Grandmother with dementia, refuses help! posted by Cindy57 @ 04:04 PM May 28, 2008

Cindy57 — Wed, 28 May 2008 16:04:38 -0000

I'm not sure if the alzheimers unit would take in a patient with dementia or not..I agree that you should talk to the social worker and maybe get some ideas from him/her and I know its really hard to deal with a person that treats you poorly but my next thought is that maybe you should also talk to the social worker about the way she treats you and how that makes you feel..

Are you alone in this or do you have other family members to help out??

You are in such a tough place..If you can figure out where the best place for her would be then maybe you could just mostly deal with the staff to be sure that she is getting the care she needs..

My next thought is even though they are old and have dementia doesn't always mean that they can't understand when you talk to them..If you are the only person that can help her maybe you should have a talk with her, maybe include a social worker, whether with the home or hospital to also let her know how difficult it is caring for her when she treats you so poorly..I don't think that anyone would wish to be left totally alone in their old age and maybe a social worker can help her to understand how hard this is on you..

Not sure if I have an answer, just throwing out some ideas..

I sure do feel for you guys!!

I'll be sending good thoughts your way..

Grandmother with dementia, refuses help! posted by RevYarb @ 02:35 PM May 28, 2008

RevYarb — Wed, 28 May 2008 14:35:49 -0000

Hi all,

Boy do I wished that my moms doctor would refuse to let her come back home and admit her to a assisted living facility or nursing home, then I and my wife could get some physical, mental, and emotional rest.

My dilemma is this, for the past month and a half my mom has been slinging some very strong verbal profanities at the both of us, especially my wife. My wife is now so distraught over this she now physically avoids her at all cost. She now feels that my mom never had any good opinions or thoughts about her. We both acknowledge that my mom is sometimes aware of what she is doing, and we feel it is controlled.

My question here is, do you believe that when these expressions are verbalized out that these feelings were there all the time about how that person really felt? Or is this the disease just running its course?

Bless Your Spirit!

- RevYarb

Grandmother with dementia, refuses help! posted by LauraL @ 11:32 PM May 17, 2008

LauraL — Sat, 17 May 2008 23:32:15 -0000

Hi Anon,

Oh, it hurts when the ones who should be loving us aren't so kind with us, doesn't it? I completely understand; I had a grandmother like that myself.

I agree with Missy above, though - talk to the social worker and perhaps find a care facility that works with Alzheimer's patients who are otherwise mobile and see how that works out.

Best wishes to you!

Grandmother with dementia, refuses help! posted by Missy @ 05:48 PM May 16, 2008

Missy — Fri, 16 May 2008 17:48:01 -0000

Hello and welcome to Caring's groups! It sounds like you're in a tough spot with your grandmother.

One thing that struck me about her care is a question about the level of care she needs. If she is truly up and about, a skilled nursing facility doesn't sound like a good fti for her. That's a place to live when the level of your care exceeds anyone's ability to administer it at home or in a more independent facility. It's not uncommon for someone to be discharged from a hospital stay to one for rehabilitation.

What may be a better fit is an assisted living facility that has an Alzheimer's unit. Such units are often secured to prevent anyone from wandering beyond certain doors, for their safety. They also often have specially trained staff that truly know how to best deal with folks suffering with cognitive impairments. It's possible such a facility would be a good fit for your grandmother.

What you may want to do is call the social worker you spoke with yesterday and talk about other options. The chance hasn't passed and I'm sure she understands how you'd feel about what your grandmother said.

Please keep us updated. I'll be thinking about you!

Grandmother with dementia, refuses help! posted by Anonymous @ 05:08 AM May 16, 2008

Anonymous — Fri, 16 May 2008 05:08:28 -0000

My grandmother was recently admitted into a nursing home, after a hospital stay where her doctors would not discharge her unless she was going to a skilled nursing facility. (prior to this she had lived alone in a senior building). Now the nursing home doctor, after her being there less than a week, has given a discharge order, when I questioned them they said she didn't need that level of care, and that she was too mobile and self sufficient. I was in the process of discussing other options with the social worker when my grandmother came in and proceeded to tell the social worker that she was perfectly fine and that I was out to take all of her money. I was so embarassed and so offended and hurt that she would do something like that, after all of the time I have taken out of my own life to make sure she is safe and has everything she needs that I hastilly told the social worker to send her home (since it had been less than a week, her apartment had not been cleared out yet) and I'd call later to make arrangements. So now, about 7 hours later I'm in mass confussion as to what to do. My grandmother has been dishing out verbal abuse since i was about 10 years old, way before the dementia set in. So even though a part of me wants to try to understand and believe that she did that only because of her dementia, there is a part of me that just wants to walk away from the whole situation for my own sanity. I'm at a loss as to what to do. if she can convince an entire nursing home that she's fine, then I feel as if I should let her be and go back to her apartment and be done. But another part of me feels, that though she has done some nasty things to me my entire life, she is still my grandmother and not in her right mind and I should do what I can to help her. I don't know, I'm torn. Any thoughts or advise would be appreciated!! thanks!

Recent Posts in 'Grandmother with dementia, refuses help!' | Caring.com

Grandmother with dementia, refuses help! posted by Cindy57 @ 04:04 PM May 28, 2008

Grandmother with dementia, refuses help! posted by RevYarb @ 02:35 PM May 28, 2008

Grandmother with dementia, refuses help! posted by LauraL @ 11:32 PM May 17, 2008

Grandmother with dementia, refuses help! posted by Missy @ 05:48 PM May 16, 2008

Grandmother with dementia, refuses help! posted by Anonymous @ 05:08 AM May 16, 2008