Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by Cathie @ 03:37 PM October 01, 2008

Cathie — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:37:45 -0000

Good Morning All, Thank you so much for your support. The little faces should give you a clue as to how things are going for me since I last wrote one (1) whole day ago, I am totally lost in space .. Excuse me for a short time, I will get back to this but the police are here because my mom has yet another time called the police on me.

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by Rebecca @ 03:15 PM October 01, 2008

Rebecca — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:15:10 -0000

Kate, that's great! I love that! It is like the ocean - wonderful image Thanks!

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by Kate Rauch @ 03:10 PM October 01, 2008

Kate Rauch — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 15:10:55 -0000

Something that helps me a lot is to understand that it's perfectly normal and common to have conflicting emotions. To hate loved ones; while loving them. To get annoyed by someone, while feeling sorry for them. To want to run, and to want to return to whom you're running from. We have a tendency to think there's something wrong with these conflicts, but really, they make a lot of sense. Relationships are complex and like oceans, tossing around in constant change; pulled hither and tither. Accepting this makes things easier, less stressful, I've found. Instead of running around thinking, fretting that there's "one" right way to feel, think, or be, go easier on yourself, and accept that mixed emotions are normal and fine. Mixed emotions are the fabric of love. Hope this isn't too corny!

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by Rebecca @ 02:09 PM October 01, 2008

Rebecca — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 14:09:43 -0000

Cathie, what a ride you are having! Hang on! Up and down and around. So hard. Sam desperately trying to hold on to some semblance of control regardless of how impossible. Sometimes we wish we could step back and just laugh at the craziness of it all. That time time will come later intertwined with the tears. Here's a big hug of support for you!

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by jaded_heart @ 05:53 AM October 01, 2008

jaded_heart — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 05:53:05 -0000

Cathie, this must be so hard for you. Your insights are right on the money ... it really doesn't matter why your mother won't relinquish any control because it's simply a condition you cannot change. My best guess would be fear, fear of loosening her grip lest she's unable to hang onto any semblance of her normal life. Still, that doesn't help much because you're still left in an unpleasant situation with her. Maybe you're right and you can do more for her peace of mind from a distance. Not everybody will allow you to take care of them and like you, that feels very sad to me. There are some people who respond better to unrelated caregivers because it removes them from the emotional issues they are fighting to suppress. All you can do is use your best judgement.

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by Cathie @ 11:13 AM September 30, 2008

Cathie — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 11:13:19 -0000

Hi all, Well, I have read all the comments up to this one and as I was reading, I had all kinds of little pieces of advice, some uplifting but more so on the "it only gets worse". All I know is with my mom and myself, it isn't going to work with me here in her house. All I wanted to do was to help and make things easier for my mom, hoping to bring some happiness and peace. Well, all I have managed to do is make my mom fight harder against my opinions and no matter what I said it wasn't right. I couldn't do anything right. She is EXTREMELY JEALOUS to the point where the color of her eyes would change and a "Satin Like Aura" took over her. And for her to relinguish control of ANYTHING NO MATTER HOW SMALL to me was just something that she wasn't going to let happen. No matter what her doctors told about letting me help her with. NOT TO ME.....I don't know if it is her pride, mom not wanting me to see her just fade away into a helplessness or knowing that soon she would be looking me right in the face and saying to me "Hi, who are you?" Maybe she wants to protect me from finding her dead or who knows what, it's very hard to say. All I know is she is unhappy with me here and if all it takes to bring some kind of happiness into her life is to leave then that's what has to be done. I called my brother and he has now taken control of things so that I have a place to live (my own home), a vehicle, and my mom said she still needs me she just doesn't want me to live with her. I can't see her living alone but if she'll let me help her and remain somewhat happy about things then I am all for it. I don't care if I live in a tree, or under a rock, or in a gutter, as long as my mom doesn't hate every minute of every day, has some peace of mind, and can smile when I tell her I love her and know I love her. That's just fine. However, I don't have to leave here without crying, (in private), or without guilt, without feeling as if I just wasn't good enough, I didn't try hard enough, I tried too hard, and having my heart filled with pain for her and me, or letting the "what if syndrome" get to me a little. I love her so much I only care about how she feels, for now. She won't be here that much longer and I know I will hate myself if I am not here to say good-bye to her, but I will just tell her at least everyday that I love her. I will not let a day go by without talking to her or hugging her. Thank you all for listening, and for you that are just starting out, to be totally honest, I DON'T HAVE A CLUE how to make things easier for them and/or for you. My prayers are with you and may God Bless You with WHATEVER He decides you need and may you be open enough to hear HIM. Love, Cathie and my mom, Sam

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by just terrified @ 07:54 PM September 29, 2008

just terrified — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 19:54:04 -0000

I’ve stumbled on your website while looking for insights into how to improve the relationship I have with my beyond frustrating 80 year old mother. I was pleased/surprised to read how many of you are in similar situations with your parents. My family is not so far along though. I'm hoping with a little background, you might have some thoughts for me.

A brief background: My mother has been difficult for as long as I can remember. I was 12 when my father left my mother for another woman. As my mother has never been good at taking decisions, suddenly I was thrust into deciding what my mother and I would do. Don’t misunderstand; my mother took care of me, she went back to work, paid the bills, put me through college, etc. But when it came to any decision; if we had something fixed, what contractor to use; if we were going to purchase something, how we decided from what store; I took all those decisions. She won’t take decisions, but she is rude, self centered, and really doesn’t see anyone else’s perspective at all. And it’s only gotten worse and worse.

After my father left she basically gave up on relationships. First she showed that she had no interest in men; then she slowly annoyed each of her friends so much that they left her – explaining to me that she was just too annoying. And she never tried to make new friends. As time has gone on she has become more and more lonely. She is now a very physically healthy 80 but she has had a few incidents which have resulted in her having her drivers license taken away, and returned, and now we’re in the middle of the process of getting it back for the second time. – I am convinced that she is mentally and physically fit to drive.

I’m 40, married for the first time last year, and living in Europe. A significant reason for moving to Europe 10 years ago was to get away from my mother’s attempts to be the center of my life. I’m an only child, and in the last 15 years or so I’ve been trying to improve our relationship. Getting 5000 miles apart actually did improve things, but not enough to make this easier. She will need more and more support from me in the coming years. I’ve tried to arrange things for my husband and I to move back to her, but she wont even make the effort to have the conversation with us, it’s always a fight, no matter how I try to keep the discussion slow, factual and even. And then she says extremely mean things to my husband when I’m not around.

My question to any of you: How can you all be so understanding and willing to take all the responsibility for how inconsiderate your parents are being. I understand that there are reasons that can explain their actions, but does that give them the right to take no responsibility in trying to make the best of the situation? My parents aren’t even at the point that I have to step in and find a way to insist my help. From what I read it sounds like it’s only going to get worse. I’m trying to figure out an approach to take to make the coming years as enjoyable as possible. Thanks so much for your thoughts! – Just terrified. . .

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by Trudy @ 01:56 PM September 29, 2008

Trudy — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:56:44 -0000

Thanks for your reply Kate Rouch, All of the problems everybody has with their parents make ours seem little. My dad is actually doing better. My husband and I did get a couple camping trips in. They were very refreshing. My sister-in-law has been very helpful. I finally let her know I couldn't do it by myself. I have told all my siblings I will not be moving my Dad into our home when he is no longer able to care for himself and they will all have to step in and take their turn. I actually got a favorable response from them. I think for some of the rest of you that have siblings that don't do their share in helping out, you need to be more direct with them and let them know what you expect from them. I hope this helps some others as the ones I have read from others has helped me. My in-laws, espically my father-in-law is not doing very well. He is not a hard person to take care of but his health is failing very fast and with my mother-in-laws dementia she can't seem to understand why dad sleeps most of the day and won't leave him alone so that makes it hard for the person taking care of them. Thanks to everybody for the informative responses.

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by honeybunny @ 09:27 AM September 29, 2008

honeybunny — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 09:27:15 -0000

Hi,

Just wanted to say that this discussion has really helped me out a lot. I was and still am feeling a lot of guilt about moving in my 84 y.o. MIL but primary caregiver/homemaker was just not where I saw myself at 40. She has been with us off and on for about 2 years and was showing some cognitive decline at the very beginning but we just thought she was being "contrary." Last November, she had a stroke and has since been diagnosed with dementia and seizures. I do the brunt of caregiving because I think that my kids should have some kind of a childhood and not have to spend it all "taking care of Granny" as some well-meaning folks have suggested.

She will tell any and everybody that I'm bossy and won't let her do anything but she constantly forgets to take any medicine, change her clothing, clean her body, etc. She also states that we're trying to keep her from going home but she really can not stay there by herself, not to mention that her home is 2 states and 9 hours away. It seemed like every few weeks we received a call that MIL was in the hospital or had an accident. We tried the caregiver route but she refused to let them in. I don't know what else to do... if I could send her home, I would have her on the first smoking jet but I know that she would just end up in the hospital or worse.

My husband refuses to tell her diagnosis (you're just having a few memory problems). I've tried to get her involved with the senior program here but they don't accept patients with dementia. She's always asking me to call old friends who lived in the city 30-40 years ago.(FYI ... just because someone says they live in Atlanta does not mean they truly live there. Metro Atlanta consists of 10 counties so you can just guess my aggravation when you're constantly asked to call someone but you don't have a last name or a city/county/etc)

I am seriously going out of my mind and really don't know what else to do. BTW, my son is an only child and his mother didn't have him until she was 40. All of his extended family members tell him that he NEEDS to keep his mom with him (no assisted living or nursing home) yet no one has come to visit or volunteered to keep her to give us a break. It's seems to be pretty easy to give advice on how someone should care for a relative as long as it doesn't inconvenience or involves you.

Anyway, thanks for listening and giving me a chance to vent. I saw an ad for an adult day care program and I plan to look into that. I think that it may give her something to do a few days a week (since I don't let her do anything) and will give me a break to do other things too.

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by jaded_heart @ 06:35 AM September 29, 2008

jaded_heart — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 06:35:37 -0000

I helped care for my father more than six years and have been a nurse for over 20 years, so nothing surprises me. The manipulative behaviors described here plus several I've seen that you all haven't mentioned generally are simple control issues. When a person becomes so ill they can no longer care for themselves it threatens their sense of self. Often they will pick out little things they refuse to relinquish control of ... the volume on a TV, taking their meds, daily grooming, or complying with diet restrictions are at the top of the list. As a nurse I realize it has little to do with me personally when they act out, but when it's a family member it's nearly impossible to achieve that level of emotional separation needed to even see the situation clearly. When it was my dad acting "mulie" (like a big stubborn mule) I would have to force myself to remember how little of his life was actually within his control and try to make myself back off on the demands I wanted to make ... in other words, I made myself carefully choose which battles were really worth fighting. You'd be surprised how few are once the emotion is removed. With Daddy it came down to health and safety, because if it didn't actually pose a health risk I did my best to let him do most things his way. Eventually the situation de-escalated and all too quickly he became too weak and frail for most of it to matter to him anymore. Once he was that weak I would have given anything for him to have still had the spunk and energy to make one of his demands again. It was a difficult period but I'd happily do it all again tomorrow if I had the chance to spend more time with him now ... he died 2 years ago.

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by mamatoria @ 07:26 PM September 24, 2008

mamatoria — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 19:26:52 -0000

Thank you, Melanie. Your post is very helpful. You have an excellent outlook on life with your mom, and I imagine that has come through many days of tears and hair pulling. My husband, who has the objectivity of not being her child, says something similar. "Let her complain. She always thinks the grass is greener on the other side." It is her nature, I guess. We've just had a very peaceful homelife (married 16 years) and she seems to enjoy conflict. I also wonder if her meds (for thyroid, COPD, and I think Zanax - not certain I spelled that correctly) have anything to do with her inability to filter her thoughts before they pop out of her head.

I guess I am angry at her because her COPD is directly related to her 2 pack a day smoking habit (she quit after being hospitalized, thank the Lord), which is something that years ago a doctor told her would be her downfall. Her children all begged her to stop as we were growing up, and now we must suffer the consequences of her poor health choice.

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by Melanie Haiken @ 06:42 PM September 24, 2008

Melanie Haiken — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 18:42:08 -0000

Wow, that's quite a story, and yet it sounds so familiar... I'm not sure I have valuable advice, though I've been in your shoes caring for my constantly complaining mother and know how thankless that feels. One thing that helped me - to remember that this constant misery, constant looking on the dark side, glass-half-full, constant complaining etc. was HER issue, not mine, and it wasn't my responsibility to relieve it or make things perfect, which I quickly realized they never would be.

If you get in the mindset of thinking you can make your mom happy and comfortable to the point that she'll be appreciative and stop complaining, you may be setting yourself up for failure and frustration. Some folks have issues (depression, bitterness, drinking problems, whatever) that make them like this, and there's nothing anyone can do. My sisters and I named it the "never enough" syndrome -- no matter how hard we tried to make my mom happy, it was never enough -- there was always something more she could feel frustrated, bitter and upset about.

One thing that did help me, though, was to speak up about it when it really got out of hand. For example, there was a point where I was spending all my time fixing up my mom's rundown house to make it more comfortable and safe. One day I had workmen replacing the shower, and she had to vacate the house for the afternoon while they turned off the water. She was so upset, complaining and complaining about how disruptive it was. I sat her down and talked her through it, explaining that I was taking days and days off work to make this all happen, that it was all with the intention of making things better, and that it made me feel very resentful when she complained about the inconvenience and overlooked all the work I was doing. I asked her, gently, if she wanted her house to be nicer and safer? Then I asked if she understood that the disruption was necessary for that to happen. Then I said Mom, put yourself in my shoes, how do you think I feel when you act like this when I'm working so hard? She apologized, and at least for a few days we had some peace. So sometimes you can break through the wall.

But the main thing for me was gradually learning to accept my mom's nature as a complainer and tune out her self-pitying monologue. Just saying to myself, "there goes mom, complaining again, guess she just can't help it," made it easier for me to care for my mom without being on this rollercoaster of guilt, frustration and disappointment.

Hope this helps!

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by mamatoria @ 05:34 PM September 24, 2008

mamatoria — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 17:34:13 -0000

I have read every single one of these posts, and I thank each of you. I have learned, cried, and felt for each of you. My mom is not nearly as ill, but might just make me ill soon.My mom, with whom I am not particularly close (she only wanted boys and never forgets to remind me of this, although I am the oldest of four), was diagnosed with severe COPD this summer. She is 57, I am 37 and just started back to work after staying home with my two boys (8 & 6 1/2). Her doctor demanded she go on disability for at least a year - she nearly died in the hospital. She is a financial mess - if her house doesn't sell soon she will have it foreclosed on her, and her credit is awful. My husband and I, after discussion with her 3 sons (who cannot afford to take care of her much less themselves, nor do they want to) agreed we should invite her to live with us. We can take care of her medical cobra payments until disability takes over, we have a large home where she has a mother-in-law suite, and it is beautiful. My husband works from home and has done everything to take care of her needs - doctor appts., mailbox rental, voter reg., We have been blessed financially and have a loving marriage and believe strongly that family should take care of family. She moved in two weeks ago and has done nothing but COMPLAIN. Nothing I do is right. The furniture in the room is in the wrong place, the stair banister is on the wrong side, the phone rings funny, our house is too clean (seriously, what does that mean?), the carpet is making her cough (not her COPD), I don't talk to her enough, the house is too quiet, and she talks non-stop about her maladies, which I am beginning to think are normal aches and pains of life. She goes on about my brothers and how wonderful they are, yet none of them have called her at all, they never saw her when she lived alone except to ask for money (hence the reason she is broke) - arrgh! I know there is a period of adjustment, bereavement, and acceptance she must go through, but must it all come out on me? I have held my tongue, smiled, and tried to buy, replace, and do whatever necessary to make her happy and feel at home. Will I be able to make her happy? Does COPD cause depression?

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by Kate Rauch @ 01:42 PM August 28, 2008

Kate Rauch — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:42:07 -0000

So sorry to hear about this turn of events, Deb, but I do see a bright side or less dark side, not really appropriate to call it ba bright side. At least both of your parents are being well cared for day by day; they're safe, they're getting the daily care they need, and who knows where this will end up. Your mom could be back at assisted living with your dad; who knows. This separation isn't easy for your dad and sometimes just knowing this and accepting it (minimzing all the stress that goes into wanting things to change) makes it easier. "Yes dad, this is a tough time. I hear you. I understand. This is where things are. We'll get through it." Hey, please take care of yourself.... as you take care of others......

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by Rebecca @ 11:09 AM August 28, 2008

Rebecca — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 11:09:46 -0000

Hi DebC, Big hugs to you. You can do it. Just one step at a time. Its okay to give up. Well give up 'trying', and then allow something bigger to come into your life to support you. I just read My Stroke of Insight. and found it sooooo helpful. There's an interview about it somewhere on the site.

take care!!!

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by DebC @ 09:59 AM August 28, 2008

DebC — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 09:59:31 -0000

This is me again, 3 weeks ago I thought we had the situation in hand, but now my mother has had another stroke. She is going for 4 weeks of rehab from the hospital and my Dad is in a tail spin at the assisted living facility because she is not there. I feel like I'm barely hanging on.

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by littlebit10 @ 03:57 AM August 06, 2008

littlebit10 — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 03:57:35 -0000

hi all i have worked with many different caretaker jobs in nursing homes and in home down to a mental retardation but mom tops them all .My father served her until his death last September now she expects we will give up our life and do all she wants now but she can still do anything she sets her mind to so we backed up and left her to her mood swings and temper problems and a flying walker out the door we< sister and I > wasn't moving fast enough well sometimes our parents trys us when anyone wont dare but take time to step back and take a short breath i have to laugh my sister cries but i have worked with violent people in nursing homes these adults become as children and GOD has to help us all out a good laugh and prayer helps a lot even when you feel you cant take another day, keep up the good work

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by Kate Rauch @ 12:06 AM August 05, 2008

Kate Rauch — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 00:06:29 -0000

Hey Littlebit,

Having walked in the shoes of caregiver and caring child; you have a great perspective. Nice of you to share your wisdom with others.

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by littlebit10 @ 10:25 PM August 04, 2008

littlebit10 — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 22:25:27 -0000

I know very well how you all feel i worked as a caregiver ; pay wasnt good but i loved my work and became this older person familey even though he has children he related better to me than his son and his daughter just steped out of the picture all together. Now my mom has the same problem and now both me and my sister share the respondibilies , we have shared the tricks and lies but mom treats my sister real hateful and i just dont allow the behavior because she is in the early stages and i am alittle more prepared for the trip ahead with the mood swings and the rest to top that off she fell and broke both ankles well for the first 3 weeks we took 24 hour shifts until it became so stressful for us the my brotherinlaw went to stay the night also mom no longer needed none of us , hes real direct and that set her to thinking ., I know my mom still hasnt accepted her problem she may never but all we can do is help and try to make her life as confortable as we can. Get a caregiver to set with your love ones there are people who really cares , I did and we kept each other active until the end.

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by Cathie @ 09:32 PM August 04, 2008

Cathie — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 21:32:06 -0000

Thank you, Rev. Matt Yarbrough.

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by RevYarb @ 08:36 PM August 04, 2008

RevYarb — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 20:36:13 -0000

CeCe & Cathrine,

Bless you both, I certainly feel your pain. I know and completely understand what you are going through because I went through those exact storms about a month ago. I was devastated by the words that were spewing from my mother’s mouth. A friend of mine warned me that these actions would eventually come, the fighting, the moods, the rebellion, but I dismissed the claim of verbal profanities. Lo and behold, here they came and with a force that I could not believe nor understand. From my birth I had known my mom to be a upstanding Christian woman who taught me to always be mindful of other people’s feelings, to choose your words carefully. I did not know she knew such words or less how to use them. I certainly encourage the both of you to stay encouraged for this too will soon pass away. It’s only for a season. You are not alone, and someone else does understand and care. Keep posting your thoughts and concerns, although I’m not physically with you in location I am with you in the faith and your prayers.

Bless Your Spirit!

Rev. Matt Yarbrough, Jr.

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by Cathie @ 08:26 PM August 04, 2008

Cathie — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 20:26:58 -0000

Hello, First I would like to say THANKS for the very nice comments.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am truly blessed daily. You're right this is a journey, a life's journey. I try to see these as "TESTS" to see if we have been paying attention, and/or "LEARNING EXPERIENCES". I am here because I am suppose to be. I am not real good at it yet, but I am trying to put all the "garbage" my mom and I went through in a place where it belongs. the trash or sewer. I am suppose to either be learning or teaching and I am trying to learn which one it is. It's difficult to take one' self out of the immediate picture and look from a different set of eyes, but when I can/do it's remarkable what I see. This discussion and those who participate at caring.com are what really help me to step back, take a breath, and look around me. God Bless you too.

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by cece @ 08:07 PM August 04, 2008

cece — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 20:07:37 -0000

Hi Cathie,

My mom, too, has been showing a "dark side" which has really been difficult for me to accept. At our family reunion on Saturday, which included some relatives she hasn't seen for several years, she commented continually about how fat we all are. (Some are, some aren't. Didn't matter to Mom.) Her mood swings have been horrible, and some days she screams the most awful things to whomever happens to be the designated caregiver that day.

I keep looking at our care of Mom as a journey: Just when we think the road is straight and smooth, here comes a bump and a bend and all of a sudden the view changes, and we have to be flexible and adapt in order to keep our balance.

My point: Keep reading this thread. It helps me tremendously to know that I'm not alone, and will never be alone, in caring for someone who doesn't seem to notice or appreciate the things we do. In one of Mom's blackest moods, she screamed at me, "I hope God notices the way you're treating me!" I could only smile to myself, knowing in my heart that God does indeed see, and understand, and He will help me to carry this burden. You're a good daughter, you're doing the best you can, and you are never alone on your journey. May God bless you.

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by Kate Rauch @ 07:12 PM August 04, 2008

Kate Rauch — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 19:12:44 -0000

Hi Cathie-

I'm so glad your spiritual beliefs bring help and reassurance. You're wonderfully compassionate, which makes you a wonderful daughter, which I'm sure your mom knows in her own way. Best with what lies ahead.

Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it. posted by Cathie @ 06:18 PM August 04, 2008

Cathie — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 18:18:55 -0000

Hi all, I have been away from my computer for several days due to the stress and situation here at home. My mom has been in "her evil place" for the past week or so. It's like "Satin" takes over and she has no control over the depth her ugliness goes. Well, thank God I lived through this latest episode. I talked to one of the Elders of my church and that short talk opened my heart up enough for me to head in a different direction than the one I was headed. (the path of anger and resentment with a bit of revenge in it). I know this evil streak has been hard on mom because she has been in bed just drained and weak from it all. And so am I....!!!!!!!! She has an advantage because she doesn't remember half of it and I remember every second. Only this time, my guilt is a little less because thanks to some of you and your comments I am dealing with the fact that no matter how much I want these last times to be full of love, caring, precious moments, and love, they are what they are, the last of times with my mom. I must accept the facts and know that it isn't her fault she has gotten older nor is it mine. I continue to love her and I must tell myself alot it must be frightening for her to know that she failing and that her time here is short. She doen't know what is yet to come and she is afraid. I pray and it helps a great deal. I ask for help spiritually from my Father in Heaven and He gives it to me just about instantianuouly. It helps to just step out of the picture for a second so that I can take a breif moment to see more than just my perspective of the situation. I don't know how or what I would be like if I KNEW beyond any shadow of doubt that my time was really short. I'd probably be scared and a bit testy my own self. ALL OF YOU OUT THERE, HAVE A BLESSED DAY. And try to take a moment every day to stroke yourself with something nice. CHOCOLATE IS GREAT, I take marathon bubble baths AND I LOCK THE DOOR so mom remembers that it is my time in there. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, cause if "yourself is in serious need of caring" then how can you care for someone else's needs. LOVE YOURSELF< GOD DOES>......

Recent Posts in 'Anger at our parents --and guilt about feeling it.' | Caring.com