Last updated:
18-Nov-2008
My know-it-all sister will be here for ten days at Christmas, and I can already feel my stress level rising.
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I know how you feel. The visiting sister probably feels guilty that she isn't doing her share for their Mom even though she can't due to living far away. This guilt makes her feel like she has to show everyone that she's concerned by taking over. The best idea I read so far is send her an e-mail a week or so before she arrives and tell that "since she doesn't get to see Mom that often" she is being assigned some of the care duties while she's there so they can spend more time together. I bet she'll stop bossing you around when she fnds out how hard it is and maybe look at you with a new respect for all you're doing!
How about considering a 2 or 3-day vacation while the sister is there, giving the sister the full responsibility for just a short time? It would probably make the sister appreciate more what goes into daily care. And maybe if she thinks she'll be the primary caregiver for a few days when she comes, she will shorten her visits!
Just wanted to say how I feel for you. For the last 10 years my sister and husband arrive in either Oct or November and stay with my Mom until February or March. I am blessed that at 89 my Mom can still live by herself, I'm about 40 minutes away, my sister lives on the opposite coast. I have always wanted to move away....but... For a few weeks before their arrival, Mom is excited, she will have someone around and to talk to, besides my weekend visits and daily phone calls. After a few days the phone calls begin, Mom can't stand the way my sister tells her what to do, Sister can't stand that Mom doesn't' listen or else is losing her mind (by not agreeing with her) So after a hard day at work, I spend way too much time on the phone and can't get anywhere, as my 1 one years older than me sister, knows everything, and when that is done, it is all about her. She doesn't recognize our Mom's jokes or the fact that she is getting forgetful and set in her ways. As she is always right, and can't let go of something Mom may have said to her 60 years ago.... Just wanted to say, though the situation is different...I understand and will keep you in my prayers. Blessings!