How Do You Spend Your Caregiving Time ?

Is "nagging" the wrong answer?  LOL 

I totally see what you're saying, Lisa.  My mom said to me on Easter, "It's nice to just sit and talk to you." and I thought to myself, "she's nuts, we talk all the time!".  But she's right.  We talk in the car on the way somewhere or on the phone while I'm getting the kids ready for school, etc.  We rarely ever just sit with each other and visit.

Great discussion!

Oh interesting!  I've given up trying to fix my dad, so yesterday it occured to me to just call up and say hello - rather then -  oh have to call Dad and see if he did xy and z.   We had a really nice conversation.   Geez...  sometimes  I need to take my own advice too. 

Amazing how all these lives have the same issues.  My mom and I rarely just sit and talk.  We do watch TV together, and we like to watch reruns of Murder she Wrote.  We are planning a trip to a wedding shower at the end of the month.  Instead of finding a sitter, we are taking her with us.  We also try to take her out to dinner at least once a week.  It is really nice to just sit and chat with her.  I also try to get her talking about our geneology.  Might as well get memories while we can.  My husband and I share the Dr. visit duties so I do get a break.  Since we take her to her home for the days and she spends nights with us, it has given rise to more conversations.  She comes in the living room while I practice piano, and she watches basketball and golf with my husband.  I think when my mom passes, I will be grateful for these last 7 years. 

I find myself working alot when I go over to my parents' house. It's hard, but I have to ask my other sibilings (the ones who only seem to sit and visit, and not do household chores) to help with household chores, so that I can get a chance to be a part of the conversations. Otherwise, I feel slighted and resentful, like "Here I've been cleaning for weeks to get ready for the out-of-towners, and they get all the credit for visiting with my parents."  And my siblings don't see the reality of things.

I think it comes from having things look like everything is hunky-dorey, when it's that way because of all my work, not my parents'. So my visiting siblings don't see the mess, and so they don't realize what my parents do or don't do for themselves. So, sometimes, I give myself a break, and let the house look a mess for someone's visit. Then my siblings really see what's been going on, and what I've been doing to help.

That's a really interesting perspective Bell star.  Thanks so much for sharing your experience!    And good for you for giving yourself a break.  No one person can do it all and others need to know that. 

Annie, I smiled when I saw what you wrote about watching re-runs of Murder She Wrote together because that's one way that my mom and I do spend some bonding time. We don't watch that particular show but we both watch the same soap opera as well as a few other shows (like Oprah) and it's nice to have that in common. She also knows which subjects I'm interested in so she'll often call to tell me about a show that's coming on that I might want to tape. In fact, a few days ago she called to tell me about the documentary "Caring for Your Parents" that was coming on PBS. I went straight to my TIVO and set it up to record .