Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. – Norman Vincent Peale
I have a confession to make: I frequently feel inadequate. Acutely inadequate. As a wife, as a nurse, as a writer, as a woman, as a caregiver. Often, these feelings overwhelm me to the point I find it difficult to start or continue a project. After all, why begin something if you believe you won't do it well? Or won't even finish it?
Take this past Thanksgiving. I invited my siblings to come from out of state, and they graciously accepted. I planned a menu and some activities, but as the date approached, doubt crept in. I felt I wouldn't be able to pull off a large dinner for nine in my small kitchen. I believed my siblings wouldn't be interested in the activities I'd planned, and that they'd be bored and regret they'd come. I was afraid people wouldn't like some of the dishes I planned to serve, as I diverged from a strictly traditional meal in order to diversify the menu.
The doubt became louder as the date loomed closer. Viewing my cluttered guest room, a voice deep down scolded me for being a sloppy housekeeper. After the guests arrived, I became ill with a nasty virus, and my coping skills correspondingly declined. I had a hard time thinking clearly and not only wasn't very talkative but actually found all the hubbub annoying. I turned churlish and then berated myself for not behaving as a charming hostess. even as I tried to soldier on as best I could. Obviously, I told myself, I was a failure. Worse, it was no less than I expected.
After my guests had departed, I even chided myself for my feelings of failure. Basically, I guess I felt I was a failure at being a failure. How much more absurd can you get?!
And so, with this realization, I've decided it's time to stop wasting energy on these negative feelings. Starting today, I'm going to begin focusing on the things I do well, rather than those areas in which I'm lacking. I urge you to do the same.
None of us does everything well. And you know what? That's OK. I will never have a completely clutter-free home. On the other hand, I do a good job at keeping my bathroom clean. I'm a good cook. I'm a good listener. I'm a reliable employee. I tell (and show) my husband how much I love him. And I treat others with kindness.
Aren't those things far more important than having a clutter-free home?
This week, I'm going to ignore the fact I'm inadequate in many respects – because I'm more than adequate in many other ways, and that's what I choose to focus on from now on. I'm going to reprogram the audio tape that runs in my head so that all the negative messages are erased, and it only plays reinforcing messages. This week, I will reclaim my self-confidence. I invite you to join me.
I am going to try to believe in myself and have the faith to make my life better. I have bipolar and digestive problems and find it hard to cope on a daily basis. But I am trying to cope with God and my faith to help me stay strong.
to StillAlive - thank you for the gut-wrenching laugh. I needed that. I am a caregiver who is constantly being berated for "pushing" my mother to her limit and being compared to a sibling who has a degree. It had gotten to the point where I would need to walk outside to vent. And no, we don't have neighbor cats. But I have scared off the groundhogs. If not for my husband (he has the patience of a saint) and mom's doctor who has sided with me by saying "you need to listen to your daughter, she knows the right of things", I probably would have gone underground. I have started spending time by myself renewing my faith, listening to quiet music or reading, all with my husband's blessings. But enough - your "arse in the dishwasher" was what I needed. Your description has made me realize that my life is not so complicated, THANK YOU. God Bless You and Your Family.
Struggling with self-confidence is a daily thing for me. I can so identify with this. With a husband having a behavioral variant dementia, I am continually devalued. Eventually, one will begin to believe "their own press". I so needed to read this today. Thanks.
I am a care receiver, happy new year and thank you. It is fine to entertain on paper plates. It is fine to ask guests to bring a side dish. It is wonderful to get sloppy over old photo albums. It is okay to tell your guest goodnight politely when it is time for them to go (I just finally mastered this one). It is fine to go outside and scream into the wind now and again (although the neighbors cat now fears me). It is a bad idea to put things away for safekeeping and hide them from yourself unless you leave yourself a note, where it will be found again. It is good to laugh. Last week I had to call 911 when I got stuck in the dishwasher on Christmas. ya know, hubby gone, small chore, just bend over and put in on the lower rack.....l.clump...... 911, helllo, yes, I'm alone and stuck in my dishwasher. Yes the front door is unlocked. No I don't need an ambulance, just a butt lift back to my scooter. Yes, I am dressed. No, it is NOT a prank call, no I cannot put my Mommy on the phone, I'm 50! That funny echo, because I'm calling you from inside the dishwasher. My cell phone hangs around my neck. They send an officer just getting off duty. He put my arse back in scooter, made a pot of coffee, and laughed with me until hubby arrived home. Too bad he didn't have time to start the turkey. Point of story, keep laughing, and keep arse out of dishwasher.
Hey Elizabeth like in that movie "Blue Crush" at the ending credits song "Everybody has their something!" When you think in a positive mode you can ride the curl and be in the zone! Ever have a day like that??? I have and it usually starts with getting up and saying positive intentions outloud...today me and my team will act like a well oiled piece of machinery in perfect synchronization! It works!