5 Most Important Financial Questions to Ask Your Parent

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about 9 years, said...

My mother & I lived in different states. I learned the following when she was hospitalized. My mother had extra, I think AARP Hospital Insurance, in addition to her husband's Federal government medical coverage. She was entitled to some reimbursement from the AARP that she never filed on her hospital stays! She also had Alzheimer's, I didn't know at the time, working on her. She was not smart enough to know to file. Was rather secretive, but she & I did see a lawyer after she was discharged from a hospital stay giving me Durable Power of Attorney, etc. Aging parents become very confused in their thinking & disorganized. Hope this helps some families. Try to find out in advance all medical coverage they carry.


about 9 years, said...

My husband & I had all in joint acct's with each named as beneficiary. M-I-L gave us all poa, but still could not access her savings till another(!) form signed. But all went well when each passed. Now need to update all so sons can inherit. Which is better-will or trust?


over 11 years, said...

It would be helpful if you had sharing features on your website to share articles on Twitter, etc.


over 11 years, said...

My father set up a "demise" file and always was reminding us where it was. we kind of laughed about it, but, boy, did it help when we needed it! it contained all the info we needed, including birth certificates, cemetery plot deeds, funeral home choices, the 5 wishes document which gives a lot of info about what they wanted as the end drew near ...both spiritually and medically. It also contained reminiscences which helped us know which parts of their lives they considered important in terms of writing their obits. we were so grateful! nopw my husband and I are doing the same for our kids.


over 11 years, said...

P.S. I see I erroneously referred to Mike5012's "mother's trust," when I should have typed "father's trust." Mike, if your father is the Trustee and you are named in his trust as the Successor Trustee, all of the banking stuff in my previous comment would apply to your role in his living trust for the assets included in that trust. Should he not be able to draw on those funds on either his own or your mother's behalf, you might be stuck with getting an attorney and/or having to go to court. (This is what I was told by the banks.) Similarly, if you are named in your father's will or your mother's as the Executor, those documents specify what your duties and obligations are, once each has passed away. Again, my disclaimer is that what I've said here is based on my own experiences 1-2 years ago in California.


over 11 years, said...

For Mike5012: Mike, my experience with banks 1-2 years ago in California was that my mother's revocable living trust was useless to me so far as being able to access funds in the trust while she was alive. (Once she'd passed away, the bank's pressure was for me to take disbursement of funds by opening an account, and I had to ask if instead I could have a check handed over to me.) Each bank required Mom's physical presence (yes, they said, we have people being wheeled in on gurneys) to sign specifically-worded letters (obtained on a prior visit) authorizing me to administer her funds in her trust account on her behalf. Banks don't have notaries, so we had to visit a local licensed notary, then go back to the bank for their acceptance of the paperwork. Yes, you need to contact each banking entity for their specific, current procedure required to access funds in any account in the name of your mother's trust, and any other investment entity, too. (This does not apply to other accounts of your mother's and/or father's which might already have your name on them.) Neither my Mom's DPOA nor the revocable living trust document proved acceptable for a bank to discuss anything with me about her trust account at the bank without the signoff described above, and the banks I dealt with really did not want to even look at the DPOA. Any living trust document older than about 5-8 years is viewed as "old" and in need of being updated. (Mom's was about 15 years old.) Your mother's health care power of attorney should have you on it, and your father's, as well. There should be a DPOA (for everything else) for your father, naming you, and one for your mother, also naming you. Disclaimer: This is from my own personal experience, and others' may vary.


almost 12 years, said...

What do you do if there is no family,no neighbors, no friends to leave any thing to or to run you affairs.HELP


almost 12 years, said...

My dad has a living trust and I am the executor...my mom has dementia ...If my dad goes..how do I get the money out to take care of my mother..?? Anyone?? Do I still need a DOPA?...Do I need to contact each bank in advance??


almost 12 years, said...

Important to know is that a durable power of attorney (DPOA) does not give one the ability to direct assets in a Trust, including bank accounts. Additional steps are needed, and each bank has its own procedures, generally requiring its own particular language in a document signed by the account holder (your elderly parent). Having notarized copies of the DPOA, the health care POA/advance directive, and any Trust document on one's person at all times is the evidence you will probably need to act on your loved one's behalf. Also, you want to make sure your contact information (yes, mail the hardcopy of your vacation contact info to your parent/parent's caregiver/devoted daily visitor) and request it be placed where it can be located by emergency personnel.


almost 12 years, said...

My sons have had their feet in my backside to get everything done. I think I have taken care of most everything. With me being their Dad's caregiver, I have to convince them that I have done all I can for my husband of 53 years. They are more concerned that if I get sick what comes next. I had my attorney email my oldest son copies of all the papers as we complete them. The younger son went with me to set up things regarding financial affairs. They both live more than 500 miles away so they aren't readily available to ask questions or help with any problems. Since my husband & I also still own a very viable business, there were more things to settle than most people have to deal with. I am confident that no matter what happens, they can handle it even from the long distance they live from me. There is nothing hidden & I hope more caregivers can feel as I do.


over 12 years, said...

I think my aunt may have POA over my gma and all she is worried about it insurance money. She doesnt notify us of anything when she goes into the hospital or doctors appts or anything. How can I find out who has POA over her, if anybody? And how can it be taken away if I feel she is harming my gma with neglect?


almost 13 years, said...

All information is concise without having to read through endless details. Basic documents and their locations (power of attorney, wills), insurance and retirement plans in place for later, updating beneficiaries, advisors.


almost 13 years, said...

We had to start from scratch with my father. It took my husband and me longer to make sense of his paperwork and to follow-up on his notes than it did to care for him. He was just too private about his matters and thought he'd live 'til 100. Great questions--simple, to the point, and easy to implement in a non-intrusive way with parents who want to remain in control (but are having a more difficult time with judgment). Learning where they keep records (miraculous, if all of it is in one place!) is a good start.


almost 13 years, said...

It's a good checklist to work with over a period of time rather than a firestorm of potentially imposing questions in a crisis. It also breaks down bigger issues into smaller individual conversations.


almost 13 years, said...

I like this site. Seems very helpful!


almost 13 years, said...

I just noticed the comment from anonymous about the parent who won't answer and will give some brief advice. #1: explain why you want to know, what your concerns are, the potential burden and difficulties that could be encountered, sometimes a story or how you have recently done these things yourself will help. #2 ask your parent to at least let you know where info. can be located/who to contact should there be a problem--if they don't want you knowing details of finances, etc. ask that they at least provide that in case something happens (of course, continue to address this...as that doesn't answer issues like planning, what they would want, how they'll pay for care, etc.). Here is a related article: http://www.forbes.com/2007/07/25/geriatrics-medicare-medicaid-pf-retire-in_sm_0725retirement_inl.html and two great books I'd recommend are How to Say it To Seniors by David Solie and Another Country: Navigating the Emotional Terrain of Our Elders by Pipher.


almost 13 years, said...

Great list! I'll also share a list of key information/docs that is provided by the Foreign Service Worker Family Liaison Office and is a great checklist for family caregivers/adult children: http://www.agingwisely.com/document-locator-list/. These are some of they key items you'll need if someone becomes ill or at death. Along with the legal docs such as DPOA, healthcare proxy and living will. We really all need to get proactive on this stuff...accidents and illness happen at all ages.


almost 13 years, said...

A good wake up call,this list with the answers wii go to our kids. THIS IS A EXCELLENT WEB SITE.


almost 16 years, said...

Great, and important list! My dad was so prepared, he had most of these answered and written down before he was 60. Hope I can do as well.


about 16 years, said...

I think that these steps are invaluable but I have a parent who refuses to answer the questions.. then what?