Candle Story for MY (John) Paul McMahon, Jr.

msbarneybutt made this candle.

I found MY Paul not so much late in life, but while in the midst of a divorce that ended up taking 7+ years, & I was 40yo+. The divorce was finalized very shortly after his death. I KNOW that he was the one for me, & though I KNOW I have my family for which I am VERY, VERY grateful for all that they have done for me, most specifically financially, I do NOT feel as though as they understand me nor have ever put forth a REAL effort. The only person that I really & truly feel ever understood me or even put out ANY type of effort to even TRY to understand me was MY Paul. Yet, he is no longer with me.

As a divorced/widowed 45yo woman, I don't know what to do with myself. I realize that I DO have my family, mom, dad & two sisters, but I don't feel as though they can truly understand how truly awful my grief is.

I just wanted to share my horrible feeling of loss, loneliness & inability to connect with anyone out there anymore - as I was able to do while single, married or what-have-you. I am soooo lonely & feel I have no one with which to discuss how lonely I feel.

I was unsure about the commitment that Paul wanted to give me initially; however, after three months or less, I KNEW that he was the one that I had been waiting for - for oooooohhhhh sooooo long. However, he is no longer with me. All I really feel I have in this world is someone to whom I can talk who must be paid & a very, very needy dog whom I love very, very dearly.

I apologize to anyone who reads this. I just needed to put into words my feelings at this time, & MY man has been dead almost a year & a half. This is all compounded by the fact that his family: Mom, Dad & 5 siblings haven't reached out to me since the day of his memorial service.

Thanks for reading my "venting" &/or "crying in my beer" tirade. Again, I appreciate anyone who may even have the slightest bit of ability to identify with me.

barneybutt@hotmail.com better known as Cyndi