I took the brunt of my dad's nastiness my whole life. Now I am his caretaker and I resent it.

This advise is all well and good, however--I feel trapped, emotionally and physically. Feel like they (mom and dad) kept me in a prison-like environment when I was young and now my husband and I have my 95 yr old mom here--back in prison again. She can no longer hear nor see much---I'm at my wits end.

If I "carry a stone in my pocket", I would end up throwing it at my selfish, ungrateful father. Ridiculous advice. As for me having a longer life? Not likely. I am certain to die of stress well before my father even gets a cold.

Even before his mental decline, my father was unpleasant to me. Now, it is worse. I am caring for him across country (only child!). I go as frequently as financially possible, and have taken over all of his bill-paying, account management, etc. I am on the phone with him several times a week and with others who can provide some of his needs at least that often. I'm doing the best I can for him. I ask myself why I am doing this for a man I am not certain I love and AM certain I frequently don't even LIKE! This is not a feeling I like, but it's reality. I've decided that the only way I can get through this period of my life is to continuously say to myself, "He's doing the best he can with what he has," AND to consider him as my "client," NOT my "father." That allows me to detach and deal with him on a less emotional level. It's sad that it has to be that way, but for me, it makes it easier. I agree with everything that Carol has said--when I talk to my dad about his upbringing and his parents, I realize where he got his ideas. The context is important. Understanding him does not make him easier to deal with, but it makes it easier for me to go on. I think the biggest help is just removing myself emotionally. I ask myself if I can hold my head up and be proud of what I'm doing for him after he's gone. If the answer is yes, then that's all that matters. You truly have my understanding and my support. Follow Carol's suggestions and be good to yourself. You WILL get through this with your dignity intact and your future ahead of you.