breaking the loop

My mom has Alzheimer's too--and your situation sounds a lot like ours. My Dad gets frustrated with her and says, "You just said that!" every time he loses patience. We haven't tried the diary idea, but I find two things seem to help. First is to answer each question as if it's the first time you've heard it. It can be hard to do, but it seems to stick eventually--and it goes a long way toward making my mom feelo normal. And the second is to try to distract her...get her thinking and talking about something else to get her out of that groove. This seems to work especially well when getting her to talk about something from the past, where her memory is still pretty good.

Good luck. I know it's hard.

Hi boatboy55,

Welcome to Caring's community.  I'm really glad you joined us.

We don't officially have AD in our family, but we definitely deal with looping.  Both my dad and mother-in-law have suffered with neurological issues and will ask the same question repeatedly or tell the same stories. 

I agree with the advice of answering the question as if it's the first time it's been asked.  It's hard sometimes, I admit that.  Often I want to say something like, "I just told you!" but it's not worth it.  A deep breath followed by the same answer keeps us both calm.   You may find this expert answer helpful. 

Thank you Anonymous and Missy for your suggestions and will keep in mind to try answer it as if the first time hearing it and then to get mom to go to  a different direction by talking of the past that she really enjoys talking of.

maybe it can go like this...

"anybody hungry?,when we gonna eat,I'll try to make something for you"..

oh? but mom,we're not hungry right now,maybe later,but you remember when we all were up in michagan in that little trailer,camping,  and you  were making breakfast and all of a sudden,the trailer was bouncing up and down?it was a bear on top shaking trying to scare us out?..<true story by the way,lol>...

maybe this might work,bottom line,its hard to come up with a diversion right there and then,but maybe  we can talk about different past stories and write it down or  keep it in mind when needed.

OMG about the bear!  LOL 

ok...I saw my mom over the weekend and my dad ask if i would watch her while he goes to town to do some shopping.So,I was cutting the grass when my dad left and he ask me to check on her every 15 minutes or so and I did, and she was fine.Then I was  done cutting the grass for the day and my dad been gone like 2 and half hours and my mom was really getting worried and kept repeating..'why did he had to go shopping that was so  im-port-ant  ?!..and I explain to her that because you werent feeling good  to leave the house that he couldnt go shopping and didnt want to  leave you here alone..  and mom would say,'but we have food!?...but mom,maybe you guys need toliet paper,paper towels and such.....of course this conversation was in a loop but I remain calm and patient and kept looking for the right words..and the only thing that seem to make a difference was when i said.'well mom,dad ask me if I  would stay here and talk with you while he went shopping'....and she was like 'he said that,really? oh'......and that seem to break it for awhile....and yes,i tried the ole bear story on her,and she just seems to listen very intensely nodding her head up and down but  she didnt remember that story of the past.....so finally,my dad came home being gone about 3 hours ,help him unpack the stuff   and he brought her a sandwich,...well,...lol..., i sorta fed her  a sandwich about 20 minutes ago and i told him,but he was like still trying to feed her..'eat this'...and i said dad!,we just ate  and mom looks up at him..'yea,we gave up on you'...my dad's shoulder slumps  down and i felt so bad for him..that isnt mom to say something like that..and i told dad it was my fault but we didnt know how much longer you would be gone and she said she was hungry..so anyway..that how my weekend went and also..my mom has a new thing now,everytime anybody sees her,mom will starts off..'i feel raunchy,i just feel terrible'..and i been hearing that a lot lately..so i thought ,ok..what can i do or say to her?...and here  what I did..'oh? you're not feeling well? well here,let me give ya  a hug..and i hug her...'there...,feel better now mom?'...and she actually  doesnt complain that much more for the day like she  was and I told my sister that  and she said..i hafta try that!....ok..well,take care all..bye..

That "hug" tactic is really good!  It acknolwedges what she's said, addresses her concern and makes her feel good.  Brilliant!

I felt sad about your dad's slumped shoulders when your mom said she gave up on waiting for him.  Perhaps it would be important for your dad to know your mom did okay.  Even if she looped, asking where he was and when he'd be back, she was okay.  No panic attacks, tears, etc.  I think it's important for your dad to know that.