My mom says my dad isn't my biological father -- and I can't tell if it's the truth or her dementia talking.

Marly26

9 months ago

This must have been a blow to you and I am sending hugs and prayers to you. Regardless if you are not your fathers' child, he has treated you as such and loves you so very much. If you can find your mom at a time when she is more alert, usually mornings are a good time, you may bring this up to her. Let her know that everything is fine, you feel no different towards her/your father or siblings. Your mother may also be saying this perhaps because at one time she may have had a child (not your fathers') and may have lost it (miscarried). Usually ppl. with dementia have long term memory but not short. In her mind it could be another child and she thinks its you. Do you look like your sibling/father/mother, have you ever felt otherwise? Dont' feel guilt, they have never made you feel otherwise. Myself I would think that you would have been told much earlier on. I myself was adopted, found out at the age of 9. My biological mother new my parents' who raised me. My father had passed at a very early age and she had 6 children that she could not raise on her own in those days. She asked if I wanted to meet her, my reply "no". My mother at one point was introducing the family to someone and she said this is our daughter and this is the one we adopted. I cant' tell you what my father said but I thought the roof was to come off. He said I dont' ever want you saying she is not my child again (the feeling that came over me, I can't even explain). When my biological mother passed my mother who raised me asked if I was going to the funeral, my answer to her was "you are my mother". If you want to go I will go with you, however she is not my mother. We paid our respects, then left the Cemetary. All being said I would let sleeping dogs lie as the saying goes. If you truly want an answer try and get it from your mother not your father. Perhaps even if he knew, just as mine did, he took you in, loved you,cared for you, put a roof over your head and not doubt the best "dad" ever. Dont' hurt his feelings, something tells me and I dont' know why but I honestly think that your mother could be thinking of a sister/brother of hers in the past.or like I said a miscarriage. Just remember the love that both of your parents gave you, the life they gave you. The only real way that you would find out is if you ever find adoption papers or your Birth Certificate with another name, which is something I doubt. I know this is something that will no doubt nag at you but as I said speak to your mother in the a.m. This is a much better time to speak with her, they seem to fall back on other things that arent' even part of what you are speaking about in the later part of the afternoon. Hold that chin up girl, and remember who held you in their arms, loved and cared for you. Dont' hurt yourself over it,and dont' keep seeds of doubt. I wish you luck, and pls. remember your family loves you unconditionally. Take care,