Me, You, and Justice Sandra Day O’Connor
By Paula Spencer Scott, Caring.com senior editor
Alzheimer’s Disease is the great social leveler. It strikes so many people of so many stripes. (Look at President Ronald Reagan, perhaps the most famous victim yet: Leader of the free world, with all the stimulation and top medical the role grants you, plus an active lifestyle, good marriage, and rich social life. And he still got it.) Alzheimer’s caregivers are all alike, in many ways, too.
This struck me anew last week, when I had the privilege to interview Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor for Caring.com. This coming Thursday (November 11) marks one year since her husband of 57 years, attorney John J. O’Connor, died of Alzheimer’s Disease. He’d been diagnosed almost 20 years earlier. So she knows a lot about what she calls this “dreadful disease.”
You may wonder what an Alzheimer’s caregiver who served on the nation’s high court has in common with you. Or me. (My dad, who also had dementia, died a year ago, too.) She has the best support in the country at her disposal. As half of a legal power couple, she presumably could pay for the best care.
Resources may vary from caregiver to caregiver. But most of us share one thing, the painful emotion I could hear so clearly in Justice O’Connor’s otherwise calm, measured speech: love.
“What emotion has been the hardest to deal with through all this?” I asked her. “Anger? Worry?”
She paused a bit. She began talking about how hard it was watching the love of her life succumb to debilitating disease. Then she paused again. And in that pause I could practically hear their shared lifetime of laughs and embraces and anniversaries and proud moments and family ties whoosh past. Finally she finished her thought: “Just, such...sadness."
I get that.
You, too?
It sounded so "human!" Hit a lot of feelings of my own as well..Thanks
i work with alz patients every day ...and how odd it may sound!...i love it !.. not because off their suffering or their familys but do to the fact ...the things they still can do and learn and teach us ! i always try to help the family's teach them how to handle this. like don't try to force them back to "our" world reality, they don't know it anymore u only upset them ? try to embrace the good moments, go with them in their fantasy , make them feel loved..wanted and most important......be sure u make them feel like they are "normal" . its difficult i know and not only from work !
The words of Justice O'Connor are so true. My mother is in the last stage of Alz and everyday is just so sad. Especially with the holidays coming. It seems like it makes me think about my mother when she was the person that she was before this terrible mean disease. We always enjoyed decorating our houses even when I was married and not at home anymore. My mother was a very good cook and she enjoyed entertaining. Now this stranger in my moms body just sits and mumbles words that don't make any sense but mostly she doesn't say anything and is in her own world. She has gotten so she can barely walk and hospice nurse says she will probably be bedridden soon.
Hugs ibelieve
My mom had a neurological disease that not only caused dementia, but also was physically debilitating. For 15 years, the disease steadily took away her ability to do things---the last 3 years of her life she was bedridden and unable to do anything for herself. Two months prior to her death, my father suffered a subdural hematoma (bleeding in between the brain and the skull); which has left him with dementia. The advice I would give people is STAY IN THE MOMENT. Don't look back at the past---don't try and look in the future. Just pray, and ask for strength for your loved one and yourself. Take it a moment at a time....
Hugs Paula Spencer Scott
Yup, me too.
Thanks for a nice article. Dementia in all forms is truly sad and touches all of humanity in, as I see it, such a cruel way. My heart goes out to everyone who is touched by this disease, whether you're a caregiver, a family member, or suffer from it yourself.
My wife cares for her mother. I come home everyday hoping that today Granny remember her or something. Just a little to ease my wifes "sadness". Everyday my wife deals with the loss of her mother. How do people keep going and caring with this disease I don't think I can.
Hugs Paula Spencer Scott
Yes, you see a new "death" every day, so sadness is the word.