Is it ever okay to just end your sibling relationships? We've been pushed to the brink.

3Generations­

over 2 years ago

I have finally reached the decision to end contact with my two siblings. One is always angry with me and hateful, which I recently learned goes back to our childhood years and possible sibling issues surrounding my being adopted. The other sibling has been distant at best; when I tried to encourage more involvement with our parents, he never responded, but allowed his wife to pour venom on me about "guilting" him. I finally realized after prayer and counseling that these issues are actually their problems, not mine. If they refuse to deal with them or get help to heal them, there is nothing I can do except limit their effect upon me and my family. My parents live in a suite in my home, so "ending" contact is, in reality, just limiting contact, as I will not ever interfere with them visiting our parents. So, ending contact for my situation means not reaching out to them, not replying to e-mails/calls, and being gone or otherwise occupied when I know they are coming to visit our parents. (That's not too difficult, since one visits maybe once a week, and the other only a few times a year.) This will be the first holiday season where I do not rearrange my own family's schedule to accomodate my siblings' desire to "celebrate" on a day other than the holiday (usually the day after the holiday). I discussed this with my parents, because my only regret would be hurting them. However, they saw what was happening years before I did, and are amazingly supportive of my decision to break free of this pain. It is not an easy decision, nor one to be undertaken lightly. Anyone considering this should take time, seek counseling, and be prepared to confront their own fault in the breakdown. I had to face that some things I said and did inflamed the situation with my siblings. For our situation, I've learned the best thing I can do at this point is end contact. I am praying that this will not be permanent, but have accepted that it needs to be at least long-term.

angry sister­

over 2 years ago

I,m so angry with my sister I am the caregiver of my mom who is in great shape at 86 and still works however she still needs things done for her and my sister does nothing or I should say makes promises of the things she is going to do and then you never hear about any of it again and my mom and I are left disappointed and I lose my temper if my 86 yr old mother can see her she has to drive 45miles through the city and go see them she pays for dinners brings in groceries did her laundry when she could and then constantly talks only about her and family and how wonderful they are they do nothing and i am angry I told her, shamed her in to coming and picking her up today wow!!!! mom was impressed give me a break she constantly takes and gives nothing in return and has her whole life i just realized that she treats friends better than her family and is always lying

Ending my relationship with my siblings was one of the rare good decisions that I have made in my adult life. I am much more mentally healthy without them in my lives. As long as you can still see your mother (mother-in-law) and give her your own type of care and love that's all that matters.

Dear Quincy, consider yourself on my daily prayer list. My heart goes out to you because of personal empathy but one can't allow themself to be dragged through a moment's misery by those who obviously never had any consideration for you in the first place. If they refuse your love it's their loss. I pray you make some true friends who will be there for you.

Quincy

over 2 years ago

My husband had two siblings.During his illness and death, only one sibling seemed to care. The other sibling has no contact with me and will not call, since the services. They forgot my birhday, no holiday cards, no calls and no concern.