What have you said 'No' to lately? posted by Anonymous @ 06:11 PM September 25, 2008

Anonymous — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 18:11:18 -0000

I've begun to say no to my siblings who feel like it's my job to micromanage my parents. I need to learn to tell them if they'd like to know the information so badly to talk to mom and dad themselves!

What have you said 'No' to lately? posted by Anonymous @ 03:36 AM September 25, 2008

Anonymous — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 03:36:24 -0000

I'm learning to say no to my impulse to treat everything as equally urgent. When my father's computer printer broke, the home care aide called me. I got the message after she had gone home. I told myself I didn't have to solve it right then at 8pm, and could wait and talk to my father about it the next day.

What have you said 'No' to lately? posted by Missy @ 12:39 AM May 02, 2008

Missy — Fri, 02 May 2008 00:39:53 -0000

When you figure it out, Stephanie, please shoot me an email! It wasn't for my parents, but I found myself sucked into a huge project today that had me muttering under my breath all morning. I kept thinking, "I could have just said no! Why did I not say NO!!??" LOL

What have you said 'No' to lately? posted by Stephanie Trelogan @ 06:13 PM May 01, 2008

Stephanie Trelogan — Thu, 01 May 2008 18:13:00 -0000

Ack! This is my absolute biggest issue: I am incapable of saying no. (Although my children might tell you a different story...) This gets me into all kinds of trouble, needless to say.

And I hear you on the guilt, Missy. Despite years (!) of therapy, I still melt into a puddle of guilt whenever I manage to set boundaries, even if they're totally reasonable.

Ah well, maybe in another 40 years I'll have it figured out...

What have you said 'No' to lately? posted by Rebecca @ 04:03 PM March 01, 2008

Rebecca — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 16:03:16 -0000

That's really a thought provoking question and a little humbling.

And you know, it makes me feel better about something that happened with my step-dad. I was sort of pissed at him at one point, because I would fly in to see mom and he would be unresponsive to some of her needs.... (easy for me to say)

and I thought... geez what's wrong with him - doesnt he see she needs this and that.... "men are so impossible." I would think...

but in reality, he's like 76 and probably needed some down time. a duh!

Go Missy! Now have to think about what I say "no" to or should!

What have you said 'No' to lately? posted by Missy @ 03:32 PM February 21, 2008

Missy — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 15:32:30 -0000

Great thread! I'm so so so so SO bad at saying no. But yesterday I just told my mom "no" to taking a 4 hour round trip to visit with a cousin for dinner. I felt bad because I wanted to go, and I wanted to help out my parents getting there, but I just can't rearrange everything for a dinner. The bad part is that I still feel guilty about it.

What have you said 'No' to lately? posted by Kirby F @ 11:13 PM February 19, 2008

Kirby F — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 23:13:24 -0000

As I've been learning more about caregiving, one common theme that I find is that you must take care of yourself as a caregiver first : the oxygen mask principle.

I didn't do this very well as a parent of young twins, but I'd like to learn how.

Maybe we can all support each other in saying 'No' sometimes? What have you said 'No' to lately? How do you draw the line and create boundaries so you can take of yourself too?