Family Advisor
Archive 2008
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My husband with dementia still has sexual desires for me, and I'm not sure what to do.
December 15, 2008
Advice to a woman about whether and how to satisfy the sexual needs of her husband, who has dementia and lives in a nursing home.... Read more
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We're not the kind of family that talks about personal issues. But my mother's denial about my father's Parkinson's is keeping him from getting the care he needs.
December 08, 2008
My father has Parkinson's and shouldn't be left alone. My mother is working full-time and taking care of him. We (the adult kids) are concerned that she's in over her head, but she's in serious denial about the state of things and even about my dad's disease.... Read more
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Since my husband, who has Alzheimer's, moved into a nursing home, I've become very close to a neighbor gentleman. Should I keep it a secret or let my family and friends know?
December 02, 2008
My husband and I are both 64 years old. I'm healthy -- I take yoga and walk every day. My husband has had Alzheimer's for the past five years. ... Read more
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My nieces constantly prey on their grandmother for her for money.
November 25, 2008
My mother was in business for herself for 60 years. Now it's just her and me, and I own a small business and work five days a week. My nieces know the situation, but they still sneak in under the radar and hit their grandmother up for money. Last week it was for $500...... Read more
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My know-it-all sister will be here for ten days at Christmas, and I can already feel my stress level rising.
November 18, 2008
My mom lives with my family and me. She's 82 years old and uses a walker. She also has lung problems and needs breathing treatments. My sister only visits twice a year, but you'd think she deserved a Congressional Medal for it! She waltzes in with her husband and their little dog (without even asking...... Read more
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How can I keep my husband, who has Parkinson's, from burying us in debt?
November 10, 2008
Advice to a woman whose husband has Parkinson's and is confused but still insists on being in charge of the family finances. ... Read more
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My husband and his siblings want me to quit my job and be their mother's caregiver -- and I don't want to!
November 03, 2008
My mother-in-law recently fell and broke her hip, and her doctor is recommending that she no longer live alone.... Read more
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My sister and her family moved in with my mom, and now they're spending all her retirement money.
October 27, 2008
About three years ago, my sister and her husband showed up at Mom's house unannounced and said they had to move in with her until their tax refund check came. They never left. My sister has never worked, her husband finally works, and they have three kids in their 20s and various pets living there as well...... Read more
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How can I get my elderly friend's children and sister to help take care of her?
October 20, 2008
I am guardian and conservator of a very dear friend, Dorothy. She has a son who lives locally who makes no effort to see or call his mother. The daughter lives in another state, doesn't call often enough, doesn't send a card or call on her birthday...... Read more
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I'm thinking of leaving my spouse, who has Parkinson's.
October 13, 2008
My husband and I have been married for 42 years, but it hasn't been a loving relationship -- ever. He hasn't always been faithful or provided well for us, has always drunk too much, and he hasn't told me he loves me in decades. Now he has Parkinson's and he's in a wheelchair...... Read more
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My sister's refusal to communicate with me about our father's care has brought back to mind years of mistreatment by her. What can I do?
October 06, 2008
My sister is 14 years older than I am and has full power of attorney over the estate of our father, who has Alzheimer's. I live 6,000 miles away, in the U. K. She doesn't communicate with me about anything and hasn't rung me in the 15 years since I moved there...... Read more
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My parents, who have dementia, flat-out refuse to move into assisted living. How do I get them to move without making them hate me?
September 29, 2008
When Parents Refuse to Move. Learn how to convince parents with dementia that refuse to move. ... Read more
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I feel guilty about it, but I can barely stand the sight of my mother, who wants to live with me. What do I owe her?
September 22, 2008
My mother is only 61 years old, but she may as well be 90. She and my father divorced five years ago, and since then she has simply given up on life. She rarely even leaves the house, except to buy beer. Her alcohol abuse has brought on some early signs of dementia, and she is very clearly depressed and has been for many years...... Read more
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My father is in failing health and financial ruin, living with a woman who is bipolar, and refuses my help. What can I do?
September 15, 2008
My father is 69 years old and in failing health. To make matters worse, he's currently in financial ruin and living with an opinionated woman who is not qualified to take care of him. She's also bipolar and demeaning to my father. She complains that she pays for everything and does everything for him, and he's just a burden...... Read more
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How can I stop my brother from taking power of attorney for my mother away from me?
September 08, 2008
I'm having problems with my brother and his family. I have power of attorney for our mother's health and all other matters. My sister-in-law is trying to get my mother to change things. My mother has short-term memory loss and at times doesn't remember things she said five minutes before...... Read more
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My fiance broke off our engagement because he said caring for my mom has taken over my life.
September 01, 2008
Caregiving has destroyed my personal life! I know that sounds dramatic, but last year my mother, who is 69, was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia, a "reverse Alzheimer's" that takes away behavioral and social skills and later attacks the memory. ... Read more
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My brother won't share financial information about our dad's assets, and it's tearing the family apart.
August 25, 2008
My brother has durable power of attorney for my dad, who has dementia. There are seven other siblings. My brother has not and will not provide financial information about Dad's assets and resources. He isn't forthcoming with the money to fund our dad's professional care nor to reimburse expenses incurred...... Read more
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I can't stop feeling that I was an inadequate caregiver to my mom.
August 18, 2008
I am a 56-year-old registered nurse. I took time off work to care for my 81-year-old mother when she was dying of lung cancer. I had little support from my husband or my siblings: "You're the nurse" was their attitude. I was very close to my mother and talked with her every day. But I feel my care for her was inadequate and I wish I had done a better job...... Read more
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I took the brunt of my dad's nastiness my whole life. Now I am his caretaker and I resent it.
August 11, 2008
My dad has been a handful all his life -- prone to making demeaning and very sarcastic remarks. I am his oldest child, and my mom and I took the brunt of this as I was growing up. Now he is almost 90 years old and has vascular and frontotemporal dementia. Since my mom died four years ago, my husband and I have been his primary caregivers...... Read more
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I was the beneficiary of my mother's trust deposit until that was changed to her husband's name a couple of months before she died -- and I think it was done illegally.
August 04, 2008
My mother moved from Orlando (where I live) to Miami about eight years ago when she remarried. She died three months ago, and she had a certificate of deposit in trust for me that she gave me a copy of about six years ago.... Read more
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Should I be responsible for my father's funeral bill when he never paid child support for me?
July 28, 2008
Learn who is really responsible for paying funeral expenses, and what resources may be available to cover funeral costs.... Read more
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How much say do I have in determining who is guardian over me and my affairs?
July 21, 2008
Do I have any rights in determining my care and who is guardian over my life? Family interactions are making it impossible for me to determine who's involved and the extent of their involvement. Family members will not discuss these important issues with me -- I can't seem to get any solid, reliable answers to my questions...... Read more
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I need to rescue my grandmother!
July 14, 2008
What to do if you want to take care of an elderly family member at home, but her legal guardian has put her in a nursing home. ... Read more
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I can't get over my resentment at my sister and brother for not being there when my mother was dying of cancer.
July 07, 2008
How to deal with resentment toward siblings who don't help, leaving all the parental care giving to you. ... Read more
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What can a hired caregiver do about a woman who threatens her grandmother -- who has Alzheimer's -- that the family will send her away if she doesn't take her medicines?
June 30, 2008
I have been a part-time caregiver to a woman with Alzheimer's for about six weeks. Her granddaughter is also a caregiver to her. The young woman is in her early 20s and grandma is in her 80s. The lady's doctors have changed some of her medicine due to side effects, and she is becoming less social, wants...... Read more
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My mother says she's lonely, and it's heartbreaking for me to hear her crying at night. What can I do to help her?
June 23, 2008
My father died seven years ago, and for quite some time my mother -- who is 90 years old and has a heart condition -- seemed to be coping pretty well. But since she was sick for two months last year, she has seemed lonelier. For the last two to three months, she has been crying frequently and saying how lonely and tired she feels...... Read more
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My mother gave power of attorney to her new husband, who is putting her life in danger. How can we get it away from him?
June 16, 2008
My mother's new husband has power of attorney for her, but I feel he puts her life in danger. How can we get her to reappoint power of attorney?... Read more
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My mother, who suffers from dementia and alcoholism, wants my sister and me to be her caregivers, so she keeps sending away the one we've hired.
June 09, 2008
My sister and I hired a caregiver to come into our mom's home once a week to cook, clean, drive, and generally keep things going. We have taken over the management of our mom's money, as she couldn't cope with it anymore, and we did a careful budget so that we could afford this...... Read more
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I constantly feel guilty because no matter how much I do for my parents, I know it's never enough.
June 02, 2008
My mom has advanced Alzheimer's and my dad is 92 and bedridden. They live at home with round-the-clock caregivers. I do all the grocery shopping, doctor's appointments, and various errands. I pay the bills and deal with financial matters -- and see them once a week. (They live an hour away)...... Read more
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My mother's caregiver is too controlling and won't take direction from us.
May 26, 2008
My mother has Alzheimer's and has had a live-in caregiver for seven years. He has been excellent with her, but he's quite eccentric and has put demands on our family that have become more and more restrictive. Recently he added a "no talking" rule, meaning that we're not allowed to talk to him in her...... Read more
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My mother has asked not to be resuscitated if she has a medical crisis, but my siblings disagree on what constitutes a medical crisis.
May 19, 2008
Before she showed signs of dementia, my mother decided she didn't want extreme measures to be taken to save her life, and she authorized a Do Not Resuscitate order. Now my siblings can't agree about when we should honor it. Some don't want to call 911 if my mother becomes unconscious or shows signs of...... Read more
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My dad wants to double-date with me!
May 12, 2008
What to do when your elderly dad starts dating -- and he wants to double-date with you and your spouse. ... Read more
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My mother is gambling away every last penny -- and her financial independence. What should I do?
May 05, 2008
Since my father's death two years ago, my 75-year-old mother's casual interest in bingo has turned into an obsession. Now her life revolves around bingo and casino gambling. She lives in Florida, where there's no shortage of gambling seniors to keep her company. And it's not a matter of if this situation will damage her financial independence, but when...... Read more
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My mother's growing needs are putting a strain on my marriage, and I find myself wondering which will fall apart first -- her, my marriage, or me. What can I do?
April 28, 2008
Since my dad died five years ago, my mother has had hip-replacement surgery and been diagnosed with early-stage bladder cancer. I quit my part-time job to be available for her. Every day, it seems, I spend more hours transporting her places and comforting her until late evening. When I'm not with her, I'm rushing around to care for my two teenage girls...... Read more
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I'm not close to my dad's new wife, and that's keeping me from caring for him as much as I'd like to (he has Alzheimer's). How can I step in and help him more?
April 24, 2008
What to do when your elderly father's new wife comes between you and him. ... Read more
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My father's racist and inappropriate remarks have gotten so bad, I don't want to take him out in public.
April 14, 2008
How to understand and deal with an elderly parent's racist or offensive remarks.... Read more
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My father seems interested in moving in with me -- and I don't want him to.
April 07, 2008
At 81, my dad has Parkinson's, three heart stents, a history of hernias, kidney stones, and depression. He lives alone and has about seven hours of in-home care a day. He's fallen once and ended up in the ER twice, and my brothers and I have tried to talk to him about moving somewhere else -- by which we mean an assisted-living situation...... Read more
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My parents are begging me for an occasional drink or cigarette -- even though it's against their doctors' orders.
March 31, 2008
Advice on whether it's okay for elderly parents, one of whom uses portable oxygen, to occasionally smoke or drink. ... Read more
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How can I deal with my mom's anger at me for urging her to move my dad to an Alzheimer's residence, where he fell in love with another woman?
March 24, 2008
My mother, who took care of my father through the early and middle stages of Alzheimer's, is brokenhearted because he's fallen in love with a woman at the assisted living facility where he now lives -- and she blames me for the whole mess! In the early stages of his illness, Mom insisted she was in love...... Read more
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Help! My mom's in hospice and my sister and I are arguing about her funeral.
March 15, 2008
Our mom has said she wants to be cremated "so you don't have to waste your money on hair and makeup," and my sister says we should abide by her wishes. But I think Mom is just being her frugal martyr self to the end, and she deserves to be properly laid out. I also think an open casket is helpful in the grieving process...... Read more
