Caring for a spouse posted by Daisy3rc @ 02:44 AM January 06, 2009

Daisy3rc — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 02:44:47 -0000

Wow linicx, I can really sympathise with you. It really proves no matter what is happening there is someone out there that is worse off. You got more than your share to deal with. I truly hope for you there will be a better day someday.....Daisy

Caring for a spouse posted by linicx @ 05:22 PM January 05, 2009

linicx — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 17:22:33 -0000

Hello,

My husband has COPD, IPF, CHF, DVT, Soriasis, Macular Degeneration and he's a bleeder due to the Warfarin. I''m going into the 12th year of home caregiver. Before this I was a long distance caregiver to my parents before they died.. And also to my mother-in-law who lived to her 99th year. I've probably driven 10,000 miles in the last 26 years. I'd like to say I've been there and done that, but I know I haven't seen it all yet. However.as my husband's lungs fail, he is not only frail and unable to do what he did four years ago, the lack of oxygen affects his cognitive functioning. So he appears to be getting Alzheimer when it really isn't. I'm tired and I have my own physical issues to deal with, too.

My escapte is my computer. Martha Stewart doesn't live here. Senior Services helps with housework twice a week. I'm working on getting respitei relief so I can shop withouut worring about coming home to another crisis. I have a pharmacy at home, pulse-ox, flashlights and a doxen tanks of oxygen. I can deal with most crises. What I can't deal with is coming home to a corpse..

We have good days and bad days, but for the most part we accepted the diagnosiis for what it is and the challenges it brings, and deal with it day at a time. The worst thing though is my daughter. She has Lymphoma and is in the end stage. Modern medicine is awesom. I never thought I'd see the day I could buy Opium in a liquid or medical grade Weed in a pill. She has a licence to buy it to smoke too.

I've been fighting HMO doctors, dirty hospitals and ignorant nurses for so long I could write a book on what's wrong with US medical care. t's a billion dollar cash cow that beneifts everyone but the patient.

I'm always around to chat. I don't have a network. .

Caring for a spouse posted by Daisy3rc @ 05:00 PM November 09, 2008

Daisy3rc — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 17:00:41 -0000

Hello again mls, I too have not been able to find a support group in this area either. I can relate to how your kids are...mine are workaholics too. Seems like that is the way it is in this day and time. My oldest is a girl and it makes me sad to see other mothers out with their grown daughters having a day out together. Sad for myself since my daughter lives so far away. Ten hours away for me. My sons are closer with one that lives a couple blocks away but he is starting a new business and does not have much time for anything except that right now. His wife has a job that requires a lot from her and even my grandson at the age of 10 is involved in a lot of activities. I will add that if I need my children, they are there for me though. I have noticed one thing about them, they seem to look at me as I was when they were home with me. Cooking, sewing, cleaning and all those things I don't do much of anymore because I don't have to....lol. I do have a part time job that keeps me sane, just hope H does not get so bad as I would have to quit the job. I have looked into placing him in assisted living but we make just a little too much to qualify for help from the system, but not enough for me to afford to pay for it. I have found out that is the case for a lot of us seniors. If only we had fore sight instead of hind sight. Daisy

Caring for a spouse posted by mls @ 07:40 PM November 07, 2008

mls — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 19:40:52 -0000

Hi Daisy 3rc, It felt good to just vent this morning. I had had a bad time this morning and it just hit me wrong. I am lucky to have 3 children, but they don't live near, the closest is 4 hours away and all are very busy with work so are not much help. My youngest, the only girl is actually more of a hindrance, she keeps trying to tell me how to handle things and is very bossy at times. She now thinks she knows better than me. I am a naturally the take charge type and where I should let up on that is a constant problem. Thanks for answering so fast, it is good to talk to soimeone else, i have not been able to find a support group that is in my area. mls

Caring for a spouse posted by Daisy3rc @ 04:56 PM November 07, 2008

Daisy3rc — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 16:56:00 -0000

Hi mls, what a relief to hear from someone else that is having some of the same problems I am having. The anger is a hard thing to cope with. In my case and probably in yours too, they just do not have the capability to think clearly about what they are requesting or about how they would like things to be. I resent being put in the position of having to be the one to put up with this situation and I think admitting it is half the battle. I am human too and just do not want to always be mellow and say to myself "it is just the illness and he cannot help it". I can admit that too. I called his brother and asked if he could come and stay with him and his girlfriend for a week to give me a little respite and what a mistake that was. After hearing what an awful person I am (his opinion, but then what does his opinion mean to me.....NOTHING). I hung up on him. The brother would not help with their father when he went thru the same thing so do not know why I even wasted my time calling him. The care of the father at the time fell on my husband and his wife at the time. I was not in the picture at that time but did hear about it. I am going to refer to my husband as H from here on, H has never had any children and no other relative except his brother and a sister who is wheelchair bound and lives a long way away from here. He has no one else but me but still I really resent this. I have children who will care for me when and if I get to this point. Thank God for this fact. I know I was not much help, but it has always helped me to know others have these same feelings.

Caring for a spouse posted by mls @ 04:06 PM November 07, 2008

mls — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 16:06:59 -0000

My husband has Parkinsons disease and I am the only caregiver. I find it very difficult to know when to take full charge and when to let him do as he wishes. His signals to me change constantly. Sometimes he wants me to do everything and at others he is resentful of me taking charge. Some of this is his natural personality and I know some of it is the disease. He is often obsessive about something he wants to do and I have trouble talking him out of something that is impracticle for us to do or too expensive, etc. He then sulks and gives me a hard time about it. I really am afraid of what the future holds for me. He will explode over nothing and out of the blue. I never know what will set him off. Does anyone else have these kinds of issues and found a way to cope. We have been married 58 years and it has been up and down over the years.

Caring for a spouse posted by seun_adeolu @ 08:39 AM November 05, 2008

seun_adeolu — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 08:39:29 -0000

i am glad, i finally found this site , a site that will eventally help me with the rough situations in my life. and i really do hope i would find the help i need to clear off the mess in my life.

Caring for a spouse posted by Daisy3rc @ 01:32 AM October 14, 2008

Daisy3rc — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 01:32:32 -0000

Thank you for you response. I have tried to find local groups in the area with out any success. I am still looking. Hopefully I will come across one in the near future. In the meantime I am busy trying to get my life in order so I can be whole person again.

Caring for a spouse posted by Connie Matthiessen @ 08:18 PM October 13, 2008

Connie Matthiessen — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 20:18:24 -0000

Hi Daisy -- I agree with Missy that you need some support. Your situation sounds really tough. I'd also recommend trying to find a caregiver support group in your area -- your physician (or your husband's) or your local hospital should be able to give you names and contact information; I hope some other caregiver spouses will join this group and share their experiences. Good luck and keep in touch.

Caring for a spouse posted by Missy @ 07:48 PM June 17, 2008

Missy — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 19:48:07 -0000

Hi Daisy,

Welcome to Caring's groups. I'm really glad you found us and posted.

I'm going to agree with you here...you're in a good old-fashioned pickle. My mom is my dad's caregiver and I've talked with her a lot about how their relationship has changed from being a partnership to something more along the lines of a patient/caregiver interaction some times. That's frustrating in the best of circumstances, but it sounds like you didn't have the greatest circumstances to begin with.

Have you considered having some in-home? You may also want to contact your local Alzheimer's Association. It's possible they have active support groups in your area.

Keep us updated!

Caring for a spouse posted by Daisy3rc @ 05:56 PM June 17, 2008

Daisy3rc — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 17:56:06 -0000

I would be interested in exchanging problems and thoughts with others that are caring for spouses. There are a lot of discussions for caring for parents. This situation is totally different as far as I am concerned. I have only been with him for about fifteen years and he has not always been the most likeable person. I was going to leave him when I had him evaluated and he was diagnosed with Altzheimers. I can not afford to put him in a home and he cannot care for himself 100% so really feel like I am stuck. He has no children or other family. Would like to hear from others in the same situation.

Recent Posts in 'Caring for a spouse' | Caring.com