your sadness and anxiety in your words. You are not alone in feeling this way. Every caregiver goes through it. You have every right to feel the way you do. Never feel like you can't express your feelings. I wouldn't express these with your father, but find a confidant to listen, cry, or scream with you...

    2. Is losing track of time a symptom of dementia?

      Answer - Hi. I hear your frustration very clearly. It sounds like you do have some real and very valid concerns.

  9. Wednesday July 13, 2011

    1. Is there a clock that indicates AM and PM for my father-in-law with Alzheimer's?

      Answer - Gosh. This is a good question. Most of them have the very small light on the left indicating the am or pm, not very friendly. I did a quick search of this and found this one. It's pricey, but may be worth it. The pm is on the left hand side, not the obvious choice on the right...

  10. Tuesday July 12, 2011

    1. How do I convince my mother with dementia that her dreams aren't real?

      Answer - It sounds like your mother is convinced her dream is real. Unfortunately, telling her otherwise will not help. As you can see, it's only making her angrier. When a person develops dementia, her reality and feelings are hers, despite how crazy and frustrating it is for others. It's impossible to rationalize...

  11. Friday June 24, 2011

    1. How can I cope with my mother's dementia and difficult behaviors?

      Answer - I hear your pain. Every caregiver has experienced at least one, if not all, these issues. You are not alone. It sounds like you have tried very hard to help her and you likely made the right decision to place her somewhere.

    2. What is the difference between frontotemporal dementia and Alzhiemer's disease?

      Answer - Dementia is a very broad category. Frontotemporal and Alzheimer's are a few "types" of dementia. Different types of dementia depend on the clinical process. Frontotemporal is your husband's clinical process. Alzheimer's is another clinical process.

  12. Friday May 20, 2011

    1. How can we help my mother regain her confidence?

      Answer - This is a very frustrating experience for all. If this has been something that has been going for a while, especially in their younger years, then it will be hard to break the habit. He may be acting out of his own frustration. I think some awareness, education, sensitivity training, and support group involvement may be helpful...

  13. Wednesday May 04, 2011

    1. Should I be worried about my husband's recent obsession with is own body?

      Answer - I'm sure this behavior is shocking and uncomfortable for you. It more than likely is a part of his dementia process. As long as he isn't causing anyone harm, he is OK. It's when others' safety is compromised that this is not good. We are all sexual beings and those needs and desires still need to be filled, someway...

    2. Is there a way to enjoy my respite time and help my husband get past his anger at me?

      Answer - I'm sure this is not what you expected going into your marriage. (My husband and I are 20 years apart and I always wonder: if and when.) You have every right to be frustrated and in need of respite. Allow yourself to have these emotions. It's OK!

  14. Thursday March 31, 2011

    1. How can we get my dad, who has Alzheimer's, to put in his hearing aids himself?

      Answer - Hi. You must be frustrated, as is anyone who tries to communicate with your father.

  15. Monday November 29, 2010

    1. How do I judge that Mom is no longer able to perform a...

      Answer - From what you have said, your mom does not have the ability to perform this task on her own. ADLs typically indicate decline in function; however, they can improve with rehabilitation from physical and occupational therapy. When a person is asked about ADLs, it typically falls under three categories: independent, help (even a little), and unable...

    2. Dad thinks Mom someone else - how do we handle this?

      Answer - Delusions are very difficult for everyone to handle. I have never heard of Capgras, so you have taught me something.

  16. Monday August 23, 2010

    1. How does moving affect dementia?

      Answer - It is admirable of you and your family to share the caregiving of your mother as well as her love. However, I do not recommend moving her from place to place. For persons with dementia, stability and routine are very important, especially as the disease progresses. So, moving does effect dementia...

  17. Tuesday August 10, 2010

    1. Should an Alzheimer's patient be moved between facilities?

      Answer - I would avoid moving an Alzheimer's patient from facility to facility. You may encounter situations that may be appropriate for this to take place, such as abuse or moving them closer to you (if it's a dramatic distance.

  18. Thursday June 24, 2010

    1. Did we make the right decision, putting our parents in assisted living?

      Answer - Hi Kay. I can hear your enormous stress in your words. You have every right to feel stressed out and really need to take care of yourself first. If you aren't in the right frame of mind, no one else with you will be. Additionally, the stress you are feeling likely is stronger because your parents...