I want my mom to move in, but my kids can barely stand her.

As an older grandmother myself, I would avoid living together if possible. As much as I try, it is still difficult for me not to want to give unwanted advise and be criticlal of some of the same things about raising children even tho I don't actually live with them. I don't even dissapprove but can't help but want to get involved in things that are NOT my concern. You have to think of your kids. They may end up really having serious problems. Try a test run of a few days before committing . Will pray for you all.

and, then again, Keith may be absolutely right........

Do not let your Mom move in, she will destroy your family.

sometimes elders have just not really noticed how they have developed negativity as a communication style. i have known elders delightful and considerate outside the family whose presence is dreaded by all their family members. if possible, get to know members of her own church group because they may become great allies for you in helping your mother adapt. don't hesitate to lay down the rules of your house (nicely) as being built around positive encouragement, acceptance of imperfection and working on self-improvement. while i wouldn't show your Mom your comments here, i would find the right moment to allow her to see that her grandchildren are wounded by her communication style. most people are quite shocked to find out how their well-meant words sound to others. and always keep in mind that your kids are your primary commitment. so it's really okay to point out that harmony is the most important thing to you and that nurturing harmony is primary. it might not hurt to throw in a sub-text reality check, as in "You know, Mom, i really want you to be happy with us so you won't ever need to live somewhere else. i love you and i want you to have a loving relationship with your grandchildren so we can have a happy family here." then i'd go print out some of the most loving helpful texts from the New Testament for her. being "religious" actually isn't really about being critical, judgmental and emotionally mean to others. it's supposed to guide people towards manifesting love as a daily state of being. maybe she'll be able to heal her own emotional wounds with you all. meantime, don't let her inflict more of them on your kids. i'd suggest a weekly pizza night out with your kids alone, no Grandma. have fun, eat together and have it be the family support group meeting at which you can all strategise together. that empowers them, shows them you value their input and may help them develop good defences against Grandma's wounding nature. it's not disloyal to your mother. it's essential to family health. and it will actually model for your kids how to keep working at family relationships even through difficulties.