Do you accompany your parents to doctor visits? posted by Lisa B @ 04:55 AM June 14, 2008

Lisa B — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 04:55:59 -0000

Wow, Kimberly !! You had so many awesome suggestions! I especially loved the ideas of making a copy of the medical history and summary and having a seperate envelope for each doctor. The next time I go with my mom to an appt, I am definitely making a copy of the forms we fill out. I say "we" because most of the time, I end up filling them out for her. :)

Thanks again for all the advice- definitely don't apologize for your reply being long! Stop by anytime!

Do you accompany your parents to doctor visits? posted by Kimberly @ 05:44 PM June 06, 2008

Kimberly — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 17:44:40 -0000

The notebook is an excellent idea. My mom has so many doctors that she started keeping an envelope for each one and takes the appropriate one with her. She also has a small purse which she uses only when she goes to the doctor (right now she actually has a girl's purse). I have expanded on her idea. Included in the purse are: list of meds( including doctor and dosage), list of surgeries, copy of Health Care Proxy, medical insurance card/info, and personal info ( her address,phone number,person to contact -elderly people get nervous and can't always remember this info right on the spot), list of doctors (just collect a business card from each doctor), and a small calendar for appointments (so t here is no conflict when making appointments). I have also started this with my dad (not with a purse but a zippered notebook type of thing).

When going to a new doctor, there is always medical history and summary to fill out. Make a copy of the first one, then you don't have to keep asking your parents for the info over again for each new doc. I have the office send out the forms to me ahead of time instead of doing it at the office.

We are at the point where I accompany my parents (I am able to do so because I was lucky enough to retire early). I always give my name and phone number for the doctors office to contact my parents. Parents sometimes get confused on the phone and I have an answering machine. I have also taken over her meds(this was difficult for her to accept) - filling in her weekly pillbox, calling the doc for a new refill,etc. Weekly pillboxes are a great help. When you visit, you can check to see if the pills were taken. Our pillbox has 4 compartments (breakfast,lunch,dinner,bedtime) because my mom has several meds to take at different times and it stays on the kitchen table.

To get your parents used to the idea of you going with them, go out to eat afterwards. It's a nice treat for them. Explain that by you going with them, you are able to spend more time with them and it's easier and safer for them.

If you cannot accompany them, get them the easiest recorder and teach them how to record the doctor visit. Maybe you could find a neighbor or check with the church, give them a few dollars so they can go and handle things and maybe drive, if necessary.

I know this reply is long but I have been going through all this and was almost going crazy. You have to put your foot down and be stern about certain things so that everything gets done smoothly for them and healthfully for you. I used to be a highschool teacher and find myself teaching again (repeating myself continually, giving directions,etc)!!!!!!! I am also single with no children. This enables me to do more for and with my parents (dad 93, mom 88). I do not know how married or single parents handle all this. My sister lives out-of-state.She gives me a lot of advice, visits every couple of months, and calms me down. We can now laugh at certain things.

Do you accompany your parents to doctor visits? posted by Rebecca @ 01:53 PM June 05, 2008

Rebecca — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 13:53:31 -0000

I think doctoring has gotten really hard - so much specialiation and balancing insurance and patient care. Its got to be tough.

Yeah, haven't you felt sometimes like when you are really tired or stressed, "I just don't want to think about it, I want 'it', whatever 'it' is, to be fixed. I don't want to understand it. I just want it okay.

My dad had a massive struggle with the medical profession when he was in his twenties and my mom had MS. He found all sorts of alternative stuff, and flew her to the west coast from Ohio, and worked tirelessly to get her 'cured'. (And it worked). But now he's just down on the medical profession and passive resistant, and I think tired of it. Perhaps willing to make do with his current condition whatever that is.

btw, I use a notebook religiously now. It was incredibly helpful with my mom. because I had notes of what every doctor said, and what medications etc. etc. - sometimes before that doctor even had the records.

Do you accompany your parents to doctor visits? posted by Missy @ 12:44 PM June 05, 2008

Missy — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 12:44:02 -0000

Don't you almost feel a little sorry for doctors? Our parents are of the "doctor knows best" generation and we are of the "I'm going to google it and demand your attention and knowledge to help me understand and make choices" generation. I struggle with my parents' passive attitude towards care and instructions. I ask a lot of "why?" questions and my parents shrug. I hadn't ever considered that it takes energy for that "why?" flame to burn and to pursue an answer. Perhaps it's respect for the doctor, or as you mentioned, perhaps general fatigue that makes accepting of less information.

Do you accompany your parents to doctor visits? posted by Rebecca @ 12:33 PM June 05, 2008

Rebecca — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 12:33:22 -0000

THis is a good question. My dad's partner has not gone to the doctor with my dad in the past, but is getting concerned and says she's going to go with him this time. But he hasn't scheduled his appointment. I'm starting to wonder if I need to jump in. The 200 miles away part does make it hard though.

And a girl friend has been totally struggling with her parents. They are so passive and just think that the doctor knows best. But I think doctoring has changed immensely in the last 10 years with managed care and its not the same as it was. I don't think most elder people really understand the degree to which they have to take charge, and frankly many just don't have the energy to do it.

Do you accompany your parents to doctor visits? posted by Missy @ 11:31 AM June 05, 2008

Missy — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 11:31:08 -0000

That notebook is a good idea for another reason. If I have questions for the doc before they see him/her I can write them down in there for them to ask. Then they don't have to try to remember or don't ask a similar question that doesn't quite hit the mark. Great idea! Thank you!

Do you accompany your parents to doctor visits? posted by Lisa B @ 02:32 AM June 05, 2008

Lisa B — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 02:32:56 -0000

This is a great question- I'm curious as to what everyone else does! I'm betting it depends on each parent's personality and cognitive ability. My mom readily admits that she can't remember all the important information and questions to ask so she's always happy to have someone else come along. She's also started keeping a small notebook in her purse that she writes questions in or any other important information. Once I saw how handy it was and how much it helped her, I started keeping a notebook in my purse too! I remember SO much more now that I have a place to write it down as soon as I get the information.

I would definitely try and feel them out about you possibly accompanying them to visits. If they feel it's unnecessary or that you are "babying" them somehow, try and see if they'll use a notebook to jot information down for you. Or perhaps you could even talk to their doctors and see if they would write down the pertinent information themselves to be passed on to you.

Do you accompany your parents to doctor visits? posted by Missy @ 01:45 AM June 05, 2008

Missy — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 01:45:40 -0000

Sometimes I get really frustrated with my parents when they visit the doctor and come home only to report vague or broken information. I ask questions that I tihnk are obvious and I get silence on the other end of the line. If I press the issue, they get a little defensive. Now I'm the first one to admit that I, even with my children, don't think of all my questions on the spot while talking with our doc. But I definitely will call back later if something is keeping me up at night. My parents will not. So I'm wondering, should I start asking to accompany them to visits? What do you think?

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