Explaining death of grandparents to children

One of the benefits of being married to woman with a degree in Child Development is that I can ask her about such things as we encounter them. She took a whole class on this subject so it's clearly a very complicated matter.

But when I talked to her about it, she boiled it down to two key things:

• For young kids, make your explanation concrete. Avoid ambiguity or uncertaintity for that is the root of the fear of death at an early age.
• Give them an answer you believe in so that you can achieve the above.

Also, you can consider getting them a book or two that broaches this subject to help them process their grief. A quick search on amazon turned up this list of books [amazon.com]. Depending on your particular religious beliefs, I'm sure you could find one that incorporates those.

Also, there's quite a few books for adults [amazon.com] on this subject too, assuming you have advanced warning and the presence of mind to read them before you need them.

I'm sorry for your loss and wish you the best.

(hug)

My children are young and I really agree with Chris in that our explanations have to be concrete.  When my parents' dog died (forgive me, I know it's not hte same as a loved one) we told them that Holly's body was old and sick and stopped working.  I also told her that she knew we loved her and we'll always love her in our hearts.  I know as they get older and we start talking about family members, it'll be more difficult.  But so far, this approached as worked. 

What I find so interesting, though, is that the death of Holly will come up at the most random times.  We'll be at dinner, chatting about our days and eating when one of the girls will say just as plainly as stating the date, "Holly died."  My husband and I will acknowlege it and say "Yes.  And I miss her."  Usually that's the extent of it.  It just surprises me how often this tidbit floats through their little minds.

The other thing that's happened is that my 4 year old has started assessing everyone.  The other day she asked my mom, "Why are you so old?" (don't you love kids' honestly?)  Her next question was "are you sick?"  My mom didn't put those two things together, but when she told mer about Miss Twenty Questions, I knew exactly what she was doing.  My daughter was wondering if my mom was meeting the criteria of "old, sick and body doesn't work."    That broke my heart a little.  But such is life...and death, I guess.  It can be a tough topic for everyone, no matter your age.