Poll: Do your siblings/family help enough?

Hi Missy,

I took care of my grandparents alone..At first I was resentful of them for not putting forth any effort to help me..I had to quit my job because they required so much help..I guess you could say I was lucky to be able to quit but at the time it didn't feel that way..I loved my work and with a little help I could have kept working..

After a while I wasn't resentful anymore..I really got to a point that it was normal to do everything I did..

You have to keep in mind that I cared for them for 21 years so that makes a huge difference I think..

Hi Missy,

Thank You for the opportunity to vent!  My family consists of my Mother who has COPD, Autoimmune Hepatitis, and Myelodysplasia.  My brother was in a motorcycle accident in 1995, his right arm was amputated, and he has chronic pain due to brachio plexus injury to his spinal chord.  His pain medications  cause loss of memory, inability to reason simple problems, he forgets to eat and care for himself.

I love my mother and brother more than my life itself, but there are days when I want to go out into our backyard and scream til I have no voice left.  My mother's illnesses are not her fault, its the hand she has been dealt.  But I am angry that she is sick. I am angry that these diseases (COPD and Myelodysplasia) could take her life, so I enjoy every moment with her that I can.  She and I get along "like two peas in a pod" as the saying goes.

But my brother knew when he left that New Years eve party on a rainy night, he shouldve stayed.  His decision has effected both my Mom's life and mine. Taking care of Mom is difficult enough, but (God Forgive Me) sometimes I resent having to take care of my brother.  I resent it and I feel guilty and helpless.  I am grateful that there are days when he can leave the house and go to his friends, if anything it gives Mom and I peace for awhile.  My brother and I get along together, but we are as different as night and day... He sleeps most of the day away, and is up and awake most of the night... Well, caregiving gets overwhelming when I am awake during the day to care for Mom, and awake part of the night caring for him as well. 

I am here caregiving my family on my own.   Somedays, it feels quite a lonely place to be in this life.  I have no other family to help.  I feel like I'm losing my sanity due to the stress.

I feel so guilty that I feel so much resentment.  I don't have a life outside of caregiving for my family.  Its beginning to take it's toll on me.  I realize I need to get out on my own but its very difficult when someone wants to be near you all day everyday...Anyway...

Its an honor that God sees me as someone strong enough to deal with this situation.  Mom has always told me " If you think you have it so bad...There is someone out there in the world who wishes they're life was/is as easy as yours."  I pray for those who are caregiving to their loved ones, it makes me feel like I'm not the only one."

Oh Sonni, you've got so much on your plate. How could you not feel resentful sometimes? Sure, there are other people whose lives are difficult, but that fact doesn't minimize your burden -- nor should it invalidate your feelings.

I just read your responses to robb, another caregiver whose mother has COPD, and I was almost moved to tears. You gave such insightful advice about carving out time for yourself...please heed your own words and don't give into your guilt! Getting out on your own is essential.

You can think of it as necessary self-care: if you don't nourish and replenish yourself, you won't be able to care for your family.

Much love to you.