Family Advisor
Archive 2009
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Is it selfish to not want to move in with a boyfriend whose live-in mom is old and sick?
November 14, 2009
What to consider before entering a relationship with a caregiver devoted to his mother.... Read more
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Mom can't live alone but blows off my attempts to help
November 07, 2009
Advice on how to help an elder living independently who needs help -- but refuses it.... Read more
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I'm wracked with guilt for enjoying life again now that my husband is in a care home.
October 31, 2009
I recently had to place my husband, who has Alzheimer's, in a nearby care home. I could check on him every day, but I'm not sure it's a good idea. When I leave, he gets teary and begs me to move in with him. He initiates sex, but maybe because of the dementia, he no longer feels like my husband that way...... Read more
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My mom says my dad isn't my biological father -- and I can't tell if it's the truth or her dementia talking.
October 24, 2009
Biological Father Doubts . Learn whether or not to trust deathbed confessions, such as whether your dad is your biological father.... Read more
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I'm afraid my husband, who has a terminal disease, is suicidal
October 17, 2009
Suicidal Tendency in Spouse. Advice and resources for caregivers who fear a loved one who has suicidal tendencies from terminal illness.... Read more
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My sister won't care for Mom even though she lives in the same town. I do everything, but I live 800 miles away!
October 10, 2009
How to deal with resentment over a sibling who doesn't help, when you're a long-distance caregiver.... Read more
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I'm your classic burned out caregiver and don't know how much longer I can do this.
October 03, 2009
How to force a change when you're the default caregiver.... Read more
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My adult son, who's supposed to be helping me with his dad's care, is a mooch!
September 26, 2009
Having a mooch for a son. Learn how to handle an adult son who is a mooch, selfish, and negligent.... Read more
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Is it ever okay to just end your sibling relationships? We've been pushed to the brink.
September 19, 2009
Ending Sibling Relationship. Learn whether ending a sibling relationship is a good option for siblings fighting over parent care.... Read more
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I know my dad's endless rude behavior and repetition is the Alzheimer's talking, but it drives me crazy anyway.
September 12, 2009
Rude Behavior from Alzheimer's. Learn how to manage the frustration of rude behavior from someone with Alzheimer's.... Read more
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I've sadly and painfully decided it's best to end treatments for my sick wife. Now I face telling my children.
September 05, 2009
Deciding to End Treatment. Advice on coping with family reactions after making the difficult decision to end treatment.... Read more
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My sister didn't call in time for me to say goodbye to my mom, and I can't get over the hurt.
August 29, 2009
Being Too Late to Say Goodbye to dying parent. How to overcome hurt feelings from a recent death and deal with sibling inaction.... Read more
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I need a great gift for sick parents who have no material wants.
August 22, 2009
Gift for Sick Parents. Find a gift for sick parents with this list of anniversary gift ideas for sick parents. ... Read more
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My father sounds like a naughty child when he makes excuses for his sexual advances to caregivers.
August 15, 2009
What should you do when an elderly parent displays inappropriate behavior towards a caregiver?... Read more
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I have cancer and am ready to let go, but my daughter wants me to fight.
August 08, 2009
Dying from Cancer is hard for family to accept. Learn how to help family let go when dying from cancer. ... Read more
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My sister won't forgive me for breaking a promise to our dad that we'd never put him in a care facility.
August 01, 2009
Advice on coping when a family promise never to put a parent in a care home must be broken.... Read more
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I don't want to move in with my adult child. How do I say this without hurting her feelings?
July 25, 2009
What happens when an adult child wants a parent to move in but the parent doesn't want to? ... Read more
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I'm afraid I've become a caregiver by default.
July 10, 2009
How a neighbor and friend can help an aging person in need without becoming a default caregiver.... Read more
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My mother-in-law needs to have her own place, rather than live with us -- but my husband disagrees.
July 04, 2009
How to deal with the stress of having an aging in-law live with you when it causes conflict between you and your spouse.... Read more
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My husband refuses to listen to me or follow the doctor's advice. How can I be a caregiver if he fights me at every turn?
June 27, 2009
How caring for a spouse can pose special challenges, and what to do about them.... Read more
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I'm falling in love with my dad's home health aide, but Dad has a crush on her, too. It's really awkward.
June 15, 2009
Advice on falling in love with your parent's paid caregiver or aide.... Read more
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My parents' caregiver veers between being unresponsive to the rest of the family or freaking out that nobody helps.
June 08, 2009
How to handle a family caregiver who seems too bossy and uninterested in help unless there's a crisis.... Read more
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Ever since my dad died, Mom reads negativity into everything and explodes at me. After she vents, she's fine.
June 01, 2009
Advice for being a caregiver to a parent who's angry and grieving.... Read more
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Where does family obligation begin and end? My cultural background says "go help mom," but my life is here.
May 25, 2009
Advice for when elder parents and adult children have a cultural clash over caregiving.... Read more
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My husband's dementia causes him to make sexual advances toward others -- and it's turning me off from wanting to be his caregiver.
May 18, 2009
Practical and emotional ways to deal with inappropriate sexual behavior caused by dementia.... Read more
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I'm so angry at how Mom fawns over my brother, the superhero who swoops in, while I do the grunt work of caregiving.
May 11, 2009
Advice on coping with anger when you're the caregiver who does the hard work and siblings get the glory.... Read more
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"I do all the caregiving for my parents, while my deadbeat sister takes all their money."
May 04, 2009
Please help! I am the sole caregiver to my dad, 87, and mom, 84. My sister has depleted their money to almost nothing. My dad insists on paying her rent, car payments, utilities, pet expenses, and everything else. It's almost criminal, but I cannot stop it. My father runs the house and will not change; my mother has no say...... Read more
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Mom is guilt-tripping poor Dad that he broke his "till death do us part" vows by putting her in a nursing and rehab center.
April 27, 2009
After Mom's fourth hospital stay in a year, we decided to keep her in the nursing and rehab center, as Dad could no longer handle her care needs -- bathing, cooking, cleaning, walking, toileting. She thinks my cousin and I have "brainwashed" him into thinking he can't care for her anymore...... Read more
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Since Mom moved in, she's been trying to take over as the "woman of the house"
April 20, 2009
My mom, who has diabetes, moved in with my family because she can no longer walk -- her leg was amputated -- has trouble with her eyesight, and can no longer drive. ... Read more
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My sister says I'll regret cutting off my father, but I think I've earned the right to protect myself.
April 13, 2009
My father, who's approaching 80, has gotten meaner and meaner over the years. As kids we were scared of him, and as young adults we just tolerated or avoided him. But now that I'm in my 40s, I'm no longer willing to put up with his abusive behavior...... Read more
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I think my husband is using caregiving as an excuse to distance himself from our marriage.
April 06, 2009
My husband moved back to his mother's house several states away a year ago to help her prepare to move, and then things went downhill. His mom fell, needed rehabilitation, and now says she wants to stay in her own home. For months my husband or I traveled to see each other (I work full-time and need my job and insurance); lately, we're not even doing that...... Read more
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My mom gets wildly jealous when I spend time with my husband!
March 30, 2009
I can handle my mother's early-stage dementia, but her jealousy is hard to take. She lives with us. And she doesn't like to see my husband and I spending one-on-one time together, whether it's kissing or even sitting next to each other on the couch...... Read more
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My widowed dad lives alone and isolates himself too much.
March 23, 2009
My dad is elderly and has lost his hearing, but generally he's in good health. My mom died last year and Dad's in the house all alone. He won't learn sign language, and all he does is read the newspaper and sit in his recliner all day. I love my dad dearly and would welcome him into our home, but he says he doesn't want to be a burden...... Read more
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I can't convince my brother to let our mother, who's in the late stage of Alzheimer's, go peacefully.
March 16, 2009
My mother is in the later stages of Alzheimer's. She doesn't talk anymore, just babbles a little, and my brother insisted a couple of years ago that she have a feeding tube put in because she forgets to chew and swallow. I was against it. I felt it was more honorable for mom to enter hospice and go naturally...... Read more
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My parents can't bear their new reality of not being able to live together
March 09, 2009
My siblings and I have come to the conclusion that our dad, who has Alzheimer's, needs to be placed in a memory-assisted care home. But my mother (who had a heart attack two months ago and has been in a rehabilitation center ever since for pneumonia) insists that she can go back to being his caregiver...... Read more
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My mom's in hospice and I'm already grieving -- for her and my identity as a caregiver
March 02, 2009
It's natural for a caregiver to experience grief and grieving for someone on hospice.... Read more
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My sister is ruining her kids' childhoods by expecting them to care for our sick mom
February 23, 2009
Advice on how involved children should be in a grandparent's care ... Read more
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The family of a recent widower is glad that he's transferred affection to me, his nurse -- but I'm not!
February 16, 2009
When someone with dementia transfers affections to a caregiver, boundaries need to be drawn.... Read more
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I feel cornered: My siblings assume I'll look after our parents simply because I live the closest.
February 09, 2009
Advice on how to not become the default caregiver in a family if that's not a role you want.... Read more
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My father wastes money on younger women who are just taking advantage of him -- then he moons like a teenager over breakups, and blames me
February 02, 2009
Advice for handling a father experiencing a second adolescence and wasting money.... Read more
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My father killed someone in a car accident -- and I can't stop blaming myself for not having taken away his keys earlier
January 26, 2009
Coping with the guilt when an elder parent has a car or driving accident... Read more
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My sister is tired of caregiving and wants to put our mother in a home -- but I don't.
January 19, 2009
Advice on what siblings can do when they disagree about how to care for a parent and whether the elder should live at home or in a care facility or nursing home.... Read more
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My mother insults my father's home aides and I don't know how to get her to stop.
January 05, 2009
Carol O'Dell the Caring.com Family Advisor explains how to intervene and help when a parent is rude to the other parent's aides and other professional... Read more
