I feel guilty about it, but I can barely stand the sight of my mother, who wants to live with me. What do I owe her?

Brighter

about 1 year ago

I agree that you must consider yourself and your own family as your top priority, especially with little-ones. Once you have a parent move in with you, you are committed. It's extremely difficult to get a parent to move out without hurt, anger and resentment that is even worse than being honest with yourself and them by not allowing it in the first place. You are fortunate to have siblings who concur with you and can present a united front. Have you considered a foster home or a retirement community for your mom? Ms. O'Dell is absolutely correct in her comment that being placed in a role of resentment and guilt can cause illness. Also, if your mother did live with you, anger could be added in the mix. This decision will affect not only you, but your children and your SO. If you are married, perhaps your husband can assist you in this life-altering decision. Best wishes to all of you.

Braida

about 1 year ago

It was excellent in advising about accepting the alcoholic, with a sad tenderness, rather than animosity and anger. Addiction is an illness, and we can't change or make the addict change. But coming to grips with this, and finding a way within ourselves to love the addict regardless, is very helpful. And loving the addict does not have to mean enableing him/her. I agreed w/ the advice about keeping the Mom living on her own, perhaps in assisted living, but I would encourage the children to try to get the Mom to move closer to them, so they could look in on her, or see her more often, and show her that the love and compassion is there for her....but at arm's length, as it has to be.

This is for all who are either considering reverse mortgages. Consider this decision very carefully. At the onset of the loan, which they call a start up fee is very hefty amount, can be 10% of the loan. Once you sign the dotted line,before you receive one penny, this amount is owed. Also, my best friends Mother who at age 83, took out this loan for her in home care. She is 93, has exhausted all of the loan and now her daughters are having to pay for her care. Unfortunately, selling the house now, at the lower home values, make this a very difficult predicament. These reverse mortgages are mortgages. Think long and hard prior to making this decision.