Three years ago, my husband had a stroke. His speech is severely impaired, as is his ability to walk. We have a full-time caregiver during the day -- actually, we've had many -- but my husband doesn't want anyone caring for him but me. I'm the only one who can understand his garbled speech, and if I leave the room for more than ten minutes he's upset and yelling for me.

The worst part is that he punishes me for going to an appointment alone or, heaven forbid, having a little fun like meeting a friend. When I return, he's sulky, won't take his meds, and sometimes refuses to eat. He treats me horribly for days after.

I feel trapped. Although I love him dearly, I've begun to resent him. There are times when I wish God would take him -- what good is he here if he's this miserable? I can't believe I said that, but I did. How do I go on caring for him when I'm this resentful?

How do you go on caring for your husband...  Read more

My dad has advanced bladder cancer, and in the last few months, relatives have been coming out of the woodwork. I've overheard several of them ask if they're in his will (he's quite wealthy) and if they can have his gun collection and my mother's jewelry. One even asked for one of his collectible cars.

I resent this. I've been caring for my dad for ten years, and I haven't seen most of these cousins, nieces, and nephews during this whole decade. Is it wrong of me to ask Dad if his will is up-to-date? He's lucid, and I haven't read his will line by line.

Right now, I don't want to give anybody anything. I'm mourning his imminent passing, and I'm too hurt and angry to think about giving his stuff away to people who have shown up at the last minute. Is this my place to say? How do I handle this situation -- and my emotions?

It's your place to feel all the emotions that come with losing your dad -- anger, resentment, fear, grief, and loss -- and you have every right to ask how he wants his affairs handled...  Read more

My mother, who at 56 has coronary heart disease and a stent, lives alone almost 1,000 miles from me. My parents divorced five years ago after decades of marriage, and I'm the only child.

I don't want to move there, though I worry about her constantly. Her health is stable and she's working, but she tries to make me feel guilty for not living close to her. I try to call her every day, and she complains it's not enough. When I can't talk long because I'm studying, she implies I don't want to talk to her. She feels I'm putting my boyfriend of eight years before her, which is far from the truth.

She also seems to have different symptoms daily. She goes to doctors all the time, and they can't find anything wrong with her. I have such guilt -- I feel like a bad daughter. I worry something bad will happen to her and even have nightmares. And when I go home, all she does is ignore or criticize me...  Read more

Every time I mention something about finding a good home for Mom, who has Alzheimer's, my sister bites my head off.

Mom lives with my sister and her family. But Mom screams all the time, tries to bite, hallucinates, and is downright ugly to my sister and her kids. Being exposed to all this can't be good for the children. They hide in their rooms playing video games, and they never invite friends over. My sister’s putting our mom first, at her kids' expense. Yet every time I mention something about finding a good home for Mom, my sister accuses me of trying to "dump" her. Am I interfering too much?

A few years ago, you could have been my sister writing about me. My mother had Alzheimer’s, and toward the end my children were subjected to too much caregiving and all that comes with it. Our home was no longer a healthy place to raise a child, and I realized the depression, despair, and mental climate could adversely affect them...  Read more

I'm 20 years old and am trying to help take care of my grandparents. My mother lives with them, and I'm afraid she's not taking good care of them. She's not working -- she only gets disability checks and Grandpa's Social Security. There's hardly any food in the home other than what my aunt drops off, and money constantly goes missing. My aunt and my mom aren't on speaking terms -- I'm the only neutral one in the family, so it's my job to intervene.

I've called Social Services before, but every time they go to talk to my grandparents, they say everything is fine. I know my mother is taking advantage of my grandparents, but I can't seem to find any way to help.

First, I applaud you for looking out for your grandparents. But accept right now that you didn't cause this situation and you can't fix it -- not all of it, anyway.

You're not alone in being a young caregiver. Millions of other 20- and 30-year-olds care for parents, grandparents, siblings, and other family and friends, too...  Read more

My mother is Jewish, but my late father was Christian. My siblings and I were raised Christian and were closer to dad's side of the family. As Mom’s primary caregiver, I've been attending temple the last few years with her and have enjoyed exploring this part of my heritage. Mom is approaching the end of her life -- she has lung cancer -- and I've been helping her make plans.

She'd like to be buried with her parents in the Jewish section of our local cemetery. Our father was buried in his home state and bought her a plot next to his. That isn't what she wants now, but my siblings say we should be practical and not spend the extra money -- and that none of her family or friends will appreciate the Jewish traditions of not having a viewing, having the service within 24 hours, and not having flowers (things Mom wants). I think it's most important to honor Mom's wishes...  Read more

My fiance and I have been together for eight years – and in just the last two, his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and his father found out he has colon cancer. Now my fiance is convinced he, too, may die soon – an obsession that's changing his personality.

I'm worried for him and don't know how to help him. If I try talking about it, he snaps at me and shuts down. I'm afraid pent-up emotions about his parents have created this anxiety about his own death. How can I help him?

After being surrounded with illness and death, it's not unusual that your fiance is focusing on "the end" a bit too much. It may be a way for him to grieve, and it should subside in time. The good news is, we tend to wear our fears out. We worry, obsess, over-think -- finally exhaust ourselves, and it passes.

In the meantime, it takes a bit of intuition to know what's the right thing to say, the right suggestion to make, or when it's necessary to seek help...  Read more

I'm grieving the death of my husband, who died in October after just a six-week illness, and would really prefer to just skip the holidays this year. It's my first holiday season without him, and it's hitting me hard. Honestly, I don't want to celebrate the holidays in any way, shape, or form. Work is the only thing that keeps my mind off my sorrow.

My children -- a daughter and a son, who live five hours away -- want me to take time off at Christmas to "be with the family." I'd rather stay here and work. It would be easier for me if I just acted like Christmas doesn't exist this year. Is this selfish? Should I try to "be there" for my kids? I know it's hard on them, too. But celebrating without my dear husband feels like more than I can bear.

Grief, especially around the holidays, isn't easy, and it's definitely messy. You've been hit a devastating blow -- no wonder you don't feel like celebrating...  Read more

My wife has Crohn's disease, and she's always sick or going to doctors. She talks to her mother at least five times a day…every day. If she needs something cleaned, moved, or fixed, she calls her parents first. She has her mom take her to the doctor. And she tells them everything we do.

I do as much as I can -- dishes, laundry, vacuuming, dog walking -- plus I'm working two jobs now, because my wife is on medical leave. I know Crohn's is a horrible disease, but people can live normal lives with it, so why can't she? Why is she so dependent on her parents? I want my own life with my wife; she's a wonderful person and my best friend, and I love her so much. Yet when I try to talk to her about this issue, she gets furious. What can I do?

Some people are more connected to their parents or siblings than most of us are -- and sometimes it doesn't allow them to bond with others...  Read more

I'm not up to having both sets of parents in our home for the entire holiday season, which has been the norm for the last five years. I'm an only child, and my parents live in our downstairs apartment. Dad's in a wheelchair from a stroke, and Mom recently had a double mastectomy. My husband's parents visit from late November until New Year's. They, too, have health issues. My husband misses them, and I understand that. But I just can't do it this year. I work full time, too, and I'm exhausted and stressed even thinking about it.

How do I convince him that it might be time for another sibling to host Mom and Dad? He has two siblings who live an hour away.

I call your situation the "double caregiving whammy." Two sets of parents -- twice the fun! You're right to want to set some healthy boundaries before the holidays.

Start by having a private, honest discussion with your husband...  Read more