getting Mom into assisted living

Living 150 mi away is taking its toll on both of us. I have set up homemaker/aide visits twice daily to make sure Mom takes her meds. They will not set up the meds or give them, just prompt so I have set up a system of day and nite pill minders. and refill them every month.  This is a home health agency. I am doing a lot of down and back in one day visits for lots of other things as well as the weekend visit to set up the pills.  She has become somewhat incontinent but even thru both the aid and my urging will not routinely go to depends.  She has always been a difficult my way is right type and wants no interference so will not allow the aide to check the fridge (to toss out old icky stuff)or help with other small tasks.  The aide does get the garbage to the curb by sneaking it out as she leaves.  Long winded but just a sample of minor difficulties.My own health is beginning to suffer trying to do all the mom maintenance(she thinks she is doing everything just fine) as well as the continous trips and working a full time job.Her  health is pretty good for 87 but the altzhiemers is getting worse and I tried to get her into assisted living a couple of times and even though many of her friends and bridge buddies are there she refused.  They told me they cannot take her as long as she is so adament because they cannot make her stay.  My brother will not help in any way(his way of dealing with our upbringing) but someone must and I am doing everything I can.  At her last doctors visit(for a UTI) he told me that we just have to wait since ther is no way to force her until a safety issue arrises.  This is much the same as the neurologists  statement although he told Mom He recomended assited living to her.  She refused, of course.  I have power of attorney but am told by my elder care lawyer that short of declaring her incompetent in court (which she wouldnt recommend) we just have to wait til something happens.  got any ideas. ?