I have been reading alot of statements though not much on spouses. We decided at the beginning to tell everyone, friends and family, about being diagnosed with AD. It helped them understand as the desease progressed and their understanding and acceptance of his "our" struggles with AD was and is most helpful. A little background on Ron, he is a college grad with a BS in electrical engineering. He is 6ft 1in., 175 (normal), now 137lbs, well mannered, kind and considerate. He designed and built 8 homes, oil paints, welds sculptur, built beautiful furniture, built koi ponds, did the landscaping, all in his spare time. He also was diagnosed with Parkinson's about 4 years ago. I had to place him in a demintia facility October 18, 2006. He was falling alot, could not find the bathroom, and then he opened the car door going 70mph to spit. It was time, though the hardest thing I think I have ever done. I go every day and visit with him until he goes to sleep at night. Those who don't spend several hours with their loved ones miss the moments of recognition, the hug, the kiss,and the ever so seldom now "I love you". He hasn't been able to talk conversational talk for a few years. He cannot read or watch TV, but I do take him magazines to look at and tear pages out of, and I talk to him. Most of the time he knows me but there are times when his eyes are simply vacant. I had to move him recently to another facility this time to a board and care where they have only 6 patients. I had him in a large beautiful facility where they had 3 caregivers for 18-22 people, a med-tech, a nurse, a program director, a manager, etc. It was clean and very lovely but I had problems with the am crew. Last Feb. one of them shaved his eyebrows and eyelashes, they were not feeding him much breakfast or lunch, and would thoughtlessly leave wet pads in his made bed. Needless to say my patience had now reached the breaking point. Also the facility was doubling the care costs and with the rent I would now be paying $9592.00 per mo., and increase again in a few months. I simply could not do that.
Ron is in need of a lot of care now, as he cannot walk because of the Parkinson's, he cannot feed himself, he is totally incontinent, and hospice comes twice a week to bathe and help with his needs. About bathing, when he was home I had a struggle with that, in fact he refused to get in and I had to give him sponge baths. Then I asked a simple question, " why won't you get in the shower" and found out he was afraid of falling in the shower. He actually did not say that but pointed to the tiled floor and said not good may be ........ slippery I asked? He shook his head yes. I had two bars installed, one on each side, and an adjustable showerhead. We have a large shower area so I would get in with him, one more hurdle overcome. He still has fears of being hurt and said to the caregiver and hospice nurse last Tues. "Please don't hurt me."
In the larger facility I became acquainted with many people with different degrees of dementia. I treated each as my friend and though none remembered my name many sought me out when they heard my voice or saw me. One would want a hug and kiss, one would want to take me on a walk and hold my hand, etc. I always treated them with respect, asked how they were and told them how nice or how pretty they looked. Most of them could not talk sensibly but some could. The desease effected each one differently and it is a big job caring for those affected with AD, Parkinson's and stroke. I miss them and go see them once in a while, but my concern is for the love of my life (51 yrs) and now he has one caregiver for 3 patients and the care is so wonderful and loving, all the food is home cooked and they give him all he can eat. I am so thankful. Also the cost, in case your wondering, is half of what it was. My heart goes out to all of you dealing with these afflictions. Anita
Hello Anita: Your post was very helpful and comforting to us. My husband was diagnosed with Mild Dementia ,( 08/07.) He is 57. We are also dealing with the driving issue.Thank you for the helpful hints . Alaska Dreamin
