How Anger Makes You Physically Sick

Keep it in? Let it out? Both can be hazardous.


Last updated: April 03, 2012
anger

Anger is one of the 7 deadly emotions of caregiving. Get mad when you must -- but don't make a habit of it. That's the upshot of the latest scientific findings on how anger affects the body and the brain.

On the one hand, an angry outburst can be a stress release, better for you than keeping seething feelings bottled up inside. But chronic anger can make you physically sick, researchers say.

Frequent angry episodes can raise your risk of heart attacks and strokes and weaken your immune system, reports the U.K. Daily Mail. Chewing over past mistakes and missed opportunities -- "looking back in anger" -- can make you more sensitive to pain, too, say researchers at the University of Granada in Spain.

It's well known that anger affects the body: The heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, and blood flow to muscles is reduced; glucose levels and adrenaline rise to give the muscles a shot of energy for the "fight or flight" response. Tantrums can also raise the risk of atrial fibrillation, a risk factor for stroke. The Spanish researchers believe that brain circuitry is similarly affected -- that's why ruminating about past wrongs can be damaging.

But never expressing anger when that's what you're feeling can be downright deadly. Swedish research shows that those who walked away from conflict without saying anything (though they had reason to be upset) had double the risk of a heart attack compared to men who challenged authority. Unexpressed anger is also linked to a lowered immune system.

The common thread: hostility seething through the body, whether expressed often or withheld often.

Researchers in this article don't advise how to manage anger healthfully. For caregivers, it helps to learn to deal with hotheads without blowing your own top and to learn ways to cope with the frustration that loved ones can trigger.

What helps you?

Image by Flickr user tommy the pariah/away, used under a Creative Commons license.

Was this blogpost helpful?

21 Comments So Far. Add Your Wisdom.

over 2 years ago

Dear Annie Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful email. I'm very sorry if I came across as unappreciative of your comments. I actually think your advise is really good and that you are a wise and caring person. I only wished to point out the how different it is when you are taking care of kind and caring people. You are so right that anger only hurts the angry person, it empowers the people that make you angry, and it isolates you and turns people away. You are right that no one flocks to an angry soul who sits alone in despair. I'm constantly trying to practice patience, but it is often in short supply when you need it the most and when there's one crisis on top of another. Yes, I do have my hands tied and what is happening is really out of my control, so I have to so I just have to take whatever comes at me, do what I can, and BE THERE all the time to try to put out fires, deal with the never ending parade of home aides, phone calls, long distance trips back and forth across the sate, arrogant doctors, etc. I am also stupefied by the doctors and the dysfunctionality of the whole medical community, but such is our health(profit) care system today. But I also realize that my parents are at the center of this situation and it just would not have to be this bad if they were not making it so. You are very right that not only is there no support here but just the opposite-except for my devoted husband. There is nothing I would like more than to be done with the anger, hopelessness and despair of dealing with my family and to move on with my life (or salvage what's left of it). It is my own decision to help my parents, but they have never been reciprocal and have always taken me for granted, and I have never really understood their treatment of me. Still, I know that I have it better than a lot of people in a lot of ways. I didn't mean to sound like a crabby crybaby. I know my parents are hurting, and that hurts me even though they have been so hurtful. It's very hurtful that though I have proven that I am utterly responsible and competent, they have seen to it that I have no control over what is left of their finances and estate, even when after they are gone,. They have entrusted all of their financial affairs and their estate plans to this lawyer that they didn't even know who they have now decided is no good, yet they would rather he is in control of their trust, which will come into being once they die. However, there will probably not be much left after they burn through their resources the way they are doing on 24 hour home care, which is not even sufficient anymore to meet their ever growing needs and medical problems. The worst thing about it is that I am letting them control my ability to become reemployed, go anywhere for even a week or two to take a break, or fulfill my dreams that are slipping away along with the precious years. I did not have children myself, the most crushingly painful thing in my life, so I will not have anyone to take care of me should I survive my husband. (My mother shouted at me one day when she was feeling defiant that "You just want to treat me like the child you never had...") What makes me the most angry is that these are people thrive on greed, power and control, and by helping them, I am allowing them to control me. But I totally agree with your comment that "If they are wrong and acting on greed or self/ego then they will get what is coming to them but not NOT from you, that is not your job." I want to say I am really struck by the outpouring of support that I have gotten in response to my posts here, and I am very appreciative. That's very heartening for me, especially because I was afraid to share some of the details about my situation. I'm thankful for the online support community and besides the good advise, it's just comforting to know that there are a lot of other people out there who have gone through similar things. Sometimes it just helps to know that there are others that care and are willing to listen. Annie, again, I am sorry to have made you think you offended me; you didn't. I wish you all the best with your family and hope that you find strength and resilience in caring for your father. I'm glad that your family is grateful and supportive of all you do.


over 2 years ago

To Anon: I am so sorry it didn't work for you. It is so sad to see families fall apart when mom and dad get sick. Unfortunately, I do believe it's all about greed and control. The sad part is that when the folks are gone so is the relationship with siblings. "The LOVE of money is the root of all evil." So true, and it's also the ground work for constant anger and that's what this post is all about.: anger. The purpose was, hopefully, for everyone to share the problems and with enough imput many of the anger issues could be solved,or at least recognized with individual work aimed at a resolution. My best to you in being able to get through this mess without an ulcer,heart attack or stroke. Sometimes, it is wiser to just walk away.


Anonymous said over 2 years ago

Hello, this is for Annromick. This is Michigan. I very happy for you that the Court system has worked for you. However, which I may have mentioned, both my brother had DPOA. Stolen money, manipulation, accusations, badgering, led him to file for Guardianship of mom. I gave him the right due to the fact both him and mom always had an odd relationship. He has always been the golden boy, now 62 and could do no wrong. There was a Court appt Conservator. It has been 6 months, this CA has done nothing. We were notified of her suspension due to her misfiling of Inventory and other matters. Although, not misapproating money, she has done nothing to the bank accts to go in to CA. Actually, lying to my lawyer about the bank account paperwork. I had hoped upon the Court Hearing back in Aug I could put this all behind me. I would file for CA myself, although, family disputes and a damanged family prevent me as I I am fearful of my brother,. My brother took money out of mom's account for this Petion about $5,000, for what? The CA was a referral from my brother's lawyer, who no longer is representing my brother, due to a client-lawyer breakdown relationship and a serious medical issue. My brother is such a free-loading scum bag. All he thouight about was getting me out of the picture. I wanted accountability for his spending. So is this situation any easier???? Mom would be so proud of him,


over 2 years ago

Minn, At times we do need to involve the courts. My mil and fil were kind and good folks but in the dementia refused what was needed for them. We arranged to have an official from the county come and evaluate them (surprise visit with one of us there - California). After evaluation the court awarded conservatorship to my husband and his sister (one person in your case - you) which was agreed upon by both. It took control from the parents which was needed. It is a little more costly, but was worth it in the long run. When families can't work it out then have the court work it out. Yes one attorney was involved. It was the answer to lots of frustration.


over 2 years ago

Mimm, that is one horrible story and I am very very sorry you are going through all of this. I have dealt with addicts in my life and it is not easy, they live a life of delusion and are very narcissistic, only care about themselves and getting high, this never changes till something changes, and the only one who can make that change is the addict choosing to get help. No addict gets help as long as they are enabled I believe, or very few. You do have a right to be angry, but I still worry about you and all you have to contend with on your own, with only your h/b, but thank God for him. And you are right about how mean people get meaner with dementia. My dad was never mean. I am stupefied about the inability of doctors to give you a firm diagnosis of dementia. I have fired two of my dad's doctors and now have a good one. But if you had that and was the court appointed guardian would that help at all? Do those kids still live with your parents, that meaning you would be unable to get them into an assisted living community? I was so not trying to insult you with what I wrote about anger. I would be angry too, and wonder what you can do with your situation, legally, so that you CAN get the compensation you deserve and have the ability to do what needs to be done. I was told long ago not to spend my own money on my dad cause I would never retrieve it, but since I only get SSD each month I have no money of my own to spend on him. I can only tell you I will pray for you and I will! I feel absolutely horrible about your parents and what is happening to them and the hopelessness you feel. You sound so smart and well read on what needs to be done, but it is as if you have your hands tied by so many things out of your control. Please do not take my post as a negative about you, it was never meant that way at all. I know I am lucky that dad is such a kind gentleman and I actually thank God every day for that. Somehow though, I have to believe that your good intentions and loving heart will be somehow healed in all of this chaos. I would have no idea what to do without the love and support of my family, especially in a case like yours, where there not only isn't any support but quite the opposite. . I just feel horrible. If there is anything I can do, please feel free to ask. I understand there may not be anything anyone can do. Well in my darkest hours, and I have had some dark ones, the only thing I could think to do was turn it over to God, if you believe, it worked for me. I also just try each day to find something to be grateful for. that you have a wonderful husband, well I sort of knew when I left my h/b I would never marry again, did not want to bring a step dad upon my kids, was very nervous about that. I am grateful you have a lovely h/b and you are blessed with that. I hope something turns around for you, you truly need a miracle in your life. Bless you dear woman, be well, take care of yourself. I had cirrhosis and understand compromised immune system. I went on all homeopathic stuff, really other than isolating myself, which I did, it is all one can do. dear Mimm, bless our heart. always, annie


over 2 years ago

Dear Annie Your advise and well wishes are appreciated, but with all due respect, I can't help but think that you don't understand or share the experience of some of us abused caretakers with highly dysfunctional families. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I just want to point out that your situation is quite different from a lot of people's. Sounds from what you describe that you have a fairly normal and decent family. It also sounds as if you and your brother have a reasonably satisfactory working relationship, even if there have been bumps along the road. I hope that since he is in control of the finances that he is making sure you have the resources to care for your mother and yourself, and that he is grateful for your hard work and dedication. Many of us have been emotionally, verbally and physically abused by their parents and siblings. All three of mine have had alcoholism and drug addictions. I have no other siblings and no support other than my husband. He is wonderful, and if it were not for him I would have gone insane or killed myself already. He and I are both trying our best to care for my psychotic sister and my controlling, elderly parents (88 and 90) who are wealthy but are not kind, caring people. These kind of people do not get better as they age, especially if they live a long time and dementia keeps progressing. They have had significant medical problems (both are cancer survivors) for my entire adult (and even younger) life, and I have been faithful and committed in my care and attention to them. I have learned ways to deal with the three of them and with my own reactions to them. I have confronted them and it only makes them worse because they have lived in denial all of their lives. I have tried distancing myself from them and that made them very resentful and vindictive. You commented that "Recently I was told I no longer needed it. WHY? Because I had strategies in place to deal with things." I find this interesting because it is the main reason that I have shunned therapy; I already have the strategies in place to deal with things. I have a storehouse of cognitive tools from a lifetime of dealing with these people. My cat and my husband are my therapists. I am also my own therapist. I READ and WRITE A LOT and talk to people that are going through similar experiences and go to the online support groups such as this one. I am starting to go to an alzheimer's support group. I try to step back and draw boundaries, but I always have to be ready to drop everything and run to deal with the next crisis and put out the next fire. You say "Let it go, forgive and move on." Again, I would like to move on and get back to my own life back some day. I have joined the ranks of the long term unemployed and am still not of retirement age but I'm not young either (53), and this is hurting my chances of getting back into the workforce if and when this ever ends. I have lots of health problems myself which are being aggravated by this mess, and don't know how much longer I will hold up. Also, I must point out (and this is important) that I am not trying to control anyone else-my parents are trying to control me and everyone around them. They always have-it's their nature. I am trying to help them, but they will not let go of trying to be in control, and their own safety is at risk. Though they have named me as the alternate POA (they named eachother as their POAs), they have effectively disempowered me. My father is having increasing difficulty trying to run their own lives and I have basically been trying to be their elder care manager (he refused to use the services of someone else). He is unable to keep bills and paperwork straight now, but he won't entrust that job to me or anyone else, so the bills are piling up and even starting to go to collection agencies. The executor of their will and the trust that they have set up (which becomes effective upon their death) is some lawyer that they barely know that seems highly questionable in his ethics. Even they are realizing that they made a mistake by putting their estate in his hands, but my fatalistic father has decided that it's too late to do anything about it. And it has gotten way beyond the point where the costs are outweighing the benefits of staying in the home. Neither of them can walk anymore without risking fall, and my mother is now not ambulatory, so they have gone back to 24 hour home care and are quickly burning through their resources. There is constantly a train of home aides tromping in and out of the house, and it's chaotic and disorganized. Although I am the also health care proxy, even with everything they have put in place, I'm really afraid their refusal to give up control is going to end up requiring guardianship. I have tried to protect their rights and independence while at the same time I have been bashing my head against the wall trying to get the medical community to even pay attention to the obvious cognitive deficits that are now rapidly accelerating to the point where it is really dangerous. There has been no formal diagnosis of dementia, even though it is painfully obvious to everyone that deals with them for more than five minutes. This makes me angry at the doctors, but there I go again (Better not get started on the medicare system). I have reached out to every elder care agency, and I know that I know more about the services and agencies (locally and statewide) than most of the social workers that I have spoken with. But they refuse to leave the home and we keep trying to abide by their wishes. I have given up working in order to deal with all of this and have now been unemployed for two years, driving back and forth across the state since we live on the opposite ends of Massachusetts. Not only are my parents not giving me a dime to compensate me for my efforts, but I am actually incurring my own expenses on their behalf, and I am not well off. In the meantime, my parents have been enabling my older (55) alcoholic sister for her entire life. My parasitic sister has taken advantage of them, and they have let her. Her problems have led to a criminal record, loss of driver's license, and even abuse of my parents (stealing my mother's vicodin, threatening and verbally assaulting my father, even causing an incident with one of the home aides that led to a charge of assault). As she has become more out of control, she has only taken advantage of my parents vulnerability more, and they just keep paying all her expenses no holds barred (including legal, counseling and rehab.) They also expect me to be there for her and be her door mat. She has always been the golden child, especially for my narcissistic mother, and I have always been the scapegoat. It's not that I like anger-I have been suffering it's ill effects for a long time and know that it only hurts me and It's no surprise that I have all kinds of immune system problems. But it is a natural response when you have been treated unjustly. As someone I know said, anger is a natural human response to a situation where you get no apology or acknowledgment for the pain and injustice you have endured. I think anger is an appropriate for the way my family has treated me, though I know that it is not healthy. At this point I feel more a sense of sadness and desperation, and that's not healthy either. Sorry for the length of this post, and thanks to anyone who took the time to read it.


Anonymous said over 2 years ago

Hello, this is Michigan again, wow, am I overwhelmed by all the responses on this blog. I do not feel so alone with issues surrounding my family disputes. It is heart-breaking what surrounds my family. I never thought family members could be so mean and hateful. Yes, I have contacted Adult Protective services, only to be judged and then advised to contact a family mediator or a lawyer. A brief consult with the family mediator called my brother a parascitic child. He is 62 years old. He has relationship issues with mom, but also mom does with him. I agreed to the Guardianship as it would be ashame to separate them in mom's frame of mind. Mom always needing a man in her life, now believes my brother is her husband. And yes, to the blog reader, Tiptoits, your thoughts are the same as most. It has only been 6 months since the Petition of Guardianship and Court Conservator. Though, I know my brother will take good care of mom, through the support of additional family caregivers, who are miking mom out of her money, too. I realize this is a decision now up to the Conservator to make. However, the Conservator is lacking in her responsibilities with the Court and she has now been suspended. So now, not only the family disputes, there are court related problems to deal with. My brother wanted this arrangement and now has other issues to deal with. Mom deserves better. All due to my brother's spiteful act of wanting and "getting me out of the picture". He will be held accountable to someone. Thank you everyone for allowing me to vent.... Blessings to all


Anonymous said over 2 years ago

Please stop thinking of what you cannot control, i.e. other people. Focus rather on what you can control, your own emotional health. I have been so angry so many times in my life, but at age 60 I now see that it only hurt me. Why wait till age 60? I care for my dad, full time 24/7. He is kind and considerate but a whole lot of physical and emotional strain. My brother had control over his estate, but he lives far away. I had to write him a letter and wait months on end for his reply. I told him I could not watch dad and not have control over his money. I told him I had to fix the upstairs in order to safely care for him. Finally during a period he was home from overseas I confronted him and all turned out fine. Yes, I was scared to write the letter to him, afraid of alienating my entire family. But, the longer I waited to do it the angrier I got. It is not just anger but fear of letting it all go, or of confrontation. But the fear grows inside of you until you do it. It will get so big and overwhelming that all is left is to be angry. You must confront those who stand in your way. Now, dad is in moderate to end stage AD. Now, my family looks at me with respect for all I do for him, but this was not so at the beginning. Yes, I controlled what I could, I wrote the letter asking for POA, and waited. But I could not control the outcome of that, and had to let it go and wait till my brother realized what was actually happening here with dad. I CAN control my self. I can take a walk every day if only for 2 hours, with my dog. I pay my niece to watch my dad when I walk. It is vital to my well being. I did not wait for her to offer, I asked her to do it and offered to pay her. My waiting and assuming someone would help was actually ridiculous. So I asked. So I received. I also am not a stranger to therapy and have spent most of my adult life in it. Recently I was told I no longer needed it. WHY"? Because I had strategies in place to deal with things. Another strategy is each night I call my cousin, who is very good at listening and never judges me. No matter what is upsetting me I let it go and give it over to her and she calmly just says, "You are strong you will be fine." Sometimes we need someone else to tell us this, as we are so far from believing we will be alright. Forgiveness is not saying you did something wrong, but rather it is letting go of what is bothering you and forgiving another so YOU can move forward. You can read about forgiveness in all its forms on the internet or in the Bible. Let it go, forgive and move on. When you get angry you only give the person who is angering you more power. You allow them to get to you, do not do that. If they are wrong and acting on greed or self/ego then they will get what is coming to them but not NOT from you, that is not your job. Your job is to trust that all good things are you reap what you sow. Sow only the good, refuse to sow the bad. You only make yourself as bad as the one you are angry with. Life is so hard on caregivers. It is so easy to judge a day in their life without living it. Be careful about what you judge. Judgmental people are judged in the end. My brother did not speak with my mom for the last two years of her life, but on the day before my mom died she called him to her through prayer and forgave him. Since mom died she has been a powerful spirit in our lives and always seems to settle things when things go wrong. My brother must live with his decision but my mom refused to die with it. Be a gentle soul, find what you love and do it for yourself and then once you love yourself again, the world will respond differently to your energy and good people will flock about you. No one flocks to an angry soul who sits alone in despair, you must reach out, you must seek to help yourself and THEN help will come. I wish you the best. annie


over 2 years ago

to anonymous from Michigan: I am so sorry about your mom. and i can hear your own concern for her. it sounds like your brother is keeping her so that he can have access to a roof over his head and whatever money he can grab while she is still alive. these are all things that you have little control over. he will have to answer for his actions in the hereafter and yes - there will come a day of judgement for us all. maybe you should consider getting the department of aging involved in this. your mother's life is dependent on your brother right now and if he is not taking care of her needs, that is a matter for authorities. money is not the answer to all of our problems, letting go of it is very liberating.


Anonymous said over 2 years ago

Hello, I'm from Michigan I agree with Minn, How do you release this frustration/ anger when it seems everyone, everything seeems to block your sense of control. When you are thrown into a situation that just won't seem to go away. No matter what you try to accommplish you run into a brick wall. About 6 months ago, my scum bag brother, who has lived off mom for over 30 years, filed for Guardianship of her. There also is/ was a Court Conservator. Six months have past, the Conservator was suspended due to the misfiling of paperwork. If she had been doing her job, this would not have happened. She is now filing for Reinstatement, now is requiring a signing of joint accounts w/ bank accts that mom and I had a joint. Again, she is the Conservator, she doesn't need signing off. Long story short, she is dragging my sibling and I back into Court. She is the one that needs to be held accountable. What has she been doing for the last six months. I thought and hoped I would not have to deal with my brother anymore. For over the past 3 years I have put up with accusations,manipulation game-playing, (will not allow me to see mom), badgering, from him. I had hoped Conservatorship would have put an end to that. Past family disputes have caused me to be fearful of him. Now I'm stuck with going back into court due to his selfishness. He has nothing better to do. He is never happy unless he has someone to argue with and runs to a lawyer whenever he feels unjust or doesn't want to show accountability. It sickens me. In two years, (should mom live that long) she will be 91 soon, has dementia with other health related issues, all of her money will be gone. Mom has provided a roof over my brother's head free/ clear, who will support him then? It will be the Conservator's head-ache to fight with Medicade to show accountability of where mom's money went. I am so angry, if I could spit fire I would. My lawyer tells me not to worry so much.. easier said than done....


over 2 years ago

Anything vigorous to help you let off steam seems to be the most beneficial along with losing yourself in something you are passionate about. And don't forget to load up on those B vitamins that stress gobbles up. Also, remind yourself that the person or situation you're angry about is not worth ruining your health over.


over 2 years ago

Minn, Yes you could run away, but you don't sound like the kind of person who would do that. It isn't simple even though it might sound simple. It's taken me 9 years of watching my husband dying with AD. This after caring for my AD mom and dad and my husband's parents both with AD. AD has been a curse in our family, and at times I feel as if I have been consumed by the disease. And yes I have had my share of anger and frustration. I feel for you about your sister and it sounds as if you don't have much support. I know how different it is caring for my husband without his support, which I had before. It's a crummy assignment, but it's what we have. Being angry makes it worse, but I do know that once I accepted where I was in life and that I was going to see it through to the end I was able to relax and let the anger go. Try a 12 step program if all else fails. A higher power no matter what your belief does help. Or if you can get some therapy. In the above article it tells you the damage continuing anger can cause your body and it is so true. It's for your health that you need to work out a solution to your problem and then one more on letting it go.


over 2 years ago

"Whether the problem is resolved isn't the important part. Feeling better, releasing your anger and letting it all go -- allowing you to get on with your life is what counts." Well, that sounds nice, but not necessarily realistic. Yes, getting on with your life would be great if you can do it. But problems caused by miserable people in the workplace and family- the kind that you can't get away from and that make your life so miserable- can prevent you from getting on with your life, and this leads to lingering and consuming anger, hopelessness and despair. How are you supposed to just "get on with your life" when irresponsible, manipulative, bullying, dishonest and selfish people that you have the misfortune of having to deal with stand between you and peace of mind? It's hard to think positive thoughts and just "let it all go" when you're own family that you're trying to help take over your life and, over time, destroy your health, finances and social life. Writing, exercise, venting to others that will listen and are sympathetic, are all excellent ways to DEAL with anger. ANYTHING that is therapeutic and that can help you focus on positive, healing emotions is important (bird watching and walking in the woods are two of my favorites.) Making sure that you keep doing things, even little things in your life that allow you some degree of self empowerment and that give you a sense of control are important. But they still won't prevent the feelings and reactions of anger, hopelessness and despair that inevitably result from dealing with alcoholism and Alzheimer's disease and abusive behavior. I was able to walk away from an abusive workplace and a job with good pay and benefits, but I find it much harder to do with my two parents with AD and my enabled, alcoholic sister, though walking away is certainly an alternative to dealing with the insanity. Anger is a natural human response to certain situations that deserve your running away screaming but require your staying put and being quite.


over 2 years ago

I admire ur idea of detaching oneself n then loving ur self n enjoying the good memories.


over 2 years ago

To follow up: Been there and done that too. Took care of mom (Alzheimer's) and dad, and was executor of the will. As all neared end sister read her settlement statement and through her ignorance didn't understand stocks would be sold. She only saw $ signs and accused me (to the attorney) of stealing from our parents. So angry was I, with a capital A, I thought I would blow the roof from the house. With fury in my bones I called her from 2 states away and could hardly speak. She hung up on me. Seething from every pore even the dog sensed my anger and wouldn't stop barking at me until I calmed. After settlement, I vowed to write my Alzheimer's book exposing her hateful behavior. She never apologized and I held my anger until I was counseled to let it go. Through the suggested steps I was able to do so and as I near the end of my book which also includes AD with my in-laws as well as being present caregiver for my husband with AD, I find there is no room for my anger with her or the incident. Instead I remember and wrote about when Ken and I became engaged and the loving and happy person she once was during the early years. That's the sister I want to remember. Keeping yourself in a knot is hurting you more than anyone else. Your injured self and anger is read in what you have written. As long as you hold onto the anger it will eat you alive. Continue to be the Peace Maker, remember you CANNOT control others, love yourself and your good memories, and if need be detatch yourself from family with a wave and smile, and then let it go. Exercise your power and allow peace within you happen.


over 2 years ago

Feeling better, releasing your anger and letting it all go -- allowing you to get on with your life is what counts. ... from AnnRomick ABSOLUTELY!!!!


over 2 years ago

to AnnRomick and Annonymous, Although I have never done it, I know that the letter writing is a tried and true rehabilitation trick. I dated a gentleman whose wife had left him several years before. took his 3 daughters and moved out of state with them. This guy lost his house, job, everything. His baby girl found him sitting against a tree with a loaded gun in his mouth. He checked himself into an alcohol rehab program where they taught him the science of the "Unsent Letter". He has a binder full of them. He is also clean and sober and has a great job and a good life. So it does work - but only if you let it. Personally I recently had to deal with some very severe anger issues on my job. Yes, the people I work with were being very vicious and unkind to me and pretty much caused me to go off the deep end. I would maybe be able to sleep 1 or 2 nights during the work week and cried practically non stop. It was not until I confronted the situation and then let it go that I gained my composure back. It is not perfect and it is never going to be. But I am nowadays practicing civility toward them and they are reciprocating. The best part is I only have 2 more years until I can retire. God will help me make it through - just as He brought me through all the storms in my life. Thank YOU Father.


Anonymous said over 2 years ago

to follow up, ... you must be joking on the letter writing, you must be joking on the meeting been there, done that, it didn't help, family members had their own mind made up... I am sick of their manipulation, I am sick of their accusations I am sick of their games I am sick of trying to be the peace-maker I have a jounel full of notes, and would love to write a book. Does anyone know who to contact?


over 2 years ago

Shouting matches don't help. Punching bags are a release as is jogging or taking a brisk walk. Resolution, if possible, and relieving your anger is what this is about, and is best attempted when things are calm. Plan a time with the "other or others" requesting that it be a civil meeting with each having a turn to state their case. This may help -- or not -- but it's worth the effort for all involved. Or letter writing. Some experts advise you write the letter then throw it away. If it's filled with hate and anger, the yes, trash it, but I believe a thoughtful and carefully written letter allows you to state your feelings, your beliefs and how you feel. Do NOT be accusing even though "they" deserve the accusation. Don't, it just makes them defensive. Writing, in and of itself, allows you to vent and express how you feel. Write the letter and let it rest for a few days. Read it again, edit until it's perfect, and then you can mail it. Whether it's read or not, or whether the offender answers or not doesn't matter either. You have stated the problem, now let it go no matter what. Be ready to greet the offender with a pure and open heart and mind especially if there is feed back. Whether the problem is resolved isn't the important part. Feeling better, releasing your anger and letting it all go -- allowing you to get on with your life is what counts.


over 2 years ago

I have been told anger is a emotion that develops when something or someone puts you in a situation you are unable to control. Yes, exercise, whatever may be is a great stress relieff. Iit's a mind set to focus on the positive. I'm in a situation with family siblings involving mom who has dementia. Although, this disease is progressing, mom still lives/ owns her own home, family members have taken upon themselves to "come out of woodwork" manipulate mom and control her savings. Due to family issues, court hearing took place and now Guardianship/ Court Conservatorship is involved. Before the hearing I went through 2 years of game playing with family siblings. This is a time when mom needs her family not robbing from her. What a bunch of two-faced, back stabbing group of people. I saw them for what they really are. What makes them tick? Money, greed, satisfaction of huring other people. It sickens me. I am angry. Thanks for letting me vent...


over 2 years ago

WHAT HELPS??? HONESTLY, HONESTLY, HONESTLY - get yourself a punching bag!! I am not kidding. A punching bag with a set of boxing gloves can do more to blow off steam than anything I have ever tried. It is a great workout as well. I figured this out after taking a couple of year's worth of cardio kickboxing classes.


Default_avatar-hhd399496100
Stay Connected With Caring.com

Receive the latest news and tips in your inbox

Join our social communities:

Best in Health News
Msn-health-header-hh279de61871