Mother living with cancer for 25 years posted by Chris @ 03:21 AM July 25, 2008

Chris — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 03:21:04 -0000

Hi there,

My father has been living with a terminal illness for 17 years now. He's a strong man whose mental discipline and desire to thrive are the only reason he's around today and has got to see all of his children grow up, get married, and even has one grandchild now. But the dark side of that history contains within it a severe bout with addiction to pain medication that almost killed him and tore our family apart. It took us years to recover from that.

Suffice to say, I feel like I understand your situation. I understand wanting to give up on your parent because it seems like they've given up on themselves. I understand the anger and frustration that you're feeling at her "selfishness". But I also understand now, with hindsight, just how hard it is to be in their shoes, fighting every day, dealing with pain, side-effects, and mental anguish. And while it stinks for you, this pain medication is probably making her life more palpable for her right now. I'm not suggesting this is a healthy behavior, just that it's an understandable one. Frankly, if I was in her or my father's shoes, I have a hard time imagining that I wouldn't fall into the same situation.

I don't have much advice for you really, this is a situation that I'm sure is quite nuanced and the right way to deal with it depends on so much more than can be inferred from your post. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry that you're in this situation and that I hope you can find it in your heart to continue to love your mom, despite this moment of weakness. Try not to see it for any more than it is, an escape from what's been a very tough life. If you can do that, you can help her best navigate this moment of her life.

Keep in touch! (hugs)

Mother living with cancer for 25 years posted by LauraL @ 01:25 AM July 25, 2008

LauraL — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:25:45 -0000

Hi Anonymous,

I'm so sorry to hear of this. It sounds very stressful for both you and her. Have you suggested to her to speak to a psychologist at all, who might be able to help her find other ways to cope?

Please let us know how things are going.

Mother living with cancer for 25 years posted by Anonymous @ 06:50 PM July 24, 2008

Anonymous — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 18:50:24 -0000

My mother was diagnosed 25 years ago with a rare form of cancer, which results in the growth of granulosis cell tumors on various internal organs. Today, after three rounds of chemotherapy and 9 surgerys, she is still fighting. I admire her perserverance, but at the same time, she seems to be holding on, mentally, by a thin thread. I realize that she is a remarkable case and that she has probably been through more trauma than most people, yet as of recently, she has been abusing her pain medication, which is very upseting to all of her family. Ive confronted her in the past but she responds with a long list of valid excuses for why she needs "something" to help her cope. I wish this "something" could be less detrimental to her. Im faced now with a difficult decision because I feel as though its too upsetting to me to watch her abuse her medication, but I feel too guilty to cut ties complete. Can anyone relate?

Recent Posts in 'Mother living with cancer for 25 years' | Caring.com

Mother living with cancer for 25 years posted by Chris @ 03:21 AM July 25, 2008

Mother living with cancer for 25 years posted by LauraL @ 01:25 AM July 25, 2008

Mother living with cancer for 25 years posted by Anonymous @ 06:50 PM July 24, 2008