Browse Questions About Communication with Elderly

How can I help my dad, who has Alzheimer's, communicate?

Question - If your dad has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, he may feel stressed when he can't find the words he's looking for. Word-finding difficulties are one of the early symptoms of Alzheimer's disease.

1 Expert Answer, 4 Community Answers

Will Mom's doctors ever communicate with me?

Question - Your problem is not unique and it certainly if NOT limited to trying to deal with your mother's medical team, especially her doctor(s). I have experienced more of this than I even care to think about in the last year. A simple example of this is my trying since last week to get a follow up appointment...

4 Community Answers

What's an assisted living community fee and how much is it?

Question - Most assisted-living communities charge an application or community fee to new residents. This is a relatively new concept, but it's become the norm. The community fee is usually a onetime payment that covers the administrative cost of moving your dad into the community, the cost of refurbishing his room, and maintenance for the common areas...

1 Expert Answer

What can I do to encourage my dad to wear his emergency response device?

Question - Tell your dad -- loud and clear -- that this device isn't a punishment; it's a gift that will allow him to live independently, in his own home, for longer. The alternatives are a full-time caregiver, an assisted-living facility, or moving in with a relative...

2 Expert Answers, 4 Community Answers

How can I best communicate with someone who is in the late stages of Alzheimer's?

Question - Communication in the late stage of Alzheimer's is a challenge. I think you are doing the right thing but do stop if she becomes frustrated with trying to get you to understand. Showing items as a clue is perfect and I would only keep asking questions if you think she is uncomfortable or in pain...

1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

How can I get my mother to talk to me about moving?

Question - If your mother isn't very old and is in decent shape for her age, then my suggestion is for you to start researching living options for her future on your own. This will bring you peace of mind but also give her space to make her own decisions while she's still capable...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

What is the best way to talk to my mom about moving to a skilled nursing facility?

Question - My mother is very willful and has insisted that she remain at home with a 24/7 caregiver. Her past caregiver recently took her to the ER with a stage 3 bedsore and was reported to Adult Protective Services. There is now an ongoing investigation. My mother is currently in a skilled nursing facility and wants to return home and is being quite difficult there...

How can I effectively communicate with in-home caregivers?

Question - If you are talking about getting assistance in the hospital as an outpatient or at a clinic, I recommend you call ahead to the department you will be interacting with and explain your needs. They should be able to verify your condition and be prepared to help you when you are there, assuming you're going to a facility with a broad range of services...

1 Community Answer

My brother and I are adults, but when it comes to taking care of my mother, we fall right back into the roles we had as children.

Question - Family dynamics are often more powerful than we realize: it can be very hard to change patterns that are decades old. I suspect that passive communication with your brother will not work. If you step back to give your brother a chance to do more, he might not notice, even though to you the shift is dramatic...

1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

How can I help my parent get her questions answered at the eye doctor's?

Question - I suggest that your parent make a list of all of her questions and concerns and give it to the doctor (or to the nurse, who will give it to the doctor with your mother's chart). Then all she has to do is ask him to look at the list and tell her the answers...

1 Expert Answer

How can I get my mother, who has breast cancer, to be more active so she won't lose muscle strength?

Question - You can't make your mother exercise and shouldn't feel responsible if she doesn't listen to you -- or her doctor. But you can refuse to let the subject drop, even if it makes her uncomfortable, and that's the easiest path to take.

1 Expert Answer, 8 Community Answers

Why does my mother talk about health issues -- in excruciating detail?

Question - It's common for elderly people to talk about health and illness -- and just as common for their children to be exasperated by these discussions.

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

How do you deal with a parent that is unable to communicate?

Question - I can understand how difficult and frustrating it would be to want to help your parent, but not know how. You don't say why your parent can't speak. It could be physical (such as paralysis after a stroke), or emotional (shutting-down and being noncommunicative can be a symptom of depression). Since you say "can't," I'm going to assume the cause is physical...

1 Expert Answer

How can I tell if mother is getting proper care in her nursing facility?

Question - Quality measures are certainly an important aspect of evaluating nursing home performance, but it's equally important to be actively involved in your loved one's care. Attending care conferences is a great way to see how the nursing home is handling your loved one's specific needs...

2 Expert Answers, 1 Community Answer

What can I say to my aunt who just found out she has breast cancer?

Question - just be there for her i just got done with chemo for breast cancer i had my left breast removed and i can tell you ,you have to tell that your there for her and she needs to have alot of faith and keep telling her self she can bet this i i prayed alot and just kept telling myself i can bet the cancer...

2 Community Answers

Is it Okay to Give Sad News to a Person With Dementia?

Question - Yes, the person has the right to know this information, no matter what stage of disease she's in. How she responds and how well she remembers depends on the person and the circumstances.

FAQ

1 Expert Answer

How do I tell my 16 year old that I am dying?

Question - No matter what you say and when you say it, this conversation is likely to be difficult. However, it is a conversation that needs to happen sooner rather than later. Consider first telling your 16 year-old what it is that makes your death imminent. (For example, "I have cancer." or "I have an inoperable tumor...

1 Expert Answer, 5 Community Answers

How Should I Tell Others That a Family Member Has Alzheimer's?

Question - There's no single "best" way or timetable for sharing this information. Ideally, in the early stage, the person with the disease should direct how and when to tell others. Some people feel embarrassed or ashamed and don't want anyone to know...

FAQ

1 Expert Answer

How can I get my father, who has progressing dementia, to accept help?

Question - It's a tough situation. Start by scheduling a visit to or calling his physician. Ask for his or her help. Describe what you see and what's reported by neighbors to help the physician make a judgment on how risky it is for your father to continue living alone. The doctor might send him a letter that it's time for a regular checkup...

1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

How do I explain Alzheimer's to a child?

Question - Be simple and direct, but not overly technical. Alzheimer's is a big word that may not mean much to kids of any age, and "disease" can sound like something catching (which it isn't). So simplify: "Grandma has a memory problem." Or, "Grandma has a disease that is sort of like if you had a tape recorder in your head, but the tape recorder is turned off...

FAQ

1 Expert Answer, 2 Community Answers

How can I convince my family that my mother in law should not be driving?

Question - I do not trust my elderly mother-in-law to drive my children anymore, because she falls due to uncontrollable dizzy spells and blackouts, but my husband refuses to agree with me that she should not be allowed to drive them anymore. This is putting an incredible strain on our marriage...

My mother won't let me help her, what can I do?

Question - Why won't mother let me help? I try to do everything I can - take her anywhere and do anything needed. She tells me she is sick and in pain but when I offer to take her to the dr or ER and she says no. I've begged and pleaded with her to let me help her and she still says no. All we do is fight...

How can we persuade my father to talk to us about his health and other issues?

Question - If you can, try to persuade your father to see his physician for a medical check-up as soon as possible. You should also talk to his physician yourself, and explain your concerns. You said your father is showing signs of mental decline. It's possible that his behavior is being caused, at least in part...

1 Expert Answer

How can we help my mother who is struggling with loneliness in the assisted living facility?

Question - You didn't say whether or not you've approached facility administrators to discuss your concerns about your mother, but if you haven't, I think you should do so immediately. They should be doing more to keep your mother engaged than simply shuttling her to the bingo hall -- particularly if she has no interest in bingo...

1 Expert Answer

How can I get my aunt who has dementia to leave her house...

Question - Many people with dementia become uncomfortable going out, even when they have been social people in the past. There are many possible reasons: Feeling discomfort in larger groups because they can no longer keep track of what is going on or follow conversations; feeling safe in their familiar environment...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

What is the best approach when my father can't remember the answer to the question he just asked again?

Question - The best approach is just what it sounds like you're doing, which is to provide the answer again as if he's asking it for the first time. He truly does not remember your previous answer, which is why he's asked again. Try not to show your frustration or berate him for the repetition...

1 Expert Answer

What is the first thing that a caregiver should do when they start working with a client for the first time?

Question - This is a wonderful question, showing your sensitivity to your client, and interest in getting off to a good start. I'll assume you're discussing your job duties with your client's wife. Make sure you also know your client's likes, dislikes, habits, fears, etc...

1 Expert Answer

My family had a disagreement over my mom's final arrangements. How can I help ease this conflict?

Question - How unfortunate that in the aftermath of your Mom's death, you must face your son's wrath, too. It's not clear whether your Mom made her wishes for the disposition of her body clear before she died. If she explicitly asked to be cremated, and you and your sister carried out her wishes, they really should trump your son's preferences...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

What to do when siblings don’t understand?

Question - This is like telling a child not to touch the hot stove. Until, the child does, s/he won't be able to understand the concept of hot.

1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

As a cancer patient, how can I answer people who ask how I'm feeling with out complaining or showing annoyance?

Question - I have had ovarian cancer for 7 years along with sciatica plus other problems. As you can guess, I have had good days and bad days. How can I answer well meaning people how I feel (without complaining or showing annoyance)

Is there a facility that is specifically for deaf individuals with dementia?

Question - My sister is an 88 yr old deaf mute, who has been diagnosed with Dementia. Her education was through the public school system; therefore never learned to speak sign language. She has communicated through homemade sign language her entire life with no problem until now...

My husband has early onset Alzheimer's, should I discuss it with him?

Question - I am so sorry to read that your husband has been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s disease. I’m sure that has been devastating to you both.

1 Expert Answer

Do I tell Mom that my sister has a terminal illness?

Question - This is a really hard position for you to be in, so I really feel for you. I have had patients who have had their children get sick, pass away, or have other problems. It is always tough for a parent to hear this no matter how old their children are.

1 Expert Answer, 7 Community Answers

How do you talk to your parent about dementia?

Question - When our parents have memory slips we wonder how do you talk to your parent about dementia? If you’ve had a good relationship with your parents all along, you’ve maybe talked about friends of theirs with dementia. That could give you some tips. But if you don’t know how to bring it up, start slowly.lowly...

1 Community Answer

Who do I talk to at Mom's nursing home about concerns regarding her care?

Question - The middle stages of dementia, where it sounds to me your mother may be, are among the most challenging. Behaviors like the ones you are describing are the norm and can be very concerning and upsetting to family who see such a stark contrast to the person they knew before the disease...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

What responsibility does an assisted living have to report problems to the resident's family members?

Question - Communication between any facility and the family can be the source of great satisfaction and at times great frustration. Reporting problems with a resident to the family can be the most complex. Let’s begin by looking at this situation from the perspective of the facili...

1 Expert Answer

How much responsibility does the assisted living facility have in trying to control inappropriate sexual behavior of residents?

Question - Hi Frances. Sexual behavior in any alternative living situation such as assisted living or nursing home is very difficult to handle.

1 Expert Answer, 4 Community Answers

How can I get my mother’s caregiver to communicate better with us?

Question - Sometimes communicating with a home health worker is as simple as having a 3 ring binder note book in the home, where all are expected to record what has occurred during a shift. What your mother ate, when she slept, when she took medications, who visited and when, what outings she went on, etc...

1 Expert Answer

What could help my mom make phone calls more easily?

Question - As your mom recovers her speech and writing ability after her stroke, she may still need some assistance. One way to help make phone calls, is a picture phone - in which pictures of her friends or relatives are on the front of the telephone, associated with their phone numbers...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

How can I gently approach the subject of handing over the car keys with my dad?

Question - It's time to work closely with your father's health care providers. Driving requires the ability to see, think, and move. Parkinson's symptoms and treatments may impair driving fitness and it sounds like your father has both cognitive and motor skill issues.

1 Expert Answer, 5 Community Answers

How do I persuade my father to join a clinical trial that could help him fight bone cancer?

Question - When the prognosis for treatment isn't optimistic, a clinical trial can offer the possibility of increasing your father's odds of beating the disease or increasing the quality of his life. I'd encourage you to continue talking with your father about this clinical trial, and try to find out why he's refusing to join...

1 Expert Answer

How can I get my father to tell the doctor how bad his pain is?

Question - You've got a long history of interacting with your father, which gives you an advantage over the doctor. You have the ability to understand what your dad's truly feeling, regardless of his ability to put it into words, whereas the doctor only knows what your dad tells him...

1 Expert Answer

Should me tell my mother, who has dementia and can get very emotional, that her brother has passed away?

Question - It's always difficult to decide what to tell individuals in the middle or later stages of dementia about the death of a loved one. Because they are in the middle or later stages, sometimes they do not really have the ability to comprehend or retain the information. But that does not mean they do not have the right to be told about it...

1 Expert Answer

How can I help my mom, who seems really down about her diabetes diagnosis?

Question - You can be a big help to your mother by supporting her, acknowledging her feelings, and partnering with her as she comes to grips with having this major medical disorder. It may help to know that she's not alone; at least a third of people with diabetes struggle with depression, and people with the disease...

1 Expert Answer

How can I convince my father to go to an Alzheimer's adult day care?

Question - First, you need to think about it from your father’s point of view. Most likely he has no idea what the center is. He can't picture it in his mind, he can't remember it even if he has visited, and, on some level, he knows that he fails at or has trouble with new thin...

1 Expert Answer, 6 Community Answers

How can I help my parents with dementia accept the care they need?

Question - The operative word in this question is "dementia." A person who suffers from dementia does not have the same reasoning capabilities that he or she once had. If your parents are suffering from dementia, they are not able to process information, or understand cause and effect...

1 Expert Answer

How do I get my dad to share the responsibility of making decisions about my mother's healthcare with me?

Question - This is a good question. I spoke to a neurologist friend and compared her viewpoint as a physician with mine as a nurse (and as the daughter of an elderly mom).

1 Expert Answer

Should I sit in on my dad's medical appointments to make sure he discusses all issues he's having?

Question - It's great that you want to make sure your dad's doctor is getting all the information he needs. Have you tried asking your dad directly if he minds you sitting in on his appointments? This would be the best approach. You can explain to your dad that you'll give him the privacy he needs, but want to...

1 Expert Answer

I am looking for an assisted living home for my mother in...

Question - You can begin with a call or a visit to your mother’s local Chamber of Commerce or Area Agency on Aging, or you call your local Long Term Care Ombudsman, whom you can find via the locator on the National Long Term Care Ombudsman Resource Center website. They Ombudsman should have a list of all the l local communities...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

How can I help my parent accept her eye disease?

Question - We tell our patients not to give up hope for a miracle but not to wait for it. You'll want to respect your parent's feelings, but at the same time you can encourage her to explore low-vision aids (like magnifiers and talking watches) and resources (like support groups and rehabilitation training)...

1 Expert Answer

How can I get my brother to help out more in caring for our mother?

Question - Family dynamics are often more powerful than we realize: it can be very hard to change patterns that are decades old. I suspect that passive communication with your brother will not work. If you step back to give your brother a chance to do more, he might not notice, even though to you the shift is dramatic...

1 Expert Answer, 5 Community Answers

My mother is refusing to go into assisted living. How do we get her involved?

Question - Moving a relative with memory loss can be a very delicate operation as you are finding out. When someone has flat out refused, as your mother has, it becomes even more difficult. Reasoning does not usually work and ordering someone to move doesn't work either. Several things to consider:

1 Expert Answer, 4 Community Answers

How do I get my mother to update her trust and power of attorney?

Question - Sounds as if your mom has met your gently nagging approach with resolutely deaf ears.

1 Expert Answer

How do you explain to someone that they are going into respite care for 1 week and then permanently into a nursing home?

Question - This is a very tough issue. It is difficult to explain to someone, especially if they were living independently, that they are going to move into a nursing home. The best advice I can give is to be direct and try to answer any questions as honestly as possible. If your loved one wants to know the reasons, tell them as simply as you can...

1 Expert Answer

What can I do to get my mom to take her diabetes pills, which she doesn't think are keeping her blood sugar in check?

Question - First, try to find out why your mother has stopped taking her diabetes drugs. Maybe she's recently been diagnosed and is still in denial about her condition or doesn't like the inconvenience of routine pill taking. Or perhaps she experiences uncomfortable side effects, such as severe low blood sugar, from her prescription pills...

1 Expert Answer

How can I get my brother to help with Alzheimer's care?

Question - There are many different reasons that one family member may seem to check out when it comes to caring for a parent with Alzheimer's. It could be denial. It could be fear. It could be that since he's so far away, he doesn't want -- or know how -- to get involved.

1 Expert Answer, 8 Community Answers

How can I get my mother to acknowledge that she has Alzheimer's?

Question - It depends. Getting your mother to admit she has Alzheimer's disease isn't necessarily as important as helping her understand and cope with issues related to her memory loss.

1 Expert Answer, 50 Community Answers

When a person with Alzheimer's repeatedly makes mistakes, is it OK to correct her?

Question - It depends. After working with many people with memory loss, my feeling is that each person is different.

1 Expert Answer, 4 Community Answers

How should I tell my mom's friends that she has Alzheimer's?

Question - There's no single answer to the question of how to inform other people that your parent has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's because it depends so much on the person with the disease.

1 Expert Answer, 2 Community Answers

Any suggestions for talking to my father, who has Alzheimer's, about his finances?

Question - Parents often fear that enlisting a family member to help with finances means starting down a slippery slope to losing autonomy. Reassure your dad that it doesn't have to be that way. Tell him, "I want you to remain independent for as long as possible. My goal is to help you stay where you are and be in control but to have some support...

1 Expert Answer, 5 Community Answers

Can you offer any advice on bathing a modest parent?

Question - You can try covering her with a towel, but frankly it's almost possible to keep your mom covered with a towel for the whole bath. Try this approach: wrap a towel around her waist if she's standing, or place it over her lap if she's sitting...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

Now that my mom is in a nursing home, how can I make the most of my one-hour visits with her?

Question - It's often difficult for adult children to adjust to the changes in their relationship with an elderly parent, but it's especially difficult when the parent has dementia. As hard as it is to reconcile your mom today with the dynamic, take-charge person you once knew, she's still your mother, and she needs you now more than ever...

1 Expert Answer, 4 Community Answers

How can I ease my father's discomfort when I have to help him with physically intimate tasks?

Question - It has to be difficult for your father to have you see him in such a vulnerable position. This kind of situation comes up whenever an adult child is caring for a parent, but it's hardest when you're caring for a parent of the opposite sex.

1 Expert Answer

My mother, who has breast cancer, asks me to visit her every time she thinks there's a crisis. What should I do?

Question - Your first task is to find out what's really going on and how serious it is. Your mother may just be trying to tell you that she's lonely.When your mother was first diagnosed and started treatment, she probably got lots of attention amidst a flurry of activity...

1 Expert Answer, 5 Community Answers

How can I encourage my listless mom to bathe?

Question - There's always a reason behind decisions made by older people, especially when it comes to personal care.

1 Expert Answer, 2 Community Answers

How can I help my kids understand their grandfather's aphasia after his stroke?

Question - This is a tricky issue. Depending on how old your children are, you could try explaining that because your father-in-law got sick, his language abilities are similar to those of a younger child, such as a toddler.

1 Expert Answer

When is it a good time to talk to a spouse who has cancer about a will?

Question - the best time is now. do put it off. you never know when this will be an issue. it is always best to have everything out in the open. is there a step family ***** if there is the relation between the father and son/daughter could cause strain later on.

1 Community Answer

How can I get a guardian removed from the position?

Question - Before you take any specific legal action, zero in on the specific concerns you have about the guardian's treatment of your mother-in-law. You might get the best treatment for her and help salve your own concerns, by having an informal conversation with the guardian -- and in any case, you should gather...

1 Expert Answer

How can you help convince a caregiver to stop focusing exclusively on caregiving?

Question - It's not uncommon for caregivers to become totally absorbed in their caregiving duties to the exclusion of everything else. Over time, most caregivers learn to pace themselves and pick up the previous threads of their lives. If they don't, they risk losing relationships, friends, jobs -- and their own health...

1 Expert Answer

How can I persuade my siblings to visit my mother, who has Alzheimer's, more often?

Question - You are clearly approaching this situation from a place of concern for your mother, yourself, and your siblings, and that's important. Still, I wonder why you feel a need to persuade your siblings to see your mother. On it's face, the answer may be obvious, but it's important to avoid moralizing and imposing our values on others...

1 Expert Answer, 4 Community Answers

How do we deal with my father-in-law's denial that his wife is dying?

Question - Unless someone else has been authorized to make decisions for your mother-in-law's care in an advance directive or other legal document, doctors will look to your father-in-law for decisions about her care, and it sounds as if he is not ready to let her go.

1 Expert Answer

How can I transfer power of attorney from my brother to make caretaking decisions?

Question - If your brother holds a valid power of attorney, then he is the one legally responsible for making the decisions--and the nursing home personnel will be required to do his bidding.

1 Expert Answer, 7 Community Answers

I don't like my mother, but I love her. Is there anything I can do to improve our relationship?

Question - It sounds like your mother has succeeded in getting her needs met while mistreating first you and then your step-dad. To the extent the two of you have sanctioned her behavior by ignoring the mistreatment and doing her bidding, she has had no motivation to change.

1 Expert Answer, 102 Community Answers

How can I get my parents to simplify their affairs before something happens?

Question - Unfortunately, free will is really powerful. I don't have the exact same situation as you, but there are so many things I try to convince my parents to do for their own good. They basically smile and nod then do what they want. It sounds like your parents are in the same boat...

1 Community Answer

What can I do about my family's Alzheimer's disease denial?

Question - What are they denying? That she has Alzheimer's disease? That there are any problems? A diagnosis is just a label. Some people with early Alzheimer's are fine at home by themselves for a period of time. There are also many strategies that can be adapted gradually to support people in the environment they are used to for a long while...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

How can I encourage my parent to want to learn about his eye disease?

Question - Knowledge can be helpful in three ways: It can alleviate fear, it can enable your parent to reduce the risk of progression of a disease, and it can help him overcome the impact of the disease on his daily life. If the knowledge being transmitted doesn't do any of these things, it may not be helpful or well received...

1 Expert Answer

How can I help my kids understand their grandfather's vision loss?

Question - Understanding vision loss requires understanding what type of visual impairment a person has. If your parent has age-related macular degeneration, for example, then he has central vision loss, which affects detailed vision. If he had peripheral loss, he would have detail vision but find it hard to get around...

1 Expert Answer

How can I get my father to join a Parkinson's disease support group?

Question - I'm a big fan of support groups. If your father is apprehensive about seeing other patients with Parkinson's disease who are further along in the illness, what I'd say to him is: "Yes, you may see someone who's considerably impaired because of Parkinson's...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

How can I help convince my mother that it's time to move into a retirement community?

Question - This sounds like a very difficult situation for you and your family. From your mother's perspective, she doesn't want to move nor does she see the necessity. She may not be taking you seriously when you challenge her. After all, she's been saying for years that she is "going to get better and start doing more for herself...

1 Expert Answer, 5 Community Answers

What can I do to encourage my elderly parent to use a walker or cane?

Question - I know how difficult this can be. Using an assistive device for walking often symbolizes regression in an elderly person's mind -- a visible sign of losing independence. It's important to listen to, acknowledge, and empathize with your father's concerns. But, there are several things you can do to encourage him to use a walking aid...

1 Expert Answer

How can I get my parent's doctor to explain his cancer treatment in a way I can understand?

Question - It's almost impossible to process or retain the complicated information your parent's doctor is sharing with you without writing it down to review later. Bring paper and pen, or -- better yet -- bring someone with you who can listen, take notes, and ask the questions you don't think of at the time...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

What do I do when my parent's doctor tells me something important and suggests that I not tell my parent?

Question - This happens more often than you might think, usually because the doctor feels that protecting your parent from certain negative information will prevent depression, anxiety, or other problems. However, it can lead to increased anxiety for you as a caregiver -- you have important information but you...

1 Expert Answer, 1 Community Answer

How do I get Mom to see a doctor when she's in denial that she might have symptoms of Parkinson's disease?

Question - It isn't clear from this description that your mother has Parkinson's disease, but you're wise to encourage her to have a doctor evaluate her symptoms. Your mom's reluctance to see a physician could mean that she suspects something is wrong, but she's not ready to deal with it yet.

1 Expert Answer, 3 Community Answers

Questions About Communication with Elderly

Also from Caring.com