feeling vulnerable with relationship

My parents age 90 and 88 are declining rapidly. They have always had an unusually close relationship with my brother. They now require a lot of care and we are selling their home. My brother is in charge of finances yet my parent have said that they want things dealt with fairly between their on ly two children. I have been caring for their personal needs quite a bit although they are in a assisted living facility. Recently my brother's wife lashed out at me stating I was sick and evil. I am having such a hard time with this and it is affecting me in all areas of my life. I don't know why this is so hard on me. Anyone else experienced this. I feel like I am a outsider even at my parents home. I am 58 years old and have a great family of my own and cannot figure out why this affects me so.

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Started by Anonymous on 3 months ago

Missy responded 3 months ago :

Hello,
The reason it affects you so much is simple. You care about your family and your sister-in-law lashing out was really hurtful! Her words probably cut right to the bone. And I'm guessing her confrontation with you made you question your relationship with your parents and brother as you're now not sure how they feel.
I wonder if it's a good idea to talk to your sister-in-law about her outburst. Care giving sometimes brings out the best and worst in people. It lends itself to stress, frustration and fatigue. It can also lead to feelings of satisfaction and love. Maybe the day she lashed out, she was frazzled and not feeling like everyone was working together.
If you do meet with her, do your best to help her understand that you are all in this together for one reason - to keep your mom and dad safe and happy. Talk about how you're all there to help each other out. If she's unwilling to talk or very negative about the topic, just do your best to continue to take good care of your parents.
Hope that helps!

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Lisa B responded 3 months ago :

First, hello and welcome! I'm glad you've found us. I agree with Missy, hearing those harsh words from your SIL is still very hurtful, regardless of whether your own side of the family is supportive. (which is awesome, btw!).
I would definitely give talking with your SIL about her outburst a chance. However, even if conversation doesn't turn out well and she is still very negative towards you, please don't blame yourself. You will know that you at least tried and you can take comfort in the fact that YOU know how much you love your parents and that you are giving them excellent care. I'm confident that your brother and your parents know this also.
You stated that this situation was affecting all areas of your life which is why I also want to suggest that you seek out a therapist. There is absolutely no shame in it and they can help you sort out all the emotions and stress that come from caregiving and family conflicts.
I'll be thinking of you! Please come back to update us and let us know how you're doing!
Lisa

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