aricept and alternatives posted by Missy @ 07:04 PM July 19, 2008

Missy — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 19:04:15 -0000

Hi Herbie,

I hear ya on the ridiculous costs of prescription drugs. My parents shell out hundreds a month. If they didn't have insurance, they'd really be in trouble!

One thing you may want to do is talk to your dad's physician. As him or her if there is an alternative. If not, ask for samples. Perhaps that can cut some of your dad's expense.

Another option is to seek out prescription drug assistance programs. Aricept is made by Pfizer. Here [pfizerhelpfulanswers.com] is a link to their program. PPA [pparx.org] has another, but I'm not very familiar with it.

You may also want to contact your local Area Agency on Aging. There could be local resources. And I'm hopeful someone else will post with their firsthand experience. You may want to check out our Alzheimer's support group. Others may have posted about this drug.

aricept and alternatives posted by Herbie @ 04:58 PM July 19, 2008

Herbie — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 16:58:20 -0000

My father has primary dementia and has been taking Aricept. With insurance, the cost is $ 166.00 per month. Is there another alternative that costs less? I don't see how the average retired person can afford this medication. This is not one that "has" to be taken and I'm sure many don't take it b/c of its cost. Thanks.

Parents had me "late" in life. posted by Missy @ 12:39 PM July 19, 2008

Missy — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 12:39:59 -0000

Hi OSWANGO,

Welcome to Caring's groups. I'm glad you found us and posted!

I'm so sorry your mom isn't doing well. Does she live far from you?

Here's my advice. I would do everything you can to go and see your mom. Trust me, I know getting away from a professional life for even a few days, especially, when you have your own business, is difficult. But perhaps she's having some of the same guilt issues you feel and wants to work things out or spend some good solid time together. It sounds like she's going through a tough time and is really craving some time with you. If making the trip isn't a possibility, is there maybe any way she can come to you for a few days?

If is issue of homosexuality comes up, maybe you can say something like, "I understand you're not happy about it, but it's not gonig to change, so let's not even go there with each other. Let's just enjoy our time." That way you save her from trying to convince you to like men and she saves you any lengthy presentations on how it's pretty unlikely things will ever change. I think the "I understand how you feel and respect your right to feel that way" approach allows parents and children to skate around any given issue by acknowleding how someone feels but not conceding any kind of defeat. Know what I mean?

And you're in a safe place. Our parents can drive us nuts. Their care can overwhelm us. We can feel desperate and sometimes even uninterested in helping. But that never means we don't love our parents. You can vent here without having to feel like you need to disclaim that you love her.

Please keep us updated. I'll be thinking about you. *hugs*

Parents had me "late" in life. posted by OSWANGO @ 01:44 AM July 19, 2008

OSWANGO — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 01:44:43 -0000

ok....I'm a 39 yr old lesbian....my mother will be 80 in September of this year. My father died in 2001...he was 87 and mentally ill. My mother just lost her "companion" or boyfriend in Janurary of this year. She has steadily gone down hill with dementia. Because of the fact that I'm gay, my mother and I have not had a good relationship. However, now that her boyfriend is dead and I'm the youngest, in your "unstable state" she calls me every day and cries. She says she is lonely and rambles making not since. She is on the verge of not being able to care for herself and my brother putting her in a nursing home. She says she is lonely and wants to see me. I have my own business and just can't get away. I am VERY guilty and sad. Any advice? It doesn't seem like it...but I love my mother. : (

Dementia posted by Paula Spencer @ 03:54 PM July 17, 2008

Paula Spencer — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:54:37 -0000

Many geriatric care managers have a motto: Save yourself first. You can't really provide effective care for someone if you're in tatters yourself. There is nothing mean or disrespectful, unloving or unChristian, about having boundaries about what you practically and emotionally can and cannot do. Obviously you love your mom--you have been providing terrific care for her for two years! But two years is a long time and takes a toll on a person, and now it sounds like (whether because of her meds or other conditions) things are getting more challenging. And that means that your friends -- and your gut feelings -- are right, that maybe you need to make some changes.

Is it possible for the aides providing the 100 hours of care each week to make many (or more) of those difficult hours at night? And/or are there ways you can get away during the day and allow yourself a chance to recharge? A part-time job, volunteer work, respite care, adult day services for your mom, an elder companion for her -- are all ways to separate for a little bit. You haven't "failed" at anything, but your resentment is a natural reaction to being understandably stressed beyond what could be expected of anyone.

Your local Alzheimer's Association can point you to local caregiver support groups--talking to other people in similar situations can also be a real stress reliever. You should also mention this new behavior to her doctor to be sure it is not a side effect of the new meds that could be alleviated. I hope you can get the break you deserve so you can continue caring for your mom in the loving way you obviously know how to do so well.

How do you deal with waits at the doctor's office? posted by Missy @ 01:15 PM July 17, 2008

Missy — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 13:15:48 -0000

Yesterday I accompanied my parents to a doctor's appointment and we were waiting for more than 2 hours! When I talked to my mom about it, I was really surprised to learn this is the norm for this doctor and a few others they routinely go too. Unbelievable! I understand that some patients take longer than others. And I appreciate the personal attention we get. However, perhaps this doc needs to have less patients!

I know my dad had a tough time. His legs are painful and it was uncomfortable for him to sit for so long. Unfortunately, he can't stand for any period of time either. I felt kind of stuck!

So I'm wondering, how do you help your loved one deal with long waits in doctor's offices? Is there anything you do to make them more comfortable? How do you keep them entertained (as opposed to hitting other patients up with the ever-popular question "So what's wrong with you?" LOL)?

Thanks in advance!

What should I do to get ready to bring my dad home posted by Sarah Henry @ 12:24 AM July 15, 2008

Sarah Henry — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 00:24:05 -0000

Here's a great resource for you from our diabetes educator expert Theresa Garnero.

Your father's best resource is the Amputee Coalition of America (ACA) http://www.amputee-coalition.org/senior_step/index.html [amputee-coalition.org].

They have many downloadable guides, including one called, "Senior Step: a Guide for Adapting to Limb Loss" which is designed for older adult amputees and their caregivers. The website also has a nationwide listing of support groups. You can also call 1-888-267-5669 for more information.

In terns of learning how to transfer your father safely, the nursing home staff can coach you while he is recovering in the hospital. Before he gets discharged home, ask about which home care agency will help him with the transition. Home care agencies make a few home visits a week (generally about an our) to provide some type of skilled care. The home health staff of physical and occupational therapists can make sure you are able to assist him safely with transfers.

What should I do to get ready to bring my dad home posted by Anonymous @ 06:35 PM July 14, 2008

Anonymous — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 18:35:27 -0000

I have been taking care of my father for 4 years now who has multiple problems steming from diabetes. A couple of weeks ago my father had his foot amputated right below the knee. I had to make the extremely difficult decision to put him in a nursing home because I just can't provide the care he needs right now. I've been searching your website to find information on amputees and have been unsuccessful. The only information I can find is health conditions leading to amputation. Well, my father's diabetes has lead him to this, and now I'm just stuck on how to help him. It would be awesome if there was information on how I can help him cope with the loss of his foot, how to take care of him (ie;transfer), and any information on benefits he would be entitled to such as transportation needs, or providing our home with ramps,etc. so he can come home. The doctors are only giving him 6 more months, and I really want to bring him home so we can make some lovely memories with him. I just need resources to do this. Please help. Lost in the confusion.

Dementia posted by Missy @ 01:38 PM July 12, 2008

Missy — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 13:38:24 -0000

Hi j9r,

Welcome to Caring's groups. I'm glad you found us and posted.

It really sounds like you've got your hands full with your mom. As I read your post, one question came to mind. Are you "fighting" the battles that really need fighting? For example, is it really a big deal if she doesn't have her last name on her name plaque or neglected to mention your dad was with her for 30 years? Don't get me wrong. Manipulating truth to fit one's reality IS a problem. I believe in resolving it. But at your mom's age and in her situation, I can't help but to wonder if it's worth the emotional effort for you. It's got to be exhausting! And unfortunately, it sounds like it doesn't have a big pay-off that makes it worth it.

I wonder if a better course of action is to, essentially, ignore the things she does or says that would normally make your blood pressure rise and just focus on appreciating anything good. For example, when she told you she had her assisted living facility take her last name off her plaque, maybe it would have been good to shrug and say something like, "that's an odd choice, but okay." Maybe the less attention she gets, the less she'll act out?

This advice may not apply at all to you and your mom, but I wanted to throw it out there. Please always feel free to come here and vent. We're definitely here for you!

Dementia posted by j9r @ 09:53 PM July 11, 2008

j9r — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 21:53:59 -0000

My mom is 91. She grew up in home where she developed no or low self esteem. It has been a real struggle with mom all these years (my 61, my sister 66) - she has always had uncontrolled anger outbursts, she has lied, fibbed or manipulated situation to fit her reality - this was all just growing up and adult life. My sis and I just had to deal with it. Now, as I said she is 91 in a real nice assisted living facility - that she wanted to go to. She is lucky and has no medical problems that require any med's at all. Because of her personality problems, she has two sisters - one older, one younger, who have not spoke to her in years.

She now doesn't want to use our family (her married) name.... insisted the facility only put on her first on the name plaque next to her door. - Don't want anyone to think I'm Mexican.. omg, this is so outrageous I cannot believe the facility succumbed to her choice. On the bio they let her write, she wrote; she married a man named James and two daughters and he died shortly thereafter, I guess those 30+ years in between didn't exist.

How can i now deal with her rudeness, bossiness and just unreasonable demands.

I am beginning to hate her more every day, and I never felt like this before. I just figured she's our mom and manuvered the mine field of being her daughter growing up. I know the diagnosis, I know I should cajole her, after 61 years this is hard. She was a woman who grew up with no love and therefore gave none.

Help, thanks for letting me vent.

Does anyone have a parent with C O P D? posted by robb4265 @ 06:47 PM July 11, 2008

robb4265 — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 18:47:52 -0000

sheila,

thank you for your advice, but, we have had second, third and even fourth opinions on my moms COPD. While I am sure you have reason to advise me to get this done, I am also sure that you have read our conversations on this subject and discovered that we have been dealing with this desease for more than a dozen years.

I do appreciate your valueable advice though.

Does anyone have a parent with C O P D? posted by sheila a @ 06:31 PM July 11, 2008

sheila a — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 18:31:23 -0000

please please get a second opinion on the COPD

Dementia posted by Missy @ 09:59 PM July 09, 2008

Missy — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 21:59:11 -0000

Hi Janice,

I'm so sorry you're mom has got some difficult behaviors. That really must be difficult to deal with. I know it's not the same, but I've got a child who is just newly potty trained and I, admittedly, get really annoyed when we have to spend half the day in the bathroom. If your mom needs help, I know you've got to feel far more frustrated than I!

I, unfortunately, don't have great advice to share, but I'm hopeful someone else will. I just wanted to give you a *hug*.

Dementia posted by Janice @ 07:01 PM July 09, 2008

Janice — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 19:01:06 -0000

I have been taking care of my 88 year old mother for 2 years. Back in November 07 she woke up with her back hurting. Since then, she has not been the same. Because of some of the medications she was on she has changed in ways that I never thought possible coming from her. Her new thing is going to the bathroom every ten minutes day and night. Her days and nights are mixed up. I could deal with this up until a couple of months ago. I don't want to be mean or disrespectful but I am pushed and pushed until I feel like any day I am going to have a heart attack. I have caregivers that come in and share at least a 100 hours of the week. In the meantime, things are getting worse day by day. Am I supposed to just give in to all my mothers whims. I am sick at what is happening. I used to trust the Lord, read the bible, play great soothing Christian music but I feel that I have failed and grown resentful. Everyone says go out and get a job but at 55 that is not so easy. I want to be a part of my mothers care because I take pride in getting her ready and making her feel like she is 60 again. But this bathroom thing is driving me over the edge. Is there any support groups or something that can give me some kind of direction? I am desperate and want to be there for my mom, but it is becoming impossible. Please help.

90 year old mother in rehab facility giving up posted by Missy @ 02:36 AM July 09, 2008

Missy — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 02:36:17 -0000

Oh no, wky! I'm so sorry to hear that your mom is ill! But I'm really hoping for you, and her, that recovery from the pancreatitis will brighten her outlook and renew her strength. Please keep us updated. I'll be thinking about you.

90 year old mother in rehab facility giving up posted by LauraL @ 02:10 AM July 09, 2008

LauraL — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 02:10:53 -0000

Hi Wky,

I'm sorry she is ill, but it's good to know there was another reason for her behavior. Hang in there!

90 year old mother in rehab facility giving up posted by wky @ 11:52 PM July 08, 2008

wky — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:52:54 -0000

wky- update on my mother: she was admitted to the hospital - she has Pancreatitis and is dehaydrated. She is getting fluids and is talking with family members. So it does not look like she has given up. We will keep our fingers crossed. Thanks for the feedback.

90 year old mother in rehab facility giving up posted by LauraL @ 02:19 PM July 08, 2008

LauraL — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 14:19:54 -0000

Hello, wky,

I'm very glad you've found us and posted here. I agree with Missy, sounds like something has triggered her into thinking there's no hope or something like that. Do speak with her doctor and the staff and see if they noticed something that you haven't been able to.

Please keep us updated!

90 year old mother in rehab facility giving up posted by Missy @ 11:53 AM July 08, 2008

Missy — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:53:34 -0000

Hello wky,

Welcome to Caring's groups. I'm really glad you joined us.

I'm so sorry to hear that your mom is having such difficulties. My dad spent about a month in a rehab facility a few years ago and the range of emotions he went through (that ultimately caused physical issues) was something I was unprepared for.

The thing that strikes me about your mom is how suddenly this came on. Did something happen? Did she have a bad experience? Did someone say something to her? Is she suddenly under the impression she isn't working towards leaving? My advice would be to talk to her, making sure you're all on her side to make this work for her so that she can be safe.

I also think you're on the right track with talking with her doctor. I would also talk to the people at the rehab. Make sure they know her decline is very sudden. I can't help but to shake the feeling that this has a medical cause rather than her giving up. And if it is truly emotional, I'm hoping there are counselors who can help her cope.

Hopefully someone else has additional advice. In the meantime, keep us updated. I'll be thinking about you and your family.

90 year old mother in rehab facility giving up posted by wky @ 11:38 AM July 08, 2008

wky — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:38:23 -0000

My 90 year old mother has "mild cognitive dementia", athritis, colon problems and renal failure. She has been living alone - my brother lives next door. They have a signal - blinds come up in the morning to let him know she is up and okay. She has a life alert necklace.our safety net). She refuses to use her walker/cane to get around the house-she walks holding onto pieces of furniture - refuses to accept that the walker/cain may prevent her from failing. My sister calls her several times a day.

Two weeks ago my brother came in from work, the blinds were down, newpapers still on the porch., window A/c unit not on...he found her laying on the floor in her bedroom - terrible bruise on her arm and below her eye (she had hit her night stand). Evidently she had been there all day......my sister had called her several times between 10 and 2 - my mother told her she was laying down (did not mention she was on the floor), mother did not use her life alert button (which was around her neck).

Doctors and family say she cannot leave alone, we found a room in a rehab facaility that is close to home and that we know. When I got her there to check in, Mother refused to get out of the car, she wanted to go home, she would walk if I wouldn't take her, put her hands over her ears, told her facility employees to "shut up", etc. After an hour or so she argreed to go inside. We had told her they would help build her strength up, etc. For about 10 days she did great, ate well, did her rehab, able to walk in the halls with her walker. She was in a private room so she had her "space, her skin was rosy, eyes clear, etc.

Today into the 3rd week: she refuses to eat/drink...over the weekend she ate less that a tablespoon of food..she is weak - cannot get out of the wheelchair to the toilet, can barely stand to put her gown on at bedtime, will not talk, skin is shollow, dark circles under her eyes.

My mother has always been somewhat difficult and stubborn. She has given up because she cannot go home. My brother, sister and I have to work (I live 180 miles away-but always have gone home to my my share), we are hestitant of live in help because they may/may not show up, her house is in a rural area, neighbors are not close and those who are work. The facility is one f the best in the area. We have such peace with her being there. It it 10 miles from my sister and niece and 16 miles from my brother.

What do we do? We realize that she is depressed, she has been on meds for some time for despression. We are calling today to get an appointment with her long time medical doctor.

Any advice is welcomed.

How to convince patient to stop rubbing her eyes posted by Glittergirl13137 @ 04:51 AM July 08, 2008

Glittergirl13137 — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 04:51:00 -0000

Thanks for your suggestion Missy - maybe a new type of undergarment as you suggested would help, and I will look into that. I also purchased a pair of cotton gloves for her to wear, which of course can get dirty too but I can't help believe that they would be as "germy" as our skin can get. I noticed that since I put the gloves on her today she has decreased somewhat in the number of times that she rubs her eyes, and I think that perhaps when she goes to rub and she sees the gloves it serves as a visual to remind her that she shouldn't. Her doctor even had her assistant phone her to restate how to treat this problem, including not touching her eyes while they heal, but her memory is very weak and I doubt that she even remembered speaking to her by the end of the day. If anyone else has anything to add or has had similar experience with this type of problem, I am open to any suggestion. Thank you!

Father at 99 posted by LauraL @ 02:21 AM July 08, 2008

LauraL — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 02:21:40 -0000

hello Bonbask! Staying on top of things while being flexible is a good way to go. Enjoy your trip and let us know how things are going when you return!

Father at 99 posted by Bonbask @ 01:21 AM July 08, 2008

Bonbask — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 01:21:12 -0000

Just a short follow up. Thank you all for your comments it is great to know there are others with similar problems. My dad is a sweet heart, he contantly thanks me for being here for him and tells me he loves me all the time. When I hear what some others go through I thank god he is as nice as he is. Some older people can be quite cranky.. Right now I am leaving things as they are. In another week I go on vacation to visit a friend in Philadelphia and I will be there 17 days. My dad will be staying with my Sister and Brother in law. After that I will see how it goes.

How to convince patient to stop rubbing her eyes posted by Missy @ 01:19 AM July 08, 2008

Missy — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 01:19:58 -0000

Hey Glitter,

That's a toughie. Do you think the big issue is her rubbing her eyes or putting her hands in her undergarment? I wonder if there is a garment that would not allow her to put her hand there. Forgive me because I don't have experience in this, but I'm thinking something along the lines of a onesie?

Poor gal. I know, firsthand, that pinkeye is miserable. I sure hope someone has a great suggestion for you.

How to convince patient to stop rubbing her eyes posted by Glittergirl13137 @ 10:20 PM July 07, 2008

Glittergirl13137 — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 22:20:38 -0000

I have sought advice on this site with much success in the past, and am hoping that I can get some good suggestions again. I am caregiver to an elderly, bedridden lady who now has developed pinkeye which is bacterial in nature. Although I thoroughly clean her hands and nails several times a day, she will often check her diaper during the night to see if she is wet or dirty and then, forgetting that her hands are not especially clean, will rub her eyes and face. This has, I am sure, caused the pinkeye and now is being aggravated because her eyes itch, she continues to rub and scratch at them, which increases the problem, which increases the irritation . . . . and on and on. We have seen the doctor and she has prescribed medication, but of course it isn't doing too much good because of the constant rubbing. I have explained to her in every way I can think of that doing this is keeping the infection from going away, but she is so easily confused and forgetful and continues to irritate her own eyes. Does anybody have ANY suggestion as to how I can help her so that her eyes can have a chance to heal? Besides being concerned about her, I know how contagious this disease is and I am very careful to wear gloves, wash my hands frequently, etc., but it still concerns me.

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