Candle Story for My grandmother, Irene Clark

Tim made this candle.

I deeply regret an argument I had with my grandmother about scallops and shrimp. That sounds odd, but it isn't. One summer I went to visit my parents. My grandmother called up and asked what I wanted her to cook for dinner when I came to visit, scallops or shrimp. I told her shrimp. A few days later, the visit came to pass and she made scallops. I hate scallops. I tried to eat them but I could not. They were too disgusting.

And my grandmother noticed. And she asked why. And I said, "I don't like scallops. I told you that when you asked me." And she said, "No you didn't." And we had an argument. Of course, the reason that she was arguing with me was that she knew I was probably right, but, due to memory problems she was having, she failed to remember. That's the reality she was arguing against. I didn't realize this was the issue at the time. I just thought she was acting crazy and stubborn. A few months later, her memory problems were more severe and she received a formal diagnosis.

I live far away and I wasn't able to see her much the last few years of her life, but every time I did see her, she was less and less aware. At the end, her dementia progressed rapidly. One friday my mother called me, just a week or so after Christmas, and she told me that I should fly back east because my grandmother was in hospice. I scheduled a flight for the next day, but before I left my mother called me and told me that my grandmother was gone. I flew back and spent the week helping my mother get through a difficult time. She told me that my grandmother knew who I was -- and who her great-granddaughter was -- and who the people who loved her were right up until the end. I am very grateful for that.