Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by INGODWETRUST @ 05:35 AM November 12, 2008

INGODWETRUST — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 05:35:12 -0000

Thank you "love torn"...............I do try to take one day at a time, it's just in that "one day" the seconds, minutes and hours are difficult at times. However, I do practice what I preach and rely on the LORD..............I am NOT one of those big time church goer holyer than thou kind of people, just have a strong Christian belief in GOD......

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by love torn @ 04:36 AM November 12, 2008

love torn — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 04:36:26 -0000

You are all dealing with so very much . My advice is to just try to take 1 day at a time . Deal with what you can 1 day at a time an so on. Yes, prepare for the future and get all your ducks in a role as they say , Financial, health care Proxcy, power of attorney etc. but don't sweat the small stuff. Like- The door bell that doesn't work, or a vacuum cleaner etc. Let the leaves on your lawn pile up . What will happen ? They might blow over on your neighbors or turn to mulch . Rain or snow days . Who cares , play a game watch a movie . Go with the flow and you'll be better for it .Take care of yourself and your love one. who you are caring for . That is the most important thing now in your life . Yes, GO WITH THE FLOW .Everyday is different and challenging as I know . Love Torn

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by INGODWETRUST @ 03:07 AM November 12, 2008

INGODWETRUST — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 03:07:17 -0000

Hello!

This is great to have such support topic to help anyone who has, will be or could be a caretaker of a parent. I wish I had this to start me off............It started with me at 14 yrs. ago and single being a caretaker of my mother who since 1994 has had 3 TIA's (mini-strokes), dementia and depression. She and my father had lived with me. My father never had a stomache for helping others........Then 4 years ago my father was told he had brain cancer and not much long to live.......It was again I was taking care of my mother and now dealing with my father and his cancer. He only lived 6 weeks after being told that he had cancer. There's this "snap to it" mode that you go into when faced with caretaking a parent. And with me having no children and single........GOD gave me the strength to "snap to it"!!! I had no time for grieving because I had to stay strong for BOTH my parents and to take care of their needs!!! The feeling just is so unexplainable that again, GOD gives it to you!!! And I ...............By the way...........My father excepted Jesus Christ as his saviour when he was lying in bed and I stood their besides him to pray and witnessed his acceptance to Christ! That was the BEST gift my father had gave me by taking care of him until he past to be with the LORD!!! Thank you Dad...............I love and miss you!!!!

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by star @ 12:44 AM September 10, 2008

star — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 00:44:04 -0000

hello kickmetoo,

Welcome. You have found a great group of caring people. Wasn't sure if you knew there is a cancer support site here which you might find helpful. They might be able to help answer some of your questions. It sounds like your husband is a tough cookie. He is lucky to have you hanging in there with him. Sometimes you need to keep asking questions to doctors to get the answers, if not, then perhaps it is time to find a different one. Family and friends are always helpful during these tough times. They are very supportive and helpful in many ways. I work with a lady with alzheimers and bladder cancer. She is also a tough cookie but very sweet and cheerful despite her conditions. I will keep you in my prayers.

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by kickmetoo @ 01:17 PM September 09, 2008

kickmetoo — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 13:17:09 -0000

confused my husband just turned 53, he was diagnosed in june with rt kidney cancer then rt hip, now pelvic cancer, i try to not cry arond him or act any different, take alot of showers! what am i to expect i get so mad at the doc they dont really say much, it is not cureble, 1 patient has lived 8 yrs, no chemo, maybe radiation, not takin kidney out( even though that is where it all started] REASON INFECTION, DONT WANT TO CAUSE HIM MORE PAIN, my god docs can i just get a straight answer? HOW LONG DO WE REALLY HAVE ? i promised him to never hospitilize him, and i wont but what am i facin??i love him soo much! he even still gets p and goes to work everyday, rides his motorcycle everyday, we went to the beach this weekend with 3 of or daughters and 4 grandkids, u cold tell he was hurtin but wold not leave untill everybody was ready,some body tell me HOW BAD IS IT GOIN TO GET??AND IF ANYBODY NOS ANYTHING ABOT BONE CANCER PLEASE TELL ME I AM GETTIN DESPERATE, I AM A RECOVERING ALCHOHOLIC,AND IT IS GETTIN TOUGHER EVERY DAY, JUST NOT KNOWIN ANYTHING ABOT THIS THANK U SORRY SO LONG!

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by love torn @ 03:57 AM September 03, 2008

love torn — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 03:57:43 -0000

cskten,

Welcome . I am calling myself Love torn., because that's how my heart feels. To see your love one lose bits and piecies of himself every day is tearng my heart apart. I try to keep up beat and both of us as busy as possible and that seems to help. As active as he can possibly be for as long as possible to keep his Quality of life and his self esteme I think is important . I do find he is failing fast with his personality and behaviors which is so unlike the person he used to be . Hang in there . Being able to talk to other people and caregivers going through the same thing does seem to help .Best wishes to you and your Dad. Love Torn

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by cskten @ 02:45 PM September 02, 2008

cskten — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:45:18 -0000

I'm new to this site, I'm hoping to be able to find people in the same boat as me, and it looks like I'm in the right place. My Dad is 80 years old, with the onset of dementia - he gets confused easily and each day I lose a little more of the Dad I've known all my life. It's difficult to watch. His mother passed away at 99 years old, had Sundowner's Syndrome and eventually Alzheimer's, so I know what's coming. Just being able to speak about it and get it out from inside will be helpful.

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by Vicky @ 01:03 PM June 13, 2008

Vicky — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 13:03:07 -0000

Wow, you are truly a blessing to your family. I understand how you must feel at times with having your husband going through his illness. I am so thankful my mother had her mind up to the end. She knew where she was most of the time. There were short periods where she was confused, but not many.

She was a nurse aide for many years and knew she did not want to go into a home. I quit my job so she could be with us full time. By us I mean me and my son. My sister lives with us as well, but she totally ignored mother and still ignores me and my son. So, in truth I also care for a family member who is a loner. That to me was the worse part of caring for mother. Knowing I should have help from my sister, but had none.

I attend a university here and have been doing my best to get a degree, even at my age. Mother use to tell me not to go because she didn't like being alone. My son works two jobs and isn't home much. What time he was home he helped me more than anyone. My mother and son were very very close. In fact, he asked us to move in so mother could watch the birds from her bed. Her bed was in the living room by the back patio doors. She was the center of everything.

Well, now that she is no longer in the living I still am in the habit of being quiet in the early mornings. Habits are the hardest thing to break.

I want to thank you for being there. And willing to listen to me ramble on.

Take care and God bless

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by love torn @ 01:47 AM June 13, 2008

love torn — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 01:47:36 -0000

Hi Vicki,

Glad your here sharing your experences with all of us . 4 and a half years is a long time to care for a loved one, who is ill. Iit soundes like you got a lot back from your experiences . My Mom died about 10 years ago .I was the only one with her in the hospital and got a priest to give her her last rights when her breathing was labored. She died an hour later . It is hard but taking care of love ones can also be very rewarding . As a nurse I think God just wanted me to continue on this path after I decided to do other things a few years ago.. Then My husband was diagnosed with EOAD early onset Alzheimer's disease at 58. There was and is a plan I told a friend . I can't certainly say I am enjoying watching the man I have been married to for over 40 years turn into a child but I would not have it anyother way but me taking care of him . We take it one day at a time and we are doing fine . Wish you well and welcome to this site for solice. and consolation .

Love Torn

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by Vicky @ 07:02 PM June 12, 2008

Vicky — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:02:20 -0000

Hey there,

Glad to see this worked. My mother's death experience is what I will remember more than any of the bad stuff. I witnessed mother's struggle with thinking she would not go to heaven. This was on her mind just before she took a turn for the worse. Thinking of this brought her to tears many times.

I asked her why she thought she would not go to heaven. Her response was "because of all the horrible things I did in the past." I told her all she had to do was "ask for forgiveness and it would be done." On her last day of life, the beavement coordinator came over. I explained to her how mother felt about going to heaven. This precious lady lend over my mother and told her "Jesus loves you for the Bible tells me so." Tears appeared in mother's eyes and she wiped them away and comforted her. We then held hands (holding mother's hands in ours) and she said a prayer for mother.

It was immediate forgiveness because my mother's breathing slowed down to a calm steady pace. She was at peace and it showed. My three children were holding her hands and comforting her when she took her last breath. The sun came out and a glow went over mother.

This is the memory I will have forever of my mother. Yes, the years were horrible at times, but that is no longer on my mind. For every thing that happened, all has been forgiven.

Thank you for being there and listening.

God bless

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by Missy @ 06:00 PM June 12, 2008

Missy — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 18:00:51 -0000

Hi Vicky,

I'm glad you found us! I sure hope you stick around. There are lots of folks here who would love to hear your experiences and advice you have learned from the care you provided for your mom.

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by Vicky @ 05:07 PM June 12, 2008

Vicky — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:07:34 -0000

I just joined this site and wished I had known about it sooner. I was the caregiver for my bedridden mother for four and a half years and let me tell you it wasn't easy. I quit my job to keep her in the home. I am so blessed to have been able to do this for her. She passed away in April of this year.

Even though she had nursing care and ended up on Hospice, there was absolutely no help for me, the caregiver. With all the social workers within the nursing services, they were not there to assist me with my concerns and stresses. Mother never spoke to them about her concerns because she had none, she was well cared for.

I just want to remind everyone who cares for their elderly parents, to take care of their needs also. How and where to seek help is nowhere to be found unless you can afford to see a counselor. This is why I depended on "prayer." When you have no one on earth to help, look to the heavens. The Lord is always there and does listen.

God bless

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by love torn @ 12:54 AM May 23, 2008

love torn — Fri, 23 May 2008 00:54:10 -0000

Sounds like you are doing the best you can Star,

Good Days ,Bad days . That's how it seems to go. Just know you are doing all you can if she isn't responding to it maybe she needs to be checked out for depression or she is just having a bad day.

hang in there . Love Torn

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by star @ 11:18 PM May 22, 2008

star — Thu, 22 May 2008 23:18:08 -0000

I thought i was making some progress and now it seems we are going backwards again. It is a struggle just getting my lady to wake up in the morning. The past 2-3 days she has refused to take her meds. She doesn't want to get dressed either, I have managed to get that accomplished, the two of us, not to her liking most of the time. She stays in her room while I play cd's on her boombox for her and bring her food and snacks. I have been trying to no avail to get her to come downstairs and visit with me and watch the birds and the dogs playing but she wants no part of it. Granted the weather has been really dreary. I have been praying for a change to sunshine and maybe a more upbeat mood for her. Meanwhile, I have been cleaning and organizing cupboards for her dgtr and making casseroles and cookies, etc. She likes the cookies.

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by SchaferLTC @ 05:03 PM May 22, 2008

SchaferLTC — Thu, 22 May 2008 17:03:01 -0000

Love torn said....Yes, Long care insurance is the best way to go for most but if you are diagnosed with AD first the option is gone.

A good reason to obtain LTCi early....lock in your good health....possibly increase benefits in the future. Especially necessary to families who have already been afflicted with AD.

Unfortunately, too many people don’t take the risk seriously when they are young enough, healthy enough, and affluent enough. Your good health is what buys long-term care insurance, you money simply pays for it.

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by love torn @ 02:25 PM May 22, 2008

love torn — Thu, 22 May 2008 14:25:45 -0000

Yes, Long care insurance is the best way to go for most but if you are diagnosed with AD first the option is gone. So I would advice if you have knowledge the disease has effected other members of yur imediate family I would sign up ASAP. No one knows when the Care giver will get sick and no longer be able to care for their loved one either so being prepared and getting things in place will help some what. Health care proxy's, wills, trust's, power of attorney ,living will. all should be discused also.

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by SchaferLTC @ 07:04 AM May 22, 2008

SchaferLTC — Thu, 22 May 2008 07:04:20 -0000

The number of Americans aged 85 and older is skyrocketing. It has soared from just over 100,000 in 1990 to 4.2 million in 2000 – and is projected to be 21 million by 2050. About 69% of people turning 65 this year will need long-term care during their lifetimes, and 20% will need it for five years or longer.

Which is worse? Needing care or having to provide care. Many of the tensions of caregiving could be eased with better planning.

Plan early, and save, invest, or insure. Maybe you can't solve the public policy problem alone, but you can protect yourselves and your families. Doing so is an important contribution. After all, as a wag once said: 'The best way to help the poor is not to become one of them.'

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by love torn @ 01:58 AM May 19, 2008

love torn — Mon, 19 May 2008 01:58:10 -0000

Star,

No my sister-in-law didn't want to get her hair done even though I said," oh come on it will be fun. 'She said matter a factly --Fun for you! I just said maybe next time . We took a long walk and picked some Lilocks watched half of a movie . Then my husband put on his Celine cd's . She was up stairs danceing and listening with him . It was a good 3 hours . When her husband picked her up and she said she didn't want to go ,I said if you make a fuss when it comes to go home you won't be able to come back or go with us next time . That worked . She went willingly. I know what you are saying about the medicine . It is just like everything else they have good days and bad so don't feel bad you seem to be making a big difference in her quality of life. I would just let her daughter know that she refused them. My husband somedays says he doesn't need or want them but so far I can still get him to take them . BUT I know the day will come he just won't . They don't seem to be helping him anyway . But I still hope . As far as a nice sunny day we all seem to be happier when the sun is shinning . I looking forward to a nice sunny day too. Thanks, Love torn

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by star @ 10:00 PM May 18, 2008

star — Sun, 18 May 2008 22:00:43 -0000

Hello Love Torn,

How did things go with your sister--in-law? Did she cooperate with the haircut and color? I never know what to expect when I go to work? I mentioned I had two good days, the next day I went, the weather was rainy and gloomy and that was my lady's disposition. She was not happy. She even refused to take her medication, said she "doesn't take medicine", get it out of here, she didn't want it and wasnt' going to take it. Not quite in those words. I tried convincing her and cajoling her into taking them to no avail. I felt truly defeated. She stayed in her room all day, so I brought food and snacks all day long, I also did bring some more cds, so I played music for her, started humming along and once or twice caught her humming along. But for the most part, I couldn't make her smile or bring her out of her funk. I pray for the sunshine. She is so much better and happier on those days. I will try and coax her outside maybe for a day trip to see my chicken and peeps. We did that one other time a couple of weeks ago, she seemed to enjoy it. She used to live on a farm when she was a kiddo.

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by love torn @ 02:10 PM May 15, 2008

love torn — Thu, 15 May 2008 14:10:16 -0000

Star,

Wow what great progress you have made with your lady . She really sounds like she looks forward to your visit's with her.Fantastic. My sister-in-law is coming over today while her husband goes to his MD apiontment . I plan to cut and color her hair for her if she let's me . She has in the past but things have changed somewhat . Love Torn

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by star @ 12:17 AM May 15, 2008

star — Thu, 15 May 2008 00:17:30 -0000

Hello again love torn,

I had two pretty good days this past. Tues, my lady stayed with me almost the whole day which is quite unusual. We enjoyed the sunny day, from inside, watched the birds, and hummed along to the music a good part of the day. We baked some cookies. She received a bird book for mother's day which we both enjoyed. As I had promised I brought some new cd's with me on Wed. She woke herself up early, went to the bathroom, saw that I was downstairs and actually came down to greet me. Usually, she goes back to her room and I have to try and coax her to come and join me downstairs. She smiled and gave me a couple of hugs, I felft she was actually a little happy to see me. I felt maybe we were getting somewhere finally. Such little things really make you feel like such progress. But the weather wasn't very pleasant today, so she didn't spend a whole lot of time with me. She did enjoy the new music and hummed along with me for a little while though. i will keep trying.

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by love torn @ 12:23 AM May 14, 2008

love torn — Wed, 14 May 2008 00:23:50 -0000

Hello again,

Just checking in to say I'm still here . My sister-in -Law who is 59 seems to be getting worse and I know it is what it is but I can see her brother , my husband 's near future in her actions. We took a ride to the Lake yesterday with another sibling of theirs and husband and we all had a great day . Lunch afterwards was good too. When we dropped her off home with her husband she wanted to come home with us and it took a good ten minuets of me trying to explain we would see her again another day and she lived there with her husband . She even tried to force her way into the car and was yelling "I don't want to stay here ",and much more. As heart breaking as it is we have to be firm with her . If we don't it will make it much harder each time we go somewhere with her or see her for both her and her husband. She can be very sweet and funny too and we ,I love being with her . At lunch she started to sing "The Star Spangle Baner" after singing the whole song very well I might add I asked her is there a flag you saw on the wall ,as I llooked around the walls of the dinner . She said no with a smile I just felt like it. Very nice we all said and went on eating. from, Love Torn

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by star @ 11:38 AM May 12, 2008

star — Mon, 12 May 2008 11:38:24 -0000

Hello love torn,

You seem to know just the right advice. Sounds great. I work tomorrow and depending on what kind of mood she is in, I will have some new ideas to work with. I guess you are right, you just have to try it and if she resists the idea, don't force it, just try it again and maybe it will go over better the next time. I will need to learn to not take it personally and remember it is her disease talking. I watched a video on youtube one of the members here suggested, it featured a family therapist who has specialized in alzheimers for past many yrs, some helpful advice there as well. I have been helping with making dinner and baking for her daughter already and organizing her kitchen cupboards some, with her ok. Thanks for your help, it is greatly appreciated.

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by love torn @ 03:41 AM May 12, 2008

love torn — Mon, 12 May 2008 03:41:45 -0000

Hi Star,

I am glad I was of some help .

It sounds like you understand her pretty good. I would sugest on the days that she doesn't want to get out of bed ,she might just be tired and need to sleep a few more hours then play the music in her room to see if she wakes up then if it was me with my husband I would start dancing and try to make him smile and laugh . While she is sleeping maybe you could do a wash or make lunch , or house work that is needed .Then the bath and what ever and maybe sunshine . A lounge chair on a porch with music so she can watch the birds might make her happy.Try not to show you are afraid to help with those tasks and just start to do it . You'll soon know if she is resistful or receptive or not and you'll have to play that by ear. . Reading her short stories or or you can find recorded books at the library also if she was a great book reader. Use colorful plates when it is meal time .Red seems to be best for people with Alzheimer's . It sounds like you certainly have the right Idea I love Josh Groban . Good luck and hang in there , Love torn

Hello and Welcome to Caring Central! posted by star @ 08:22 PM May 11, 2008

star — Sun, 11 May 2008 20:22:17 -0000

Thank you for the advice and suggestions. I will definetly take them to heart. I am hoping to try and make her life a little bit better if I can. When she is in a good mood, she does enjoy listening to music, in fact, I told her I would bring some Josh Groban and some CD's with me the next time I came. I also suggested she and I planting flowers in a garden area right outside the kitchen window where we sit quite frequently watching the birds. She loves watching the birds, her daughter has lots of bird feeders which she does love watching. Last week i did get her to venture out and took her for a ride to my house to see my chickens and peeps, she truly liked that, she grew up on a farm. It is just the days that she won't leave her room and wants nothing to do with anyone that is my dilemma. And what to do as the icebreaker to start to help more with the physical care to relieve some of the duties from her daughter. Perhaps it will just take more time, it has only been a few weeks.

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