When to close the kitchen? posted by RevYarb @ 02:20 AM July 04, 2008

RevYarb — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 02:20:36 -0000

Has anyone had to make the decision to close down your parents kitchen (stove)? At least once a week I come home only to find a lingering smell of something that has burned on the stove earlier in the day. Now I’m at the fork in the road of having to shut down my mom’s stove for fear of her hurting herself or burning the house down. If you have dealt with this issue with your loved one, please share with me how you went about this delicate task. Any and all imput appreciated.

Bless Your Spirit!

- RevYarb

Death While Remaining Present posted by RevYarb @ 05:05 AM July 03, 2008

RevYarb — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 05:05:28 -0000

Charlene,

The more the staff see's your presence the better service your mom wil recieve.

Bless Your Spirit!

-RevYarb

Death While Remaining Present posted by charlenereeves @ 02:23 AM July 03, 2008

charlenereeves — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 02:23:57 -0000

There are only aides working in the unit. They come and go like flies. Mom' spendxing the night on the floor causedx her allot of pain andx causing me allot of emotional trauma. Being a nurse my body seemed to want to take her home or at least to take on the continuous mentally care until I realizedx she could hurt herself even if I was there 24 hours a day. That makes me stressed Andx makes me CRAZY!

new here...just getting thing off my chest... posted by ArmyMom @ 05:44 PM July 01, 2008

ArmyMom — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 17:44:26 -0000

You will be blessed by what you are doing for your loved one, in so many ways. You are setting a good example for your child, also, I would also like to add that it's important to still have playdates for your son, go to the library, play a game of catch in the backyard, etc, so your son ( and you0 can have plenty of "me time." This will help all of you to amaintain your strength for the long haul. We have found that Gmom likes to watch cartoons with her greatgrandson. she also likes to sit outside and read the newspaper while he plays in the dirt with his shovel.

new here...just getting thing off my chest... posted by Dawn @ 03:48 AM June 26, 2008

Dawn — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 03:48:20 -0000

Barbie, you certainly have taken on much added responsibility at a young age and I know that God will bless you for your loving care. I too find myself getting frustrated at times when some family members don't help with the caregiving, but I have to remind myself of a few things. First, it is my choice to be here and to care for my Dad, second, at this point, he is very happy to be able to stay at home, and third, out time together is limited and I need to appreciate and enjoy this time for as long as I have it. Unfortunately, your relatives will likely suffer more during their grieving processes due to their lack of involvement. Please do remember to take care of yourself and insist that others are available on a regular basis to give you a break. If you don't take care of yourself, you will not be able to adequately care for your child, husband, or grandmother. God Bless you!

My mom speaks to herself.... posted by Missy @ 11:58 AM June 25, 2008

Missy — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 11:58:37 -0000

Hi forget me not,

Welcome to Caring's groups. I'm glad you found us.

I, unfortunately, have got any great advice for you, but I'm sure someone else will. I've definitely read about folks with Alzheimer's looking into mirrors and talking to them as if a different person was actually there, rather than a relfection. My gut tells me what your mom is doing is a common symptom for this disease, but I'm looking forward to reading others' responses who are directly dealing with Alzheimer's.

Keep us updated and again, I'm happy you've joined us.

My mom speaks to herself.... posted by forget me not @ 04:29 AM June 25, 2008

forget me not — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 04:29:04 -0000

Hello, I am caring for my mother who has been diagnosed with AD for a year 1/2 now. My mom is in the moderate stages of AD and I have noticed that she walks outside and talks to herself often. Is this normal? Does anyone else notice this pattern with their loved one or have experience with this? If so, does anyone know why this happens? I would like to understand this better. Thank-you....

Death While Remaining Present posted by Heather @ 04:16 PM June 24, 2008

Heather — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 16:16:24 -0000

Charlene.... there's the problem with most Assisted Living/Nursing Homes... they are soooooooo understaffed.... most of the employees are true caregivers but the work load prohibits them from doing their job like THEY would like to! Keep in mind your mom has dementia and it's possible she wasn't on the floor as long as she thinks... doesn't excuse her being on the floor...

For your peace of mind, you might look into a private sitter/agency to sit with your mom while she is there. Costly, yes... but if you can afford it it might be worth it.... Getting the proper care for our elderly is sooooooooo costly!!! When I mail out our bills (I work for an private pay agency) I sometimes look at them and go... wow!! But, then like I said, if you can afford it... it's worth the peace of mind!

The more you are around and raise cane about your mom's care the better care she probably will get too... you are in my thoughts... good luck and please keep us posted!!! H

dealing with stage 3 at home - help??? posted by Heather @ 04:05 PM June 24, 2008

Heather — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 16:05:48 -0000

Dear DMM....

My thoughts are along RevYarb's.... I run a private pay home health agency... and there comes a time when it is vital to get help for the safety of both the caregiver and the patient.

Recently, we had a very similar situation. It broke the wife's heart to put her husband in an Alzheimer's nursing home, but for both their safety and her emotional and mental well being she finally agreed. In retrospect, she is SO glad she did as he got the help she was NOT able to give even with an agency caregiver coming daily for eight hours.

The husband needs to realize this is NOT the lovely lady he married!!! If he continues to put himself at risk and does in fact get hurt... what happens to her then??? Just a little something for him to think about... This can be a very serious situation!!

Good Luck.... H

dealing with stage 3 at home - help??? posted by RevYarb @ 02:31 AM June 23, 2008

RevYarb — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 02:31:32 -0000

Hi D..M,

If this gentleman is elderly you must swiftly compel him to see that his wife needs to be in a skilled nursing facility or if he is able to allow a full time private live in nurse to come and care for her. Inasmuch as dearly as he loves his wife, she will eventually become too much for him to handle (physically and emotionally). If he is dealing with this alone he may quickly find himself to the point of a nervous breakdown.

Thank God you are compassionate to be supportive of this situation.

Keep me posted.

Bless Your Spirit!

- RevYarb

Death While Remaining Present posted by charlenereeves @ 12:53 AM June 23, 2008

charlenereeves — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 00:53:37 -0000

Hi again. My mom is in Assisted Living andx I thought people were responsible who worked there but my mom spent the night on the floor. She slidx dxown andx I calledx when she was trying to get up by herself. Great care when you pay for an enorous bucks andx this is what you receive. I want to bring her home if she would only..... The aids give medication and supposedly take care of her.Oh please Lord help her.

dealing with stage 3 at home - help??? posted by D.M.M. @ 12:21 AM June 20, 2008

D.M.M. — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 00:21:15 -0000

I care greatly about my neighbors - an elderly couple - whose wife is in stage 3 Alzheimers. This was an extremely fast progression. Her husband managed to get her back home so that they could spend one last summer together. I'm worried about him though... She doesn't know him many times and has become hostile when she thinks he's a stranger. She is not very cooperative a lot of the time. He knows that very soon she will be gone for good, and it breaks his (and my) heart. He has very little resources & no help. I need to find some advice for him to use in dealing with her at home. He will not send her away right now, we live in an extremely rural community and he is too proud to let me 'interfere' too much (he did agree to let me go online to look for advice). Please help!

Pushy v. Privacy: When your parent has dementia posted by pamtime @ 08:08 PM June 19, 2008

pamtime — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 20:08:12 -0000

Hi, I am Pam and new to the list. I watched my mom diagnosed with "mild dementia" visit with her docs for four years. I watched her get steadly worse and her doc schedule appts every 3 months,. I finally asked the doc if he considered my mom a "reliable informant". Mom could not remember a lot of what she was doing. He asked me to write him a letter, which by the way then "has to be included in the medical file". I did. After her read the letters from my brother and myself he changed her diagnosis. He also put her under 24/7 supervision and with her other doc the produced a two physician statement that she was not competent to administer her medical or financial needs. Thank God we had a Living Trust set up and part of that included POA for incapcitation. Mom was much worse then he imagined. After i started going into her appointments with her i was amazed at how well she could pull it together for the appointment. I was equally amazed at the level of decompensation she had following the doc appt from using that much energy to " present well". Her diagnosis is Frontal Lobe dementia and Vascular Dementia. She is 71. SUGGESTION: Write a letter to doc and in it cite examples of behaviors that give you concern, areas of physical deterioration, financial, etc. Until I stayed with mom for 6 weeks I did not see just how bad things had become. It was an eye opening experience.

Hope this helps,

Pam

An Easy Way to Support the Alzheimer's Fight! posted by Missy @ 06:41 PM June 19, 2008

Missy — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 18:41:10 -0000

Paula Spencer, an editor for Caring.com, posted a blog entry in Caring Currents about an amazing fundraiser for the Alzheimer's Association!

Quoting her... "Caring.com has partnered with the Alzheimer's Association to launch the Caring-Alzheimer's Association ribbon campaign. Caring.com s donating $10 to the association for each purple ribbon posted on a site or blog, with a $10,000 total goal."

If you've got a website or blog, please create a ribbon to help support the Alzheimer's Association! It takes only a few seconds!

Some safety tips to help out your parents posted by Rebecca @ 05:23 PM June 17, 2008

Rebecca — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 17:23:35 -0000

What a great list. That's so helpful!

Some safety tips to help out your parents posted by LauraL @ 08:46 PM June 16, 2008

LauraL — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 20:46:40 -0000

In the earlier stages of dementia and/or Alzheimer's, your parents may still be living on their own, or perhaps with you. Here are some tips to help keep them safe.

1. Turn the temperature on the water heater down to 120 degrees Fahrenheit and label all hot-water faucets clearly with large red letters.

2. Because people with dementia can get easily lost, get your parent an identification bracelet that says "Memory Loss" and an address and phone number. Here's also a resource for temporary tattoos: http://safetytat.com/order/ (They are geared for children, but some are generic enough for adults - if anyone knows of a more grownup version of these, please let us know!) Alert local police and neighbors to the situation so if they see him, they will know to keep an eye in case it looks like he or she is wandering away. Also sigh your parent up with the <a href="http://www.alz.org/we_can_help_medicalert_safereturn.asp">Alzheimer's Association's Safe Return Program</a> that helps locate people with Alzheimer's who get lost.

3. If your parent wanders, put locks on doors leading outside, high or low on the door so your parent can't easily find them, or bells on doors so you know when your parent has exited.

4. Post by every phone a clearly written list of emergency numbers - there are apparently some phones out there with large buttons where you can label them with photos for easy dialing.

5. Install handrails and grab bars. Remove loose rugs and clutter. Buy a cane or walker if needed.

6. Lock any cabinets (or install childproof latches) on cabinets that contain dangerous chemicals or other dangerous items. Check for hazards outside the house, such as paints, saws, grills, lighter fluid.

7. Removed the bedroom and bathroom door locks that are located inside the door so he or she can't accidentally lock themselves in.

8. Your parent should not smoke unattended due to risk of fire.

9 If your parent has trouble operating the stove, remove the knobs.

10. Driving will have to stop fairly early on. See <a href="http://www.caring.com/life/driving">our section on DRIVING</a> for more tips on how to help facilitate this.

11. Remove artificial fruit, food-shaped magnets, or anything else that might be confused for food. (Those interestingly shaped bottles of dishsoap that look like juice bottles are one thing to look for.) Sometimes even small items stored in the kitchen such as thumbtacks, erasers, corks can be mistaken for food, so store them somewhere else.

12. Place decals at eye level on any glass doors or large windwos so your parent doesn't mistakenly try to walk through the glass.

Anyone else have any other safety tips to share? Please do!

Moving with children to live with mom posted by Heather @ 07:53 PM June 16, 2008

Heather — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:53:37 -0000

Hi Leesprunk... I am a newbie here... and work in the Home Health field... looking for people like yourself that are primary caregivers and have ideas and solutions that in part or whole will help me with my clients!!

Currently, we have a client that sounds like she is about where your mom is in her dementia. There are several things we do with her that she seems to enjoy. One, she LOVES to take her dog, only the cutest little dog ever, for a walk every day first thing in the morning. This gives her time to interact with other people and also, physical activity.

Another thing she LOVES to do and lets her feel like she is in control is COOK!!! OMG... do we cook!!! Your girls may like to learn to cook from Grandma and I am sure Grandma would love to share this with them!! We also play board games and read the paper and share our opinions on current events... serious or silly!!

In my opinion, you will have to give it a try with Grandma joining you guys with the girls activities... depending on if she enjoys it, if she is continent or not and how comfy she is going in public. Being a large family, I can only imagine she would love the interaction.

Good Luck and i am really glad to have found this site!!!! Lookin forward to sharing and learning here!!~H

Spending down the assets posted by Anonymous @ 03:23 AM June 15, 2008

Anonymous — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 03:23:40 -0000

I have been taking care of my mother who is almost 80 for 2 months now. She was in swing bed awaiting a nursing home room which had to be private *$400 more because of her alzeimer and infection in her leg. When her room came up after about 60 days hospital care , then swing bed time I one day looking at her decided I got to try and take her home. After evaluation from Home Health and Physical therapy. We would be on our way. I decided she could just as well be paying me $50 a day because that is what her co-pay had been, I think. Well I soon found out how she definitely was a 24 hour day person and I have 7 daughters who are still home 27, 22, 19, 19, 16, 14, and 9. The oldest doesn' t help because she has a pretty full time job. But the 19 year olds are students in a small college and commute back and forth and are out for the summer with just part time jobs. The 22 year old has a 4 day a week job, and the 16 year old has a part-time job. The 14 year old really have helped and the nine year old is pretty helpful at times. My brother is finalizing buying the farm for contract for deed then when she gets the money, what happens then if I give up and put her in the nursing home. Can you get a free list of ways of spending down the assets. Or where can I buy one, or who should I talk to ? It takes all of us practically to take care of her and I am now getting $4790 a month which I understand is snip-snap. thank you

Moving with children to live with mom posted by LauraL @ 12:20 AM June 14, 2008

LauraL — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 00:20:29 -0000

Hello, leesprunk! Welcome to Caring groups! We're so glad you've found us. You've come to an area where other caregivers like yourself share what works for them and get and give advice.

I'm sorry to hear of your news, but kudos to you for your efforts in caring for your mother. You sound like a remarkable person. I personally have not had experience in this, but hopefully someone who has will come along and give their take on matters.

As for as organization, get a simple calendar planner book (I recently picked one up at Barnes & Noble) and start using it to help remember where you have to be and when. I have three kids and two jobs and that book absolutely saves my bacon now and then. :)

Do let us know how things are progressing!

Moving with children to live with mom posted by leesprunk @ 10:56 PM June 13, 2008

leesprunk — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 22:56:04 -0000

I am moving home from out of state to live with my mom and help her as long as she is able to live in her home. She is 86 years old. The baby of her family (with several living sisters her age and older). Depending on who you speak to she has early stage Alzeimers (not genetic), vascular dementia, cognative impairment or just normal aging. I don't care what it is called, she is losing (drastically) her short term memory and her long term memory is showing a few holes too. Her health is not that of the typical senior. Very healthy in some respects but very fragile in others. In a very long lived family, her failing mental faculties are unusual. My daughters (14 & 10)understand Grandma's problems and have experienced first hand her failing memory. They are completely enthusiastic about helping Grandma and spending as much time as possible with her for as long as they can before she has to go into assisted living, nursing home or just plain can't remember who they are. We all plan to keep her active so she doesn't have time to brood over the things she can't remember or do any more.

She doesn't need any medical care at home or personal care, not even cooking. But she can't regulate her meds (many) or her checkbook or her calendar (including many doctor appts). She also needs to surrender her car keys but that should be an easy transition to me once I move in. I don't have a car so she wants me to have hers available for work and kid activiies. She has become frustrated and resentful about all the things she can't recall and is starting to reach the point where she can't remember that she can't remember.

My siblings have had the brunt of her health care and money handling and I hope to help ease the tension and frustration on all sides by being a consistant companion and caregiver. One sister will continue to be her health care advocate while another will take care of her finances.

Does any one have practical suggestions about how we can support her and watch over her without taking away her dignity and self respect? She has always been a strong woman. Definitely the matriarch with 6 living children and 70+ grands, greats & great-greats.

Her grandchildren will be in and out of her home as usual, probably more than usual with my 2 there and we will have to set up a prominent calendar to keep track of all our activities. This has worked well in the past to help her feel comfortable with having to write down all the work & kid stuff in addition to her appointments. Same thing with grocery lists and tv and bedtime schedules for the kids helping her keep track of eating and meds and bedtimes.

I want to get the girls into extracurricular activities and get her involved in senior and church activities at the same time. It seems that it will be less obvious(?) manipulative(?) if everyone else has to keep track and be involved too.

Any things I should watch out for? Any tips? Any suggestions to a usually disorganized mom (me) on how to get 2 kids and a senior on track and happy? Help???

new here...just getting thing off my chest... posted by lilsoutherngirl @ 08:00 PM June 11, 2008

lilsoutherngirl — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 20:00:25 -0000

After a day of watching my mama my husband lets me go and just be by myself before i have to deal with anything at home. iI think that he just doesn't know what to do.But he does try.

Thanks that means alot. I knew that this was going to be a hard with the whole generation gap here. I guess i just was wondering is there way to kind of close the age gap or what? I have been doin some research on this but, is there signs that i could look for to know that she is getting worse or just odes it happen?.

new here...just getting thing off my chest... posted by LauraL @ 06:22 PM June 11, 2008

LauraL — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 18:22:32 -0000

Hi Barbie, and welcome. I'm so glad you've found us. It sounds like there are some family dynamics that are making things difficult for you.

Here's a link to some of our question and answers regarding family communication that may be helpful to you: http://www.caring.com/items/tagged/conflicts-with-siblings

You sound like a wonderful daughter and granddaughter, and I wish you the best. We're here to be a shoulder for you whenever you need. Please update us and let us know how things are going.

~Laura

What I Wish I'd Known... posted by LauraL @ 05:58 PM June 11, 2008

LauraL — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 17:58:26 -0000

Caring for your elderly parents comes with a learning curve. We can't hope to know everything we'll need to know, or be fully prepared for the experience, but it helps to have others share their experiences, ideas, and most importantly, their feelings about the changes in their parents, and in themselves and their own lives.

To that end, we invite you to share those things you wish you had known when you started having to deal with a parent with Alzheimer's.

nurse needed posted by Missy @ 04:30 PM June 11, 2008

Missy — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 16:30:22 -0000

Hi Paulette,

I just wanted to welcome you to Caring's groups! I'm glad you found us and posted!

It looks like Rebecca had some good advice for you. Good luck on your trip!

new here...just getting thing off my chest... posted by Rebecca @ 03:57 PM June 11, 2008

Rebecca — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 15:57:49 -0000

Hi Barbie, I hear you! I think one of the challenges of caring for parents or grandparents of that age, is that there really is a sort of cultural training that they had which was that it's the women's role to do the primary caregiving. That is changing now, but there is a strong current for us to be the ones doing the primary caring. Do you just need to vent, or do you need help with some caring or other resources? Sometimes I just want to vent, and my husband wants to 'fix it' for me.

Recent Posts | Caring.com

When to close the kitchen? posted by RevYarb @ 02:20 AM July 04, 2008

Death While Remaining Present posted by RevYarb @ 05:05 AM July 03, 2008

Death While Remaining Present posted by charlenereeves @ 02:23 AM July 03, 2008

new here...just getting thing off my chest... posted by ArmyMom @ 05:44 PM July 01, 2008

new here...just getting thing off my chest... posted by Dawn @ 03:48 AM June 26, 2008

My mom speaks to herself.... posted by Missy @ 11:58 AM June 25, 2008

My mom speaks to herself.... posted by forget me not @ 04:29 AM June 25, 2008

Death While Remaining Present posted by Heather @ 04:16 PM June 24, 2008

dealing with stage 3 at home - help??? posted by Heather @ 04:05 PM June 24, 2008

dealing with stage 3 at home - help??? posted by RevYarb @ 02:31 AM June 23, 2008

Death While Remaining Present posted by charlenereeves @ 12:53 AM June 23, 2008

dealing with stage 3 at home - help??? posted by D.M.M. @ 12:21 AM June 20, 2008

Pushy v. Privacy: When your parent has dementia posted by pamtime @ 08:08 PM June 19, 2008

An Easy Way to Support the Alzheimer's Fight! posted by Missy @ 06:41 PM June 19, 2008

Some safety tips to help out your parents posted by Rebecca @ 05:23 PM June 17, 2008

Some safety tips to help out your parents posted by LauraL @ 08:46 PM June 16, 2008

Moving with children to live with mom posted by Heather @ 07:53 PM June 16, 2008

Spending down the assets posted by Anonymous @ 03:23 AM June 15, 2008

Moving with children to live with mom posted by LauraL @ 12:20 AM June 14, 2008

Moving with children to live with mom posted by leesprunk @ 10:56 PM June 13, 2008

new here...just getting thing off my chest... posted by lilsoutherngirl @ 08:00 PM June 11, 2008

new here...just getting thing off my chest... posted by LauraL @ 06:22 PM June 11, 2008

What I Wish I'd Known... posted by LauraL @ 05:58 PM June 11, 2008

nurse needed posted by Missy @ 04:30 PM June 11, 2008

new here...just getting thing off my chest... posted by Rebecca @ 03:57 PM June 11, 2008