A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by charlenereeves @ 08:50 PM June 19, 2008

charlenereeves — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 20:50:08 -0000

Missy you are ever so helpful. Thank you for the amazing support my friend.

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by Missy @ 06:27 PM June 19, 2008

Missy — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 18:27:43 -0000

Oh Charlene! *hugs* I'm so sorry your mom is deterioriating so rapidly. How heartbreaking for your both!

I think the mental conflict you're feeling is so normal. With that said, I know it isn't easy. I don't think you're being selfish. I know I'm kind of making light of it, but let's be honest. When IS cleaning a bottom delightful? Other than the first time or two a newborn does it and new parents are just thrilled, I can't imagine it's ever considered endearing or pleasant. Couple that with crankiness, and you've got yourself a not-so-fun situation. Those are just facts, certainly not feelings of selfishness.

You're an amazing daughter for taking such good care of her. Please keep us updated. I'll be thinking about you!

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by charlenereeves @ 05:09 PM June 19, 2008

charlenereeves — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:09:39 -0000

My last few days have been like walking through sticky syrup. Mom is deteroiting so rapidly and mean. Please Lord let her go to you. Please don't hate me only understand that the pain is horrendous watching her go in 1 month to a thriving happy person to a bed ridden individual that needs her bottom cleaned and just is mean. I guess I am being selfish-I can't stand to look at her anymore, but I also can't leave her side.

Charlene

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by Missy @ 01:56 AM June 16, 2008

Missy — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 01:56:31 -0000

Hi there,

I'm so so sorry for your heavy heart. I've been there at different times with my mother-in-law and father. You're right...it's sickening. My best advice is to just show your mom as much love as you can. Sometimes that means skipping a day to regroup and be able to face the next. *hugs* Please keep us updated on how she and you are doing. We're here for you.

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by cece @ 10:34 PM June 14, 2008

cece — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 22:34:19 -0000

Please don't feel guilty for not visiting your mom for a day. You need to keep yourself balanced in your life, and that sometimes means a day to step back, take a deep breath, and gather the energy to go back to her. I understand that, as a daughter, your mom has always depended on you but trust me, you aren't letting her down by taking care of yourself. Whenever you are at her side, hold her hand, reminder her how much you love her, and just be with her. That is the absolute best you have to give her: yourself. I wish I could find answers to the questions we're all facing with our elderly loved ones... how to help them through those final days and hours. But it's really going to be different for each of us, and for myself, a faith that God will guide my steps is essential. Please let us know how you're doing. We care.

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by charlenereeves @ 03:47 PM June 14, 2008

charlenereeves — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 15:47:36 -0000

Ohhh how well I know your heart. My mom is so blessed to not have broken a bone in her life, but I can so identify with you my dear. I know your pain of wishing mom would return from where ever she is. My mom is 81 almost 82 and she has gone from a beautiful swan to an old elderly feable old squatting person I don't know-no I realize my mom was older but she always stood erect and was so outgoing and helping everyone she could. I know she is oler, but she aged 60 years in less than a few months. I feel so mixed up inside unaware of how to identify them since I have never felt anything like this before. What I am trying to say is I understand some of what you are going through. I know that you desperately are doing your best to talke great care of your mom. I know the pain you must feel toward yourself for not being there when she feel and maybe even the pain of mentally accusing yourself. Please I will get back soon.

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by full of greif @ 05:42 AM June 14, 2008

full of greif — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 05:42:05 -0000

Hello,

At this very moment, I am so sad. My Mother is in the Hospital and she is not doing well. I moved her with me the 1st week of March and she fell and broke her back coming from the bathroom. I was devasted. I'm still devasted. She has not been the same. She's been in 3 different nursing homes and this is her 5th trip to the Hospital. My Mother was a strong woman. She is 86 (march 14) I'm just all messed up inside. I took off work for 2 months. (family leave) and just went back Monday and they call me at work to get to the Hospital. She was uncouncious. She is awake now but she has stop eating and won't talk anymore. She started that about a week ago. I did everything I could and still am for my mother. I try to talk to her she dosen't respond. She just stares and holds my hand real tight. She won't talk to tell me how she feels or anything. I'm sick inside. I broke down at work today full of sadness. I did not go and see her today because I can't stand to see her like she is. It's horrible! I'm the only girl, so it makes it that much harder. She's always depended on me. And I was always there. I'm so heartbroken and I don't know how to handle this situation. I have been asking God to Guide me in my steps. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I've looking up sites trying to get some answers. But's I realize their aren't any answers but God.

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by charlenereeves @ 01:14 AM April 21, 2008

charlenereeves — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 01:14:50 -0000

Hi again,

Mom has taken a turn for the worse. I don't know how to handle all the things in my own life much less how to deal with my feelings so I just shove them back and go for it with another thing to accomplish. I am so very tired and stressed I just want to run away. I thought life would get less busy after 2007, but things are worse or harder.

Charlene

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by Missy @ 08:47 PM April 19, 2008

Missy — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 20:47:35 -0000

You know...now that I think about it, I'm not sure how we got through it. I'm not going to lie, it was difficult. I can remember there being times where I was filled with grief, dread and sometimes even feelings of awkwardness. I remember traveling to my father-in-law's house the night we knew would be his last. As we turned off the highway to their house I felt almost panicked. What would we do? What would we say? What would we see? There was this urgency to get to his side as quickly as possible and an equal urgency to run away and not deal with it. It was just too hard. Sadly, when we arrived, he had already passed and those feelings were replaced with a deep sadness and longing to have said one last goodbye. Gosh it's been awhile since I've thought about that day and I'm tearing up wrting this.

Forgive me for my little walk down memory lane. Where I was going wtih all of this is that in these times, you do what you have too. Truthfully, there's little choice. Being on the other side, I truly believe that there is no right or wrong way to muddle through it all. My husband and I dealt with it very differently, yet still today both have peace. Everything you're feeling is okay.

I hope you'll find yourself where I am now. When I see one of my children do something that reminds me of my father-in-law I smile. When he suddenly creeps into my thoughts I send a little "hello there" his way in my mind. When I see how happy my mother-in-law is in her daily life I feel satisfied that life goes on. We all miss him dearly, there's no doubt about that. But...we got through it. You will too.

If you need a sounding board or just some support, post again here. Losing a loved one is never easy.

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by charlenereeves @ 02:07 PM April 19, 2008

charlenereeves — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 14:07:37 -0000

Thanks for replying. I don't know how to get it out for it hurts so deeply in a spot which hasn't any words. How did you do it?

Charlene

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by Missy @ 12:58 PM April 19, 2008

Missy — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 12:58:41 -0000

Oh Charlene. *hugs* I'm so sorry for the loss you're feeling. I want to welcome you to Caring's groups and I'm happy you posted.

When we were losing my husband's father to cancer, there was a period of time where he wasn't who he had been (personality, not physical capability) and we grieved because the man we knew and loved was already gone. Yet, even during those times where he was mostly gone, we had some beautiful moments together. I hope you experience the same.

My advice to you is to let go of the past. You're doing a wonderful thing for your mother. I want to believe somewhere deep down she knows she's in a loving place. The tender care you provide for her does her heart good, and yours as well.

Please keep us updated. I'll be thinking about you! And if it feels better for you to have that tantrum, go in your bedroom, close the door and have it. Somestimes the reset of "getting it out" is so necessary.

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by charlenereeves @ 04:05 AM April 19, 2008

charlenereeves — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 04:05:11 -0000

I am watching the most difficult experience of my life-my mom losing herself. I love my mom very much and am doing with the aid of my sister all possible for my mother. I treated her so horrible most of her years until she almost left us. Realizing it all boils down to love I quickly forgot the past and became her caretaker. She is becoming someone who is confused, lost, and psychotic. It hurts. I want to throw a tantrum as if I was still a child expecting some reaction- a smile of recognition or caring. None. I see her just like....but not anymore.

Charlene

Recent Posts in 'A Elderly Mother Losing ground' | Caring.com

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by charlenereeves @ 08:50 PM June 19, 2008

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by Missy @ 06:27 PM June 19, 2008

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by charlenereeves @ 05:09 PM June 19, 2008

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by Missy @ 01:56 AM June 16, 2008

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by cece @ 10:34 PM June 14, 2008

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A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by full of greif @ 05:42 AM June 14, 2008

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A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by Missy @ 08:47 PM April 19, 2008

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by charlenereeves @ 02:07 PM April 19, 2008

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by Missy @ 12:58 PM April 19, 2008

A Elderly Mother Losing ground posted by charlenereeves @ 04:05 AM April 19, 2008