Mother (82) stroke victim - Angry ill Father (89) posted by icyview @ 05:55 AM October 30, 2008

icyview — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 05:55:17 -0000

Hi Anonymous,

I have a question about your mother. If she is totally dependent and you work, who takes care of her during your work hours. My mother is 87 and has had a major stroke with paralysis on her left side and is also incontinent and on a PEG tube (she has dysphagia). She has been in a nursing home for 3 months and has not gained any physical rehabilitation, she has declined. I am trying to figure out how I can afford to hire even 'bottom of the barrel' aides while I am at work. My Mom gets no mental stimulation at the nursing home and I am the only one that visits her. I am also around 60 and still have to work.

Very sorry about your Dad. I have a cousin that takes care of her 93 year old Mom and is treated a lot like you are relating. She is also very stressed about it. She takes her Mom out a lot and physically cares for her, but it seems that whatever she does, it is never 'enough'. ( I have heard that whatever your personality is while young, it only intensifies in old age). She is thinking about 'recategorizing' her relationship with her Mom.. from Mother -daughter soley to include Mother ( as child) -daughter ( as Mother) also. She seems to be making boundaries between herself and her Mom as she did with her own kids and not feeling guilty about it.

If you can respond about how you take care of your Mom, I would really appreciate it.

Mother (82) stroke victim - Angry ill Father (89) posted by LauraL @ 04:01 AM October 02, 2008

LauraL — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 04:01:21 -0000

Hi Anonymous! Wow, I don't envy you. I'm so sorry that your father is being difficult.

Do you think that perhaps it would be beneficial to you to get some help with the caregiving? Find someone else to come in and do some days so that you get a break, and perhaps you could find a support group so you can talk it out with others in the same situation.

In poking around the site, I see there's some advice here: http://www.caring.com/search?query=caregiving+support

Perhaps some of it will help you through this. Please let us know how it's going!

Mother (82) stroke victim - Angry ill Father (89) posted by Anonymous @ 04:05 AM September 30, 2008

Anonymous — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 04:05:07 -0000

I am a 61 yrs. old, single and the only child of 2 parents still living. I am still working so I'm obviously not retired. My mother is 82 and a stroke victim with severe dementia for the past 2 yrs. She is in a hospital bed, incontinent, and is totally dependent. My father (89) is also ill with severe low blood platletts and is barely mobile. He is an "over the top Alpha Male," and is prone to have an anger management problems that has progressed with age.

I am the primary caregiver with some help, but the stress is starting to take it's tole on me physically and mentally. I adore my parents and they have been the greatest parents in the world and have always been there for me all these years until they got sick.

My mother is a wonderful patient. My father is my problem. He has always been a very active person, highly intellectual and from the old school that man is the king of the castle and he's very spoiled as one can imagine. He would give me the shirt off his back if I needed it and is generous to a fault.......however, his temper fits are getting awful. He takes things out on everyone around him, especially me......then if feels sorry and apologizes.

At this point I don't want to put my mother back in a nursing home because she was in one for 3 months in rehab and it was AWFUL. This nursing home was supposed to be on a higher level than most, but it was a place that would let the patient "rot" if family members did not go regularly to see about them. I was there every morning and evening for 3 long months. Unless you are wealthy and can hire private duty nurses 24/7 then all you get is the bottom of the barrel.........I decided to take on the role of caregiver for my precious mother. I am barely hanging in there.

It's hard trying to battle with one's father and constantly be subjected to his bad attitude, but he a very angry man that has finally gotten old and he can't do the things he wants to do. I take him out to dinner...my son drives him around. He's constantly going and doing....but it's never enough !!!

I haven't had a life in over a year......I'm burned out and my health has suffered as well. I cried and experienced every emotion.

Has anyone out there had to deal with this type of situation?

Let me say again that my father is a "Royal Duzzy." I don't know if I can survive HIM !!!!! I love him very much, but It's becoming almost more than I can bear.

Recent Posts in 'Mother (82) stroke victim - Angry ill Father (89)' | Caring.com

Mother (82) stroke victim - Angry ill Father (89) posted by icyview @ 05:55 AM October 30, 2008

Mother (82) stroke victim - Angry ill Father (89) posted by LauraL @ 04:01 AM October 02, 2008

Mother (82) stroke victim - Angry ill Father (89) posted by Anonymous @ 04:05 AM September 30, 2008