How do you discuss death with the living?

I guess if that were me, then I would treat today like it was the last day of her life and (well it could be) and then just ask what is in your heart to ask, or to say.  There is nothing like speaking the truth in my experience.  I was pretty lucky with my mom in that she was very assertive about talking about the end of her life and what she wanted, and being open to hearing anything we might want to say.   Not that she was always rational or objective.  But I've become a  big fan of 'truthfully telling'.

grace,

Here are the things that occur to me:

• When you decide to bring it up, make sure you have enough time for what might come out.
• It might work to start the conversation by being self-reflective, such as "Mom, I sometimes think about my own funeral and how I'd like it to be. Do you?"
• Listen a lot.
• You'll do this gracefully - your post shows how thoughtful you are.
• I've never regretted, with enough distance, any hard conversation I've had with someone. Although, I've initially felt chaffed by some that others have started.
• This is tough and you're brave to contemplating doing this.

Please - come back and tell us how wrong I was. Reality is so much more nuanced and interesting than advice.

It's hard, because it's admitting that life is coming to an end, and we don't want to do that, even though we know it's important.

I was fortunate in that my dad brought it all up to us while he was in the hospital. He let us all know, so there was no argument, what his wishes were for certain things and life-prolonging techniques were a no.

Perhaps broach the subject with, "Mom, I know this is hard, and believe me, I don't want to have to talk about these things either becuase it hurts, but we know it's important that we sort out just what you'd like done and how while we're both able to."

Best wishes,

Laura

I am a 60 year old male with a life-ending disease.  It was exteremly important to me that I make my "final wishes" known to my family.  Fortunately one of my sibilings is (and has been forever) my best friend.  I was concerned about my wife at the time I pass.  I don't want her to have the added stress of immediately being hit with a bunch of responsabilities.  I sat down with the two of them.  I told my bride, that I would put every detail in writing, and that my brother would make sure my wishes were followed, that he understood all that was required of him, and where all legal documents were kept, and what documents were required to be filed, with whom.

On a couple of times since, we've taken time to review my wishes.  My Brother and I agree that things will be made simpiler for my wife when I pass; and she agrees.  Further, I can rest knowing that the two people I love most in the world take care of things for me, and I would not be burdened at the time.

Anonymous, such wonderful forward thinking! You are truly one who loves his  family and wants to make things as easy as possible. My best wishes go out to you and yours.

Grace, I have pondered over the same subject for awhile,  my opinion is MEDDLE>>>> It isn't meddling you will be so sorry if you don't talk to your mom about these things. It not only will help her but it will help you so very much at being at peace with her loss.  Cathie

My mother just died on May 1st at the age of 99.  She was very specific about how she wanted things handled in the event of her death.  My brother and I took her information and prepaid her funeral five years ago.  When she died. everything was already taken care of and we were able to mourn and not have to run around trying to make final arrangements.  I think being gentle with her and talking to her will help in the end because it is not easy to make decisions when your heart is heavy with mourning.  Genevieve 

Genevieve, please accept my condolences on  your loss. I think  you did everything just right. **HUGS**