Is there life after caregiving?

Don't move in with your kids to

be a baby sitter! I have two friends that have done that. They sold their homes and had no place to go after the daughter got mad because they wanted some ME time. Also the older kids expected grandma to clean up after them also. Unless you really have no life or friends and never expect to have your own life or friends then go ahead to move in with your kids to be a babysitter

What a comprehensive article; thank

you. I would just add, join or form a support group of like-minded women; they will 'get' where you're coming from (many others won't). And follow your intuition; let it lead you to the activities or non-activities that are just right for you. By checking in with yourself every hour at least, you will know exactly what you need. Follow 'extreme self-care'!

i'm so sorry for your loss. it's

okay to take time about everything right now. you need and have earned plenty of recouping time now. time to sleep, eat well and wisely, maybe live simply and build your own well-being up. a grief support group might help. but whatever you do, this is YOUR recovery time now. just tell your daughter that it is far too soon for you to make any big decisions or big moves right now -- which is also what all sensible advisors say about this. the conventional advice is to make NO big life-changing decisions for a year, (unless they involve pleasure and relaxation). certainly don't let go of any big assets (like a house) that you can't get back. your family decisions are yours alone to make. but you raised your family already, so be very cautious about that one. if you can do it, maybe take a great vacation of the kind that would restore your energy, spirits and heart for living. this is your time now.

In my alzheimers support group

we have a couple whos mother died. They are very helpful because they went through all of the stages and can give you a heads up or an idea about how to handle different situations. I wouldnt jump into caregiving again right away. You have to deal with not having that purpose in life and your daughter has to handle her own family. I have never heard of any situation where the mother lives in the home and helps with the kids-- and it turns out ok. If you do that make sure there are specific times you work and you can close the door on your area and be alone. My sister lives with her daughter and the daughter says " we are going out." No scheduling it ahead of time, no asking, Mom is there she can handle it.. Not.

As a former caregiver, have you

considered talking to other caregivers and offering them support? This may be something that you find really fulfilling. It sounds like you spent years caring for your husband and so I’m sure you have lots of stories to share both good and bad. Your experiences may really help someone in need. If you consider this idea, check out local caregiver’s support groups or even contacting a local adult day care center or home health care company. Either would likely be very gracious and allow you to talk to the caregivers they work with. If there is an Active Day in your area, we’d love to help you. Give us a call! (http://www.activeday.com)