Mom moved in with us six months ago. She's not bothering me, but her bird and her dog are driving me up the wall! The bird is so loud I can barely think--and he's ten times worse whenever I'm on the phone (mostly calling somewhere about my mother’s care, of course).
And my mom dotes on her dog so much it's nauseating! I’ve agreed to drive her to doctor appointments and on basic errands because she has crippling arthritis and can no longer drive. But I don't think that should include weekly dog grooming appointments and visits to specialty dog shops. Pet-related activities are all she ever wants to do. While I'm glad she's focused on something, I feel like I'm second to those pets. I can live with that, but this bird thing is grating on my last nerve.
Living with family members again after we’re grown and have lives of our own can be a big challenge. Every little thing can get on your nerves. But since these pets mean so much to your mom, you’re going to have to find a compromise.
Try a two-part approach: First, do a bit of research (look online and in books, or consult a veterinary specialist) to find solutions to the pet behaviors you find most offensive. Many people love their pets but fail to create a structure and discipline that helps to make them pleasant living companions.
Since your mom is living in your house, you need to create some pet boundaries you can live with. For example, can you move the bird’s cage to another room? Keep the sleep cover over the cage longer in the morning? Tell your mom that “Doggie Errand Day” is one day a month? These little changes can bring great relief -- and give you a sense of power so that you don’t feel that your home and life have been invaded by critters. Mom may pout for a few days or weeks; let her. Living together in peace and harmony is worth a few bumps along the way.
Second, work on your attitude. I know these frustrations have really gotten to you, but can you focus on what you like about those pets? I bet her dog does some really cute things -- runs in circles before he eats a treat, lays his head on your lap and gives you those big puppy dog eyes? Since they’re a part of her life, try to make them a part of your life. Pets are funny, comforting, engaging, and they love us even when we haven’t brushed our teeth or are in a grumpy mood.
Failing that -- or along with that -- consider what you like about having your mom live with you. My mom has passed away, and you know what I miss most? When I see a grown mother and daughter walking together in a store, I miss having someone to go with me on those simple errands. Yeah, she slowed me down, drove me crazy, but I so miss her mere presence -- reaching over and taking her hand on a car ride, or sharing a slushy from the corner store. Simple things.
Your mom and her pets will continue to aggravate you at times. (Don’t forget you probably aggravate her, too). But by setting a few boundaries, focusing on what’s right with your life and relationships, and letting go of the rest, you’ll find that your mom-filled, dog-filled, bird-filled life is a good and endurable one.
first of all, you did a great thing taking in your Mom. now it sound slike you need more support for what you're doing. who are the "we" you mention. can those "we" be more helpful in restructuring life in your house. you can't do this all alone. if the stress so over-stretches your capacity to be kind, it must be as much of a nightmare for your Mom as for you. you still have choices, but apparently hers are now gone and she's stuck in a house with someone who -- excuse me for saying this -- seems angry, resentful and jealous of her own Mom's pets. this suggests to me that there are other issues here, as well. your relationship issues with your Mom are your responsibility to deal with. find guidance and support for issues of anger, resentment and old hurts. do therapy. help yourself find the support you need for that work. (and doing that work will set you free to be your own better self) the direct live-in issues need boundary limits to be set. and it is you who must negotiate them, kindly and clearly, with your Mom. it's not at all unreasonable for you to, for example, require that her bird lives in her room. then she can be with it any time she wants, but it keeps it out of phone range. and be clear and firm about it. most elders i know, and i know many, are happy to have their pet bird in with them. it's great to let off steam here but there in your own house is where you need to make limits that keep everyone sane. i wonder whether you are finding it hard to step up to your Mom and explain that happy daily life needs these considerations. if so, then that is actually the central issue. if you want more from your Mom, you have to figure out how you are able to make a relationship in which you get more. right now, your Mom's life has been centered around her pets because, i'm guessing, that WAS her family in her home. sometimes it helps to think about why people like their pets. let's see -- pets don't criticize, they're pretty accepting, they're always pleased to see us, they enhance the life quotient in our lives. go to a caregiver support group. many are dealing with the same kinds of issues as you and you'll get help, useful suggestions and people around you who understand and can help you laugh about it more.
I agree 100%, I am 67 and fortunately in good health and work full time. I live in my own home - a small farm - and have many pets. I think the world of them and since my human family is far away, they are my family. I would find it impossible to be without them. I think if would undermine the relationship between this person and her mother severely to do anything else but work out a compromise.
wow so great... Living with family members again after we’re grown and have lives of our own can be a big challenge. Every little thing can get on your nerves. But since these pets mean so much to your mom, you’re going to have to find a compromise. http://www.itvarnews.net