Move Grandma's Stuff Against Her Will posted by cardsblossom @ 03:33 PM October 04, 2008

cardsblossom — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 15:33:39 -0000

MY question is WHY do your aunts want to move their mom? If she is functioning well, your dad lives close by, she is alert and not in danger then what is the reason they are pushing this move?

On the other hand, if she is not able to keep up her home, if she had beeen forgetful, if she is depressed and not socializing anymore than maybe they do have a point. You can look into senior centers., or having someone come over occasionally.

I always tell families to have the discussion and plan now for the future. You the what if you had a stroke? what if the home burnt down? Get to understand your grandmas wishes and desires. You mentioned she has the funds for Assisted living or a in home caregiver so have her talk to or visit some places and then the Aunts will have to lay off.

Move Grandma's Stuff Against Her Will posted by Lisa B @ 02:43 AM October 03, 2008

Lisa B — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 02:43:39 -0000

First, welcome ! It sounds like your screen name, in the middle, describes your situation perfectly. I imagine you are under a lot of stress with everyone having their own opinions on what is "right".

I agree with Laura's suggestion of sitting down with your grandma and hearing what SHE wants. You said that she has stated that she will never leave her home. Have you asked her what she would prefer if/when the time comes that she cannot live independently? Or does she refuse to believe that will ever happen? You could try phrasing it in a hypothetical way to see if her preference would be to move in with your parents or move into an assisted living facility. It's good to hear that she does have the money for a facility if it's ever needed.

Best of luck to you and please come back and update us on how things are going!

Move Grandma's Stuff Against Her Will posted by LauraL @ 03:36 AM October 02, 2008

LauraL — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 03:36:57 -0000

OH, In the middle. I feel for you. It must be so hard to see so many different takes on what should be done.

If Grandma is of sound mind and body for now, then she should be able to choose where to be. However, it might be a good idea to sit down and talk with her about what she does want to happen, and discuss how that will work with your father and aunts' lives, and perhaps a compromise can be reached for when that moment arrives.

Still, it's hard to deal with family when everyone feels their idea is the best one. Please let us know how things are going, come on back and talk with us some more. :)

Move Grandma's Stuff Against Her Will posted by In The Middle @ 02:10 AM October 02, 2008

In The Middle — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 02:10:06 -0000

My grandmother (Dad's mom) is an 87 year old widow in good physical & mental health. My 3 aunts (Grandma's daughters) want Grandma to move in with my parents. Parents, Grandma & I live in same town. Aunts live cross country. Grandma says she will never leave her home. Aunts want Dad to start sneaking Grandma's stuff into my Dad's house over time. After awhile Aunts want Dad to say to Grandma "Oops all your stuff is at my house. You just have to start sleeping at my house."

Dad wants to support Grandma's decision to age at home but knows it may not be possible forever so he doesn't want to tell his sisters "no" and definately doesn't want to tell his mom the plan. Mom doesn't want Grandma to move in for her own reasons and because Grandma doesn't want to but is discounted because she is not a blood relative even though she will be alone with Grandma all day while doing all the work my Dad is at work. I alone think this is outrageous and illegal. They say it is not illegal b/c Dad has power of attorney. I want to tell Grandma the plan so she will confront Aunts. Any ideas? I don't see any way out of this mess without betraying Grandma or destroying ties with my Aunts. I don't really care about destroying ties with my Aunts except it will strain my relationship with my Dad and their relationship with my Dad which will upset him and my Mom will feel caught in the middle. By the way Grandma can't live with me because I have 2 babies and no space and Grandma does have the money for assisted living if/when she needs it.

Recent Posts in 'Move Grandma's Stuff Against Her Will' | Caring.com

Move Grandma's Stuff Against Her Will posted by cardsblossom @ 03:33 PM October 04, 2008

Move Grandma's Stuff Against Her Will posted by Lisa B @ 02:43 AM October 03, 2008

Move Grandma's Stuff Against Her Will posted by LauraL @ 03:36 AM October 02, 2008

Move Grandma's Stuff Against Her Will posted by In The Middle @ 02:10 AM October 02, 2008