Say what you need to say

Great topic, Laura.

When my father-in-law was in his last days, he floated between lucidity and...welll...less-than-lucidity.  He wasn't the touchiest, feeliest person I ever knew.  Sometimes he was kind of gruff and harsh.  Definitely not very warm.  Basically, the polar opposite of my family.  So when he was dying, I felt real insecurity about expressing my love. 

As the day grew near, I started to feel panicked that I was missing a once in a lifetime chance.  So I wrote out a very heartfelt letter.  My mother-in-law received it on Saturday, read it to my father-in-law on Sunday and he passed away on Wednesday night.  She told me how, even though he was in and out of it, he definitely expressed emotion to what I written.  To this day I could cry about that even though it was six years ago. 

In my letter I told him that, after knowing him for more than 10 years, his love was one that I treasured.  I wrote about how much I valued all of the advice he shared with us and appreciated his respect when we decided to do something different.  I talked about how his son (my hubby) reminded me so much of him and how I couldn't wait to tell our children all about him (we were childless at that time). 

In this case it felt so important for me to say these things, though I know if I had to actually speak them to him, I'd fumble.  I don't regret a bit writing them rather than trying to say them. 

Man, I miss him. 

Missy,

I agree with you a hundred percent.  Sometimes it is much easier to "say what you mean" in a letter than verbally.  The message comes across easier than actually saying it to the person,  It just comes out better.  And you are glad you did it.

Thank you, star.  I appreciate that!

Hi All,  I have been so wrapped up with my mom lately.  I have tried to talk to her and tell her how I feel but I don't think that any of it sinks in.  I don't want to be pressured with ALOT of "I wish I'd have told her" things at my last chance to tell her anything. I get so distraught I can't hardly type this without drowning in my tears but Missy I like your idea about writing it down.  That way whenever she is having a moment of clarity she can read it again and again, if she wants too.  Or she can have me read it to her.  Right now her intereptation of things around her are quite off the mark for 95% of the time.   I love her so much, why can't she hear me?   I do know about regretting and greiving about not saying good-bye to my Great Auntie May.  I didn't go see her before she died.  I'm not sure why.  Pain mostly and the fact that I don't deal with death all that well, mostly because what if they go to a different place in Heaven than I do.?  The thought of not seeing my mom ever again even after I die is just horrifying to me. Anyway, I tortured myself waking and sleeping hours when my Aunt died.  Until, I with all my being asked God to let me talk to her, and He did.  It was awesome, He brought her to me in my sleep.  After that I had peace about her death because she told me "It's okay, Cathie, I know.  It's okay."  To get back on subject, What or how do you tell someone when they WON'T hear you.?